Name: Ruthless Toothless & The Lollypop Kids | Ep 98 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-01-10T17:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ruthless Toothless & The Lollypop Kids | Ep 98 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ruthless Toothless & The Lollypop Kids | Ep 98 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-10. Transcript available.

Ruthless Toothless & The Lollypop Kids | Ep 98 | Bad Friends

- You two are bad friends.
- Who are these two idiots?
- A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
- You two are something.
- We're bad friends.
- They were naked with you, weren't they?
- Did they get naked with you, man?
- Yeah, they got naked.
- My brother and I,
my brother and Jeremiah got naked for you.
- Yes.
- But you know what it was?
- Gay?
- Yeah, that was gay, yeah, that was.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll get it, I'll get it.
- Okay. - But your brother, he lost.
He got a little bit of a loser mentality like you.
He lost, he lost, bro.
- Lost what?
- In strip poker.
- Oh, in strip poker.
- Yeah. - That's what it is.
- Yeah, that's what it is.
So, you know, it was, and Jeremiah said,
you know what, he did the friend thing.
- Why are you?
- Cheeks flapping in the wind.
- Let's get to the story now.
Why aren't you drunk yet?
- Why are you drunk?
- Oh, 'cause I have,
the Dennis fucked up my tooth.
I lost the tooth.
- Tooth, hey, O-O-F, Tooth.
Say it again.
- The Dennis fucked up my tooth.
- See, it's F.
- No, it ain't tooth, it's tooth.
What are you talking about?
- Is it one, two, or two faces?
- It's tooth.
- I don't know, it's a tooth.
- It's one tooth.
No, one tooth.
- I've never heard of that.
- So tell him.
- Two faces is not a word.
- Two faces is not?
- No, it's not.
I didn't know if you know it.
- Can get to the story, man.
- Okay, so, you know, I went to.
- Why are you Bill W now?
- Who the fuck is Bill W?
- He started AA, which is a joke.
- Come on.
- Anyway, get to the story.
- All right, yeah, anyway.
So I went to the Dennis,
and I was supposed to get a root canal.
And then the guy went into my mouth,
and he fucked up the root canal, right?
And he drilled through my--
- Imagine where he goes.
- That's a good dude.
- I mean, what does he do?
- It's Yellow Pages?
- Yeah.
- No.
- What, Craigslist?
I mean, how does he get his Dennis?
- Brown Pages.
- Grindr, get down to Brown Pages.
- He gets his Dennis from Cool Grindr.
- Hey, man, you're a tooth hurt.
- Yeah, you're a tooth.
- Come through.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I don't do toothuses, though.
- I move locations often.
- I'm glad y'all are drawing this shit, y'all.
- Go ahead.
- You tell my goddamn story, how about that?
- So he fucked up your tooth.
- Yeah, he fucked up.
- How?
- Yeah, he was drawing, and you know how, like,
they have to go in the orifice to get,
it's like four different orifices in the room, right?
- Are you saying office or orifice?
- Orifices.
- Are you saying, like, the dentist office?
- No, no, not office, orifice.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, y'all fucking with me.
- That's their favorite show.
- I don't even know why I saw this.
- Steve Carell in the orifice?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's their favorite show.
- That's disrespectful, that's what the fuck is.
- You know how much I love Steve Carell in the orifice?
That's my favorite show.
- Rainn Wilson.
- Shit.
- In the orifice?
Go ahead.
- All right, that's good.
Let me finish my story, can I do it?
- All right.
- So anyway, I go there, he drills in the orifice,
but he misses, and he goes out.
- Just real quick, I'm sorry, I want to turn it up.
Just don't say orifice again, it's making me laugh.
- Why is it making you laugh?
- It is.
- It's just the way you say it is making me laugh,
it's fucking up the story.
- I'm saying it perfectly fine.
- So just don't say orifice again, go ahead.
- All right, we're gonna leave it like that, all right.
- All right.
- So he drills through the tooth,
and he goes out the side of the tooth into the other tooth.
- Through his fucking tooth into another tooth.
- Right.
- What is it?
- Hold on, but then you know how like--
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
'Cause just let me stop.
The only way to get to one of the teeth
is through another tooth?
