Name: Korean Elvis & Andrew Dahmer | Ep 140 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-10-31T16:00:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Korean Elvis & Andrew Dahmer | Ep 140 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Korean Elvis & Andrew Dahmer | Ep 140 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-31. Transcript available.

Korean Elvis & Andrew Dahmer | Ep 140 | Bad Friends

You two are bad friends.
We're the Eastern Indians.
You two are Asian.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Welcome to the spooktacular Friends Halloween.
You got to put Asians in quotes.
Boo-woo-woo-woo-woo.
Boo-woo-woo-woo.
Boo-woo-woo-woo.
Boo-woo-woo-woo-woo.
Boo-woo-woo-woo-woo.
That was deep inside.
Welcome to Bad Friends Halloween episode.
Welcome to the...
How you doing?
Everyone say who they are.
Bobby, go.
I am Jeffrey Dahmer is one of his victims, the Filipino guy he ate.
No, I'm Elvis Presley.
How you doing?
This guy over here is my good friend Elvis Presley.
How you doing?
Dad, why don't you eat one of the sandwiches I made for you?
That's real...
That's really good.
What does he say?
That's just...
It's some fish I cooked earlier.
That's why it smells over there.
It's not because of young black men's bodies rotting in the fridge.
Yeah.
It stinks because I let some meat go bad.
So good.
I really messed it up this time, huh, Dad?
Yeah.
Oh, Dad, I'm in a real stinker now.
It's so good.
It's so good.
He would kill someone and they'd go, I made a real stinker this time, Pop.
I'm in a real conundrum.
Someone's like, Jeffrey, you severed his head.
Yeah.
Jiminy Crickets.
I never knew it was going to come to this.
Yeah.
I'm Jeffrey D, baby.
And let's throw it to the girls.
What's up?
What are you supposed to be?
I'm Mother Teresa, Asian Filipino version who likes to also kill people and
maybe spank babies.
Oh, that one.
Oh, everyone's favorite Asian Filipino nun who loves to kill people and spank
babies.
And spank the babies.
I remember from the stories.
I've read about that when I was a kid.
Yeah, me too.
It should be terrifying.
What part of the world are you from again?
Yeah.
Persia.
From Persia.
From Persia.
So you're an Asian Filipino nun who loves to kill people and spank babies from?
What part of Persia?
Um, Quantanilea.
Guantanamo Bay.
Guantanamo Bay.
Cuba, Persia.
I remember the stories.
And what are you supposed to be?
I'm a sick dog.
You're a sick dog?
Say it again.
I'm a sick dog.
A sick dog.
A sick dog.
What does a sick dog sound like?
Like this.
I don't know.
Dogs can't talk, but I'm.
No, they go.
Do we?
Now that's what they do?
Yeah.
When the cone is because you're sick or because you didn't want you to, because
you just
got spayed or neutered.
Yeah, they took my pussy out.
Does that happen?
Yes.
They rip the pussy right out.
I thought it was only the penises.
They rip it right out.
The vagina out.
For what purpose?
Why not?
There's still a hole there.
It's a deeper hole.
It's a deeper hole.
That's what they call it.
I see.
She got deeper.
Also bigger dicks.
Yeah, exactly.
They do it for the bigger dog dicks.
Of course.
Like a little, like a little, like a Yorker, Yorkshire Terrier.
If she wants to fuck a pit bull, they probably get that operation.
Oh, I didn't think of it like that.
You gotta think of it that way.
And who loves pit bulls?
Black guys.
And what do they have?
You eat them.
Big dicks.
Your character eats them.
Sometimes I eat a couple of black guys.
It's not my fault.
Let me ask you something.
Their skin is beautiful.
When I saw that show, is that racism?
Mm-mm.
Oh, yeah, it is.
He loves black people.
No, that's not.
We don't interpret it that way, though.
I do.
I know.
You love something, you eat it.
But think of it this way, though.
I love black guys.
I just want to eat their body.
Jeffrey, let me ask you a question.
I just want to eat their body.
Go ahead.
Jeffrey, let me ask you a question.
I'll answer any question possible.
Okay, so check it out.
Yeah.
So basically, it's in the 90s you did this.
Sure.
Yeah.
Did you listen to Nirvana, or did you like the music, or?
Yeah, I mean, In Bloom is a great song.
Right.
So what I'm saying is.
