Name: Rudy Rejects a Cute Guy | Ep 113 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-04-25T16:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Rejects a Cute Guy | Ep 113 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Rejects a Cute Guy | Ep 113 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-25. Transcript available.

Rudy Rejects a Cute Guy | Ep 113 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends so friday night we were in austin moon
tower
comedy festival and what a fun time the whole day was magical it really was it
really was just
doing the little what's that zing zing what's it called what's a zing zing
scooters the scooter
yeah yeah yeah so bobby had never you'd never been on a on a what do we do bird
scooters i had it on
my app of course i've done it before i do it i do it when i'm in oklahoma why
did you act like you
didn't know what you were doing i do know what i'm doing i was zipping yeah
first of all every we all
bing the scooter and then you just leave everybody did it did he leave
everybody yeah i was like i was
like a half a mile down where the fuck is everybody you didn't want to stay
with us i'm a zoom machine
you were zip zooming zooming around zip zip and then so i got rudy's hers kept
locking on her which
was very funny because she can't physically push it she's too weak yeah she's
way weak so when it
locks she's like hey did you want to help she got stuck in the middle of the
street it was my first
time i know but it was so funny how is it a 19 year old it's her first time on
the scooter old losers
like us i'd been on dozens of times yeah how have you never been on a bird or a
lime or a i don't go
out yeah that makes a lot of sense not you know what yeah so so there's no
covet on zip zoomers yeah
there's no well there wasn't any covet on those things yeah yeah i know he's
trying to ruin the
fucking podcast trust me he's doing a great job he's trying to get my zip zinger
in sorry yeah there
you go well that's it cut his mic off fancy yeah so we zip doomed around town
around south congress
because the goal was we wanted to get rudy jewels a pair of cowgirl boots and
bob and i got her i think the
dopest yeah pear it's got little hearts on it did you like it i really like it
and but we got blown
up on south congress everybody want to say hi and take a picture so shout out
to austin then we had
delicious delicious pizza shout out to home slice pizza and that was the best
pizza i think i've ever
had not ever no because the element you don't expect it out of texas correct
number one correct
surprise it was a number two i was so hongo hongo we were big time big hongo
and you were like we'll
wait for the mexican food later you know i mean because we went to a nice
restaurant we do well
okay yeah well you raged out we got to talk about that we did i didn't rage
yeah you did so we had
the pizza and then we so we talked to uh maddie i called maddie matheson and i
said hey because
every time i'm in austin uh he's been he's been there twice with me and i was
there and then we went
out to eat and he suggested we should go to this restaurant um do we need to
say we don't need
i need you to say it it's called suarte suarte and how does you fancy say it
how do you say it
suerte so i had been there with maddie and he was like you should go back you
know the chef loves you
those guys are fans meanwhile so just let's just paint the scenario okay so it's
moon tower comedy
festival a lot of out-of-towners are on town it's a hot restaurant right so
they're booked to the gills
they don't have the room but you know andrew is hollywood and he has
connections of course so he calls
maddie and goes can you call the chef to get us a room right so maddie calls a
chef chef's like all
right i will make room for inside the restaurant you're set up you're all good
to go you're all
good to go we show up right and the hosts act as if they have no idea and they're
like outside is the
only thing and i was like but we called in advance and she said well i think it's
only down here for
five and i said i know but we have one more and no restaurant on earth has a
five top and not a
six top it doesn't exist yeah you would just add a leg to the tables are even
numbers two four six
so a five top is sitting at a six top table you never go like hey you get in my
car there's four
people uh my only car only seats three it doesn't happen that's like in the
restaurant so she was a
little rude to us to be honest be honest because i was being i was holding my
calm and i was like
there's no way that you can get this this is exactly what i was not being mean
was i being mean
fancy no but you not yet your face turned bright red and i am red no i don't
really red yeah and
you're a mumbling to yourself i do you mumble i walk away and i can't believe i
mean i called
the whole block you came out hot you sat next to me it's like i can't believe
should i say so
should i call matt you know i mean you were like i was like well should i go
well i wanted to rectify
the situation because she me off she literally goes no so she said she said
there is no table inside and i said
what what do you mean i i thought there was and she goes yeah we don't that's
not uh it doesn't
seat six i said we can scrunch in we have a mini person a half person yeah yeah
she's a half person
she's so skinny and tiny and i go we can consider it a human huh she's not even
considered a human
so well we already know she's a little alien yeah we'll get to you in a second
yeah so then i walk
outside i'm bummed the out and i'm like well what are we gonna do and everybody
was in a good enough
mood that we said we'll just eat outside it's hot as it was muggy as
shit yeah i was sweating balls my nuts one of my nuts was inside my butthole
literally inside my
butthole and my penis was holding on to the other nut let's be my penis was curled
that's
holding on to my ball you're the honest truth is inside you're like i'm andrew
santino no
just let's be honest i didn't want to eat it i didn't did you want to eat
outside i'm very humble
you i'll eat you are not humble yes i am no you're not yeah admit it you're
