Name: Christmas VS. Hanukkah w/ Lil Dicky | Ep 96 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-12-20T17:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christmas VS. Hanukkah w/ Lil Dicky | Ep 96 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christmas VS. Hanukkah w/ Lil Dicky | Ep 96 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-20. Transcript available.

Christmas VS. Hanukkah w/ Lil Dicky | Ep 96 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots you're jewish yeah you're irish
you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends
happy hanukkah happy hanukkah bad friends bobby is gone and today we have the
one and only
the unique the lovely the special the talented my sweet prince dave bird is
bird jewish
yeah uh well b-y-r-d b-u-r-d you don't even know how to spell my last name what
do i care
you work together i love you too my recollection maybe i'm just making this up
is that it's
actually rooted in burdowski burdowski but i could that could be a total fit
but you know the skis
back home in chicago ski means um usually skis are like uh polish oh wow i've
got some something
in me i got some sort of i don't know because you could be you could be gary
and polish jewish yeah
because skis up like up skis any of the skis is all usually usually polish uh dave
i want you to meet
uh a very good friend a great comic this guy has the friendliest face i've ever
seen this is black
magic this is this is doc willis a.k.a little black magic hey man hey nice to
meet you love your face
thank you he likes you he was he was saying before the show he's too shy now
but he was
saying how much he likes you but you can tell him now that you like him you're
a good dude hey uh
instantaneous love coming haima shed what's that what how you share you don't
know who haima shed is
the uh former general and uh 30-year space chief of israel he he's the one who
said that what is
this dude he does this kind of stuff all the time oh he said it was a good life
he does this all the
time no i'm telling you who to do what's going on what haima yeah he's from israel
right he's the
one who said there was a galactic federation uh and that the united states oh
yeah yeah i know that's
great yeah you're a real one you are wait how do you spell his name i want to
look him up how do you
spell that h-a-i-m h-a-i-m-e-s-h-e-d you know the prime former well benjamin
netanyahu shout out to
netanyahu well i don't know about that but he went to my high school wait
seriously he's like from philly
is he yeah where he went to high school click on new yes netanyahu went was uh
cheltenham high
school cheltenham yeah you don't we don't want to shout him out but okay this
is this is haim
ashad this is him now click on news and what was his deal he was the one who
said that the united
states was in contact with with aliens and that there was a galactic federation
and that trump
knew about it well he's right are we saying he's wrong it sounds like he's
right well he's the dude
former israeli space security chief says uh extraterrestrials exist and trump
knows about it yeah i
believe all this do you believe i believe every single second let's get it
aliens are out there
we've seen the aliens i feel as though there must be there are how could but i
honestly don't feel
like if there was they would tell trump that's the thing that's what he was
saying i guess they'd have
to i guess but i think he couldn't know that and not tell everyone well because
he's the egomaniac
he'd be like i found him first yeah i found the aliens they were fucking each
other you know what's
so funny though it i think all the richest people in the world do have contact
with the aliens i
believe that like an illuminati type of 100 of course i believe that i think
once you reach
the multi-billionaire status you get granted access to that stuff because
otherwise why earn
that money why earn all that money look you have a lot of money you're rich let's
let's just say
that you're rich it's true okay all right so you're rich but you're not wealthy
i don't know the
aliens no yeah no you're not like them no but you know right now you're
comfortable financially what
you have yeah it's great money yeah you make a great living i can take a year
off you can take
a few years off yeah okay you can't no no you can't even take a week off yeah
yeah day off and i'm
fucking fuck forever but look at it like this what's the incentive to earn more
money than that
you have plenty of money what do you do you want you want more money money
doesn't really drive me i
know um so what would drive you not meeting the yeah yeah that would drive me
someone said if you got
a billion you'll meet the alien let me ask you this yeah right now someone
comes to you and they say if
you want to find out everything there is to know about everything i will take
you on a month one
month tour of aliens past future the whole any like question you have will be
totally answered in a
month and then you have one day back on earth to you know log the information
and then you die
would you take that deal what do you say doc that's a deep cut that's really
hard you die
so one day you get to give you i'll give you a week back on earth then yes a
week but no one's
going to believe a word you say i know but it's so fun but for one week you get
to push around this
narrative to everyone you know and write everything down yeah and just be like
listen you can believe
me or not i'm going to be dead on saturday yeah so if you prophesize your death
then they might
believe they'll just think that you were a kook and you committed suicide
because some
cold yeah they probably would how do i die how do i die after the week uh
spontaneous combustion
what am i doing in arizona you're off the grand canyon that's the answer to the
question
i just wake up and i'm sitting on the edge of grand canyon yep and you're hurled
and who pushes
me the illuminati no footage no one knows it uh i think you jump between you i'm
forced to jump yeah
i love it yeah when i was younger i used to go to i mean i went one time and i
was like 10 and i was
so confident imagine the stress on my parents i used to say to them i'm telling
