Name: Bobbo's Adoption Plan & Fancy's First American Birthday | Ep 108 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-03-21T16:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobbo's Adoption Plan & Fancy's First American Birthday | Ep 108 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobbo's Adoption Plan & Fancy's First American Birthday | Ep 108 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-21. Transcript available.

Bobbo's Adoption Plan & Fancy's First American Birthday | Ep 108 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two
are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends america we are the ones
who are the
freest ones that's the words of that i don't know any lyrics of anything america
we are the ones
who are the freest ones we pledge our hate to everyone and we are the one it's
the best we're
the best we're the best one welcome back rudy jewels you took a class you took
a test what
happened andre i took a test i took a test wow did you get a hundred percent i
did you got straight
days of course he took the american test and look at him look at how cute he
looks there look at
him he's doing he's pledging his allegiance to this country the cameraman's
going that guy has his neck
just attaches to the face there's no chin look at this no mask and look at the
asian guy behind you
mask interesting interesting look at this dude you're giving up your spanish
heritage yeah you're
one of us papa you're one of us welcome one of us one of us one of us
what about you gonna take the clint test no i don't want to be american
you get the out of here you piece of
immigrant scumbag you bastard call ice call ice right now dude we're gonna
separate from your mom
i have a visa it doesn't matter we're gonna put you in a cage oh i have a visa
too i have a mastercard a
visa i have an american express you're not special yeah i got gold shit i don't
even know what
fucking brands they are they're gold cards man and they got buckets and buckets
of money on them wake
up lady wake up i'm gonna get a i'm gonna get a porsche um macan can i tell you
something last night
bobby in the hallway me griff and bob were in the hallway and he goes bob comes
up he goes i'm gonna buy a
porsche and i was like no you're not he goes i'm gonna buy a porsche i'm gonna
buy a macan
macan it's a macan and you go that's i go ahead get it that's not a real car i
said it's not a
real poor and first of all it's porsche it's not a real porsche it's okay but
it's not a but but the
macan is the suv it's not that big of it's fine good get it i want i know but
but what i'm saying is
if you bought a 911 i'd be like that's insane you have no business driving that
well that's why i'm
see i'm trying to bridge a gap between your fancy and my ghetto i'm not fancy
oh my god bro you're
gonna make me so rageful right now racist rageful and racist let me say
something i'm not gonna
reveal things on this podcast because you get angro right but i don't get any
you're blushing a little
bit right now but i'm gonna say something i'm not blushing i'm you have really
fancy
shit i don't have anything i've been to your house it looks like a fucking showroom
at ikea i
know you've said this before first of all yeah and you have fancy cars cars
that i right you're
just shaking your head so what i'm saying is is that i drive a prius that other
people like
poor people first of all you have an audi at the house you're gonna buy a mccann
and your house is
bigger than mine so you're wrong it's not bigger yes it is it's just fancier no
it's bigger and
fancy yeah we we live on a hill you live in flat grounds with you see what he's
doing now you're a
piece of shit yeah you live in the hollywood hills and i live in a reality guy
no i'm a blue
collar guy who are your fucking neighbors bro you who are your fucking
neighbors who are your
fucking neighbors because i know your neighbor's a famous fucking director no
he just happens to be a
producer a famous producer what's up dog what's up yeah hollywood nights baby
two thousand who's the
other neighbor who's the other neighbor he used to be a writer for babylon five
oh cool
babylon five what the fuck oh he has a house in the fucking hills yeah so he's
rich yeah my
neighbors my neighbors who's your neighbors people yeah people people that own
prop probably yeah they
bought a house 30 years ago okay they're just humans yours are rich hollywood
see america don't
listen to this piece of shit he is a hollywood scumbag all right and he lives
in the hills next to
hollywood scum i live near human beings that work you play golf i love golf i
know isn't that
fucking high high up yeah yeah golf is cheap it's high up you can play golf for
20 bucks i play ping
pong that's like an everyday that's an asian thing you guys are kind of asian
you're right what i'm
saying though is is that i've i have anyone knows as sam triply as anyone at
the comedy store of all
the people because i crashed my prius into his car oh right you remember that
yeah right no i purposely did
it i know i rammed it but my point is is that um everyone at the comedy store
ask anybody that parks the
cars there anybody what kind of car does bobby drive they'll say it's the worst
of the worst yeah
because it's because you don't care about stuff you don't take care of nice
things because i'm sober
again and because i'm trying to treat myself better because i'm trying to treat
myself better god bless
i i decided to get a better car and a nicer car to treat myself better and then
i it's all this research
and going you know what's going to work for me and my family and i i took a
risk i saw you and eric
griffin last night and i go i'm gonna get i'm so proud i'm gonna get a porsche
mccada you guys
laughed in my face you laughed right in my fucking face i'm gonna go with you
to get it yeah i want
to go with you to get it but you're gonna laugh at the dealer it's gonna be a
whole thing i don't
want to i don't want to be shamed by it what i want to do honestly i'm being
serious yeah i want
to get you a good deal so will you take i don't give a fuck about the deal baby
what does that sound
like what a fucking rich privilege you know what i said you know what i said to
bobby last night
