Name: Rudy Burns The Cookies & Bobby Fails The Wes-P Challenge | Ep 131 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-08-29T16:00:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Burns The Cookies & Bobby Fails The Wes-P Challenge | Ep 131 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Burns The Cookies & Bobby Fails The Wes-P Challenge | Ep 131 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-29. Transcript available.

Rudy Burns The Cookies & Bobby Fails The Wes-P Challenge | Ep 131 | Bad Friends

hey hey um i got some dates coming up i'm filming my special in denver september
24th
also i'm gonna be in salt lake city uh september 9 and 10 then i'm doing bray
on the 13th i'm doing
minneapolis and madison wisconsin 16 17 then september 24th i'll be in denver
filming my
special the paramount theater go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets andrewsantino.com
for those tickets you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude
and an asian dude
you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends hey happy
birthday happy birthday to
jules happy birthday to jules you're back in the studio happy birthday birthday
birthday hey did
you uh welcome back i heard you guys got another dog i didn't get it well you're
there it's your
house yeah it's just like it just shows up like the cones from my trees in the
back cones yeah like i
have pine cones in the trees and they fall right they just show up the owl that
hangs out in the
pine cone tree right he just should be showing up dog all day every day without
no no invites bro
and that's why that's why this dog no invite nothing all of a sudden there's kujo
in my fucking house
right i can't go into certain rooms right and then these bitches
sorry for my language no it's fine yeah yeah these bitches these bitches right
are like
you don't you know they go don't you know touch it or say hi to it or look
because you know people
they don't like you history shows but when you put out that kind of shows what
with koreans or him
no because we've um fostered other pit bulls and every one of them growled at
tito bobby
well maybe it's the dog maybe it's the breed of dog and not tito bobby
exactly my breed is pure he is pure i'm pure breed he's pure broad fat pure
broad yeah i'm pure
bread you're pure broad that's blood i know but pure broad did you have to do
the accent well
because it's pretty good you're pure i'm pure pure so the pit bull is wrong no
but his energy is wrong
no it's not really let me say something right now okay i'm sorry my bad all
right let me just kind of
may i may i do yeah what i'm saying where was this pit bull for the last 10
years
in the crate in in a in a in a cage yeah right no human contact where guatemala
why guatemala i don't know i feel like they keep my instinct said guatemala
yeah my instinct said
that too dog we're connected dude so we're in guatemala what city guatemala was
it um um in
noapisco oh noapisco guatemala that's got to be the one of the toughest parts
of guatemala i've
ever heard of yeah you know what they do down there what no you don't seriously
they pull your
toenails off one by one if you don't pay your bills and then in the streets
they make you get naked
and you sing a crazy song i don't have monies i don't have monies and then they
clap at you and
they spit on you and that's how that it's crazy and then they close with chiclet
chiclet right it's
nuts i hate that gum i hate been there that gum in tijuana that's all they sell
is chiclet yeah
chiclet you know i mean there's no flavor chiclet chiclet chiclet chiclet chiclet
yes anyway bobby and
i both been to guatemala we love it toured comedy down there yes there's a
bunch of good gigs there's
actually a couple of good clubs down there so this this dog has been like in
prison for 10 years
gets out growls at me a christian a god-fearing a god-fearing christian with a
foundation of glory
right praise me you're saying that i'm the wrong one yeah you're yeah because
dogs can sense bad vibes so
maybe you have something in you oh yeah you know what yeah fuck you fuck you
yeah yeah he's got good
vibes maybe your dog has bad vibes but like why doesn't he growl at me or at
the car because
i'll tell you why because evil knows evil boom boom right if hannibal lecter
right
and buffalo bill are together they're having a great time they know each other
very well there's no well
work no one's gonna go go in the well right but they do that to the good people
that's right right so
i'm the good one in this storybook so you guys are evil you're the little the
triangle the pentagram
pentafogram what is that called pentagram what pentagram the pentagram pentanagram
you're the
pentafogram yeah yeah but you're the pentanagram of evil yeah you are the axis
of evil you
anti-kalyla and the pup yeah and you know what yeah we're done i'm done with it
too we're done
kalyla is nazi germany that's right you're mussolini in italy right and the dog
is japan yep
that's what it feels like the entire country of japan yeah not like now not
back then right now
japan now current japan yeah yeah you're japan 2022. so what i'm saying is is
that you
right know right that i'm pure-blooded and and my heart is good that's right
and the dog is evil
correct okay okay yeah yeah right yeah what's the dog's name um it's bucky yeah
i kind of i kind of
like it why bucky's a nice name for a guy it's a good name yeah i guess so come
here bucky yeah
bucked up isn't that isn't that captain america's buddy yes uh winter soldier
winter social bucky
right yeah yeah i like it i like that character wait the winter soldier yeah
his name bucky no his
friend oh his buddy yeah yeah yeah i know winter soldier i know sebastian stan
was there so was
there a summer soldier no i mean they should have both soldiers right they
should do both the next
captain america should be summer soldier you know spring soldier's gay yeah
hey hey you know what time of the year it is my shield is so shiny
spring soldier yeah such bright colors beautiful yeah winter soldier though
yeah what does summer
soldier look like summer soldier is um they're wearing what they do in um that
it's got to be
like a bro summer soldier's got to be like there's no armor it's just all in