you i can i can jump and
and brace this fall in the grand canyon so the whole trip i was threatening
jumping and i really believe
that i i could survive it which is to this day no let's go i don't want to do
that wait you really
as a child thought you could jump and yeah why dave why did you think that was
i think itself i used to
think that too too much yeah i used to think that too like if you jump from a
long distance maybe
before your knees hit you like collapse and roll over yeah like that like i don't
know bad logic
guys like six thousand feet yeah six thousand feet i'm feeling you know dicky i'm
with the jump i
understand what you guys are saying when an elevator like an i have that
thought in elevators all the
time like look i was in philly i was in philly uh and in the hotel it was so
old downtown yeah and
you can feel that when it stops it kind of jiggles a little bit i don't like
that so i thought
if i thought that one night i was coming down and i thought if this broke all
you have to do is wait
till it's close to the bottom and then jump the last second right before it
hits the thing smashes
your head and then you and then you're paralyzed but at least you're alive yeah
so i'm broke my neck
is shattered yeah your thoughts i've thought about it still do comedy i'd crush
might do better yeah
i'd crush oh yeah you'd be going and my album would be called going down you'd
be the new
steven hawkins going up my steven hawkins comedy this guy knows what i'm
talking about
when somebody leaves you're going to take a shit oh that's so mean steven hawkins
doing comedy
though he would just he wouldn't absolutely murder yeah you can get away with
anything with a computer
you can say because because he didn't mean it he can say it and didn't mean it
oops yeah my b my b my b
look at this bitch's tits if a computer says all that how are you to blame yeah
all right let's go
over some stuff right now because doc wants to learn happy hanukkah we're late
we know we're late yeah
but we're anti um we're anti christmas this year we did christmas last year
amen the christmas the
christians can take a hike it's way too much and it's the week of christmas
which is when we're
putting this out so you know what good hanukkah twice that's what we're doing
this year yeah because
hanukkah twice we want because here's the problem with hanukkah this has always
been my issue it's
not enough nights not enough dead serious that's literally what i was going to
say why eight uh well
as the story has it if i recall that's how long like the oil and the they could
have strapped it
out i think they scrapped that whole premise of hanukkah is that they scratched
it out for it's
like a miraculous thing that they even made it eight nights all right so let's
make it more nights
so they just party for eight days straight i think it was a party i think it
was more survival
in this day and age we they celebrate for eight days okay but back then it was
to stay alive oh
i didn't know yeah we got eight little eight little knick-knack gifts maybe one
how many are in
front of you i mean the one two three four five six seven eight yeah they know
what they're doing
here why don't you open one of them why don't you open one yeah yeah every time
you open one i
have to light a candle though of course so go ahead and open one those are for
you i'm excited yeah
i haven't gotten any gifts this season are you serious yeah my parents just
give me a check
for hanukkah yeah real it's pretty real jewish every year just a check no not
even it's gotten
lower now they just like uh like re-update my nba league pass every year that's
huge what do you
mean that's huge yeah that's dope yeah do you even you an nba league pass no i
can't even
it's like 500 bucks no it's like 150. oh really i think it was expensive well
uh what is it what
what am i thinking sunday ticket is more i ain't even got a cable fella sunday
tickets like 400
bucks you don't have cable no i don't have cable i'm like it looks like it
might be a mug what is
it oh a brain mug beautiful it's your own merch we're giving you your own merch
so i'm making money off
of this gift you're making money off the gift that's we bought it that's the
best type of jewish
what does this what does it say by the way does this don't know about pangaea
oh yeah what a good
video thank you you did the video yeah yeah and tony tony directed yeah tony
who directed many episodes
on our show yeah uh dave which bobby mocks constantly and calls it davy because
he's jealous that
this is yes well he's on sex in the city so yeah what made you get into rapping
uh you know i i
this guy entertainment tonight question yeah oh yeah that's what i'm talking
about boom straight
to it hey man tell me what made you get into well you know this is a whole
story about jewish dude
you know jewish yeah what do you mean jewish shoots on rap you ever heard the
beastie boys
they jewish yeah oh i didn't know that drake is jewish drake is half jewish drake
is half jewish
yes so he's jadekiss jim jones yeah he's jewish no but you didn't know the
beastie boys are jewish
no i thought they were just regular old like trailer park dudes getting it you
know trailer park dude
yeah hold on bro bro that's trailer park right there hey yeah what what trailer
park do you know and
exists in the city of new york where are the trailer park he's thinking eight
mile m m oh you're thinking
white rappers you know in in bro trailer parks in brooklyn have you seen have
you been to brooklyn
he thinks they're from like middle america no not really i've been i've been
there to the like the
little clubs out there but i haven't been in brooklyn brooklyn you know what i'm
saying shout
out to jay-z no don't shout out jay-z you don't know what you're talking about
all right well you know
i'm trying the beastie boys are from new york city okay they are where did you
think they were
from i thought they were from like a little bit like iowa a little bit yeah
something like yeah
maybe they put off an iowa vibe yeah they got the five kids you feel me no he's
doing this to help
you out because this is insane hey fam fam you know no sleep till brooklyn oh
it wasn't iowa city
shit no sleep t