Name: Cancún Special w/ Tom Segura & Jim Jefferies | Ep 93 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-11-29T17:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cancún Special w/ Tom Segura & Jim Jefferies | Ep 93 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cancún Special w/ Tom Segura & Jim Jefferies | Ep 93 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-29. Transcript available.

Cancún Special w/ Tom Segura & Jim Jefferies | Ep 93 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends hola bien bien
que tal amigos
welcome to our first live bad friends experience
well we got andreas give him a round of applause get up on stage
hey guys hey wow
thank you thank you
i'm not gonna lie my legs are shaking
thank you all for coming to mexico to see us this is our first show live ever
and we're very excited
i didn't realize you guys were here to see me but thank you yeah
so without farting at you let's introduce the stars of bad friends
bobby lee and andrew santino
you two are bad friends who are these two you dudes
you guys are weird andrew
are you having a friend guy around here
bobby you two are sociopaths
oh good you two are back together
you guys are freaks
you are a bad friend or something we're bad friends
that's my opener viva la mexico
hey hey let's see who can do a longer goal
let me let me go first though all right all right go ahead is a goal g-o-a-l i
said viva la mexico oh
but hey you know how ladies and gentlemen welcome to bad friends live
we're here in mexico we've never done this uh and uh we're so happy to be in
cancun oh we're so happy
to be here well we're an hour south of we're so happy to be an hour south of
cancun
yeah i feel really loose this week guys uh yeah i might hook up with a stranger
no
no maybe a maybe a black guy a black guy yeah are there any single black men
here that want to
have sex with bobby lee right in the front row one black guy right there sir
can you stand up can
you stand up and wait excuse me he's married he's married
hold on hold on excuse me sir stand back up what is your name sir all right
lock eyes with me tommy
i know i heard the first time
feels good tommy thank you i don't think tommy's interested at all in having
sex with you uh thank
you so much for coming we have uh a special guest that we don't want to waste
any more time without
because he's incredible he's incredible he's from england he's not from england
he's from australia
he's got a fancy accent he does have a fancy accent yeah do you want to
introduce our guest oh yeah he's
from england no he's from australia and he uh i don't know much about him here's
what i do know about
him yeah he's been really nice to me that's nice that's nice and number two um
he knows brad pitt i
don't know if he knows brad pitt
that's it he's one of the greatest uh stand-up comics right now alive on this
planet he's
fucking incredible you know him from his specials ladies and gentlemen mr jim
jeffries
jim jeffries baby
that's very exciting i like i like how you guys came straight out and we're
pretty racist with
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah would you come out and do the jamaican accent and
just
i can't can you translate for us yeah he said he's very excited and thank you
very much thankful to
both of you we brought along a spanish guy to translate an australian guy for
some of those
people in here that don't understand um jim thank you so much for being here
this is amazing
so good to see you uh your mic i got i can't hear you bobby turn his mic on
well so it's me and jim
that's it no come on here he's got it they got that mic working hello
i have a question for you jim did they um force you to do this or did you
say yes politely i i was forced there's an itinerary yeah i gotta do this then
i gotta
do me show then i gotta do the comedy jam they've filled my day but yeah i was
forced to do it i
would i would have done it if you asked me anyway but you were forced to have
me so it's a reciprocal
thing true that is true there's nothing makes you feel better than uh just for
laughs charging
these people fifty thousand dollars a ticket and the mics don't work guys give
it up for just for laughs
way to go
we're excited to be here you just got here now i i came in on the same plane as
bobby bobby you just
come from where did you come from yeah and was that your son or where did you
come from here where did
you come where did you come from like korea what are you talking about yeah he
was trying to say go
back to your country in a very nice way in the last two days where did you come
from i was in hawaii
yeah and and then i went to lax and i ran into you okay so i ran into bobby at
lax and he'd already come
from hawaii and he'd been at the airport for eight hours and he was just
wandering around doing nothing
he was in business class with me yet he didn't use the lounge because i didn't
figure out he could go in
there
i i didn't look okay calm down okay okay okay but i didn't know that if you
have a first class ticket
that you're allowed to be in the lounge how long have you been a comedian for
you've traveled the
world you've never figured this out five years or so give or take i've never
been in the lounge i don't
know how to get there but next time next time you can bring show me okay all
right raise your hand
if you have heard of the fact that if you ever had a first class ticket you
could be in a lounge raise
your hand interesting the votes are in the eyes have it and how do you get
there how do you find it
there's no signs and he said to me once you get in there who do you talk to no
one you just scan
your ticket boop you're in you learn that's fine that's all right sweating
sweating by the way we
are going to be auctioning off this shirt for charity after the show no you're
not yes we are
anybody wants a ripped up bowie sweaty shirt we're going to be auctioning off
you know what dude i'll
get i'll give it away for free what do you think of that we're gonna take it
off take it off and give it
away
go go the bottom who the are you yeah who the are you here we go
she could beat the out of any guy or girl at this event
