Name: Chilly Chill and Mr. Hollywood | Ep 78 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-08-16T16:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chilly Chill and Mr. Hollywood | Ep 78 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chilly Chill and Mr. Hollywood | Ep 78 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-16. Transcript available.

Chilly Chill and Mr. Hollywood | Ep 78 | Bad Friends

What's going on here? I can read things, man. What's going on here?
Um, well, what's happening is, uh...
You're not, we're not gonna put this out.
Is Andres abandoned us, so everybody needs to go to George underscore Kimmel
and follow me on Instagram.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because Andres, he's a, he's a clout thief.
Everybody knows he's a clout thief. That's my clout that he's taking.
I've slaved away for six years to build out that clout.
I've slaved away for you for over nine years, but, you know, and, uh, Andres
just...
I made you, bro.
Yeah.
I made you, bro.
Yeah, that's true.
Um, I slaved away to help make online you.
I know, we helped each other, but I'm just saying, without me, there is no you.
Ooh.
Without me, there's, uh, 75% of you.
Oh!
Online.
That's fine, that's fine.
75%? That doesn't hurt.
You think, you think he's, you think...
You think, you think, you think...
You think 25% of you is because of him?
Online you.
Online you.
Not the, not anything else.
That's a lot.
That's a quarter of your, that's a quarter of your Dickworth on the internet he
thinks he built.
I found those fans.
You're the one that told people not to follow him.
Is this his defense right now?
Yeah, this is his defense.
Well, what do you want to do?
You want to tell the fans to not follow him still?
Well, I told, I told, um, the fans that we want to bring his fucking followers
to a thousand.
How many are, how many are you at right now?
Um, I went up to like 17, 18.
What is, what's Fancy at?
Uh, he's at 20, 27 now, I think.
That, he had, he does not deserve any of those.
He deserves 2,000 followers.
He's gonna grow, he's gonna grow exponentially.
He didn't even know what Instagram was.
When Instagram came out, when Instagram came out, Andres thought it was a
filter app.
He didn't even know other people could see the photos.
You're never gonna catch him.
He did not even know people could see the photos.
And now he has more followers than me?
I have to take a shit.
How does that, how does that happen?
When you talk, I shit.
When you talk, I shit.
When you talk, I shit.
I have to take a shit because when you talk, I shit.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
Well, you two are something.
We're bad friends.
What's that for?
My Tito Cheeto tour.
Shirts.
God, you're just, you're just blowing up, huh?
The T-shirts I'm selling on sale, I'm just selling my image on the road.
No, but you're doing projects with other people.
I'm not doing projects with anybody else.
You're doing Hollywood stuff and you're leaving me in the dust, huh?
You went to, you're going to Hawaii again.
You went to New York again.
You keep going every, you're jet setting.
I'm staying in LA, begging for work.
Please, please.
No, no, no, you're, bro.
Please.
You're currently on a show as a regular.
The show, it's over.
But are you not a regular on a show?
Yeah, but who knows if it ever comes back?
I'm not a regular on no show, dog.
Who knows if it ever comes back?
I do two lines here.
Oh, mister, mister, you want me to carry the laundry?
No.
Yeah, yeah, those are the kind of parts I get.
First of all, you're doing-
You want me to turn the light off?
Is that what you do in Magnum P.I.?
Yeah.
Is that your role?
And I head off, Magnum.
I drive your car.
Thanks a lot, Wang.
Here's the keys.
And sometimes I, like, hold onto the car and go, wee, like that.
What's the name of your character on the show?
Ching-chongs.
Is it Ching-chongs?
Plural.
Oh, two?
Ching-chongs.
There's multiple of you.
Yeah, I'm like five Ching-chongs in one.
It's like the Olsen twins, they had to get two just so one of you gets tired?
Yeah, the shit that I do.
When I was in Hungary, I lied about it.
When you were in Hungary shooting a massive Kevin Hart movie?
Bro.
Grow up.
I wasn't in the movie.
I lied.