white uh-huh you don't
mean it's like that one movie that before labor day what's that one movie with
the cult of the um
the guy that did hereditary uh midsummer midsummer oh yeah that's a summer
soldier right yeah yeah
yeah who's the fall soldier the fall soldier it's leaves it's dark ominous
rainy usually cold halloweeny
yeah idris elba why i don't know and i think you're trying to corner me just do
something i am
but i just it just i'm cornering you like guatemala like check it out i'm
cornering you right
like guatemala it's getting smaller i know but did you what about the fall is
so dark
by the way idris elba flawed could do any can do whatever he wants so he can be
the false
soldier he's the false because you know what idris elba does make me think
about um cuddling up and
feeling warm i i agree with you uh look up idris elba in a turtleneck watch
this yeah watch this
fucking boom tell me that's not the false soldier that's the false soldier for
sure and that's why
i said it false soldier right but i feel like question me when i said cuddling
up and keeping
warm and that's exactly what i thought about but what when you said that though
i just imagined like
if he's spooning me and it gets too hot and i want to scoot away i feel like he
won't he's too
strong he's like no look at his arms no mate this guy no mate no mate no mate
can't scoot out you
know what i mean i'm sweating closer then false soldier i'm sweating closer
then yeah we're gonna
fucking hot this guy that guy is so fucking hot do you find him hot really hot
oh god but have you
ever made let me let's let's get to the facts why let's get to the facts yeah
the facts i'm a factual
guy this show is about facts it's about facts yeah not a black guy in there
because i'm still
trying to find them what do you mean what you've never seen them before they're
everywhere they're
everywhere but they don't they don't like me interesting yeah it's what you
give out yeah
it's your vibe but i thought black men like asians they do do not your kind not
your kind yeah your
kind is bad you're bad yuck gross you're bad although tiger woods mom was that
type
yeah that's true is that true yeah i'm just trying to get to the facts here
yeah yeah
coltilda woods that looks like a part of your family catilda her name was catilda
yeah that's
kind of a cool name yeah so black dudes do like that type of agent i guess they
do yeah they do yeah
uh i've never seen a black guy with like a porcelain skin korean girl no yeah
no no i haven't
actually i think what would happen is if they made love to him they would just
implode maybe you think
they don't just have because they're so bony right whoa what korean girls no no
is that rudy
yeah rudy that's you that's you for sure in a couple 30 years from now yeah
that's rudy that's
you for sure my god dude that is you that's look at that well then maybe we
should get you to date a
black guy are you still with your guy yeah yeah he's out of town he's out of
town though oh so you're free
wow who do we know that she could date well she's in a committed relationship
with now i know but if
a good black guy comes along we'll have to sneak out of it oh right well we
know some she said that
you know what i would like willie willie hunter willie hunter oh okay he's nice
yeah he's nice yeah
yeah willie hunter yeah um here you go smart hey what do you think of this one
cool dude works a lot
if you're on it look at look at this one look like him yeah okay all right but
if you're on a date with
a black guy um careful do you have to like no tread softly like um like they're
like keep going go
ahead if you're on a date with a black guy do you have to what like no they're
like
um commit to it like they're what is this yo-yo yeah house party thing you're
doing
oh that's what i think what are you kidding play what the are you doing here
have you ever had any
black friends no that's the problem can we start there we got to start let's
start there let's get
you a black yeah we got to get you a black friend you understand that obviously
not every black person
is going to what is this thing you think they're going to do like they're just
going to say some same
words why do you keep doing this with your hands yeah yeah i don't know yeah
and then i don't i
won't understand it and they'll think i'm not cool yeah yeah what wouldn't you
understand they're
speaking your language you're both speaking english because of that oh the hand
stuff yeah you think
they're speaking a language you're not like hey yo and then you're like yo
black side
let's say you know what i mean and you're like what and they're like you know
you know what the
you got no no yeah you're not gonna is that what you think is gonna happen and
then there's some
hand gesture that you're gonna have to like read like their sign language they're
not they're just
expressive okay uh and and not all of them they're all very different they're
all different just like
all filipinos are different all koreans are well that's not true all all koreans
are kind of the
same it's funny you say that the more koreans i meet the more i go these guys
are all identical
last night i shot with my dumbfounded i'm doing this movie and we he goes let's
go to cafe blue
which is like a korean bar so i went there with them and it looked like i was
in the house of mirrors
at the i i sort of got i look at house of mirrors at a you know i mean fairground
yeah yeah like it
was like oh there's fat version of me little version of me there's me wiggly
with me i saw
wiggly me last night you did yeah yeah yeah yeah dude that movie is stacked you
sent me a picture
it was like 10 people i know in that you should be in it it's amazing you
should have been in it
in it and it's it's your buddy who's sober wrote it yeah what's it about did
you tell sobriety
so it's about sobriety yeah well i'm not sober so that's not no dude everyone's
smoking weed what
you're talking about on set oh really i mean they're high but is steve-o in it
no i thought
you said steve johnny got knoxville oh knoxville's in it yeah johnny is the
lead okay so johnny knoxville
you my boy gata from dave dude oh by the way i have to apologize to him but all
right why what happened
i'll do it later no do 