- No, no. - No!
- He did it on accident.
- He did it on accident.
- Oh, I see.
- His dentist did an accident as a dentist.
- Oh, I thought he was challenging himself.
- Let me see if I can get to this tooth.
- See if I can get around this.
- Through this other tooth.
- I did it.
- So tell him now what happens.
- So then he takes, he says,
okay, let me see where I'm at.
And he puts the splints into my tooth to see,
to do the x-ray.
- Yeah.
- And then he takes the fucking x-ray
and the splint is going through the tooth
into the next tooth.
I go, what the fuck?
I said, bro, that ain't supposed to.
He said, you know what, I'm sorry.
- What color was he?
- He said, you know what?
I'll just put some semen in here.
- Semen?
- Yeah, that's what I said.
- I don't know what the fuck.
- What if the dentist is putting semen in here?
First of all, you're going to the wrong dentist.
Can I just say this?
I've never been to orthodontic school.
How do you say that?
- Sure.
- Why not?
- Orthodontic school?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Dentistry school?
- Yeah, dentistry school.
I've never been through it, but I'm pretty sure semen has nothing to do with it.
- Yeah, why would he fill your tooth with semen?
- Yeah.
- I'm pretty sure I know there's nothing to do with it.
- Okay, we're doing wordplay today.
- What do you mean wordplay?
You said fucking semen, bro.
- I wasn't sucking dick at the dentist's office.
- I'm accusing you of anything, man.
- You said semen, right?
- I think he wants to say cement.
- Oh, cement.
- No, he said semen.
- He said semen, but...
- I said semen.
- All right.
- What the fuck does I hear?
- Anyway, what did you...
Rudy, what did he say?
- Semen.
- Semen, right?
- Yeah, semen.
- Yeah, he said semen.
- How about this?
- You heard semen like sperm semen?
- Doc?
- Oh, shit.
- No orifices, no more semen.
- No orifices?
- Oh, fuck.
- Those are the two words.
I'm out, I'm done with it.
- Okay, maybe because of my tooth, I'm sounding like it's sounding a little
different.
How about that?
- All right, just try to find different replacements for the words.
- Okay, yeah, we'll do that.
- Thank you.
So anyway, he put some plaster in there, right?
- There it is.
- There it is.
- I can understand that.
- That makes sense.
- Rudy, no, denied.
- Yeah.
- And it got infected.
- Dude, discount dentists.
- Yeah.
- Swole up my jaw and I went back in and I fucking pulled my tooth.
- He pulled it.
- Yeah, he had to pull the tooth.
- Yo, when he touches his jaw, he said it feels like sand.
It's all broken.
- Oh yeah, 'cause he, well, that was something that he did before when I went
in for-
- He went back?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you gotta get a different dentist, dude.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Look at the license.
See if he has one.
- Does not.
- Definitely doesn't have one.
- Dude, he found him on Groupon.
He got him off of Groupon.
- You won't believe where he's at though.
He's in Studio City.
He's supposed to be a prominent.
- Ooh, fancy.
- Fancy.
- Yeah, coming up.
You know what I'm saying?
- Studio City.
- Studio City, shout out to the-
- So tell him, where's the tooth now?
- Oh, it's gone.
- He has a hole in his mouth.
- I have a hole in my jaw.
- The dentist just left him with a hole in his jaw.
- I thought you were gonna tell me he put it underneath his pillow.
He did the dentist.
- The dentist was like, "Can I take this homeowner and put it under my pillow?"
- Yeah.
- Can you see Rudy?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Give her that mic.
Give her that mic for a minute, just so she can-
- Okay.
- Hold on, so he doesn't have to pass it.
- Doc, you know that I'm missing 13 teeth, right?
- No, for real?
- Yeah.
- I could believe that.
You're kinda dumb, so.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Real attitude.
- Kinda what?
- You're kinda dumb.
So dumb people, they fall in-
- Dude, you're the one that's letting dentists put semen in your fucking teeth.
- Do you believe the fucking nerve of this guy?
- Dude, he's hyped up.
- Coming down here.
- He goes and he trades on us and goes to that other dork show.
- Right.
- Then he comes in here with real attitude.
- Cause me dumb?
