Name: Smash or Pass? | Ep 117 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-05-23T16:00:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Smash or Pass? | Ep 117 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Smash or Pass? | Ep 117 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-23. Transcript available.

Smash or Pass? | Ep 117 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting well you two are something we're bad friends
imagine if fleetwood mac was performing and then they all had led zeppelin
shirts on yeah
cool tiger belly shirt here here let me do
it's still on the shirt get it off flick it off don't get angry flick it off
you deserve it
you deserve it flick it off flick it at me i don't want to touch it come here i'll
get it off come
here yeah is that assault i'll do it it is assault that's assault okay yeah hi
rudy hi welcome back
from hawaii please don't wear your headphones please don't participate on the
show she's got
socks on no shoes once no she got her slides on i love it because i watch court
like court
uh cases on youtube no just like a snippet like court cam dude and i love it
when the when they
spit in the judge's face oh yeah they go and the judge always you reaction they
always have that
reaction like they can't believe what it is take him away take him away lock
him up six months seven
years that's a bold thing to spit in the judge's face would you do that black
dude can't be black
why the judge doesn't know how to spit we get like a hundred years for just spitting
gum at a judge
all right right yeah yeah you're right it's usually a white dude yeah it's
always here you go what is
this let's see this guy on a judge man yeah yeah court any that they do good
ones yeah that's it
this dude i like this bass webb that's not a white guy
his name was hunter fisher hey ma'am i'm hunter fisher what is there dude yeah
she couldn't believe it
she blinks
hell yeah the moment of oh charge him charge him didn't hit her by the way how
dramatic didn't hit
her on the face hit her on the far right shoulder she got a little residual
show it again and missed
her by a mile bass webb i'm on bass webb's team here oh you are i'm team bass
webb let's see the
spit boom right shoulder wait wait like i just said i'm on the judge's team i'll
tell you why right
you have one opportunity to spit in the judge's face you don't get the face
yeah you hit the shoulder
it's so embarrassing you know what if it was asian it would be right between
the eyes
yeah like it's a blow gun you know what would a black guy do they put mucus
this is it yeah yeah
by the way god bless this old gong it's been a long time since we've hit the gong
god bless this gong yeah bass webb shout out bass webb wherever you are locked
up incarcerated
life in prison is he in you think he's yeah no he is because he because all the
charges i watch the
court cam all the time why are you watching so much court cam are you feeling
like you might be
charged for something no i don't feel like i'm being charged but i just it
makes me feel better
when i know i'm not incarcerated you wouldn't last a fucking an hour in prison
oh i would no way
one hour you'd last one hour you'd be peeled to shreds they'd peel your little
tushy apart oh yeah
see 30 minutes in 30 minutes rudy how long would tito bobby last in prison i
think he would get
butt fuck like five times right away yeah right like welcome to jail yeah but
voluntarily
as soon as i walk in the cell my is i'm bent over and it's out and open and
then somebody's
going to tattoo uh open for business right above the open for business 24 24 7
24 7. they bring my meals
i'm bent over the whole time they just bring my meals in front of me i eat like
this i should like
this but they just buttfuck me between fucking shits but guess what dude you
can hear the hum of my face
no bruise on it at all nobody's punching you no one's punching me dude my ribs
aren't broken
right i can read what if he's in the snm and he just be like what do you mean
you know what i mean
because he just like beating and choking you was that a way to get some coveted
cough out
how many times have you had covet now did you test negative before you came
back into the studio
i didn't even test dog
what are we doing so this is what happened no no bro so i just said calm down
you'll get
you'll stick your case why won't but but my question is this all right god if
you're still
infected and you want you just stroll on into this place and not tell anybody
why
right now dog no i don't have it no more but you had it when i got it last week
the week be like back
in uh last saturday so you have an internal way they said after five days you're
good yeah
wait a minute sat you got it set so saturday that just happened three two days
ago no not this
saturday yeah the saturday before i guess that ten days is good ten days is
good is it good i don't
know at this point i mean it's too late i guess we got it yes we got it again
got it again but i
ain't got no coffee man i didn't even have a coffee oh really yeah just like a
head dude we hear it
oh yeah yeah yeah you don't sound healthy i don't know how many times have you
had it now
four three or four are you trying to beat the record no i mean everybody when
you work in the
grocery store everybody gets it looks like that's good to know where our food
is
everybody handling your food they got it you don't wear the mask at the grocery
store
yeah so how'd you get it you still get it though how did you think you got it
then i got it from
i know i know i think i got it from uh you know what i think i was eating at
the at whole foods
but i forgot to wash my hands and i said to myself i'm gonna get sick and i got
sick time out
stop what do you mean you were eating and you didn't watch you were eating with
your hands were
you eating like a fucking ethiopian meal no no so i took a break a 15 minute
break yeah and normally
i go and wash my hands and then go give me something to eat but i forgot so i
went grabbed the boxes and
touched all the stuff before i know that doesn't check out yeah something's
missing nothing's missing
