Name: Roasting Madonna’s NFT Bajingo | Ep 116 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-05-16T16:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roasting Madonna’s NFT Bajingo | Ep 116 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roasting Madonna’s NFT Bajingo | Ep 116 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-16. Transcript available.

Roasting Madonna’s NFT Bajingo | Ep 116 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an asian dude
you two are
disgusting you two are something we're bad friends a woman a woman born with
two vaginas had um gave
birth to twins well you look that up woman born with two vaginas a woman in alaska
has two vaginas
and gave birth but which which hole did the baby come out of not the hole that
i had she does
bob what let's see this woman i was i was lopsided while pregnant woman feared
her two vaginas and
cervixes and wombs would leave her childless gives birth naturally but is there
i would have taken a
prop bet on which vagina the baby would come out of but the two vaginas is a um
like a siamese twin that
wasn't underdeveloped right i oh is that what that is if you have two of it she
was born with two
vaginas two cervixes so one of them is an underdeveloped siamese twin i oh that
so the
all that's left of her twin is her baby it's her sister's baby she's the aunt
all that's left of
her twin is her pussy yeah like as like her twin is gone her vagina is the only
you know sometimes
in india like a kid will be born with two legs and a hand sticking out of their
back dude when you see
that yeah it'll be like a fist out of their face yeah it's the craziest right i
always whenever i
meet them i always shake that other hand and i always call it a different name
hey frank you shake
their fist ted excuse me frank yeah this woman was born this is what i'm gonna
this is what i want to
know yeah when the baby when the baby's coming out it sees two well it doesn't
see anything but
two vaginas which one does it pick and would that change its life i don't know
that i don't know come
on dude oh so it's the whole you come out of the two very destiny exactly tube
of destiny the tubes of
destiny the whole you come out of very much dictates your could complete future
it completely think so i
100 believe why why because why would that matter because there's got to be
some kind of powerful juice
magic when you slide out that dictates almost everything maybe but so there's
okay look at
george there's two rules right came out of the wrong hole he tells definitely
came out of the wrong
hole he came out there was only one choice what do you mean but he came out of
the butthole
you were 100 a butthole baby yeah and the doctors were like yeah this does look
like a butthole baby
yeah my question is um when they remove the limbs like you know i mean
sometimes this is what i hate
about white doctors in western medicine we don't like white doctors either i
know but i don't want a
white doctor so in india right a kid will be born with like you know an
extension of a siamese twin
coming out of their body right and there's always like a doctor in america i'll
operate for free you
know what i mean yeah to get the publicity pro bono yeah but it's like is it
what does it was the kid
think like don't take off larry he wants his brother there i don't know someone
to chat to at night
especially when it's like a face when there's when there's a face well the face
one is weird yeah yeah
these are all these deformities that we shouldn't it's so sad to even we're not
making fun of the
person i'm not making fun of the person no it's called lakshi tatma yeah what
is lakshi tatma zoom in
a little bit there george lakshi tatma oh that's a human no that's not a yeah
yeah what are you doing man
that's lakshi tatma they thought she was a god remember this a goddess yeah
yeah when she had
a bunch of she had like nine legs yeah can i ask you can you pinch so i can see
her yeah god i wish
fucking we had carlos here we need carlos here it's insane that you bring this
guy in who's been a
fucking this guy has been a podcast producer for how many years 10 12 yeah no
let me yeah over seven
let me make fun of him for a second seven plus years and i said can you pinch
and zoom he can't do
that do you know we pay him the most of anybody we pay i know we do i know we
do it's disgusting
for the next rest of the year you're switching salaries with fancy he's also a
butthole baby so
just let him all right he's a butthole baby all right so here's the deal this
is lakshmi and yeah
i have something to say about her right oh go ahead here's the thing and i'm
gonna be very mindful
about it right and right make sure you just focus on him for this imagine the
cool job she could have
as she gets older drummer she's not the number one at the sweatshop
lakshi lakshi beat 15 nikes in 20 minutes how yeah just 38 hands there's
another job that she
could have that's amazing right goalkeeper on a soccer team oh my god dude
imagine you're doing
a penalty penalty kick and she's with all her arms you know you wouldn't know
what direction right and
in two of the arms she's doing taxes on the other one she's doing other things
like honestly she's like
googling something watching you know about with an ipad i don't know what she's
doing right but
there's just so many things so do not remove those arms i think you keep them
yeah that's a power this
says lakshmi before her 24-hour surgery in 07 so obviously she did get them
removed yeah that's it
really angered me when that happened but didn't they think she was a goddess
because they thought
she was compared because because what's the god of with all the shiva shiva shiva
has yeah
but that also would be cool it's just like i would i would turn to my mom or
the surgeon go please
don't remove it because i just been sitting on an altar eating grapes all day
right they've been
feeding that's her job now she's just a regular god she could her whole life
just chilling eating
grapes all day people worshiping her picking a grape from here yeah this is
very mean but that image
reminds me so heavily of the the the creature in the simpsons do you know what
