Name: Bobby's 50th Birthday | Ep 83 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-09-20T16:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's 50th Birthday | Ep 83 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's 50th Birthday | Ep 83 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-20. Transcript available.

Bobby's 50th Birthday | Ep 83 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends i'm i was ready at fucking 550 to go
and she wasn't even
in were you not in the house no i wasn't yeah you weren't in the house all
right so you can't give
me that look here's the second thing i want to say okay i just found out this
fucking girl didn't
get me anything for my birthday it's my 50th birthday and i go where's the ipad
and she goes
that's too expensive i got no money yeah you have fucking money lady it's still
expensive i know my
point is then i go and then i ask you where's your money and you go i'm getting
my teeth fixed she
hasn't been to the dentist one time since she's been in america so you fucking
lie to me and she
said my teeth are rotten and number two i'm not trying to be rude all right i
know you're a young
girl okay but what i'm saying is is that i don't charge you rent in my house
not one rent right
when i go to a steakhouse or whatever i always ask you do you want some steak
you be honest with me
jules right if i went to morton's right and i go do you want something to eat
right and you said
i want a t-bone steak with baked potato and the trimmings right would i not
give it to you
you would yeah right and i would never use that against you i would just be
like here my child
here's some nutrients i turn 15 years old once a year i mean not once a year
once a lifetime
not once a year sorry i'm gonna rant once i apologize once a lifetime right in
the korean
culture the 50th birthday is the magical one yeah that's why little santino
right put all these
little candy treats in front of me right now they put all these little tech
what a surprise this is
sponge who's this buzz light year buzz light year is that what his name is luigi
this is toy story
luigi right because you're my little toy you're my little you don't start you
don't start you're my
little i'm your little pocket pussy i'm your little pocket pussy so i just want
to say to you jules i
i'm gonna i'm going at the end of my rant all right sushi candy form what a
what a bright and
ingenious way to present candy isn't that cute to an asian person from my
little japanese friend
yeah yeah this i'm not korean what korean are you serious yeah but we'll eat
this too as well
okay good so i mean i didn't get any candy from you i didn't get no treats from
you
we decorated and you gave nothing you gave nothing i have what what did you
give so what
oh so okay here we go that's all i wanted out of you so tomorrow is my birthday
i have it here
why are you screaming and getting aggressive because i just want to scream all
right so
oh you have a gift here where is it
oh my bad then that's all i wanted
can you bring it to me please
open it up
what is it what is it bob i don't have to open it but i can just tell the
package show it to the fans
people want to know what it is what did rudy get you it's a cold taco supreme
from taco bell oh
what a gift that's it you're not gonna open it no i know what it is that's rude
open the gift fuck
you what if it's not what if it's a piece of cake all right i'm gonna say this
right now all right
if i open this up and it's not an ipad let's see if i hope and this is not some
futuristic taco
that's gonna do something for me right i am gonna go fuck it i might not even
do the fucking podcast
well let me just see what it is because i want to know all right let's open it
up all right what
is it oh it's a cold taco fucking supreme oh it is like i said but eat it
though no i can't eat
bite bite bite no no no no no all right we'll throw it at her then out of anger
and frustration
leave it to the side thank you so much very good very good do you want the taco
yeah okay okay i also want to say this hook shot i just i also want to say this
what did i get you for
your birthday anime thing where's the mic anime stuff i know anyway um thank
you so much for the gifts
i don't know why toy story i've never saw the movies what who did it do it
again what i like knives
do it again i like knives we have a board we have a board we have a rudy boy we
have a rudy we have a
we now have a rudy board that's nice so is that when she's out of town yeah
yeah listen to all the
ones we have let me hear it i'm tired of course that's a good one it's a
classic yeah one direction
all combined they have four thousand tattoos bobby it's a fact i don't need to
know like anime
i don't know
those are good can we sell those oh my god those are nfts yeah those aren't as
far as i know those are
nfts the reason that these are toy stories because you're a little that there
has been a toy story of
our life our relationship and our friendship is that of toys yeah we are sweet
little youthful
people yeah and speaking of pixar films pete go ahead and bring up that wikipedia
real fast just
because i want to show boob this real quickly can i eat this to bobby yeah was
that the soundboard what
is that click on that down at the bottom pete the last one there you go big
screen it just for fun real
fast show the fans yeah the characters themes narrative asner's vocal
performance and ginaccio's
score were praised as well as the vignette of carl and his wife ellie growing
old together the film won
two academy awards including best animated feature best nominated and that's
from the page itself what
the wikipedia page itself acknowledges it's a vignette not a montage once again
from up i did not
because i have other sources this is the source no no you changed it because it
was before the
a montage it was before rudy you changed it rudy yeah yeah rudy soundboard rudy
did i change it
i like knives did i change it no see yeah yeah you know what you know what you're
making me so angry
i'm going to vape you shove that up your ass fuck you do it no it's your
birthday you old
