Name: Dingle Flicker Doggystyle | Ep 106 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-03-07T17:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dingle Flicker Doggystyle | Ep 106 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dingle Flicker Doggystyle | Ep 106 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-07. Transcript available.

Dingle Flicker Doggystyle | Ep 106 | Bad Friends

Hey, bad friends. I'm at the Irvine Improv, March 18th and 19th. And then at
the end of the month,
I'm in Vegas, baby, at the Wynn in Las Vegas. We also added a bunch of new
dates. Dallas. I'm
coming to Dallas. I'm going to Hawaii. I'll be in Niagara Falls as well. All
that stuff is going
to be posted up on andrewsantino.com. Andrewsantino.com. You two are bad
friends. Who are
these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You
two are
something. We're bad friends. A deer, a female deer. Sound of music is my jam.
I don't give
a fuck. It's white and it's my jam. I call myself far a long, long way to run.
How about
this one? Edelweiss. Edelweiss. And like the fucking Germans are killing. You
know what
I mean? All the innocence, but the song's beautiful. Edelweiss. Edelweiss. What
is it? A flower,
right? Edelweiss. Yeah. Yeah. It's a white flower. Do you have one? All over my
house.
I know you do. I know you do it. It's disgusting. Stop it. You put product?
What do you mean
product? Like goop? Like mousse and hairspray. I don't put product in my, if
anything, when
I go to my, get my haircut, they do a, whatchamacallit, pomade. Oh. Pomade. I
do tancho. You
know what tancho is? No. You know what tancho is? No. That's some Japanese
bullshit. Tancho
is. Tancho. Tancho is, um. Tancho in your hair. It is Chinese. That's the
commercial.
Yeah. Yeah. Tancho in your hair. Yeah. Look up tancho. See that stick right
there? Yeah.
What does it do? So that's tancho. Right? So a lot of. It says it's high grade
vegetable
what? Yeah. So a lot of hair and makeup people in shows. Oh, pomade. Yeah. That's
what I
just said. No, but tancho. Will you listen? Tancho wasn't originally for the
hair. What
was it for? The armpit I heard. It was for B.O.? Yes. Does it smell good? It
was deodorant.
No, it smells Chinese. Ugh. You know what I mean? So no. Do you use deodorant?
No, I don't
sweat. Do you know what's funny? What? I stopped using deodorant and I sweat
less and I smell
less. What do you mean? This is crazy, dude. Somebody told me that there's
aluminum in most deodorants.
Yeah. Do you know this? And it's really fucking bad for you. Yeah. And what it
does is it can
clog your pores and it makes you smell worse. So when you sweat. Yeah.
Sometimes it makes
it stink worse. So I was like, all right, I stopped using it. And I just would
shower more
often, clean out my armpits more. Now I don't wear deodorant. It doesn't smell
at all.
Even when I sweat, it smells like skin. I don't, my armpits don't smell. Yeah.
But every
white girlfriend I've ever had. What? What? Listen, has a smell that I don't
like. Baloney? It's
like beef gravy. Ooh. See, I like it. My mouth just got watery. I only dated
one Asian
girl. Really? What did it smell like? Just what did it smell like? Oddly enough,
beef gravy.
Yeah. Did you smell it at all in any way? No. Yeah. Like what? Her dorm room
did. Uh-huh. Like
what? Zoom in on me. Dry seaweed? Noodle. No. That's a pretty good smell,
noodles. No, she
was a UCLA grad student. Yeah. And we used to hook up in her dorm that her
daddy bought
her. Really? She had one of the nice dorms. I just moved to LA. I met her
through my old
roommate and she was living in like the fancy rich dorms. And I remember I
couldn't afford
parking. I made her pay for my parking. I was so broke. I was 22. Oh, wow, wow,
wow.
And I was like, I don't have enough money. She was full? Huh? She was full
Asian or she
was half? You know, I can't tell. Yeah, you can. I can't. You could be half and
I wouldn't
know. Yeah. Dude, obviously I'm full. You could be half. I could be half? Boys?
