Name: Fat Rehab | Ep 73 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-07-12T16:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat Rehab | Ep 73 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fat Rehab | Ep 73 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-12. Transcript available.

Fat Rehab | Ep 73 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
well you two are something we're bad friends happy 4th of july weekend for you
everyone's
good i got to bobby's house for the 4th of july party yeah and he made an
announcement he goes the
whites are here the whites are here no because i was telling everyone at the
party i can't wait for
the whites to get here it was so brown because it was so brown and
uncomfortable for me because i
grew up in i do because i grew up i grew up in both worlds yeah in asian and
brown and white you had
brown you had brown yeah it's like if i was let's say i was a jedi right and
half my time i grew up in
tatooine and half my time i grew up in hoth do you split your time yeah so what
do you like more what
do i like more so if i was in hoth i'd be like um i can't wait for the sand
people to get here like if
my fourth of july party was at yeah in hoth and the sand people would probably
show up in those
woolly mammoths yeah you would like to call the eric griffins and they would
show up with the eric
griffins and they would get up whatever they do with the sticks yeah yeah yeah
there they are there
we are yeah the sand people that's me right yeah that's you because that's
closer to me then well
that's how ethnic people and immigrants see white people white people yeah with
that that's kind of
how we look we come with weapons and we look very scary very scary and all we
all we're really bringing
is a tuna casserole but they're like these whites and in the mass you're mouthing
the n-word the whole
time oh yeah the whole time yeah yeah yeah like racial epithets underneath yeah
so just let that be
known you guys are sand people sure i'm a sand so anyway sunday where i was
like when the sand people
gonna get here and then um and then all of a sudden you know i hear you guys
you heard us coming
and you guys came we came and we had not only fun yeah but you but you had so
much filipino food
yeah which i didn't touch you didn't have any of that i ate the mexican food
you ate the mexican
because there was a taco truck there i mean there's two options you know like
if it was just
filipino food i'd be like i guess this is it do you like i have to survive and
sustain myself
yeah but i can't do two different ethnicities you can only you can only pick
one yeah yeah that's
why i never go to fusion restaurants yeah we do we've gone together yeah i hate
them though well
what fusion restaurant have we gone together well parks finest is fusion no
yeah no that's more
filipino but it's also it's also korean barbecue combined no it's not they do
both that wasn't korean
barbecue at park though that there's two parks by the way there's one on vermont
i know we've talked about
this right we already talked about that and the one that you went to was a filipino
restaurant that
we know a guy that runs it right but they also had a korean barbecue food there
was a korean guy
there there was no i was me yeah i was there you were there yeah yeah you were
cooking yeah but i'm not
working there i figure if you're there you're working they gotta put you to
work back so anyway
i tried the filipino food did you like any of the stuff who made all that stuff
it was catered yeah
catered did it what's the stuff that you like the most filipino food no whit
what dishes i like the
curry curry and what's curry curry curry curry but they did do it with a little
it's not curry curry
curry curry curry yeah what is curry curry it's just curry is it yellow or red
it's it's pork with like
peanut butter um they have their own version like peanut butter satay oh curry
curry philippines
philippines so what was that there was curry curry and then there was crab legs
sticking out of fried
rice yeah i think that was also you guys don't need to leave the legs in there
you know that yeah
it's yummy no but but but it was like crawling out of yeah the shells were like
crawling out of the
dish yeah are you that lazy take the meat out of the shell sometimes they crack
it they crack the
crap crack it put it take it out they crack the crab's brain and the crab's
like oh my god and they rip
his body apart yeah and they stuff it into rice right i was like just take the
meat out i why were
the legs sticking out of the it remember in beetlejuice when all the sculptures
came alive oh right that's
what it looked like in their on their in their dishes meanwhile the nice little
mexican guy outside
making tacos yeah delicious you thought you had some that's so good yeah so
good so good those guys
are the best they bring the flat top by the way he carried everything the fuck
is this that's in
beetlejuice when everything comes out that's what the filipino dishes look like
yeah right there yeah
that's a filipino dish one banana yeah curry curry that's it right no that mexican
guy carried up
a grill upstairs to your house by himself yeah i understand that but can i just
nobody helped him
because we paid him no but dude that was like no a hundred pounds you don't
understand we pay him
we paid him dripping in sweat you don't understand friend i literally go you
need help and he goes
he's okay he was freaking out you know we go pedro how much did you pay pedro
so we paid like 500 bucks
or whatever for him for him to come right to cook but i didn't know that so i
just kept throwing him
like hundies what's that noise what's that noise i don't know
there's a song do you hear that
where's that coming from what do you have
what was that it's just my music i don't know what it is
but do you know why so i have a playlist but the whites love that but this
whole playlist is called
fallout because in the game fallout they had all 50s music oh so i just anyway
is that 50s i don't
know what it is but let me ask you something so tonight so tonight guys tonight