like i can't believe
i'm andrew santino a headliner did i say that once you know but it's all
everything's behind
his mumbling no no no you read between the lines friend i didn't want to i like
eating outside i like
eating outside but it was hot and gross i didn't want to be outside that night
we wanted to be inside
yeah but so so why are you angry we because i want to be inside you're hollywood
andrew no i want to be
inside all right i don't want to eat outside at a picnic table oh so we are at
a five-star restaurant
in the park by the handicap stall but what i did we sat in the handicap which
was good
for you do you remember what i did and i'm not handicapped yes you are all
right yes you are
even when you sat down you sat in your chair so even me i was just like i was
the voice of reason
how am i the voice of reason i'm the one going listen andrew tom now we'll just
eat outside and
you're just ranting and raving so that's how i know there's something behind it
i was annoyed that
we couldn't eat inside we deserve to eat inside i i know what it is i don't
like i don't like i don't
like things that are illogical it's not logical to say i can seat five but not
six it doesn't make
sense no i think what it is i saw the table hear me hear me i saw the six tops
since you hooked it up
you called maddie right you did all i was embarrassed i couldn't come through
yeah and it
was embarrassing it was embarrassing you didn't have the power to get us inside
well no because i
because i didn't flex any power in fact the chef saw us you had no power that's
what we said outside
no no you had no power time out power time out that's not true because it ended
up being to our
advantage and i'll tell you why when we went outside and we did a thing i didn't
say anything mean to the
host but they had no idea that this reservation had been set up through the
chef so of course
maddie made a phone call unbeknownst to us because we told him what happened we
sent him photos i was
like thanks for the parking lot spot appreciate it it's so passive aggressive
yeah it was it was i said
thanks for the res love love i love sitting by the dumpsters yeah i said me and
the valet took a picture
me and the valet are gonna have appetizers yeah so you sent that to maddie no
dude did you text him at
all yeah of course i did what'd you say he said thanks for the reservation no
he said no no that's
not that go ahead thank you nothing says you know the chef like sitting by the
handicap
very good nothing says you know the chef like sitting in the handicap parking
spot outside but
okay so let me say this so i didn't make it i said let's have a good night we
were with my friend
chelsea we're all together the bad friends crew and i said we're gonna have a
good night okay
and then one of the chef comes out to to come by and say hello because he was
like hey
man i'm so happy that you're back thanks for coming and they started sending
out a ton of
shit they sent down a fuckload of food they sent out free shots and who took
shots
yeah two of them two of them yeah because i'm not drinking and so bob's not
drinking so bukowski
over here wrote a novel in the parking lot yeah poetry yeah it was actually she
was very she
was speaking like bourdainish when she was like nothing says sweet like a
little mexican
kiyota sauce spread evenly around the beef tongue as it slides its way into my
belly it was really
smooth she did you hear her in the parking lot she doesn't know half those why
don't i remember that
because you were drunk you were drunk because you were drunk you're drunk so
then food was amazing
food was so good so good so then they sent out a bunch of good food and then in
a moment of sheer
panic bobby was like we should bobby the whole night was like we don't need to
do sound check
fuck sound check thinking he's like a rapper from the 90s he's like we show up
and guess what what
then in the middle of the meal he goes we we should we should go to sound check
i don't know why you
started to get nervous the panic came over me we should do sound check we
should do sound check
well i'll tell you why so you jump in a van with the whole bad friends crew and
leave me there
that's true i did i left you there and i apologize but let me see and they kept
sending food they kept
sending literally we had they sent out um prime rib they sent out beef cheek
they sent out uh more
fucking dip more quesadilla wow so i boxed it up brought it to the venue and
this fucking piece
of shit goes i don't eat leftovers i don't it's high-end food i don't eat you
said i'm hungry regardless
if it's mcdonald's or high-end i don't eat it in my body it's okay it was like
it was like a 200 steak
that they gave i don't eat it i like fresh well i'll say to all the fancy chefs
out there i'll
eat leftovers that's fine so then they rush to do sound check and leave me
there i'm glad we did that
too because there was you know problems no problems but was there problems no
no but it was like i had
to go i had to go how is this going to work it's because the chairs were
already out there so i'm
like the chairs out we're getting the chairs you know i kind of orchestrated
how it was going to work
which was good because you did do a good job and when we got there the only
problem was
the festival had double book brian simpson who we love one of my favorite
comics and brian was
going to come do time and then trevor it got asked by bobby to come do some
time too because
brian wasn't going to make it yeah and brian was not happy that the festival
made him like
come to the venue then they put him in a car yeah took him away to do another
spot so he missed his
spot for our show yeah and on our show trevor did great time then we did time
and then
the show was the show was great i gotta be honest did you have it was flawless
it was it was good
and when they said your name and you came out there oh my god the building
shook she's petrified
and she doesn't want to come out but it all right rudy jules give her a round
of applause
you know she had the best joke of the night that's the first time afterwards
she 