Name: The Cookout & Dave Chappelle's Stage Stormer | Ep 115 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-05-09T16:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Cookout & Dave Chappelle's Stage Stormer | Ep 115 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Cookout & Dave Chappelle's Stage Stormer | Ep 115 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-09. Transcript available.

The Cookout & Dave Chappelle's Stage Stormer | Ep 115 | Bad Friends

You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Did you bring anything to the cookout?
That's today.
Oh my god.
No, is that today?
Yes, Rudy, did you bring something to the cookout?
You fucking called me.
Yeah, because you're doing the show.
Did you bring anything for the cookout?
You told me to bring something for the cookout.
You were supposed to bring something for the cookout.
Wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
No, no, don't point at the guys.
What are those guys?
What are they doing, though?
They're a shame that you didn't bring something to the cookout.
Yeah, but why didn't they remind me to bring...
Andreas, why didn't you remind me to bring something to the cookout?
Because we recorded three days ago.
Yeah, I knew you wouldn't.
You knew that I wouldn't?
Yeah, we knew you wouldn't do shit.
I wouldn't do it?
What a fucking piece of shit you are.
No, no, no.
You.
Don't pass the buck to him.
Yeah?
You're a scumbag.
You didn't bring shit to the cookout.
Juliana?
And we did.
Oh, Andreas would text you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did he text you?
Yeah.
So you reminded her?
Yeah, I can trust her.
And you didn't remind me?
Yeah.
Okay.
Bring me my potato salad.
So, hey.
Bobby reminded me yesterday.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
He reminded me.
Oh, my God.
Fuck you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Be nice.
Fuck you and fuck you.
You didn't bring shit.
I brought my fucking potato salad, you piece of shit.
Now, where's your beers that you're going to bring?
They're the fucking...
First of all, they're in the fridge right now.
Would you like a beer, Bobby?
The beers that were already in here, you're supposed to bring fresh beer, dude.
Oh, you want fresh beer?
Yeah, dude.
Just...
Where's the kimchi?
It's right there.
Bro, what the fuck?
You told me to bring potato salad.
No, I told you to come to the fucking show tomorrow.
And bring tomorrow, but you also told me yesterday to bring the potato salad.
That's why I brought that shit.
He brought the potato salad.
No, I never thought I said to bring it.
You told me that yesterday.
That's the only reason I brought it.
I didn't even know I had to bring anything because you told me that when you
said, do the show tomorrow.
Now, here's what we're going to have to do.
Okay.
Here's what we're going to have to do.
Why are you talking to me in that town?
I like it.
I like it.
No, no, but why did you talk to me in that town?
Because you be bullshit.
You know what I mean?
First of all, I called you yesterday to do the show tomorrow night, right?
And you're like, ah, nah, nah, I don't do the store.
That was crazy.
No, it wasn't.
Why?
Because you already know.
We have this discussion on how I feel about the store.
But this is not a store-sponsored thing.
You're a part of the Bad Friends family.
We're doing a Bad Friends show at the Comedy Store, and that's what I invited
you to.
Once I realized that, I said, okay.
Right?
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Did you drink today?
A little bit.
Okay.
I can tell.
I can tell.
I can tell.
He gets about me.
So first of all, welcome to the cookout.
Welcome to the cookout.
Rudy, do you want to explain what you brought?
What is this?
I brought a sponge cake that is very famous in the Philippines.
It's called mamon.
Mamon.
Mamon.
Or we call it torta sometimes.
Oh, no.
Torta's Mexican.
Yeah, Mexican.
That's not yours.
You can't just have that.
Wait.
So is this it?
Yeah.
This says ube ensamada.
Ube ensamada.
Yeah.
Is this good?
Does it need to be heated up?
No.
Is that cheese on top?
Yeah.
They have cheese, too, down there.
All right.
So, oh, it's really soft.
Yeah.
So do we all have to try this?
Yeah, I've already had a couple, so I'm passed.
And now what's inside of this as I get grossed out?
What is that purple stuff that's in there?
It's just cream.
Purple cream?
Yeah.
Just try it.
Okay, wait a minute.