Never mind.
Okay, in the 90s, listen to me, okay?
In the 90s, in Wisconsin, what, there was like four Filipinos, dude?
You ate one Filipino.
That's basically wiping half the fucking Filipino fucking population.
It's actually a quarter if you do the math, right?
Yeah, yeah, a quarter, right?
So how is that not racism?
Because I basically am showing praise for how much I love those jungle Asians.
Right, right.
But why didn't you eat whites?
They're not my flavor.
Oh, they don't taste good.
Yeah.
Imagine like this.
Yeah.
What's your least favorite food?
Mine?
Yeah.
Meatloaf.
White people are meatloaf to me.
Oh, that's true.
And you like filet mignon.
And black people are basically filet mignon.
Right.
What about the Filipino guy?
Well, just a little something spicy.
Right, right.
A little spicier.
You need to shake it off.
You ever had balut?
Yeah, I've had balut.
Yeah.
That's basically Filipino guys.
Oh.
Yeah.
That's great.
Honestly?
Yeah.
I don't think he was racist.
I think he was a piece of shit.
Oh, no, that.
But I think he really loved black guys.
He was upset.
He thought they were beautiful.
Listen, okay.
He killed him because he was bad head, bad mind.
He's a legend.
He's a hall of famer.
He's a pioneer.
What?
No, he is.
Are we talking about Steve Jobs or Jeffrey Dahmer?
Jeffrey Dahmer.
He's a legend.
Pioneer.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
And he also is somebody that opened the doors for other serial killers, right?
Yes, yeah, yeah.
Now, my point is that I'm giving him props, right?
Thank you.
I'm just, right?
In terms of the serial killer world, if there was like a hall of fame, you
walked in, you'd go, oh, there's the Jeffrey Dahmer section.
Oh, he's for sure in the hall of fame.
Right.
Yeah.
Right.
But the racism, I could accept the eating.
And the cannibalism.
Okay.
The racism, I draw the line there.
He would be canceled today.
He'd be canceled today, but just because they don't allow cannibalism anymore.
No.
It used to be cool, man.
All right.
No, but you know what?
How is it racist?
It'd be racist if he never ate black people.
Then he'd be like, I don't like the taste of black people.
That'd be racist.
Right.
Instead, he was like, they're so beautiful.
I want to rub their soft chocolate skin.
He was obsessed.
It could be, you know, I hate them so much.
I got to eat them.
No.
Because he didn't do it to whites.
Did he eat any whites?
Bring up the list of people that Jeffrey Dahmer ate.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's see.
He had to have eaten a white or two.
I know.
And he found out that he didn't like the taste.
But we're talking about Wisconsin.
If we were talking about, you know what I mean, South Central.
Milwaukee.
There's more black, obviously.
Milwaukee is way more diverse than you think.
At the 90s, there can't be a lot of fucking minorities.
You're wrong.
You actually don't know what you're talking about.
Milwaukee is very diverse.
It is?
Okay.
My bad.
My bad.
He has a very big black community.
Isn't all meat taste the same?
We're going to find out today.
No.
No, no, no.
Lamb doesn't taste like deer.
That's a specific question.
Deer doesn't taste like fucking.
Doesn't all human meat taste the same?
No.
No.
You don't taste the same as me.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm more pure.
But we're the same inside.
No, we're not.
That's what they tell you in school.
No.
Here's the thing.
The air you breathe, the food you eat, it all affects the meat.
That's right.
The stress.
You seem very stressful, Jules.
Okay.
Look at the list of names.
Zoom in.
Stephen Hicks.
White.
Curtis Strotter.
Could go both ways.
Richard Guerrero.
Non-white.
Mexican.
Jeremy Weinberger.
That's my agent.
That's white.
Jeremy Dox.
Jamie Doxtar.
White.
Ricky Beeks.
No, no.
Jamie Dox-a-tator.
Dox-a-tator.
Dox-a-tator is black.
Dictator.
Dox-a-tator.
White guy.
All right.
Ricky Beeks.
White guy.
Oliver Lacey.
White guy.
Errol Lindsay.
What about Conorac?
Cynthia Fafone.
Okay.
Smithsonian Fafone is definitely Filipino.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ernest Miller.
White.
Tony Hughes.
Maybe could be black.
Joseph Bradyhoft.
White guy.
Matt Turner.
I mean, we don't know.