i'm talking about
that guy that's exactly what i'm talking about the aliens the aliens the aliens
whoa dude that's heavy
dude no but that's heavy dude no no but whoa dude no no hello yeah yeah i just
mean are you calling
are you calling eastern indians aliens no i'm saying the image of the multiple
arms doing things
reminds me of there's other references she reminds me of calamari that is an
octopus that's one in the same
that's easier we're on the same wavelength imagine if calamari looked like her
would you eat it no no
one would eat calamari do you like calamari no i don't even like it i think it's
gross i think we
lie to ourselves and we eat it because we it's supposed to be like a delicacy
almost i think calamari
sucks it's a chewy butthole it's chewy butthole yeah yeah i don't want a chewy
butthole first of all
we're back to the old school days yeah i should say because kovids kovids once
again got doc is sick
for the fifth time with kovid yeah oh man they got me one time you know what it
is what it's because doc does
all this nasa science stuff on here and the government's trying to kill him you
know that
that's interesting the government is trying to kill him they're sick that's
interesting and he would
by the way who would vouch for that he would he'd be like yeah i'm gonna come
after me drew yeah yeah
so he's gone rudy is gone he's not faxed he refuses to i don't know if he's faxed
my assumption
was that he wasn't that because the way he is the way he talked about it was i
don't think he is
yeah so we've got fancy sitting in the chair to fill in for both
a little black how did the show go how did my show go downtown yeah it was
amazing actually what
ended up happening well the night was great um my buddy chris and i met up um
had something to eat
and then i went to theo's show at the wilter and he had two shows yeah i went
did 15 or no i did 20
minutes before theo yeah and it was awesome it was me lara bites uh and uh
frank castillo yeah i like frank
yeah um and uh they did great i went up i got a great 20 i did have a have a
really fun 20 minutes
it was great um gave a hug to theo and then we jetted over to the palace and i
had a great time
downtown amazing it was amazing to see la come out for la which was hard
because i complained the whole
time about netflix fucking netflix a thousand shows in one night the same night
we performed yeah
me and theo down both close to each other fluffy was at the fucking dodger
stadium my god
mulaney was at the hollywood bowl my god schumer was supposed to be doing a
show but she canceled
because she got covid amy polar and tina fey were doing a fucking uh reading a
tape like a table
read thing together yeah jay fair it was like 40 fucking comics so thank i'm
thankful for the
people that came to my show there's millions of people that live in la though i
know man but there's
but there's not millions they're not all comedy fans yeah so the comedy fans
that came i'm very
appreciative of you think like the fluffy fans were making it just hey bro it
was between me which one
you want to go to bro fluffy or i don't know dog i think between between santino
and iglesias yeah
yeah maybe santino way no by the way i did have mostly mexicans there because i
asked how many
mexicans are there and they went he knows he was he saw how many i mean dude it
was like 80 mexican
which made me so happy and then there was about 10 chinese asians or chinese
yeah i specifically said
chinese i said how where are my chinese people at yeah and i heard about 30
people about korean i said where
where my korean people at but they heard that the chinese were there so they
didn't say a word i was
in the audience i didn't clap they were nervous i was like ah well because the
chinese were there
looking at him like don't you dare amazing no it was really really fun and now
i'm almost done so
i'm really glad that was saturday you know what i did saturday i did the uh
main room in front of
10 people so that's what i did well why would you do a show on the weekend with
the netflix thing
i just did our netflix show by the way at the our bad friends i should say show
it had nothing to do with
netflix what do you mean i like they just put their name on it they put a box
somebody showed
up put a box on stage and then left put a netflix box yeah a crew a guy who
builds stuff put a box
together throw it up and then went home yeah netflix had literally nothing to
do with it
um and i'm here to tell you cancel your netflix subscription why just cancel it
no cancel it i'm pro
netflix man oh you oh really yeah oh really yeah i am me too let's be pro netflix
let's be pro netflix
you guys subscribe subscribe to that please they need the help
it was a fun show they could use a boost huh it was a fun show our show our
show was good
the problem was i have a bone to pick with you
with i mean i can i just say this can i let me just say something pick the bone
my bones are there to be picked bud raise your arms right i'm roadkill you're
fucking vulture
right pick the yeah right
right go ahead vulture but before i do yeah right i've just been having a tough
week
fuck off okay go ahead pick um the bone to pick that i've always had with bobby
we've talked about
this when we do a show together or when you do your show the bobby lee and
friends or when we do bad
friends bobby and i should go at the end but instead bobby goes in the middle
of the show
in the sweetest of sweet spots they're here to see us you get off and then you
bring up two more
comics and then i have to close the show george is nodding because he knows it's
insane yeah but i
asked you don't close it you can go up anywhere you want no dude it's our show
we should close the show that's not the worst thing he did what was the worst
thing i did
you told doc after the show is over oh my god to go back and do 30 minutes you
know you know he went
out and did time you know that right yeah yeah doc went out and did like 20 20
more minutes after
which was perfect because it got us to be able to escape i know but the poor
bastard he goes out
there yeah he's like oh man hey man come on bear friends let's stay and people
were getting up and
they were l