You want to try one of these ube ensanambas?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
And this is all, the whole bag is filled with this, right?
Yeah.
It's just one thing.
Do you guys want to try one?
I'm good.
Here, Pete.
Let's see if we can do this without knocking anything over.
Yeah.
Good catch, Pete.
Thank you.
All right, so let me try one.
Let's try a little bit of ube ensanambas because we want to try everybody's
everything that
we brought to the cookout here.
What do you need, Doc?
I'm going to grab this for you.
I'm going to grab this for you.
Mouthy.
Whoa.
Good.
Shut your punk ass.
All right, I'm ready.
So what is, he has hostility toward me.
This is good.
It's good, right?
It's not hostility.
You know why he's, you know, he's hostile?
Why?
He just got out of jail.
He stormed the stage at Dave Chappelle.
Was that you, Doc?
Fucking no.
Yeah, it looked like you.
I was like, fuck.
Dude, they beat the shit out of that guy.
Oh, good.
Did you see the pictures of this guy?
No.
Bring up the photo of this guy.
Look at the guy that stormed the, this fucking guy, you know what happened.
After it was over, they gave him a couple more, you know, they gave him a
couple more nuts.
I don't know exactly what happened.
I just know that he was assaulted.
He storms the stage.
That's him.
The clearest one is like the fifth one down.
Do you see it?
Here, I got it right here.
Oh, you do?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
And why did he do it?
Zoom in on his face.
Why did he do it?
Well, I don't know motive yet.
Oh, but apparently somebody said he had.
Oh, you don't.
A Bobby Lee show?
Assault.
Assault.
Nothing will happen.
Assault.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Attack Bobby, because at his show, he'll just give you a hug.
Yeah, yeah.
But this guy got caught up in the Matrix.
What's that called in black culture when that happens to this guy, Doc?
Beat down.
Getting beat down.
You're getting beat the fuck down.
Yeah, well, here's the deal.
So, he tackles Dave, and apparently he's got like a knife or something that
looks like a gun or a knife.
I can't, I don't know the details.
And Dave got out of the way.
Good timing on Dave.
Dodged.
He used your technique of dodging elephants.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at, that's what it is.
It was a knife that looked like a gun.
Fuck.
You think he held PTSD from it?
Dave?
Yeah.
No.
Oh.
No.
Because he, they seemed traumatic, though.
It looks like he won.
Do you know what I mean?
I know, but still, he did win.
Do you know what I mean?
I understand that.
It just feels like Dave is like, I don't know.
Maybe his security will get tighter.
No one will be able to access the stage, period, now.
Yeah.
How, I just, I just don't understand how, because I've like been to like a Cure
concert, and
like, how do I get up there to attack Robert Smith?
I wouldn't, but I'm just saying, how would you even be able to do it?
I mean, you, the Hollywood Bowl, you've been, you can walk right up to the
stage.
Yeah.
Oh, I see.
I think, I think what you can do is, well, we're giving tips on how to do this.
Yeah.
What is this that you brought, Pete?
Is this a burrito?
This is a sausage and pepper.
Sosici pepperu.
It's Italian cookout.
Oh my God.
This guy brought an entire sausage and pep?
He probably made it at home, too.
Dude, let me tell you something about sausage and pep.
Oh, it's nice and sticky.
Whoa.
Bobby, you've never had sausage and peppers, have you?
Never.
You don't know nothing about it.
What is a pep there?
Italiano, the sausage, sausage and pep.
This is so good, Pete.
Where'd you get this from?
Italian market.
It's called Mario's.
Do me a huge favor.
I'm not kidding.
Take a bite of this.
You're going to fucking lose your mind.
Yeah, but I had a meatball sandwich.
I'll eat some.
But you gotta.
All right.
You gotta.
Mm-hmm.
How good is that?
Mama Mia!
Mama Mia!
Bada boom, bada bing!
Bada bing, bada boom!
You looking at me?
Come on, T.
Hey, T, this guy's over here talking shit.
You're going to let him talk to you like that?
Wow, great.
You never watched The Sopranos, did you?
I love it.
