Name: Andrew's 8 Ball Birthday | Ep 87 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-10-18T16:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew's 8 Ball Birthday | Ep 87 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Andrew's 8 Ball Birthday | Ep 87 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-18. Transcript available.

Andrew's 8 Ball Birthday | Ep 87 | Bad Friends

hey come see me live i'm on tour right now andrewsantino.com for tickets andrewsantino.com
for tickets i'm all over the place i'm going to san francisco then i'm going to
columbus i'm going
to pittsburgh i'm going to grand rapids i'm going to philly we added another
show in philly we added
a late show in philly as well as in seattle and portland in the new year coming
to chicago as
well and the new york comedy festival in november and then i'll be up in albany
later in the year
i'm all over the place so go to andrewsantino.com for tickets andrewsantino.com
for those tickets
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots
a white dude and an asian dude you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends
happy birthday to me happy birthday to me
happy birthday
wait wait wait hold up
you don't know my birthday
i'm gonna google it hold on hold on hold on
happy birthday to me
and thank you pete and andres and george and that's it
hold on thank you pete thank you george thank you andres
rudy too rudy collaborator
and thank you rudy jewels my heart of hearts my little brown queen my little
brown bean queen
wait wait wait it's not your birthday
yes it is
and you had to google it to know it
i know but i my because i was wondering the pro the thing that i got you always
getting delivered to my house
oh it's coming to your house
yeah and i and i'm like oh it's the delivery didn't come yet and i'm like
let me open my cards from pete
okay
let me open my cards from pete
all right
you make my eyes happy
you make my lips happy
you make my heart happy
i could keep heading south but i think you get the idea
i don't understand
pete says uh happy birthday i didn't realize how sexual this card was until
after i bought it pete
so very pete i love that very pete let's see and this is from pete let's see
what pete got me in here
let's see what pete got me it is some socks
oh pete thank you so much this is men's crew
my favorite uh they've got wicking cool comfort comfort fabric
haines can't beat it thank you so much pete
you're welcome
that's the president that's coming in the mail
let's see what's next man this is great
bobby i can't wait to open yours i'm sure it's in the prius right you want to
go get it
it's i it's not it's three days from now
rudy it says friend in this world where things move so fast and change before
our eyes i take comfort in the precious few things that are constant and
constant and and true the friendship we share day after day year after year rudy
rudy thank you rudy jules this was very sweet
you're welcome wait wait wait wait how the fuck hey hey hey hey stop rudy what
did you get me let's see what she got me
whoa
whoa red bush how did she she's not even 21 good old fashioned red bush you don't
have to be
21 in the philippines to drink it's only 18. oh you got it from the philippines
sure did
thank you rudy rudy jules did you
i got it did you know that it was his birthday you never told me oh and a taco
and a taco
rudy jules wow do you want this taco yeah yeah
thank you rudy rudy and also rudy left uh a receipt in here
oh good in case i wanted to give it back
thank you rudy and my favorite by far fancy b my little sweet prince
a good friend is like sunshine for the soul
happy birthday so grateful for you and all the positive vibes you bring to my
world
andrew yeah working with you is a real treat you are funny hard-working
respectful talented
and the real engine behind this great show bobby doesn't do much and i know
and i know it's hard for you sometimes but let's be honest here bobby is a
fading fading star
yeah andrew you're a shooting star on your way to the moon turning 38 is such a
special year
and i want to be here to celebrate with you i love you so much thank you for
being a bad
friend fancy b ps i don't like bob well thank you fancy b you're a sucker let
me open up my
let's stop for a second stop for a second my birthday will you stop for a
second no i knew
it was your birthday and i bought you a present here let me see i bought you
one open it is it
money i knew it was money see you don't get to trick me anymore with money oh
they went right
in the cup that was a good shot that was a really good shot fancy what did you
buy
me oh fancy oh the ipad pro yeah are you really being serious yes fancy b there's
nothing in
there fancy i bet you money there's nothing in there oh yeah he didn't get you
an ipad pro
what did you get me you fuck this is outrageous dude fancy this is incredible
he got me the ipad pro
and that keyboard that i asked for yeah fancy i love you love you back god you're
the best fans where's my
red bull where's my red bull hey it's my birthday i know but i'm part of the
show too not today you're
not i know can i get my beverage please george say please please there it is
fancy what a gift that's
incredible should i open more yeah why not it's my birthday oh oh i've always
wanted one of these
a heavy metal truck oh my god this is so cool thank you thank you guys
conversation with george real quick
this is amazing i'm gonna have a conversation with george real quick oh my god
i want to take this out of
the box and plug it in i wish it would go already come here what me yeah yeah
this is great
i swear to fucking god you do these fucking tricks and stuff you knew about
this to play a prank on me
so i can look like a fucking fool on my own and i didn't get this fucking fool
nothing man you should
have fucking reminded me i was doing it for laughs i wasn't even supposed to be
here today these guys
tricked me george george george has nothing to do with this there we go come
here okay is it okay
that i open up at my expense like this again right hey you have a fucking
another thing coming can i
open up my other gifts can i open up my other gifts
