Name: Spooky Nights and Unicorn Love | Ep 88 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-10-25T16:00:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Spooky Nights and Unicorn Love | Ep 88 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Spooky Nights and Unicorn Love | Ep 88 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-25. Transcript available.

Spooky Nights and Unicorn Love | Ep 88 | Bad Friends

i'm so excited i'm taking bobby jules andrew and the bad friends team to
universal studios
it's gonna be so much fun it's halloween horror nights
so here is the deal i just got a call from bobby
he's not coming also jules is not coming so i am not sure what what andrew's
gonna say
uh i'm a little scared to tell you the truth i think he's gonna blame it on me
for some reason
um but i'll keep you guys posted let's see what we do all right so
the moment of truth meeting andrew fancy
hey andrew how you doing what up i'm excited to be scared dude let's do this halloween
horror
nice where's bob um so this is the deal like bobby called me he's at the
airport and he's not coming
and jules is not coming either or pete i think it's just the two of us
but we all said we're gonna meet here on friday night dude i i know i think
maybe they they got
the the dates this is not cool man that is i i i mean maybe i checked in the
wrong i knew he was
gonna do this i knew he was gonna bail i don't want to do this because i might
i'm like i might
actually get scared of some of this stuff it's a little weird i don't really
like it it freaks me
out i'd rather be with a group whatever it's just let's get some stuff look if
you look dumb i can cut
around it and i i think i think we'll be fine let's get a couple things with
here all right
i'm scared i'm actually scared i don't want to do it let's go back let's go
back out i want to go
back to the car i don't want to do it anymore
i don't like it i want to go home
here you are come on andrew we have done one do you want to do a couple more no
i want to go home
i don't want to do this anymore i got scared and i'm embarrassed and i want to
go home we'll cut it
around i think we got great stuff uh what if i get you a snack
yeah so i got andrew a churro i think he's gonna be happy uh this is not the
night i i imagine but
you know anything for you about friends let's see oh hey andrew
i have a churro for you you got me a cinnamon penis exactly that's how you like
it
this is fun
hey so check this out uh we want to promote a couple of things i'm on the road
andrewsantino.com
i'm in san francisco this weekend i added shows in philly and seattle and portland
i'm coming to
atlanta chicago new york grand rapids uh pittsburgh columbus i'm all over the
place we just added florida
uh andrewsantino.com tell them to see me oh go see him he's one of the best in
the world
andrewsantino.com also can i probably bobby's got something so um october 22nd
on netflix my show i'm
on an animated show called inside job with me lizzie kaplan brett gellman andrew
daly a bunch of
people awesome and um it's about a shadow government and um i play i'm one i'm
a regular on it i'm on
every episode awesome and i played the chinese scientist oh yeah but um check
it out and also these
shirts these shirts are available now available the bad friends chilly chill
chilly chill and mr hollywood
are available right now they should be in the merch bar below otherwise go to
bad friends
merch dot com bad friends merch dot com you two are bad friends
you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends one two three four five o'clock rock
nine ten eleven twelve
no no no that's not that it's it was a monster man oh yeah that one
it was a graveyard smash how does the music part go how does it go how does it
go do you know what
it is it's a monster man oh who are you who are you freddie krueger from what
from what movie
nightmare on elm street oh great oh robert england and what are you i'm panda
oh panda from kung fu panda
well give us a little kung fu
okay oh what are you doing fans yeah what are you fancy is uh fancy's walked
into the room he's he's uh
pedro he's pedro from uh napoleon dynamite the film that came out 30 years oh
that's right he's really
keeping it up to date what are you smoking it's just a uh vape give it to me
here is there drugs in
it no i like this look float flum float gummy drop yep oh it smells good yeah
should i get into vapes
come on man is this my thing now i don't want to put my lips where your lips
were why i'm afraid of
that no that's racist dude do it it has nothing to do with it it has to do with
race if it was just
like it was just here if it was just enough you would do it he's cuter than you
but that has
nothing to do with like being clean if my lips turn yellow after this all right
you know what i'll
put my fingers in front of it watch this yeah yeah this will work yeah
i hate this okay ew yeah oh whoa i feel it now it's not marijuana oh i know i
don't like it yeah
i'm not a vape god are you a vape guy no you don't look like a vape guy waves
are for losing oh let's
start from the beginning hey hey what's wrong why are you depressed i'm a panda
with i'm depressed
because i i haven't had bamboo in a couple of days oh look look look that's not
oh bamboo bamboo
and also oh oh look a little bamboo for my little panda bear oh my mic just
broke jesus
what's wrong with my little panda bear is you a little sad panda yeah yeah why
are you a little
sad panda because of my black eyes well what do you have black eyes for my
husband beats me oh
your husband hits you yeah like my husband my husband says you know i'm going
to work right
and i'm like bye and then like five days later he comes back he's got like
track marks on his arms
your husband is a heroine your panda husband is a heroine yeah and he and he um
you can tell that
he has a belly full of bamboo doesn't bring me any and then he punches my eyes
and he goes
panda's supposed to have black eyes and he punches my eyes oh no yeah and then
he um
comes on my white belly okay yeah well you can't really see it's there then can
you what
because if it's mixed it's white your belly's right i know but that's when i go