Yeah?
You have a napkin?
Yeah.
And the last thing we need to have you eat at the cookout
is the potato salad and the kimchi and that.
You gotta try all of it.
Why me, though?
Nah, because you didn't bring anything.
I brought the fucking potato salad!
Who brought the potato salad?
Was it Rudy?
On the way over here, where did we go?
Ralph's.
Yeah.
Who brought, whose idea was it, though?
To do Wabi's.
To pick it up and buy it?
Yeah.
Don't do that.
Don't do that because you know he didn't bring it.
Can I have one of those?
I did bring it.
What an unbelievable waste of food.
I hope we don't err in a country where they're struggling to get food.
You do.
You mean?
What?
I hope none of our fans are in countries where they can't get food.
Well, I looked it up.
And Ethiopia is huge.
Oh, huge.
We're huge in Ethiopia?
Yeah, huge in Ethiopia.
It's good to know we got fans.
Yeah, yeah.
No, yeah.
So, listen.
Here's the bottom line.
Bob, you brought your salad.
Yeah.
And he brought his.
Yeah.
But the problem was, we wanted it homemade because you said, black people and
potato salad, we
make the best and we care about which one, where it comes from.
I understand.
This is just Vons.
Yeah, I get it.
But that's Ralph's.
I wanted you to bring your potato salad.
What do you want me to?
I don't have a fucking kitchen in my studio.
If I would have had one, I would have fucking made one.
I mean, what the fuck?
Stop, stop, stop.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait.
Let me ask you something.
How's that my problem?
Let's talk about.
Let's talk about.
Can I ask you some questions?
Oh, go ahead.
Shoot.
And I'm not assaulting you and I'm not going to make the interview at all.
What you do?
Say it.
Let's go to basics.
Yeah, let's go.
Do you have a bathroom?
Yes.
Okay.
With a shower and everything.
So you can make wine in the toilet.
Shower, but not a bathtub.
You don't have a bathtub, but you have a shower.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I don't have a bathtub, but I have a shower.
But you don't take baths, do you, dog?
No, a shower.
Yeah.
But if you had a bathtub, you would take a bath.
No.
You don't like baths?
No.
I love baths.
Because when you wash yourself down and all that nut juice and all that sitting
in there,
it's like a fucking...
Okay, can I say something right now?
What the fuck are you talking about?
What the fuck are you talking about?
I don't know how much nut juice comes out of your nut juice, right?
Obviously, a ton.
A ton, right?
Yeah.
It must be just a faucet of fucking nut juice.
Like there's a knob and shh, of nut juice.
Now listen, okay?
Black nut juice.
Yeah, yeah.
Black nut juice.
What you do is this.
I don't plug in the fucking thing at first.
What I do is I let the faucet run in the bath.
I stick my asshole to it.
And I take pine tar soap.
That's what I use, right?
And I stick the bar inside the asshole and I wash it out, right?
Then my nut juice, I squirt out some in the little fucking faucet.
Yeah, little...
You know, I don't have as much as you do.
I have like three little squirts.
You know what I mean?
Nut juice, nut juice, nut juice, right?
And I wash out my dick, right?
And then I plug it up.
So all the nut juice and shit juice is all in the drain, baby.
All in the drain.
Yeah.
And then I put hot water in.
I put some Epsom salt, right?
And I take a little bath.
Yeah.
And it's relaxing.
You ever bath bomb?
You ever take one of those baths?
I do.
Yeah.
Sometimes I'll go to like Lush.
Oh, I love it.
Don't you love Lush?
Oh, I love it.
The little rainbow ones where it makes all the colors.
Oh, bubble up on me bath bomb.
It's like, did Elton John fart in here?
I thought you said Ellen at first.
That would also work.
Well, the joke would have been better if I would have said it right.
Did Ellen John fart in here?
Yeah, I fucked up the joke.
That's Elton John and Ellen together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ellen John.
Ellen John fart in here.
No.
Do you take baths, Rudy?
No, I don't like it.
Why?
Because it was like a, was it an evil thing back in the Philippines?
No, I just can't rest.
Don't you rest 