what's missing it's simple as that fucking just fucked up are you back to prostitutes
again
that's how you got it you fucking liar it's not from eating a 15 minute lunch
break let me ask you
this though um could you have gotten it outside of work could have yeah yeah
because you don't wear a
mask you're not vaxxed not that yeah you're not boost nothing but don't forget
now everybody
primary that works for amazon is vaxxed but i'm just one of the few that's not
because amazon
actually paid for people so people do they know that you didn't get it yeah
they know because they
they they got a little thing i can show you later but it's like you gotta you
can give them an update
and they all put label put it put it on your badge that this person is
vaccinated
right so most people are vaccinated so all the people that's been getting sick
is people that's
vaccinated and me yeah yeah but you more i don't know you've gotten it four
times yeah probably no
literally like it does i feel good no i don't feel that bad it feels like i'm
so used to being sick
though like that's a running joke with me and hart from the comedy store yeah
the bartender he's like
god damn you always get sick because even when i called him when i first got
covered he's like you
sure because you always fucking sick i said yeah that's true but i've got
covered and he's like all
right well uh i don't know if i should believe you so it's like one of them
things right i don't know
anyone that's gotten sick more than twice i've only once how many times have
you had it once but
you're the only guy i know that's gotten it more than twice times no no i got
it in 2020 i got it
in 2021. oh you're trying to do every year that's good oh i get it i like that's
good 2024 you're gonna
get it too no 20. hey man when trump got elected i'm getting it again and again
and again well here's
the thing for 2021 i didn't have a cold or get kovid the whole year all the way
to january i thought i
was investable yeah i thought i was invincible i'm like yeah i'm fucking you
had it twice and you
thought you're invisible no i had it once so i got it once in 2020 right yeah
then all through
last year i didn't get anything and then i got sick this february so actually i
got it three times
so then i just got it this time y'all made that up the the extra yeah y'all ain't
shit man
doc what i think you had it four times i had it three times you've had it twice
on this show
exactly so this is my third time four he's not the math ain't that enough he
just ain't getting it
all right raise your hand if you vote has he had it four times raise your hand
oh that's what i think the eyes have it yeah i i recall you have had it four
times but i feel like
for sure yeah for sure you've had four the amount of times andres is like ducky
sick with
covid i mean i feel like i hear that that's yeah echoes in my mind six times
you said that
no y'all only heard it twice all right rudy jules tell us about hawaii go ahead
and give us what
happened in hawaii um i drank some beer but i didn't go to a strip club okay
what night did you drink
beer saturday with who at the kalilah tico window all of them and then i caught
four fishes
four fish but i didn't get to eat them because i was tired of cooking and i
just thought man you're
a party animal what an animal you're a party animal bud did you meet up with
any boys out there
there was this one guy but then your dick no because he was he was sending too
much dick pics
oh my god can we see them why why no because on instagram you can like have an
option
to like just put it five seconds and then it's gone tell him to send one right
now no
why we could show it on the show how funny would that be if we put up dick
a show but wait a minute how many dick did you ask for dick pics no he just he
just sends them
every morning okay time out here's a rule here's a rule of thumb to every man
listening every man out
there do not ever send a fucking dick pic unless it is requested or talk no
girl wants to see your
fucking dick unless they've asked to see your dick it's the weirdest thing to
be like morning
no one's ever asked to see my dick ever that's not true i've asked to see your
dick i know i mean a
a woman i said oh sorry no one's ever asked me to send a fucking dick pic well
yeah because they
know because they already know what it looks like why because you look like
your dick your dick looks
like you oh have you ever been asked for your dick pic yeah but only only by
women i'm like only by
girls i've ever dated not by like even the girls i've dated never has send me
your dick i know because
you don't have a cool dick bud have you ever been requested for your dick i don't
i don't send no
dick pics he doesn't have a camera phone he's like oh yeah you flip for him
that's right you play snake
on your phone i wouldn't know i wouldn't send a dick pic anyway it's like no
you know what though
but honestly this idea that a guy's gonna send a rogue dick pic is crazy to me
have you ever said a rogue
dick pic no do you respond do you say no at first i was like i don't need it i
don't need it that's a
funny response but then he kept sending it every morning and so i just don't
talk to him anymore
but this guy sucks he sucks is it nice yeah oh that's why they keep sending it
i guess yeah
but that's what all the young kids do all the young kids they just send dick
pics like
fucking viruses bro they just put their put they're throwing it out they're
just throwing
their dicks out there so people are getting them three four times like rona i'm
trying to tell you
this is for real andrew is it hard every time yeah see i send limp dick pics
when i put it out to
the world i want it soft i say work on this that's what i send in the dick pic
work on it i want it
real soft sometimes i'll pull it hard tuck it in my asshole so the balls are
poking out to the side
with the googly eyes you've never done that man i got doc good that feels good
but imagine imagine
honestly think about this yeah if doc sent you a dick pic how hard would you
laugh i quit the show
yeah i would go into convulsions i would be laughing so hard now what's u