Name: Dangerous DMs | Ep 130 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-08-22T16:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dangerous DMs | Ep 130 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dangerous DMs | Ep 130 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-22. Transcript available.

Dangerous DMs | Ep 130 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
well you two are something we're bad friends am i still on camera if i go all
the way this way
two different brands just was you can't get no i didn't i didn't have it and
then i then i took
that and then this morning you know how they come over you want to talk into
the mic so we can start
the show i don't know and then this morning they had a you know how they come
over you had a pcr
person come over to the house yeah what do they say she goes knock knock knock
right i go get out of
here right they go no we're the nurse for the i go okay come on in you know
what i mean so you do
think it's coveted no i don't think it's like all of the symptoms yeah i don't
think it is by the way
but do you know why who's that coming from the left field that's juicy that's
juicy and you know what
we're gonna say i know we've gone back and forth over being able to say juicy
or not i mean you can
say it i know but i it's just so fun to say juice it's so fun to say juices
yeah i mean it's juju but
it's it's a little too sexual though no we said that but it's not it's if you
make it that way it
is look how many great uh juice the movie was amazing look at him is it right
type in famous
people named how about dry girl it's all the opposite it's dry girl really yeah
dry girl yeah
oh yeah all right dry dame i was debating bringing this up because i don't want
to invite more of this
into my dms but at age 32 i received my first dick pic oh
all right let's go over the first dick pic this is the first dick pic you've
ever gotten
yeah oh wow this week yeah i'm sure it's from somebody someone here one of our
crew members no
no it's carlos in the bad friends universe oh yeah yeah oh a bad friends fan
yeah well i love
the bad it's like it's like the marvel universe with no powers right i'll send
you my dick dick
dick dick wait jet ski now you change the thing yeah i just can't do it i'm
gonna say juicy yeah
until you can come up with something that you would rather you know how about
just juice but
juice sounds dope juice yeah no but here but listen seriously yeah on this is
your first dp yeah well
i don't know if you should call it that i will your first dick pic by the way i've
gotten thousands
you've gotten some good ones never got a dick pic what not one dick pic well
somebody's more popular
with the gay community maybe yeah both of us i get so many dick pics you know
what's so funny i get
so many dick pics i was with kim conden and yeah i save them and wine shank you
know kongden and
wine shank of course i do right and i was we're talking about the hotmail
comics and you were in the
group you were in the group and i it i was like you know i mean it was fight or
flight for me
they go jazzle neck i go that makes sense they go you know i mean a couple of
other guys that got
canceled okay that's fine right then they go santino and i went i froze like
this i think that's how i got
covid from freezing yeah yeah from freezing from freezing yeah yeah eric andre
this is a list of names of
what sexy funny uh hot male comedians from 2017. yeah too late mark marron's on
it yeah well because
we know that's not true yeah yeah uh all right so so i was on the list thank
you that's great i'm glad
i was on the list anyway were you on the list oh you weren't ice cold yeah i'm
never under any list
yeah but i i'm not hot but i am handsome so i know they said hot yeah yeah oh
that's nice well can i
i tell you something what now that you're single i bet you're gonna sneak into
that list
no yeah you're gonna get hotter i think you're going to get hotter you've been
in a relationship
for too long now you're gonna get hotter now that you're single yeah but i do
it like you already did
exude something the other night i told you you look really sexy the other night
yeah coming from you
doesn't feel good though why because i'm the most honest person of all these
people these girls that
say you're so funny and sexy bobby just because they like your talent they don't
know the real you
i know the real you i'm in love with you you wanna do go i'm in love with you
you seem sexy to me
tonight it just doesn't read as well sure from a random but not one of your
best friends of all
fucking time say it again you look really sexy today thank you yeah see you see
you bought a little
bit there thank you a little bit there all right let's talk let's talk about uh
juice's dick pics
i do have an idea for bobby really quick though yeah what if we gave him a sexy
nickname
oh like saucy oh saucy bobby well i mean oh here comes saucy yeah saucy i don't
like it okay how
about here comes uh oh here comes noodles oh that's i love noodles you're
getting closer
yeah like how about pungent noodles a little punch in
flavor to it oh here comes pork shumai yeah pork shumai yeah it's chinese i'm korean
wait are you
serious you didn't know that when have you been korean you didn't know all
these years imagine if
i did think you were chinese listen you are sexy we will get you a good
nickname well i let me say
this though just to defend myself you know what do you mean no one's nothing to
defend i have to
defend my honor he loves defending something that isn't defensible yeah i'm
definitely my honor right
now okay okay i'm on the hill i'm wearing the samurai outfit i have my sword
you're over the hill you're
51 i know but there's dead bodies around me it's in my right this is what i'm
doing okay okay so i'm
defending myself right to the end and i want to say something it's been kind of
cool okay there's been
signs not that i have done anything but there's been signs that papa may be
back
maybe the phoenix has been reborn do you want to tell the fans no no nothing
nothing bobby got his
groove back it's just you know booby what people say what people say dick pic