I was Eli Roth's shoeshine boy.
Were you?
Yeah.
Shine him up, boy.
Like, because he needs to wear every, between, in every setup, when he's
setting up the camera.
He needs new shoes?
He, you recycle shoes, and I'm scrubbing, and he says, do the accent.
I saw it in me, bro.
Right?
Rod, bro.
Right?
Do you really do that for Eli Roth?
Yeah, man.
You think I'm blowing up, dude?
You're blowing up.
I got nothing going on.
You're blowing up.
When I was in New York?
Yeah, what were you doing in New York, Bob?
I'll tell you what I was doing.
Yeah, let me know.
Streets.
Cleanings.
Street cleaning?
Yeah.
With a machine or by yourself?
By myself.
Just with your hands?
The machines broke.
All the street cleaners, streetkeepers broke.
Yeah, yeah.
And they go, use your face.
Really?
But I, I go, but I have, do the accent, but I have, right?
You have to do an accent?
Yeah, and then they go, I have to, stop, to clean, right?
Use your fucking gook face.
Oh my God, they say that?
Right, so I'm like, on this, on this, on this.
Why would they ask you to use your face?
And some guys, I'm like a rickshaw.
Oh, you rick, they rickshaw you?
So some guys, yeah, pulling me like a rickshaw.
I'm like, on the fucking, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why do they say use your face?
Is it because it's?
That, exactly.
So what I'm saying to you is, is that all these things that I've been doing are
all lies.
So you've been lying to me about all the work you've been getting.
Yeah, I apologize.
It's so weird that it came out this way.
Because it feels like it's definitely real.
And you're doing Hollywood stuff.
I'm not doing Hollywood stuff.
I'm not doing anything.
My, but the TV show is in its last and final week.
But you got another thing with another guy.
I do, I'm developing a thing with another man.
A pretty big guy.
Will you ask him this too?
Ask that guy if he has a problem with me.
I'll text him right now.
Because, yeah, text him right now.
Honestly.
Well, he's not going to text back right now.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's find out.
Yeah, Bobby thinks that you have a problem with him.
Why do you, why?
Do you have an issue?
Because when he was a young kid, this is 15 years ago.
Wait, you know him from that many years ago?
I know when he started, yeah.
He used to have these, the best parties of all time.
Like house parties?
What?
House parties, you mean?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, I'm done.
And what?
Did you do it?
I sent it.
All right.
People, by the way, always go, so Tito's on his phone.
Only when he asked me to.
So, you said, and then we, like, every year or twice a year,
I would go to his parties, and I would do, I'm the dancer.
Well, yeah.
At every party, I'm the dancer.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I just get into it.
You just have a stroke?
No, no, no.
But I get my shoulders into it.
Oh, you're that kind of guy.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I do the noise.
You know what I mean?
And the music goes, right?
And everyone, there's always a C that parts.
There's a crowd.
No, they part.
Oh, for you.
Yeah, like a Moses.
Oh, wow.
Right?
And they, Moses, Moses.
Right, and they, Moses, Moses.
They don't do the accent.
They don't do that?
With that.
I don't know why.
Right, so they do the part.
And I do the, you know, like back when they did Solid Gold.
Yeah.
You remember that?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
Back in dinner time, doing it right.
And I do the, and I go down the fucking, with the sea of people.
Do it again.
I turn around.
Pop, pop, do it again.
Make it right.
Why are you pinching your tits?
What does that have to do with it?
Why are you, do you pinch your tits when you dance?
I have fake breasts on when I do it.
Oh, you have big fake tits when you dance?
Yeah, yeah, because they think I'm a woman.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then, so he used to have these parties, and then when he blew up, it was
just, I got
nothing from him.
Like he never texted you or called you again?
Yeah.
That's just because people get busy.
I know.
I do think so.
Well, also, how, how, okay, other than me, for real, who else do you actually
text?
Other than me, who do you really text with?
Kalilah doesn't count.
She doesn't count.
George doesn't count.
