Name: Bobby's Midlife Crisis & The Ponzu Gang | Ep 133 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-09-12T16:00:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's Midlife Crisis & The Ponzu Gang | Ep 133 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's Midlife Crisis & The Ponzu Gang | Ep 133 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-12. Transcript available.

Bobby's Midlife Crisis & The Ponzu Gang | Ep 133 | Bad Friends

hey bad friends hey i've only got a couple of dates left before i film my
special go watch my
friend andrew please come watch me the best tomorrow i'm in brea brea california
tomorrow
night on the 13th and then this weekend 16th i'm in uh minneapolis the 17th i'm
in madison
wisconsin come see me then on the 24th i'm in denver colorado filming my
special andrewsantino.com
is where you're gonna get those tickets please come out and see your boy andrewsantino.com
come
see me you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian
dude you two are
disgusting you two are something we're bad friends calm down let's do a
breathing exercise no no no
let me say that let me start off by saying this no breathing exercise no let me
start off by saying
this welcome back fancy b kind of yeah yeah yeah because you know what he comes
in welcome back
actually juicy welcome back welcome back juice great great to see you welcome
back carlos great
to see you fancy b you come back and the first thing out of his mouth is you
need to have better
tasting scripts i know exactly saying that all i do and we read your turtle
island script dude that's
a piece of shit trash don't get me started fancy fancy's of course commenting
about the movie me
time i did on netflix with kevin hardin he hated it didn't you hate it go ahead
and say it fans
you're allowed to say what you want on the show you're good in it let me tell
you something
i'm watching it the critics will tell you how good it is go ahead and show what
we got on rotten
tomatoes go ahead it made me feel good about my own movie look at how good that
is what did the
critics say seven percent yeah that's a fucking that bro you couldn't even beat
easter sunday
wait a minute is that bad or good seven it's bad it's bad i thought that meant
93 no no no no
it's it's got a green like a sludge on it that's i don't think that's good
tomato's good
what first like a tomato is good well so see i don't let me five percent easter
sunday can i say
something yeah this does this scale makes no sense because a tomato is what you
used to throw at
at actors when you hated stuff when you hated performance live performance they
throw tomatoes
at plays but meanwhile sludge gook gack loved it i grew up with nickelodeon i
love getting gacked and
gooked no but the sludge is the thrown tomato then it would be fucking red why
is it green
tomatoes aren't fucking the insides are sometimes green am i not right my spanish
friend thank you
even green tomatoes on the outside are still red on the inside oh and the
audience score oh that's
not this is andres oh this is andres movie 55 so you beat easter sunday and me
time yes yeah but
mine has kevin hardin and mark walberg yeah regina hall and yours has who who's
in yours eric
dane i love eric dane gives a shit i do i do too i like eric dane yeah he's
great no can i just say
something about eric dane let me say something about eric dane i'm aware that
me time didn't do
well two years ago it's not my movie two years ago when i was sick right can i
tell you about
maybe kevin hart's worst movie yet says nick wait until borderlands comes out
oh he's in that too
he's in my movie first of all that's not going to come out i don't think it is
either right
because i know more than you do you know i know more is it not coming out
welcome back juice
good bad i liked me time did you really i thought it was great i watched she
says that as she's
wearing the scissors brothers t-shirt exactly yeah i couldn't even have one of
the worst podcasts
online right now yeah it's a cool shirt they gave it to me for free dude we
give you so much more
than they give you i just put another share next to you we give you life we've
lifted your career
you're coming to slc with me we give you merch and then you wear their by the
way that heather
gray standard issue that they got trash yeah cheapest thing you can buy i
thought you guys
liked those guys well he's my brother yeah he's your brother what jeremiah is
your brother no the
other one he's my brother the chinese guy he's korean yeah he's my brother is
he really korean
yeah he's my only brother and i love him he's blood brother he's blood brother
to me wait a minute
the tiny little the little cook this one the tiny little guy he's your little
brother he's my little
brother son of a gun yeah yeah so say something nice whoa can i say i'm being
genuine when i ask
yeah yeah look at me huh he's not chinese he's not no he looks i know but he's
absolutely not
you 100 look korean oh thank you absolutely looks chinese yeah but he's not i
don't bring him a
picture of stevie weeby because i feel like he looks chinese yeah there he is
that kid is chinese on
the right yeah that's me there's no doubt in my mind yeah we need a test yeah
yeah look at that if
you saw him on the street go who's that little chinese kid yeah i love him so
much we love stevie
over here like he looks like a chinese guy that sells pineapples in the black
market
yeah yeah is that your asian accent no why are you doing this i don't know why
i'm turning japanese
a few episodes ago i wore a scissor brothers shirt a different color one and we
didn't notice we
didn't know i don't know if you noticed but i didn't know we would have said
something you noticed
today yeah yeah we would have said something it's fine we're lucky to have you
wait so can i have
this shirt then yeah dude yeah that's what we gave it to you dude yeah that's
actually is this new
no we get we no i will say the material is much better than the shirt yeah
thank you we're higher
class it has like a weight to it yeah yeah yeah no that is go go change into
that right now yeah go
change into that all right please don't you think yeah me time congratulations
on that