i think she went fight him fight him for it beat his ass choke him out choke
him out real fast put him in a
choke hold thank you so much she came right up confidence confidence let's give
it up her she just
got herself a free shirt i thought she was gonna beat the out of you yeah man
that i was like she's
gonna bench you and you up you didn't want to lose that that's a great t-shirt
an old bowie t-shirt
that's i'm gonna get it back yeah he's gonna get it back where the are you over
there after the show
can i have it back well we'll give you another shirt of his they're very polite
oh don't give it
back to him yeah dude all right oh my god good trade good trade this asshole i
have a thousand
of these at home i don't want this piece of shit oh all right okay all right
good trade good trade your merch
yeah we want to put on bob's shirt we don't want to steal kreischer's thunder
so let's get your shirt
back on
bad friends he reminds himself where he is every hour he reminds himself what
they say it's on
backwards is what they were saying it's on backwards yeah but the good oh now
it makes sense you know
you know my favorite part about this is there's people up at the bar that did
not intend to attend
this they're just trying to get a drink like what the fuck is this yeah hey hey
guys all right let's
talk about some topics yeah let's chat about some stuff all right what do you
guys want to talk about no
no rudy well rudy rudy couldn't come rudy should we tell them rudy got deported
she's deported she got deported
rudy got caught on tax evasion so she got deported sorry
go ahead bob okay
oh my god the is that going we're going to lose control real fast
of this whole thing you want me to do impressions right now i got jim jeffries
here no no i want to
i want to hear about mad tv that's what he wants to hear about i don't even
remember how the let's
talk let's let's talk right now bobby's about to make a run on a popular tv
show called sex in the city
and he's uh
they got rid of that blonde girl and i replaced them with
what do you play on sex in the city mr small no
chinese guy number three chinese guy number three
chinese guy number three chinese guy number three yeah there's two other
chinese guys they have a
bigger role but i'm getting my lines you're getting your lines yeah you're
getting your lines in yeah
thank you thank you so much lady i appreciate it wait so let me let me say this
story real fast this
is my favorite we got here late last night we went out to dinner fancy b got
drunk as last night
and also for many of you you're all fans you know fancy b is of course spanish
and people down here
don't like him so much and fancy b speaks with his spanish you know uppity
accent
and let me tell you something these servers do not like fancy b
they don't do they fans they think i'm a little fancy a little fancy
i just sound like a british british guy would sound he sounds like how the british
you know there's
british people that are like oh yeah all right but then there's british people
like oh the car the
cop he sounds like that version to them they did not every time he got drunk
and he'd call over a
server he'd be like mira mira mira and they didn't like it they did not like it
the guy kept shaking
his head and fancy and i said should we leave a tip and fancy goes you don't
tip these people that's
what he said that's what fancy said he did say that is what fancy said i think
i said it's all inclusive
all inclusive that's what he said so was that your kid that i met at the
airport is that my kid
at the airport yeah who was the kid that's a kid i found at the airport that's
a no of course it's
my kid i my kids birthdays this week so i brought him out to the trip yeah um
it turns out that the
resort's adults only so i have to stay in a little bit just off to the side so
i don't stay with you
cunts uh but uh but yeah it's why i'm out here i mean i i just got married in
covert and i have a
two-month-old baby at home and i left my wife and baby at home and i brought my
ex and my kid to the
resort so let's give it up for that i might i might i mustn't be a bad guy to
if i can be able to pull
that off right normal mind you i do pay for everyone normalize bringing your ex
on vacation i think that
should be the future your current get your ex out here baby did you wait and
and the tour included your
ex and your son coming with you right on on tour do they come with me yeah they
come on on school
holidays i bring my ex and my son and then otherwise i don't bring the baby
anywhere the baby sits at
home bring a baby ah my wife's my okay i've had two children with two different
women right yeah and
you know how people go oh the first one's made of glass the second one's made
of plastic that's if you
had it with the same woman right these were both fucking glass babies right so
i i've been through
having a kid going oh you better watch it don't let it fall over that and then
i was like oh them
they're okay and now my new wife's worse than the last one so i'm back where i
started yeah but i look
at it this way like if you have two children with two different women it's like
it's like a science
thing like it's an experiment like if if one kid turns out great it's because
the mother did a good
job and if the other kid turns out it's because the mother did a job because i'm
parenting them
exactly the same way but if they both turn out great i'll take full credit yeah
as you should as you should
this is my baby this is the baby that i get to take care of my big sweaty baby
did you run for some
reason i never picture either of you guys having kids i don't see that we don't
deserve them we don't
deserve them what do you mean i deserve children you think do you think you
should have kids
you know i think i'd be a very good father yeah yeah i think i would i think i
have i have ethics
and a morality that's different than other people yeah yeah yeah like ask me a
question i'll give you
the right answer all right if a kid says dad today at school a man came up to
me that i didn't know
yeah and he asked if i could if he could give me a ride home what should i say
to that man
obviously yeah yeah take a ride right because my children know taekwondo