bitch hell yeah vape life what's up what's up dog vape king dog what's up
player dude are you excited
it's your 50th birthday no i i i death is around the corner yeah you're halfway
well no for you it's
definitely more than halfway you're like three quarters done because i look at
like you know it was
a sad week because norm died oh and then what i brought it down no no i just
made me diego maradona
died a couple years ago and he was 60. he was 60. so i feel like i have 10
years left norm was 61. so
you've got 11. 11 years left yeah because you know norm was a great guy a
legend and it was so
heartbreaking funny think about this if you die by by if you die by funniness
you've got like three
years left what does that mean well norm lasted 61. he's a legend he's a genius
he's so funny you might
last 52 53 maybe oh you think that the funnier you are the longer you last yep
oh then why why you
should have died in your 20s i gave you the joke i know i gave you the joke
well that's the truth
though i gave you the joke yeah i've seen you lately on stage who's funnier don't
go there did i see you
bombing the or a couple nights ago yeah you did yeah pretty bad pretty bad yeah
but you brought me on
stage like a sweet boy yeah that crowd was not a tough rough well then it was
rough will you give
me that then yeah but i did better than you for sure i don't know if you did oh
i sure did can i just
can i tell you why can i tell you why i sure did i was like i want to stay and
watch andrew i couldn't
even stay because you had to go outside no i would go outside and smoke because
you were so bummed at
what you did on stage you know it was like a trest here's what you did i wanted
i wanted to go there
i want to go like this i want to go boring here's what you did on stage yeah
you were searching you
were hunting you were searching you were hunting in the woods for bigfoot you
were never going to
find it it was a tough crowd it was a tough crowd yeah with colin quinn there's
no way i did better
you know who did better no there was a way yeah i got more laughs it was
terrible it is by the way it's
a special day today why not only is it your birthday it's also yom kippur do
you know that
do you know what yom kippur is jewish
do you have any jewish friends roger who's roger who's roger khalilah's father
he's jewish
auntie khalilah's stepdad is jewish yeah can we call him no because he's got
out of heart surgery today
wake him up do you know he had surgery today right yeah yeah yeah is he okay
yeah he's fine my dad had surgery yesterday my dad had not heart surgery but he
had surgery that's so
sad i'm so sorry now his uh tube and his pp dude i was asking him about a catheter
the most painful
thing he's ever experienced what do they do they just go through the hole right
through the no they
make no they make another hole no way no no they shave they carve another hole
in your penis just go
through the hole they do of course i don't know i'm not a doctor not anymore
you're not i know but
so let me ask you something about the catheter they stick a uh they stick a uh
tube right in your
in the hole of the penis oh yeah yeah oh yeah and then it goes to where does it
go endless or does
is there an end it comes back out of your mouth it goes they
and then and then it comes right out oh so when they pull it out it's like a
magic trick how they do with
cankerchief right they pull a cankerchief right and they go ta-da or something
no it goes into your
fucking bladder and you know what he told me that was a bummer he said he has
to then then when they're
done you have to relearn how to hold your piss you have to relearn how to pee
because it'll just come
out my dad says when he drinks now piss just comes out oh really yeah oh that's
not funny well no he's
fine it's you gotta laugh about it what can you do is that forever now no no of
course not no it's only
like a couple more i think it's like maybe a month or something and then they
pull it out a couple
more weeks is it your stepdad though right yeah not real no he's real he's a
full guy he's a real
man i know but not your bio yeah but i have a bio dad and a stepdad how's he
doing they're both alive
great burn because my dad did uh you got dead dead dead daddy while you die but
you know what i'm proud of
you 50 years and and look at what you've done with your career and i'm being
genuine right now look at
what you've done look at where you've made it look at how far you've come
seriously from like a loser
korean fat loser pussyless lame-o in san diego yeah to now becoming one of the
kings of comedy in our
generation can i show you a photo can i finish my thing no because it's not it's
sincere and doesn't
feel right has this been sincere was i being sincere rudy thank you thank you
look at look at this photo
right interrupt my speech this is me 21 years old wow show the kids look at the
kids wow how many years
ago was that go fast math go that was 30 years ago that was uh 29 years ago
there it is okay there it is
but i lied i was 20 there oh you did okay okay so i i didn't lie i don't even
know who this other guy
is i think he died dead guy bill bill is it was billy yeah remember anything
about that yeah so i knew
what i knew about billy is him and i there's a there's a coffee shop i used to
work at called the
panic and uh la jolla panic and coffee shop yeah next door to it was this place
called dg well it's
still there i think dg wells bookstore and that's where i met um like hunter thompson
used to hang out
there you know i mean and did you meet him hunter thompson no but i met um alan
ginsburg seriously
yeah the writer no the baseball fucking player oh the baseball you know alan ginsburg
the writer
he wrote me a letter once what did it say he says you watch too much tv dear
bobby you watch too
much tv i have the letter in the house somewhere but i used to hang out there i
never read a book in my
life i know but you know what i used to do i used to hang out there and i would
like for hours and just
pretend to read you're waiting for someone cool to come in yeah it was like one
of those places where
all the