Eric Griffin, sometimes.
Okay.
Well, let's look at my texts now.
Yeah, let's find out who else, your phone's up there by your, by your squeezer.
Who else do you text in real life?
All right, so, let's look at my phone now.
And how about this?
When was the last time you sent a genuine, what's going on?
Like, hey, what's up, text?
So this is Juliana.
Oh, that's her.
Doesn't count.
But I go, let's go.
Doesn't count.
So my mom.
Doesn't count.
Why?
It's not, it's not like a friend.
That's like family or work people.
My friend, Jean, my friend, Janina.
Who are those people?
Janina was the actress I was in Hungary with.
I shined her shoes too.
You shined her shoes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And who's Jean?
Jean is a producer on Magnum P.I.
Okay.
Who's my friend.
Oh, right.
Ari Shaffir.
What did you say to him?
He's just like, let's have lunch next time.
Never going to happen.
Why?
Because you don't like Jewish people.
You've said that before on this show.
I like Jewish people when they look a certain way.
If they look like Liam Neeson, I'm in.
But Ari Shaffir.
Yeah.
You don't like him.
When they look.
When they look like Ari?
No.
Ari looks like if you drew a cartoon of a Jewish person.
Like everything's exaggerated and long.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No text back.
I know.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I know.
I told you.
That's okay.
I don't care.
It's okay.
But so yeah, I text people.
What was the question?
Oh, yeah.
So you don't text.
But you never really send out a, hey, what's up?
How are you?
Text.
You don't do that.
You never do.
And you complain when I text you.
Unless.
Well, unless what?
Unless it's like you're going to get something out of it.
Then you don't say anything.
What do you mean get something out of it?
You think I'm a weasel?
You know exactly what you mean.
You think I'm a weasel?
You said on the episode last week you were a weasel or a rat or a what?
What did you say?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pauly Shore.
I like you, Bobby.
Oh, God.
Yeah, yeah.
So I have some friends.
All right.
Anyway, let's get back to the matter at hand.
Which is what?
We are excited to announce George has been shut down on Instagram.
He's plummeting to the bottom of the gramola.
Look at this.
18,000 followers, boob.
He was above 20.
Weren't you above 20, George?
Dude, I know buzz about boys with more followers.
100%.
We do.
What is it?
What?
How many were you at?
I was at 21, and now it's down to 18.
But I'm mostly mad at Andres for being such a clout thief, but a little bit mad
at Bobby.
Do you think he's a clout?
Bobby, do you?
Wait, wait, you're mad at me about what?
I gave you a job, dog?
Uh-oh.
This is purely about Instagram, Bobby.
Yeah, it's nothing.
I'm slaved for those followers.
Yeah, but you know what?
It means a lot to him, and you know it does.
I know it does.
It means the world.
Can I say something else?
Because look, he put his baby up.
Look at that stupid picture with his baby and a tiger belly shirt.
Can I also tell you another thing that he does that I know for a fact?
Salt mines of clout.
I'm in the salt mines of clout.
You're done talking now, producer.
This is what he does, and it's so gross.
Give it.
So if we have a local show, like if I'm playing the Brea Improv or Irvine, or
like even
if like Annie Letterman's doing Brea, or like whatever, if there's an event, a
stand-up
event.
Let me guess.
Go ahead.
It's so gross.
Go ahead.
He asks for, does he ask for tickets for other people that you've never met
before?
No, it's worse.
What?
He goes and hangs out in the lobby to fish for recognition.
George.
Ew.
Despicable.
Ew.
Ew.
Ew.
George, that's yucky.
He literally, I'm not kidding you.
I've seen it too.
George, you wait in the hallway to try to see if fans are going to recognize
you?
And they do, right?
Of course.
And then he, that feeling.
That feeds his ego.
It feeds his ego, and he's addicted to it, and he like does selfies and whatnot,
right?
George, do you do this?
Well, I get stuck in the lobby when people see me.
You get stuck in the lobby?
You come into the back 