Name: Marrying Harry Styles with a Rooster Ring | Ep 102 ft. Chris Distefano | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-02-07T17:00:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Marrying Harry Styles with a Rooster Ring | Ep 102 ft. Chris Distefano | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Marrying Harry Styles with a Rooster Ring | Ep 102 ft. Chris Distefano | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-07. Transcript available.

Marrying Harry Styles with a Rooster Ring | Ep 102 ft. Chris Distefano | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots
a white dude and an asian dude you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends are your levels good you sound good i i
sound good i feel
good bad friends bad new friends bad new friends it's a brand new bad new
friends white friends
white friends we started asian hate yes we did we started it we did we want to
bring back the
campaign we do bobby's gone listen hopefully for good let's be real with the
fans okay here's what's
going on bobby and i got into a little quarrel about where to shoot bottoms of
turtle island he went
out on his own and he is island shopping and i mean this he's looking to buy an
island okay he's
searched the caribbean or the caribbean as you people call it yeah and owners
call it owners and
he's looking for an island and he's looking to shoot um somewhere next year in
the fall maybe so bobby's
gonna be gone for a couple of weeks okay so what did i do what'd you do bling
bling bling bling bling
bling bling bling bling bling hello hey chris hey andrew it's the red cock it
hi kids i'm on the
phone with the devil i need you to come to the studio okay and to be my co-host
for an episode or two oh
okay um 10 000 an episode sound good you got it bobby's in rehab
druggie he's a real druggie what can we say we know you guys knew it he's the
love of our life and
i love him so much and and one of my best friends on earth and he's in rehab
and you know what you're
comfortable talking about it because people have addictions and people have
problems we have problems
we have problems we got problems we got problems we got problems i uh i was
here uh in la the truth
story is i was here in la for something else and i was walking past the 7-eleven
and bobby was asleep
outside of it and i called you and i said uh we got a problem we got a problem
so i gave him a go-go
taquito and a slurpee and we put him in it we put him in a nice church van up
to rehab and then i came
right here he's at a religious facility it's called christ first um yeah and uh
it's that guy you know
that guy from youtube is like jesus christ it's him it's his facility yeah and
he's getting people clean
and uh bobby's gonna get uh a clean sweep and a new lease on life yes because
we we want him to live
forever hey i don't like man's no more yeah i'm not gay no more that's that's
his guy that's his guy
that's his pastor by the way uh look up the average lifespan of a south korean
okay north koreans got
to be longer because they do it good up there yeah let's say average lifespan
of a south korean 83
years that's pretty good do you think bobby will make it nope oh look at this
george wants to give
you a gift there's a gift that we got this is um thinking oh this is from did
you is this the ball
gag you guys put in my mouth when the uh you put the pubes in it wow do you
have sex toys at home
no jasmine has sex toys that um she i i think she uses them she never used them
with me and i think
she uses them on herself or uh my little daughter seven month old violet i don't
i think it's the
carpenter who does work in our house i think it's his child i got it i got said
we have sex toys but i
got a rooster ring you know really yeah rooster ring what's a rooster ring it's
a nice way of saying
cock ring okay i got a rooster ring and it vibrates and you can put it on top
of your of your schlong
and it uh on her ding dong or you flip it upside down and it massages your
and it and it yeah so you can put it on top for it once it's for her for him
for her and for him
my friend is a police officer and i spin it around yeah my friend's a police
officer in new york and he
texted the group chat the other day and he goes guys i just came from a call
you know a doa you know
the guy was dead there he a guy died had a heart attack sitting in his computer
with tighty whiteys
down around his ankles blasting gay porn with a cock ring around his cock oh
and he said he just had
a heart attack and he said like his wife like he has a full wife and kids they
just weren't home
so it's like the guy was just ripping gay porn with the cock do you tell him
what do you do you tell the
wife you're a cop me and you we walk in on a guy yeah right we walk in on george
obviously yes
who's got a big old thick cock ring on the fact that carlos isn't gay is mind-blowing
by the way
he is they all are yeah carlos he is gay he's just not allowed to be it per his
father you know when
his dad dies he'll be able to do whatever oh same with me how old's your pop uh
64 oh dude he's
he's in the thick of it nice because everything is gay now he's like what are
you gonna paint your
nails you gay gay hurling insult where's your dad from uh mexico city oh oh my
the most homophobic
city yeah mexican that's the thing it's like everyone shits on whites the most
racist homophobic
people i've ever met in my life are non-white non-white yeah not look up look
up look up uh
what's the most homophobic city in the united states let's see who hates the gays
the most i'm
gonna say mexico city's got to be way in the united states or in the world in
the world i'm sorry in
the world most yeah yeah because the most homophobic city in the united states
is boston 20 most dangerous
place 22 yeah it is get out of here dude with your fucking cork rings and your
butt plugs
fucking cock suckers all right this is the 20th most dangerous places to live
for homosexual
men and i'll tell you what's not nigeria number one i would say that's just
dangerous place to live
period period period i'm surprised it's not something in the middle east oh katar
yes there you are yeah
yemen coming through yemen big saudi boom yeah four tanzania taking it back iran
let's go back