oh yes look at this alpha strike this this nerf gun set that is so fucking cool
dude this is probably
the best birthday i've had in years in years i'm fucking stoked need i forget i
got socks from pete
oh my god star wars lego set you know what i'll give that to rudy because she
likes toy stuff
there you go build something during the show look at that i've got my ipad pro
my brand new keyboard
and i got my truck and i got my nerf shooter and i got my bush mills red bush
thank you guys so much
let's get back to the show and my 20 i don't want this 20 dollars it's dirty
something about it's not
genuine why because i feel as if you just took some paper mache off the ground
and you put 20
dollars out of your pocket and handed it to me because we can rewind the tape
and saw you do it
no i knew it was your birthday and i bought you a present here no yeah i saw
you do it can i say
something i saw you do it may i sit talk you picked a paper mache off the
ground and took it out of your
pocket i'm not listen i'm not doing well what um physically no more from this
from rudy rudy gave me a
magic eight ball and a slinky i'm not doing well my accountant called me is bobby
a piece of shit
for not remembering my birthday a couple weeks ago and he said you lost
everything is bobby a piece
of shit for not remembering my birthday and that's my last 20 dollars signs
point to yes yeah yeah that's
my last 20 signs point to yes and so when it's a man's when it's the man's last
20 dollars and
they give it to you point to giving you everything signs are pointing to yes
okay you didn't listen to
what i just said i mean um you want to ask the magic eight ball something like
uh is bobby you know
you want you why don't you ask me something i'm going to take it out once you
ask me something you've
always wanted to ask jewel because it's my birthday bobby doesn't get to bully
anybody around baby right now
bobby you're acting like a fucking baby oh does this feel familiar you're
acting like a little
fucking child does this feel familiar to you and it's outrageous but you know i'm
going to let you
act like a child because you are a child what did you do at your birthday what
did you do at your
birthday did you not act like a little baby how did i act like a baby you left
you left before the
party was over show to do man we threw you a fucking surprise party go ahead
and ask a question
the magic eight ball all right is tito bobby an annoying stupid bitch whoo shaker
shaker shaker
shaker shaker shaker shaker shaker shaker shaker shaker shaker shaker shaker shaker
shaker shaker
shaker shaker shaker shaker shaker read what that says i'm not going to move it
so everyone knows that
it is okay don't wait don't don't just move it just see it and say it into the
mic go ahead here
don't move it it is certain fact magic eight ball you did it again yeah those
steroids that you're
on has fucked you up i'm juiced you're juiced out and aggressive and i don't
like it i don't like it
it's my birthday it's not it's in three fucking days relax this is my birthday
this is not your
birthday it's three days before your fucking birthday it's my birthday either
way you didn't
get me a gift yeah i'm gonna get you a gift it's okay it's okay it's okay and
the next time we do
bad friends you'll see the presents i get uh-huh and you will be mesmerized
wait by the stupid
fucking painting that you got for me uh-huh that stupid painting i got for you
right yeah is gonna
be nothing compared to what i'm gonna get you my friend are you being serious
yeah i hope so i am
because i tell you what i'm gonna be dead serious okay because i tell you what
what that painting
that painting that you got yeah very valuable to my heart very important to me
meant a lot that
painting that you got and you want to up me a little bit you know segura and kreischer
you
know he bought him a jet ski i'm just saying if you're looking to elevate sure
berk kreischer
buy this tom segura jet ski for a jet ski yeah they have a different kind of
relationship
they're outdoorsy people we're not outdoorsy people so buy me some indoorsy
stuff i'm gonna
get you like coffee that's indoorsy no yeah yeah you got to be something better
than fancy
you got me an ipad pro with the folio keyboard that i can't fucking believe and
not only i cannot
believe that um what did you get me for my birthday fancy rudy was in charge of
the ipad she yeah she
was i was uh partnering with her right so did you see that they just threw you
under the fucking bus
they're not your friends let me say this too okay i'm your friend and you're
the best rudy julie i
gave you a present last night did i not give you a present last night what are
you referring to
on stage when i brought you up what did i give you an intro right before that
what did you give me
before that what'd i do with the mic you farted on it you piece of shit you
happy birthday you're so
repulsive happy birthday bobby brought me on stage last night yeah and he rip
he goes uh after he's
done doing his set or whatever you call it okay stop and then he goes stop and
then he goes and then
he goes yeah yeah should i do it again and should i fart into the mic yeah and
he wraps it knowing i'm
next and then he puts it up in his asshole yeah not not not near it in between
his ass cheeks
it's shoved in there it's better for the acoustics it is it's louder yeah and
it did thump it was
it did thump it was amazing so that was bobby's birthday gift you heard it here
folks okay can i
just say this though can i just define myself what you don't understand my
friend okay is that before
i knew it was your birthday yeah right and i opened up my dad's uh ashes ashes
i don't want your dad's
ashes but you don't know what i did dude i stuck my finger in the ashes right
yeah and i put it around
my butthole oh my god yeah and so when you farted it's not even you farted your
dad into the
that's not that's not that's not it it was like oh no i did it 24 hours of your
father i did 24 hour
fast right really before i did the fast right yeah i lit candles right and had
all my ancestors
right come together wow the spirits came right and i had kong namul
oh you kong namul yeah i had kong namu