we're doing the
show doing the show at bray improv you're coming sold out sold out right and
you guys are going to be in
for a treat because we have a brand new talent going up on stage yeah you're
saying it like
they're going to listen to it now this will come out at way after the show or i
know but anyway it
doesn't matter because what i want to do is uh i want to because she couldn't
sleep last night
jewels why i was scared she's scared because she has to do 30 seconds on stage
you're having
nightmares yeah yeah come on dude it's fine you're not gonna do you don't have
to actually but kalilah
fought me on it she said only one minute and i said you said three i said three
minutes okay so he said
three so you gotta do three we made a deal one minute okay raising your voice
it doesn't it's
not the answer and also it makes me it makes me angry you're gonna piss off the
papa so here i
think that we should do this is what i want and let's write it down do you have
a thing yeah bring
it up bring up the script bring it up so we can write a script we want to write
a script i don't
know why it's on this where's andreas your brother stole him speaking of which
your brother and the
other guy from jerry jerry scissors they were at your house they were too yeah
you know what jeremiah
brought to your house cookies chips ahoy chips ahoy yeah and lays potato chips
literally almost
grabbed it and threw it into the street it's so rude lays potato chips and
cookies we got it jeremiah
we got it yeah you went to the 99 cent store we go um i don't know who she's
bringing up but let's
just suppose it's uh eleanor yeah annie i think annie right so you're gonna say
round of applause
round of applause for annie letterman for annie letterman can i say at the annie
sure yeah sure change the script god damn that's fine what are you bruce willis
jesus christ i want
to say what i want to say fine fine round of applause for out day annie go go
go back you got
out day annie doesn't know how to spell it and is nervous to do it wrong but
let's see what he does
wrong aunt auntie annie that's fine that's fine round of applause auntie annie
all right so then you're
gonna say uh you now i also want you put this in parentheses right wait for
applause because i don't
want her to run the thing right so you gotta wait so wait for how many seconds
you think is that is
an applause one thousand two one thousand three four five yeah five seconds
five seconds okay and but
you have to wait the full five even if they've already stopped clapping just
sit in it for a minute
you gotta sit in it so i have to count yeah count into the mic no i'll tell you
this if you go less
than five seconds i'm gonna make you do it over again you gotta start all over
right so you just
count not not out loud sure that's fine yeah one one one thousand two one
thousand three one thousand
four one thousand five one thousand yeah say it out loud but say it in into the
mic but say it in the
mic and say it in your native tongue don't say it in english yeah how do you
say thousand
they don't have they don't count that high because nothing goes up that high no
there is i just forgot
one thousand five yeah do that i do that same puts yeah so one thing put two
simple three
sink put all right all right and then you got to say because you have to say
after that you have to
say um are you guys having a good time yeah that's very important are you guys
having a good time you
guys have a good time so put that and then right this guy knows what i'm
talking about no and you got a
point you got to pick a guy you got to point a guy in the audience this guy
knows what i'm talking
about this guy knows what i'm talking about point at a guy and then here's what
you say you say what
do you do for a living so after you point to the guy you pick a guy and you say
what do you do for a
living so you pick that guy and go this guy knows what i'm talking about what
do you do for a living
and he's going to say something something now it can be one out of it's not
very it's very it's
usually it's not hard it's one out of a thousand things yeah generally what if
he doesn't talk he
will he will oh wait then that's what you say oh we got a mute in the audience
oh we got a mute in the
audience yeah yeah we're loading you up with good stuff if he doesn't talk you
go oh what do you do
for a living if he doesn't talk right and then say if he doesn't talk go oh we
got a mo we got
a mute in the audience and then you follow it up with something like uh we used
to call them
well yeah what's a what's a male helen keller listen here hank keller you know
yeah yeah yeah that's
good wait for oh we got a mute in the audience wait for what if they don't
laugh they won't but
just still do the pause right and that's the gamble that's the gamble yeah yes
we got a mute in the
audience i call it the uncomfortable zone and then you can say you can say this
now after he if let's
say he does say his job you know yeah if he doesn't if he doesn't you say oh we
got a mute if he does
say his job and his job is sales or yeah yeah i don't know what do people do
how to what are jobs
insurance insurance yeah insurance he says his job and right away i'm an
insurance salesman
right and what do you say what do you say whatever you now this is great you
don't even have to read
the script on this one right you can just say whatever you want to say so if i
said whatever
comes to mind i'm an insurance what do you say nice nice put that down nice and
then wait for that's
you for sure again no it's me now you are doing the full time yeah you're doing
no nice wait for
laughter okay and then you say um then you say then she's got to transition to
something that no no i think
you should go now to um okay you guys have a good time this guy knows what i'm
talking about what
do you do what do you do for a living oh we got a mute in the audience or if he
says his job you
just go nice anyway you guys ready for more show are you guys ready for more
show i can't hear you
you have to do that i can't hear you i can't hear you no matter what the
response doesn't matter
if it's super lou