Yeah, we don't know.
It's too bad.
Anthony Sears, again.
Black.
No, black.
David Thomas.
Black.
That's white guy.
No, Tom.
Dave Thomas is Wendy's, his owner.
He was white.
Yeah, but the C fucks it up.
David C. Thomas.
Yeah, you gave him the C.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, that fucks it up.
David C. Thomas.
Yeah.
Edward White Smith.
W. Smith.
White.
No, when they threw the W in.
No, but it's Edward White Smith.
You're right.
Okay, I'll give you that.
I'll give you that.
I'll give you that.
All right, so the dominant amount of these names seem to be white guys.
Yeah, but you're just making assumptions.
So the documentary was racist because they only showed the black murders.
I get what you're saying.
Okay.
Okay.
Quite frankly, I like men of all shapes, sizes, and colors.
Yeah.
I was actually offended the documentary only showed me attacking black people.
I attacked everybody.
Now, if you went to the Serial Killer Hall of Fame, where would you be more
excited to go?
Ooh, John Wayne Gacy.
That'd be fun.
The clown makeup.
Do you think they still have it?
Yeah, they probably have it.
I would look up the brand.
That's the only clown makeup I'm going to use.
What, right?
I would look at the brand.
I'd go, that's the best brand.
Look at that.
Is that Clairol?
Look at that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I have this.
His artwork.
Oh.
Oh, how much is that painting?
Well, how much is a John Wayne Gacy?
Oh, my God.
So expensive.
How much is a John Wayne Gacy?
Yeah, yeah.
Honestly, how much?
Let's go to auction.
Better than George W. Bush's in terms of the price.
I don't know.
Oh, yeah, watch.
John Wayne Gacy, expensive.
How much?
How much are these paintings worth?
Yeah.
Look at that one.
Pretty good.
How much is it?
A thousand dollars.
That's it?
I could buy that right now.
I could buy that now.
Let's buy John Wayne Gacy paintings for the studio.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, too scary.
But the money doesn't go to him.
He's dead.
Yeah.
It goes to his kids, and they need the money.
He needs a better art dealer, I think.
He does.
Yeah.
Should we deal art for him?
Are these prints or are these originals?
There's no way these are originals.
That seems like a print.
Yeah, they're prints.
Original.
Original, dude.
What if we got into the business of selling serial killer art?
That'd be cool.
Bobby and Andrew.
Or artifacts, even.
Well, yeah.
I have one of Ed Gein's lampshades, and he used the skin.
You know what I mean?
I would probably charge 100 grand for it.
At least.
Dude, this is Ed Gein's.
He's Ed Gein's.
Yeah.
This is lampskin.
Lampskin.
Lampskin.
Yeah.
Didn't he do that?
Yes.
Yeah.
Take the skin.
Yeah.
And made lampshade.
And then when he turned on the light, did he say, I'm going to turn on the
light, or did
he say, I'm going to turn on Stephanie?
Juicy, are you having a hard time with that kennel over your head?
You can take the kennel off.
I feel like I'm going to throw up, but I might eat it after.
Take the kennel off.
Take the kennel off.
What did that painting say?
What did that painting say?
10,000.
Dude, 10,000, dude.
That's it.
Let's buy it.
That's it.
We got to buy it.
Let's buy it.
Does she need help taking us off?
Let's get some music put to this, her taking it off.
Great.
Now you're free.
Put that closer to your face.
Lower it down so we can see your dog face.
Oh, and you went to go lick yourself.
Oh, that's good.
Scoot it down for her.
Hold on.
Oh, yeah.
Very good shot tonight.
So we just did a Bad Friends live at the Comedy Store.
We're doing a tour next year.
We're going to announce the dates at some point.
Juicy was on it.
Killed it.
Killed it.
Killed it.
Yeah.
And where were you, Jules?
Get the mic again.
I was sleeping.
Sleeping.
She's sleeping.
Yeah.
You know, when I'm out of town, though.
I invited her.
What?
I invited her.
You invited her?
You bought her?
You bit her?
I invited her.
I invited her.
It's never going to get old with me with this guy's accent.
I invited her.
You've been here for 25 years.
Invite.
Say vite.
Vite.
No, not fight.
Vite with a V.
Vite.
There it is.
Bite.
I invited her.
I invited her.
And what did she say when you invited her to the live show?
She said, I'll show up to