- You know what he said to Fancy when he came into the hotel?
- No, I can't what?
- He goes, "Man, y'all didn't get me a big enough room."
- That's what he said to Fancy.
"Y'all didn't get me a big enough room."
- See how this room is, it's got a fucking patio and shit.
- Yeah, you're not Andrew Santino, fucktard!
- Oh, I'm close to him, you know what I'm saying?
- No, you're not, man.
- No, you're not, man.
- Nowhere near!
- Bro, he goes, "Y'all didn't get me a big enough room."
- I think I'm special.
- Oh my God, dude.
- I'm goddamn special.
- You're so ungrateful, dude.
- He goes, "Andres, how much room service can we get?"
That's what he said to Andres.
- It's all he wants, ruthless, toothless over there.
- Yeah, so you can still drink though, right?
- Nah, 'cause it messes with the clot in there.
- Just drink it away, who cares?
- Yeah, drink it the clot away.
- Bobby lost 13 teeth, he's fine.
- Yeah, you never heard that song before?
- Are you serious, you lost 13 teeth?
- Yeah.
- Fuck!
- Bro, right?
- Fuck, come over here.
- Nah, 'cause you're gonna fucking be...
- I'm not, come over here.
- Okay, come on over there.
- God, man.
- But if you get it, fucking violent.
I'm gonna get violent.
- See how this works.
- I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of you, bro.
- This isn't gonna work.
- You can't go the other way, or?
- Go the other way, go the other way.
- Just jump over the couch.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That's cool.
- Look at this little guy.
- Man, what you need, Clay, boy?
- Look on this side of the mouth, down here, okay?
- Okay.
- Oh, you want me to look at you?
- Yeah.
- Oh, okay.
Shit, how do you fucking eat?
- On both sides.
- God dang.
- Teeth missing.
Sit back down.
- He can only eat egg salad.
- Man, you brought a few teeth away
from giving out gummies, huh?
- That's another joke.
- I feel like that's a joke.
- All right, well, I think with these two bad jokes back to back,
I think it's time for me to announce what's going on tonight.
- Yeah.
- We're in San Diego, first of all.
Bad friends.
We're in San Diego.
The crew is here.
We're all going to the show tonight.
We're doing a performance at the Balboa Theater.
Totally sold out.
And Doc is opening the show tonight.
- Hell yeah.
- You doing stand-up tonight?
- He's doing stand-up tonight.
- How much time?
- I don't know.
- Who else is here?
- R.A. Maness.
- For like five or two minutes.
- Who's opening?
- Doc.
- He's doing 10.
- Two minutes.
- He's going out.
- Yeah.
- Fancy's going to introduce the show.
- Yeah.
- Doc is going to go up and he's got to do 25 minutes.
- 25?
- You can do 25?
- Shit, I guess so.
I ain't done it in a while, but I can do it.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You excited?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Look at his face.
He's glowing.
- If you take the time away from him, I'm never going to forgive you.
- I might.
- I know you are.
I feel like you're propping him up, and in the last second, it's going to be a
letdown.
And it's going to be funny on camera.
- Yep.
- But it's going to break his heart.
- What are you going to do?
- Nothing.
That's life.
That's actually life, right?
Andrew, isn't that life?
- That's life.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That's life.
- That's life, Doc.
- Rudy, how was the drive?
Did you like it?
A little trip down to San Diego?
- You know what's so funny?
I asked her, I go on the car ride, didn't I ask you about Harry Styles?
I go, if you were married to Harry Styles, he came up to you and he said, hi, I'm
quitting
music I'm in, and I want to marry you, and we're going to just live on an
island, and I'm
going to drink 24 hours a day, become an alcoholic, and just eat whatever I
want to.
- Get fat.
- I go, how long will you stay with him?
- You should stay for two years.
- That's the number.
- Yeah, two years.
- Two years?
- But imagine two years of an alcoholic.
- Wait, why?
- Drinking.
- Why not forever at that point?
Two years, will you have a limit on it?
- Yeah, because I think by the end of the two years, I'd be grossed out.
- People get fat.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, what's up, Doc?
- Who's Harry Styles?
- Give him the mic.
- Give him the mic.
- What did he just say to him?
- Who is Harry 