congratulations i i it's number one on netflix it's number one on netflix and
also i would drive
around town yeah in every corner there's a me time fucking thing yeah and i say
to myself my one of my
best friends is in that movie and it's really not one i am your best friend
think you're close
think about it i have a couple theo no not as close no yeah yeah he's not but
he's close and kalilah's
not anymore she is still nope we watch we watch movies together last night i'd
watch a movie with
you last night that's true uh speaking of which i went over and did trash tuesday
they said you killed
it i had so much fun dude honestly they said you killed it so much fun and and
i do want to approach
this with you and i want to make sure that you're not uncomfortable about it uh-oh
was there a little
sexual tension in the room there was and you know who was between who kalilah
and carlos what the hell
i guess i i felt not bro bro i have felt that for years i have to say this too
right i think that
you're the reason why we're not together anymore i really do and let me say
something to you else
again all right go for it because if you want to start a war with me i will go
to war with you and
let me say something right now dude i have more minions i have more people
behind me and i will
fucking bury you you bald-headed fuck bobby there's been no sexual attraction
between you there i see
you in the videos dude oh you ham up you ham it up bro i'm just at work i'm
trying to do a good job
i know but i've seen you on stage you don't ham it up back no back in the day
no listen that was
you could do it i'm not shouting i'm not shouting right now dude right back in
the day dude you could
have ham it up because i see you ham it up with kalilah right it's not just kalilah
it's everyone
it's fans is it because no is it because you know you have a bigger dick than
me um i mean i do know
that but how do you know that for a fact because i've seen your dick that's
true yeah yeah that's true
facts no what i was i didn't mean for this to get out of hand yeah i'm sorry
carlos i apologize too
he had sex with her on the show did you fuck her no i didn't have did you lay
on top of her with your
clothes on yes so you laid on top of my ex-girlfriend with clothes on and they
fucked on
camera paulie laid on top of juicy three weeks not like that not like that oh
you saw it yeah
you know what i get to do you know what i get to do you know what i get to do
my ex-wife's already
i get to lay on your mom coral yeah you got to bring her on the show bring her
on the show let
have her lay down and i'm gonna grind on her for a minute my dad will be so mad
that's fine and i will
not wait a minute your dad what he'll be mad at me for letting it happen he's
got oh he's gonna be
there he's got to be here and he's gonna be jerking off in the corner that's so
like cuckish it's
only fair it's only it's only fair thank you thank you yeah you're the best
juice your dad's got to
come and pull a louis to watch bobby yeah and he's got a fan is your mom still
alive oh yes fantastic
i don't want her dad that'd be weird no that'd be so strange um yeah no it was
it was all in good fun
in fact to be honest carlos he didn't want to do it kalilah was saying that horny
horny filipino
girl she said let me show you guys how this sexual position is enacted because
esther has
no idea i don't know if esther ever lived i don't think esther i feel like she
just appeared because
she hasn't she almost has no she almost knows almost nothing she doesn't know
anything about
anything i don't even know how she exists really her husband david yeah he
keeps her alive yeah he's
the best and i told her how bad i can't wait till she gets fat i cannot wait to
see esther fat she's
gonna lose it all at some point yeah just become a little blimp remember violet
from willy wonka
oh yeah and she's blueberry yeah yeah violet violet and i want her to roll
around the comedy store like
that yeah just want to roll her around like if you asked esther like just tell
me anything about
the vietnam war she would have no idea no chance yeah there's literally no
chance let me ask you tell me a
little bit about the vietnam war what do you know about it well i know um uh
our troops were not
welcomed back that's perfect and that's one more thing more than astronauts
okay she doesn't even
know that i know about adrian orange she said that's two things now what was
agent orange i believe
agent orange was uh where we dusted crops uh it's a chemical chemical and it
was pretty up yeah
this look at this look at that photo look go to the right look at that boy on
the right look what it
did to him no really that's that that's not real he was born that way dude dude
look that's look
it says agent orange it's a it's a herbicide mixture by the u.s military but
can you zoom in a little
boy's head i'm sorry i laughed why are you laughing because you're making me
laugh it doesn't look real
yeah yeah let me see wow this poor kid is this is from agent agent orange yeah
so tony hinchcliffe has
agent is that what it is that i just real tony hinchcliffe has it he came from
that he came from
that because ohio wow ohio yeah look at it look at his face agent orange dude
same kid yeah he snorted
it he grew into it yeah yeah he grew into it look at that look at that face don't
and he gets women
agent orange is also your fbi name i feel like yeah why am i agent yellow if
you want to be no who
am i agent what you're agent gong agent gong because gong is quick agent gong
we need you now yeah
gong in 60 seconds that's a really good movie name write that down gong girl
yeah gong
gong with the wind yes we have three remakes we're doing right come on why won't
a studio pick this
up yeah any more going once yeah yeah that's it that's it gong it's gong it's
off the shelves
yeah going going gong that honestly an autobiography called going going gong
about the departure of
bobby lee like when you finally retire yeah going going gong would be so funny
you're not gonna retire
oh yes he is soon soon we already we had up we talked about it i think i have
15 more years
at least no way way longer or less way less what what you think at 60 i'm gonna
go i