There's
no one who would say that I was half. No one's ever walked up and be like, hey,
are you half
white? Check it out like this. Yeah. Because you're not hot enough? Because the
halves are
hot. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, but I think you're a pretty boy and you
could be half to
me. No. You've got your skin is light enough. If my dad was white, he wouldn't
have beat
me. I don't think it's hard. You think it would? Yeah. Especially if you had an
Asian
wife. Yeah, but with belts. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You guys love belts. Yeah. Get over
here.
But then it's like you whip them and then you have to put it back in the loops
of the
pants. Imagine. Yeah. Yeah. And when you miss a loop, how embarrassing. Right.
I beat you
and then I miss a loop. And then your dad goes to work and they're like, how
come you're
missing a loop? I used to, I beat my kid this morning. And they all go, me too.
And they
all show off their missing loops. The missing loops. Yeah. I think that if I
had
a white dad, I would look like Tony Thornburg. Who? My favorite male model. Who's
Tony Thornburg?
My favorite male model. Let's bring up this. He looks like Steve Aoki kind of.
Okay. Right
there looks just like Steve Aoki. All right. All right. So that right there is,
now go to
a, go to a, like that. Good morning. I just, if I said good morning like that,
just pussy
juice squirting in my face. You know what I mean? Like a spray.
See, you idolize men who are femme. You like femme men. That's not femme, dude.
That's
fucking erotica. That's femme as fuck. That's erotica 1.1, man. That's femme as
fuck. This
dude is femme as fuck. All the boys are nodding. Suck it. This guy is beta
femme as fuck.
Suck my dick. You know who I, you know who I idolize? What? Guys, guys. Yeah, I
know.
What's your guy? Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford. This is who I want to be. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Old racist angry. Yeah. But if I was mixed, I would look better. Wait,
what did he say? He
called President Trump son of, yes, Harrison Ford's so cool. Son of a bitch.
Son of a bitch.
Harrison Ford's like this. He's always out of breath. He's like, give me the
goddamn box.
I love Harrison fucking Ford. That guy's the boss. I like him. I like Clint
Eastwood. I like guys,
guys. Yeah. I like Harris. You know why I like Harrison? Huh? Because
apparently he doesn't like,
he'll like look at the, a line in a movie. Cause I'm not saying that. Love that.
And he'll just,
he says it in his own way. That's why if you watch a Harrison Ford movie, all
the lines are
very simple and direct. Yeah. They're, they're, there's not a lot of fodder.
Yeah. Yeah. No fat.
Yeah. And he's, you know, he's at that level where he's like, I'm not saying
that. If you and I,
have to say it, we not only have to say it, then they give us alts and they,
we have to do all the alts. Right. And it don't matter what the line is. Nope.
You know what I mean? Have to say it. Yeah. Rape good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Or whatever. I don't want to say rape good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Say it. Yeah. You
gotta.
Yeah. Sorkin, Aaron Sorkin, Aaron Sorkin's like, say it. Aaron Sorkin hands me
a script.
I'm like, Oh, Aaron, I, he's like, you got to say it. I'm like, yeah.
I have to say the goddamn blacks are coming. I don't want to say that.
Let me ask you something. I've been thinking about, I don't know.
I want to know you better. Huh?
Yeah. And I want to talk to you not as a comedian,
but like we are in some sort of group.
Like AA? Yeah. Something like that.
Are you asking me to go to AA? No, no. You're not an alcoholic. No,
but I am. Maybe. A little bit. A little bit.
Yeah. Can't there be levels? Yeah, there is. What am I?
I'm a functioning. You're not doc.
So you know what I mean? You're here. Doc's here.
We had to send him away. We have to send him away a little bit.
He's got to go to rehab.
There might be an intervention. Should we do it on the show?
Because I'm going to let everyone know.
Might as well. This is the second time we're doing this podcast.
Well, we're doing it the next morning.
He got a little saucy and he interrupts a lot.
A lot.
Yeah. And we just kind of went, let's just do it tomorrow.
Let's take a time out. We took a time out. So we reset.
But we love doc.