people are the problem though white people are the here we go we still haven't
hit us sudan you haven't
hit one of those no no these are all tourist destinations but we don't live zambia
st lucia oh
st lucia beautiful island though uh uganda uganda pakistan west bank and the gaza
kenya
maldives jamaica ethiopia egypt we don't stop you right there 20. i haven't i
haven't seen
brooklyn i didn't see queens ready for this let's go to the top five safest
places for lgbtq gays
number one sweden then canada white norway white portugal white kind of spanish
white
spanish white belgium waffles i mean i mean so the fact but we're the enemy we're
the enemy vote
republican only way to fix this by the way you know what we should get we
should get more caitlin
jenner's in public office because you want gay republicans yes if you really
want to mix up the
system you got to get gay republic now she's against gay marriage which is the
weirdest thing i've ever
heard about that is very strange i think she i don't know if she flipped back
but for a long time
she was against gay marriage meet the gay republicans this is a good article
see but there should be more
gay republicans well i think a lot of them flip the stigma dude yeah well isn't
the guy um with the
eye patch gay that guy who's the eye patches nah no he's not getting crenshaw
or something like that
dan crenshaw i thought that's why he got a cock in the eye
was it like wasn't a friendly fire wasn't he shot by he was that's what he says
yeah it's friendly
come well that is friendly fire yeah hey dan
no he's not he's not gay but i do think there should be more gay repub just to
mix it up
i'm sick of the same old same old yeah what about there's a gay guy in the nfl
there's a lot of gay men in the nfl like but there's one open gay guy isn't he
on the rams
no oh he's on the raiders he's on the raiders yeah because pirates
why was that so why would why would why did butt pirate become a thing where
did that come from but
pirate maybe um because pirates seem to be not gay they seem to be like didn't
they like loot and rob
and rape and pillage yeah like the a hiney pirate maybe because you're going
like butt to butt you're on
the seven c no they would no they wouldn't sleep butt to butt they'd sleep
penis to butt to stack
no i'm saying as a pirate would go port to port you're going butt to butt you're
a heinie pirate
um but where does butt pirate come from what's that a rudy uh what does it say
a rudy queer man
who likes to ram his schooner into another man's glory hall well that's just
fun to say i guess yes
that's just nautical talk um there just seems to be a lot of urban definitions
for it no origin oh he's
trying to say black and he's just afraid to say hey rudy rudy's here come on in
let's give it up
for the rude hey rudy how you doing rudy um are those kanye west boots those
are dope put your mic
up to your face we got started without you but we're happy that you're here
that does rudy know
what's going on it's her young ears it's too much does really know what's going
on she the house she
lives in is with the guy that works yeah so she knows okay do you know okay let's
ask okay rudy
do you know that uncle bobby went to rehab you know tito went to rehab
yesterday yeah so there
of course you know she lives there okay you know you know she's she acts
innocent she's 40.
you're 40 you're a 40 year old filipino man oh hey rudy what's up how did you
learn how was school
anything good um i didn't go to school oh what i switched classes and i just
didn't go to school
because george what what the is going on uh she did not report back to me this
information
i like this little sneaky snake she's out what were you up to then what'd you
do and you didn't go to
school i was trying to watch casino the movie casino you watched it yeah wow my
favorite you like it
i'm so proud of you it was okay what why so one of the greatest movies of all
time what what didn't
you like about casino i like that there were a lot of like stabbing yeah
killing a lot of angry men
yeah angry men you do like that you like angry men sometimes like yeah that's
my thing yeah
so wait the stabbing you liked what would you have a favorite scene do you
remember one scene that you
liked i just like what's his name robert deniro i just like that he was giving
um ginger a lot of
jewelry i like that right the whole movie that's that's your favorite part that's
it
um that that she gets a lot of jewelry what's your favorite movie of all time
i don't know don't ask me she hates those questions you can't do that but do it
again and do it more okay
how about this not okay what is your favorite movie with an asian american or
an asian lead
of all time who's your favorite asian actor or actress jet lee who's your
favorite asian
tito bobby really tito bobby is your favorite i like not as an actor just as an
asian who he's your
favorite asian of all time yeah i guess he's up there for a lot of people's
favorite asian i mean
he's up there that's an interesting question like i wonder if you posed who's
your favorite asian on
twitter if a lot of people would say bobby lee i would say mine are um lisa
ling love yao ming
love it's got a rhyme now
okay chingo bling chingo bling uh sing sing but my overall favorite asian is
kim jong-un
yeah he's the best number one you like kim jong-un
isn't he the president of north korea he's the leader they don't have parents i
think he's the big
dog he's the big papa yeah he's an actor yes yes he is he's acting like uh he
acting like he doesn't
want to kill everybody all the time but he does acting like he might not bomb
us all but he's gonna
that's where bobby really went he defected back home to north korea imagine how
funny imagine they
loved him i could see that kim jong-un loving him if they love him he loved
dennis rodman who else
went up there didn't steven seagal go up there or something like that probably
there was another
famous guy that went up there and they loved him um rudy what class were you
supposed to be at today
chemistry oh you want to do some talk about the periodic table of elements you
want to you want
to uh gold uh uh fe what is fe fe is iron uh he didn't even know that no you
didn't know that i
did no fe no fe is um is on