so vroom vroom jet ski
i know how hard that is it's just so stupid i hate jet ski at this point juicy
listen jesky sucks
jesky sucks juicy we gave you juicy we blessed you with that better name yeah i'm
grateful you
guys don't know how powerful you are in one episode you've changed my name yeah
that's right
we just shifted yeah we shifted her name all right so tell us about the deep
the dick pic
juice i want to know bad was it good dick pic was a good dick they're never
good no it was alarming
i went into my other messages and it said you know the image you have to tap on
it to see it yeah and
at 32 years old of not seeing a dick pic i didn't even think it was a
possibility yeah so i was like
let's see what this is yeah yeah what did you think the image might be i don't
know a funny meme a funny
meme funny meme now if there was a picture of a dick in a funny meme would that
be acceptable that would
have i would have liked that a little bit more sure but i don't want any all
right yeah no don't
please don't please don't send her if you're going to send anybody a dick pic
send it to bob he doesn't
get any yeah i don't want none please send him a dick pic i don't want none now
that he's single
please send him dick pics bobby lee live it's it i don't think they would yeah
are they yeah they
will now they will now yep i am imploring every one of our fans to send bobby
lee a dick pic
let's count next week how many you get okay can i say this though and it doesn't
have to be hard
by the way if you're embarrassed and you're camera shy send him a softy i want
soft dicks send him okay
only soft are good yeah only soft and if they're tucked if you're willing to
tuck yeah yeah he loves
a tuck a lot of pubes what kind of dick would be your preference hamptons all
right let's see this
dick pic from this guy i just feel like it's it's a nice size dick yep i'll be
the judge and he and he
just wrote i love you i-l-i-l-y i'll be the judge but the but the angle of this
is like it's it's like the
empire state building let me see
i mean it's so so head heavy he's so that's a big dick can i tell you something
i think that's
the angle it's in portrait mode for sure that's a good dick dude i think it's
photoshop can i say
something you do right you think it's photoshop even though the dick's good he's
poor yeah you saw
you see his room i closed it so fast yeah yeah so when you see his room you go
he's poor so you can't
fuck it let me see you know what i mean it was like a chicken wing on the bed
like a fuck you man
yeah in the background in the background there's yeah the closet doors are off
the thing yeah he
doesn't know how to fold yeah he's got it it's all it's it's a mess like an ied
went off on that
also if you're gonna send a dick pic do it so i can't see the rest of your room
i don't do you
know what i mean or like i have certain good size though like you know i have
certain places in my
house where i only do all my zooms yeah right because i i know where the best
places in my house
are right on zoom right right so this is a cool wallpaper great photos it looks
rich of course you
know what i mean but this dude don't give a fuck he doesn't give no and if that's
that's probably the
best place he could do it and if that's his best place how to take the perfect
dick pic that's the
guy that's the guy from the dick pic yeah but you have to be i know your
boyfriend i don't want to
say his name but you want me to say his name sure all right i know your
boyfriend very funny guy i saw
the other night oh cool uh what you don't like it that was awesome by the way
what sorry i'm tangenting
but i hosted potluck for the first time and bobby was in the back of the room
and i was like bobby
where are my glasses and will you go up and i saw and you pretended to be to be
jewish oh my god it
was really special yeah yeah the impression was okay it needs a little bit of
work but it was good
i thought it was awesome it was super exaggerated because yeah because you know
she's up you know
right and i'm wearing her glasses but i'm like she i don't i want them to know
that i'm trying to
do her so i went the other way i got it who'd you bring on hugo galaxy hugo
galaxy hugo galaxy yeah
what a name it's a great name one of the newest store guys i had to show my
dick to a doctor
yesterday why did you show him went to the urologist i showed him some on a
picture of a
p i put a picture of a penis over my own penis why went to the urologist to get
my balls checked out
see if everything is all good see how my swimmers are are they good 98 million
did you know that 98
million sperm seems like a lot is that good yeah he said it was a good number
98 means a lot my jizz
count was high that's a lot he said he's when they tested my jizz a normal
sperm range from 15 million
to more than 200 million whoa i was 98 million he said yeah i i'm 15 million
that sounds low what does
that say 39 million per ejaculate is considered low right i was four times
three times that yeah i
wouldn't let's test your sperm no it'll probably go 150 i'm like just 150
million or no just 150 flat
yeah flat and if that was the case i would just feel like you know i mean i'm
doing something wrong it's
so weird giving sperm dude it's just so uncomfortable it's the worst you walk
in these clinics
they're it's like well lit with with fluorescent lights and she they're always
mean by the way
these women that work in these places they're always mean because are they
attractive no
so it's hard to get started yeah it's a long time they should make the girls
attractive that's what i know
there's gotta be i'm sure there's gotta be i bet you in beverly hills there's a
high-end place where
they're hot and they just sit in the room and watch you jerk off yeah we go to
high they reverse louis
ck you yeah yeah um and then honestly they walk into this room they turn on a
little a little noise a
little white noise machine yeah which i didn't like i turned it off what does
that do huh what does that
do white noise they want it so they can't hear you oh oh it's for them it's ecstatic
yeah yeah but