i go gas is like seven dollars a gallon he goes i don't give a fuck what i said
and bobby goes i'll
pour some out after i fill up i don't like haggling when i go to tijuana and
the kids go chicle right
i go how much they go fifty dollars i'll get it that's for one piece that's
what a rich guy i don't
know i don't negotiate i don't like haggling when the little tiny mexican kids
go chicle chicle and
i go how much and they say three dollar and i go one they go no and i steal
them and i run away with
the kid i know you do hi hi yeah first of all that's not even funny there's a
myriad of things
happening yeah it's it's andreas's birthday today do you know this he is an
american citizen and then
and also coincidentally this is our saint patrick's day episode so it's my
holiday it's fancy's birthday
and he's an american citizen do you have anything you want to say to fancy um
blue and red looks good
on you but green doesn't look good on you t2 andrew i love it love it i love it
i love it that's you
know what you know i'm wearing this for the holiday yeah you don't look good
what does it look bad you
look like a ghetto leprechaun a ghetto leprechaun yeah yeah like a leprechaun
that couldn't get that
regular suit what a goaday yeah what a motherfucking goaday yeah but instead of
goals you have like pesos
in a little cup at the end of your rainbow i'm the ghetto leprechaun yeah that's
that's
my favorite guy i want to know where to go that i'm gonna run a backhoe and uproot
that tree i want
to know where to go all right you know what honestly yeah the best yeah the bad
look what my holiday
brings out yeah fun humor we can take a joke yeah this is the best part about
st patrick's it's about
drinking it's about eating corned beef and cabbage it's about having fun making
fun of irish we can
take a hit no but it's we all we take that we're ugly we're orange we're pale
we fight yeah we'll take
the hit you guys can't take a hit you say anything bad about asians everyone's
up in arms oh really you're
gonna bring up stop asian hate right now that's crazy start it up i said that's
crazy
you're no white people no no no irish aren't white we're a different breed we're
our own thing man
we're look at me you guys are so white who looks like me nobody bill burr yeah
an irish
fucking guy is bilber wirish yes okay um who else is another one i have a
question yeah
to andrew is your butthole red or you want to see it i'm gonna show it yeah
yeah yeah you asked for
it yeah yeah did she ask she did ask but i don't want to see it just look just
look how about this i
take a photo of it and then you can see it just look yeah just look just yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah
what color is it look just real fast just look real fast what is what color is
it look fast rudy look
yeah yeah what color is yours color mine let's see oh spread it open
what color what color what color what color because i just took a shit
yeah what color was mine yours is white white very white what's mine dark dark
exactly
it's forbidden it that's a cave it's a forbidden place and let me say something
when you go inside
there was there pool because yeah definitely but there's other things too like
matchbox cars yeah there's
little tiny things inside of there there's a little ring in there somebody's
wedding ring is in there
right there's fingernails from kalilah loose fingernails matchbox cars and also
there's one cigarette in
there in case of emergency break for emergency yeah have you ever have you ever
had hemorrhoids
never i haven't you know the thing is is the forbidden place my little dark
forbidden forbidden place
i've had them yeah um you know there's black magic going on in there there's a
little bit of doc
little doc there's a little bit of doc his little magic is in there raise your
hand in the studio if
you've had a hemorrhoid pete i know you've never had one no i never have fans
nope you i've had a few
because of stress because of you what the first week on the show i got three
hemorrhoids
i'm not kidding really they all popped up what is a hemorrhoid is it a bump bap
bap bap that's
where whitney got it from what is it it's an inflammation of the uh skin on the
anus and what it does
is is it's like a stress it's like a it's like a pressure stress bump it's like
i think it's the
muscle it's your and the tissue sign coming out it's the what intestine yeah
intestine say that again
yeah look at there it is oh so it's like when you have when you make love to a
girl and she has a
little pink tail where the little tube is sticking out that's that one that's a
hemorrhoid exactly right
i love when that happens though right because i'm is that a mole or you know
what i mean i love it
so i've had those before man is it because of stress can be it can be from
pushing too hard
when you poop it can become yeah it can be from going too much it can be from
going too little
there's a million reasons that i get them because i've always had lately it's
bad diet it's been you
i don't think so my doctor literally said we can't explain this do you spend an
hour a week with a
korean guy by chance okay that's i said you better believe it that's crazy he
never said that really
yes that's sad dr wong said that he's talked to his nation guy too yeah chinese
yeah yeah doesn't
like korean dudes yeah maybe it's coming from his point of view it's not valid
he led me down that
path yeah i said i do do a podcast with a korean guy he goes this is where the
chinese guy he probably
supports a russian guy too what's going on in ukraine i get it look at this i
did an interview this
morning with i wish i could have taped it i did a zoom with fox like local fox
syndicate for vegas
because i'm playing vegas yeah this weekend yeah and the guy go and it was
cutting in and out you
know those tv they're terrible they're so hard to do you do this through zoom
yeah because i couldn't be
there yeah so he's like i'm zooming and it's cutting in and out and he goes we
tried to look for a clip
of you being family friendly and we couldn't find it in your stand-up and we
definitely couldn't find it
on your podcast yeah and i said yeah this is not this isn't for kids this show
is for grown-ups
then he goes well what if someone c