Name: An Egg Roll Goes to the Spa & Stealing Danny DeVito's Seat | Ep 101 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-01-31T17:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'An Egg Roll Goes to the Spa & Stealing Danny DeVito's Seat | Ep 101 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'An Egg Roll Goes to the Spa & Stealing Danny DeVito's Seat | Ep 101 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-31. Transcript available.

An Egg Roll Goes to the Spa & Stealing Danny DeVito's Seat | Ep 101 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
oh you two are something we're bad friends i don't need that how old is this
water bottle
give him a fresh one man oh this is this is new yes okay okay yeah but we don't
do ghetto you
think this is ghetto you think this is more ghetto than king of the state or
fighting the king dude
seriously what yeah i understand i understand you're on a thin line right now i'm
just saying
okay the thin rope the thin rope why are you pointing at me because the thin
rope is very
clear to me my friend what do you mean what do you think about what you're
about to say i think
about everything i'm about to say all i'm all i know is is that you you are
like worm tongue
worm tongue everyone i want everyone is that because he ate a worm no yeah that
could be but
everyone just everyone say this worm tongue that i you know i take offense to
that i take offense to
that who's one tongue i take off who is it what who is it it's the dude in uh
game of thrones no he's
the lord of the rain yeah yeah yeah which one's that guy yeah remember he was
the one that mesmerized
the king but hold up hold up he was like putting him in a comatose and then and
then the white
white gand gandhi yeah remember gandhi showed up with a stick i thought it was
gandalf
whatever no yeah yeah he shows up with the stick right so he's a manipulator
right and he goes and
they're like he has the staff right and he goes you back up and he puts out the
staff and it takes
the king out of the now no and then your warm tongue you know what you are what
am i it's my turn
what am i what you are in lord of the rings though no no no no no no this is my
own analogy i could
come i could come up with my own movie analogy yeah you are you started with
that you got all right
all right i'll go you know what you are you're the actual dark crystal where
you extract people's
energy like when the podlings look into the dark crystal yeah you know yeah and
you are the actual
dark crystal you extract people's positive energy and negative and negative
energy yeah you know what
that's what you do that's you all right that's me that's what you do okay can i
say something about
what you do that you're not privy to the dark crystal sucks in right negative
energy positive
energy right but also cancers what do you mean that dark crystal right that you
just saved three
podlings no no no no no you're making this up chemo dude he's making that that
purple is chemo
no is chemo not purple no no no no no it's not i don't i thought it was green
oh really i really did for some reason when i hear chemo i just think green
okay so you know
what you are then wait dude let's not do this well let's start more on a
positive can we start
again oh let's start okay let's start again let's start again keep it but let's
just be more positive
let's do we don't rewind it how about it with this we start with a bad friends
like i'll introduce it
but let's do positive affirmations right chapelle yeah i'm all about positive
positive that's my world
bro bro bro your world dude yeah i'm gonna say something about your world dude
what are you gonna say about my world
i've i but i never saw anyone like you before right you know how you and i when
we met there was
some chemistry and a light but why do you but what i'm saying is that i had
never met anyone like
you that's why i didn't get close until i saw the show cheer then i go i see he
this guy jules
cheer on netflix he's a cheerleader i was he was he wasn't a cheerleader in
high school the schools
that they're talking about on cheer that's where i cheered at really yeah the
actual school yeah
that's where you cheered at yeah because i knew that about you you're pro at
that level yeah at that
at one point so when i was watching cheer i thought about you i go there he is
you really did yeah it's
basically what chapelle lacy is he seems like a guy that was adopted dude you
better watch what you're
about to say no because i don't like where you're getting at when i saw i saw
when i met you i go
oh fuck number one you were wearing a ramones i don't have a ramones shirt okay
well cramps cramps
cramps no oh see how he fabricates and lies no no no oh two no fabrications
bobby's in the right area i'm in the right area i love the ramones but i would
never
wear a ramones shirt i'm like that weirdo that's how cool you are my goal at
the end of this podcast
yeah is to prove to the world that you ain't with him no no no no no he's more
with me no no you are
100 more with me in terms of what we like yeah in terms of style in terms of
what we think is good
in terms of film television and skateboard hey but here's here's another thing
i've seen his dick
you know what what i kind of do want to because i feel close to you yeah i
liked you right when i met
you i would like to show you my my balls and my penis that's a lot was that
would you be comfortable
with that i've chewed with gay dudes and they've never said anything like that
to me they have never
looked at me go yo i hey no i love you and like it's easily dude i can't help
it dude kick ass like
your toe touches are the yeah but yo can i show you my dick and balls it's
crazy no one's ever done that
but when you ask right you already lose what do you mean what do you mean by
that when you may i may
i you know what may i show you my genitals i already you lose you what you do
is you go there's rules
there is rules in my head i'm like i know i can see the twinkle in his eyes
when i met you
i knew you when you looked at me dude you you did this you looked at my eyes
and you did a downward
glance and pop right back up wait dude do it so this is yeah so i go hey i'm
bobby and you go