We love him to death.
He's going to be back.
He's going to be back. We just, we love him.
We needed to reset today.
Yeah. But let me, let me get to know you better.
I don't know certain things. I don't know if you believe in God.
I do believe in, I believe in a higher being.
Really?
Yes. I don't believe.
It's not biblical.
It's not biblical at all.
So I think it was a book written by a couple of guys.
Do you believe in God because you have a fear of death or do you really believe?
No, no, no. I believe, stop saying God.
Okay.
I believe in.
What else do you call it?
I don't call it anything.
Wonder Man.
Wonder Man.
Yeah. No, Cloud.
Wonder Man and an old Jewish guy.
Yeah. Yeah. Clyde Wonder Man.
Hello. I'm Mr. Wonder Man.
Yeah. Yeah.
Hello. It's me, Morty Wonder Man.
I'm your God.
Welcome to heaven.
No, I believe in a being.
Yeah.
I believe in a thing, a spirit, a presence, an energy that is larger than we
can wrap our
fucking minute brains around.
I don't think it's a man.
I definitely don't think it's a human form.
The idea that we think that's a human, it's like a guy like us, but a bigger
one.
Yeah.
Is bonkers.
It's batshit crazy to me.
I think it's a being, it's space, it's time, it's energy.
I think it's all these things, but we can't encapsulate it.
We like to view it as a guy because it helps us, you know, make sense of it.
But no, it's not a person.
It's a fucking energy.
But you believe in like a heaven when you die.
I believe, no.
I don't think you go to a fucking cloudy place where, you know, we're like,
there's
the piano being played in the heart of the shit.
So you and I can do good friends in heaven.
No, we should go to hell and do better friends.
Yeah!
Yeah.
The devil's like, suck each other's jacks.
And we're like, you got it, devil!
We get way better guests soon.
Way better guests in hell.
Are you kidding me?
In heaven, who would we have?
Like, you and I did a podcast in heaven.
We obviously-
We'd get Betty White.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Fine.
She's not going to say anything fucked up and fun.
Yeah, yeah.
We go to hell and our guests are going to be who?
What?
Tupac.
Tupac!
You think he went to hell?
Maybe not him.
Who's the best guest we could get in hell?
Satan.
The guy that runs it.
The devil might-
But I bet you he's doing others.
He's probably doing two bears, one cave.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's probably busy doing fucking Segura show.
Maren.
He would probably do Maren before us.
Maren talked-
I talked to Mark the other night at the store.
Great guy.
He had Keith Richards on again.
Because Keith is-
I forget what he said.
He was promoting something.
Uh-huh.
But he's like, you know how surreal it is?
He's like, you guys have a great podcast.
You and Bob.
That's cool.
He's like, you guys don't do guests.
I said, no, we don't.
We do it on our other shows.
And he goes, you know how wild it would be if you guys had high status guests
on the show?
And I was like, well, we could start at some point.
He goes, talking to Keith Richards for 20 minutes, he's like, there was a
moment that
I checked out and I remembered what I would feel like if I was a kid.
He's like, it was fucking- he was like, it was beyond surreal.
We're not going to get Keith Richards.
Yeah, wait.
I'm putting it out to the universe right now.
I know.
We're just not going to get him.
Come on, Keith.
Yeah, come on, Keith.
Who are we going to-
We're going to get the fucking guitars from Sum 41.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah, we could get him.
I love that.
Yeah, we could get like-
We could get the drummer from Hootie and the Blowfish.
He went to my high school.
Yeah, yeah.
Blowfish.
We could get all of Blowfish, not Hootie.
No, he's and the.
Oh, and the.
We're not going to get Keith.
Nah.
Yeah, but you know-
But we could get some great guests on this show if we really wanted to.
Yeah, your friends.
You have good- you have famous friends.
I don't have your friends.
I don't have the kind of famous friends that you have.
That's beyond not true.
Dude, I don't have a Blake Clark in my phone.
Who the fuck is Blake Clark?
The basketball player from the Clippers.
Blake Griffin?
Whatever.
Well, Blake