to the police
i go he came on my belly we can't get the out of your panda yeah i mean no the
cops send you away
well they apparently they say it's all for humans only oh no it's for humans
only so what a domestic
violence panda supposed to do we have to go see the bear the black bear what oh
yeah the sheriff yeah
he's like you need help yeah it's a grizzly bear is it eric griffin eric griffin
eric grizzly bear
eric grizzly bear the bear and you need help dog oh bobby you need help yeah
yeah well i'm barbara
oh bobby you need help yeah my husband he's been out shooting heroin with all
the other
bad pandas and another panda out there doing heroin again come come all over my
belly i can't see any of
it's mixed in with all that white fur i know what a dilemma poor little panda
and i tell him to come
on my arm so they can see the yeah then you'd see it yeah what do you want me
to do about it uh
anal bend over and then you fuck me behind a tree yeah yeah i like your panic
what do i look like do
you know what i am you're angry hippie now you know what i am a communist oh
that's right you're a
communist communist yeah that was obvious i'm a commie bastard yeah and obvious
you're a communist yeah
yeah i want everyone to have everything yeah yeah i'm a commie what are you i'm
freggy freddy
krueger he's freggy krueger you look like just like a girl that's on melrose it's
just like a oh
there now it's a dead giveaway freggy krueger freggy krueger freggy krueger
from the island of
philipines freggy krueger yeah let me ask you something jules if you were
walking like that down
the street with the knives but like on in august like in cebu like you're just
walking downtown cebu
right you think people would be like would they would turn their heads or they
would just i think
they wouldn't mind they wouldn't mind nobody would think twice about you wielding
what if those were
real knives would anybody say anything maybe but i don't think so yeah that's
so wild that's not even
a thing it's not yeah that's not a big people are allowed to just be chaotic
down there because people
have so many other problems going on yeah that's the last thing on their mind
yeah i love going to see
like homeless people in like countries like that why i love visiting them do
you know why why they always
have the best jeans homeless people yeah because it's like oh they're worn in
enough yeah they're
they wear it in in the way where it's like oh that's a cool you know i mean
like vomit and you
know poo poo a lot of poo right and like piss pure beer mud blood it's all
stained i'd like to buy them
from them how much would you pay for probably like a couple hundred bucks
seriously yeah there's some some
of them are dope man what if we start a raw denim company where you and i go
get raw denim yeah and then we
give it to homeless people to wear for like a week and then we pay them to give
it back to us and then
we sell it to rich people what they do they already do that it's so apc you
have heard of apc they
don't do that apc used to ask kevin christie apc used to give people jeans you
wait them wear them for
a year you they buy them back from you yeah no i'm talking about giving them to
a homeless guy to
poop in them and and have rip holes and do heroin and stuff right but wait a
minute they would get
they would pay you to wear them and give them back yeah so they wait for a year
they give
you raw denim they give you raw denim you go you live live in them for a year
don't wash don't
watch never watch bring them back and then they go here's some money or how
often do you wash your
jeans never you've never washed a pair of jeans no have you ever washed a pair
of jeans i always wash
them when i wear them after so every time you wear a pair of jeans you wash
them yeah that's wrong you're
not supposed to do that do that how often you wash your hair every day yeah not
supposed to do that
either she takes your showers i should charge you how much do you think it
costs for her like each
hour i swear and this is not even an exaggeration i've i've clocked her at an
hour have you seriously
taken an hour shower yeah it makes me so at like 30 minutes you're like it's
fine is that she's dirty
is that because she's making up for all those years and not having water
running water in cebu
is that what it is maybe because there's no hot water oh no i feel bad let her
take two hours
hours you know hey look up how much does it cost for like per gallon uh to run
your shower yeah how much
is it for an hour shower okay what do you think it is our shower probably five
bucks
i was gonna say 10 but i feel like five is but assuming at the rates of
electricity and water in
your area are national average 12 cents per kilowatt hour and one dollar 50
kilowatt us gallons each
so for every gallon it's a dollar 50 each shower costs you 25 cents or 51 cents
per day for the whole
household whoa that's nothing how much is it so so average i would say that it
says it costs you 25 to
51 cents per household yeah per shower yeah each but but she's taking what
would be a a five five five
four or five showers four or five four or five showers so every day you're
probably costing
two dollars or three oh yeah it shower it you know five hours i think i got
some money in here hey
yeah there's there's a shower there's a shower give that to bob if he ever come
whoa good catch rude
yeah honestly that's pretty impressive i didn't know i thought that was way
more expensive for
some reason why did my parents yell at me all the time for taking long showers
i don't know but why
don't you go to the korean spa with me ever i've asked you so many times oh
really do you have time
to go to korean spa between going to do sex in the city and then going to magnum
pi and then doing
the show tell me when you have time no but i before have when i didn't have
time when i didn't have
the time when i didn't have the time you've never had time you've never had
time i've
oh it's that time when i've a panda i asked you panda shouldn't be angry panda
should not be angry
i'm sad panda and i'm the communist yeah yeah remember i asked you to go trick-or-treating
this year and you said absolutely not what would a panda so