i'm chappelle right do i talk like that to me i'm chappelle right and you went
like this
did you know yeah you did when i saw that you did that when i saw that i went
there it is and when you
saw it in a good way and when you saw it i think you reacted in the worst kind
of way i think you ran
away no and there was a point no wasn't there a time wasn't the time you would
avoid me you know
what it was you ready for this yeah yeah yeah okay i want to hear i just moved
to la okay just moved
to la i'm hanging around the comedy store right and i i had met bobby already
but it was maybe like a
few weeks of me living into la yeah it was literally weeks and then he was like
yo after my set let's go
get something to eat he said he said that it was another comment does it sound
normal yeah yeah you
do that he was like that's normal that's you we went to know anyone well that's
you human beings eat
yeah no but you really are nice to uh other comedians we go to augusti augusti
we go to augusti
great meal great meal then we say bobby's just dropping all this dope knowledge
about comedy
i'm feeling good it's cool i'm in la i'm like dude i'm hanging out with bobby
lee and literally he was
like we're hanging out outside he goes hey you want to you know there's a spa
coming your way yo yo yo yo so he goes there's a spa you know i usually take a
lot of comics too it's a
late night spa oh you know and i'd only brought one black guy to that spot
before you who was it
who else would go with me oh ian edwards yeah yeah it was ian and it's so funny
whenever i
when i brought him i think you did the same thing when i brought ian there he
found basketball shorts
i looked around i go oh chappelle's doing what ian did there they found
basketball
shorts somewhere because they don't want to show that you know i know what it
is it's respectful
it's a korean spa and you don't go to steam room and you're going to freak out
the koreans no listen
this is not what he is chappelle if you and i were in nam right uh-huh and you
are and i would
be scared because you're sensitive like i am i'm very sensitive and you and i
would be in a foxhole
probably yeah right i'd probably show you my thing yeah because i want to show
you what it looks like
when it's super scared right and in war in war my penis looks like this yeah
like that
but that's what that's not what it was in the spa you wait wait that's not what
you saw you saw his
penis anyways dude he goes you're gonna bitch out or what and i was like
i was like all right and so we go in he goes he goes don't look around he goes
just pick a locker
put your clothes in there and i'm like what are you all my clothes he was like
yeah you get this
it's a spa you got to get naked yeah and i'm sitting here like oh no i was
walking around like
that then we go on this dude we then we go in the sauna and we're sitting there
in the sauna dry or
wet the dry or wet one uh the dry one we're sitting in the sauna me and the
other dude we're just
sitting on the bench that bobby is like dropping comedy knowledge to us and
meanwhile he's doing
high kicks in the sauna and i'm sitting here like how do you want me to take
you serious and then
dude the best part of it it was when after we were done in the spa for like an
hour or so
he goes he drops us off at a 7-eleven to order our uber yeah yeah you know we're
one across the
street yeah meanwhile where cafe blue is he dropped us off so quick like he
just like drop and then
left and i'm like it's so funny that was my podcast let me see the details the
details it's like the
details what you missed the details the details is probably who paid for augusti
buck chung he paid for
augusti who paid for the spa he paid for the spa yes he did interesting he did
well what does his
penis look like to you his yeah you know this was almost three years or no this
was three years
dude he's got a dark dick he's got a dark dark and he's just like kicking his
highs like his leg
gets up there oh yeah i was doing this dude like right i was probably doing
this you were probably
sitting on a bench yep sitting on a bench right dry sauna dry sauna i was
probably just going like
yes that's exactly what he did yeah that's exactly what i did it's all about
stage time
yeah okay it's all about it dude right he was literally like he was like you
got to get up as
much as you can yes yes and then and then did he touch it i'll be a week later
i went back to the
spa and the koreans were talking about you he said you're he said they're
talking complimenting your
dick saying what it looks like yeah it's uh geeseing like a ghost creature like
a creature like a ghost
creature like a ghost creature yeah i think geeseing is creature geeseing is
ghost ghost oh ghost yeah
so it's not a ghost yeah it's not a ghost yeah you go you go skyscraper it got
there oh okay skyscraper
skyscraper got there right and then they say to me no go to you uh you go uh
not uh not uh uh son
eight no you know you got an average dick don't you you know what i know what
it's not bigger dude mine
grew no no no no no that's a fact that's a fact i will always no no no no no no
you want to have a
contest right now i'll have a contest anytime you want to but i don't want to
do that i don't want to
do a contest right now no no no i think no because i do actually like i've done
exercises to stretch it
out over the years i think i think i think i think i can match you yo steve
yeah yeah i think i can
match him now i think i could i think that's a thing it's not a thing yeah it
is a thing
you can do here's the thing about your brother here's the thing about your
brother yeah i i always
you're the most honest man i think i know exactly so that's why i'm like you
say that no you didn't
it must be my friend in college said i promise you this chapelle okay think
about it if you i'm
thinking about it i already thought about it if you're in medical school right
i can see this
happening right a bunch of kids right are in a conference room right they're
putting up slides
yeah right before the test just just warm up yeah they throw out things what's
this they go oh that's
some sort of skin you know rash thing right and they show his penis they wouldn't
think they
wouldn't s