Name: Goo: The Movie & Bobby's Beef with Brian Moses | Ep 141 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-11-07T17:00:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Goo: The Movie & Bobby's Beef with Brian Moses | Ep 141 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Goo: The Movie & Bobby's Beef with Brian Moses | Ep 141 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-07. Transcript available.

Goo: The Movie & Bobby's Beef with Brian Moses | Ep 141 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends i want to be your underdeveloped siamese
twin
as a kid you were born with like a mole i have one on my leg right but maybe
can we have the
mole in your stomach my i do have one on my stomach all right so and as years
go by it just
grows into more of a people think it's a tumor right and then by age 12 you see
an eyeball
that no i'm the guy you're normal you're not like this no you're not like no
you're not you're not
like that because you're the normal one oh i'm me yeah you're you i got i'm you
know i mean coming
out so go on right there's a finger an eyeball age 12 right you go to the
doctor like we think it's
we don't know we're not sure we're not sure and then you're like you're so
afraid your parents are
no we got to get it out we got it we got it you're like you're you have a phobia
of surgery
of course right so you go i want to wait it's my decision it's my body my body
my choice my body my
choice right yeah and then by the 18 you can tell it's but it's weird because
it's you you're like
i think it's asian my little my little mole has grown into my side it's like a
mouth now the asian
eyes are out right big cheeks right a finger yeah right and at night when i
sleep i just i'm sleeping
and all i hear is we are siamese yeah yeah yeah we are siamese if you don't
please tell me you don't
know what this is oh from aristocrats no it's lady on the tramp yeah and then
one of the cat movies
by the time you're 25 one of those cat you have a full-blown like a shoulder
head i'm actually
you're teaching me how to speak a korean man is protruding from my body i'm out
late at night you
can hear because my head is i have a neck now oh you're eating no i'm eating
your dick i said
no no we want to do family oh i thought i'm not a rider i'm not a rider i can
tell yeah yeah wait a
minute yeah yeah you're i think you're just eating something at night but i'm
afraid you're gonna gain
us weight right so i hear you yeah and i'm like and i wake up yeah let's cut it
out yeah we're gonna
always ramen we're gonna get fat the slurping right yeah yeah can we can we can
it be that you
sometimes think it's your dick but it's just ramen sure what do you want we'll
cut it out okay it's
just a scene no it's fine can we just have it for me let me throw it out there
all right it'll be
like a dream and he wakes up and you're just eating juicy plays you get married
to juicy no
okay she's your daughter got it that makes more now you're 50 she's full grown
yeah and you've been
hiding me this whole time how could i hide a half korean man sticking out of my
body they think you're
fat you guys just think i'm really porky yeah yeah you have like yeah you have
like what do you say
to your friends when your friends say when they're like juicy it's kind of
weird when your dad when i
see your dad in the front yard he looks like something's wrong with his chest
oh he's just fat as
fuck yeah yeah we don't even have to write lyric i mean dialogue but you know
what i love calling
them lyrics lyrics what i'm gonna go to set tomorrow and be like these lyrics
are not all right i'm not
gonna sing this song on camera i fucked up and then um because your wife knows
she she okay i would
hope so yeah because you'd have to hide me that's it's impossible imagine she
doesn't every time i get
naked i have like a towel draped over me and i'm like it's just a comfort thing
it's like it's it's hard
to justify writing wise well what is it what is it like it doesn't make any
sense when you guys are
alone you're like when are you going to introduce me to your wife let's make it
dark what how about
this you're born your wife mysteriously dies oh wow i killed him i killed her
and i how you were
sleeping right i found you know what i mean wait are you my uncle yeah yeah i'm
your uncle okay she
finds two chopsticks in her eyes right and while i was eating ramen i just jabbed
her eyes out with
two chopsticks whoa no too much i mean 824 it's more 824 i feel like it's an 824
yeah yeah it feels 824
get him on the phone right right and then what happens and then i have to avenge
my wife's death
by deciding whether or not i'm going to kill you which actually kills me whoa
or travel around the
world to one country that the one doctor will do this very risky surgery i have
it oh you take it away
i have it okay you finally you can't you've had enough you know that i i
murdered your wife two
chopsticks uh-huh right you're like fuck it i gotta get the surgery gotta right
yeah and when you i get
surgically right removed removed you hear that oh no what happened i i have two
arms oh you're walking on
your arms i i run away oh right and like fuck my brother he killed my wife you
have to wear this
apparatus every day of my life right huh gets it removed right you see like
little marks like red
marks on the hospital floor they can't find me whoa whoa so it's now you i know
where you live because i
live there right right and i'm looking for my favorite because you my favorite
sweater i need my favorite
sweater you do yeah and it's at home and you go to get it well yeah but you
know you but you know
this is how you're gonna capture me uh-huh he's he's gonna go for the sweater
so you're there
getting us right so you make this box huh like a contraption or like you know i
mean like it with
like a trap a rat trap rat trap yeah right and you put the sweater in the rapture
oh right you now
know you're scared shit you helped me set up the trap right she helped you know
why you're a girl scout
okay no no good layers i like this you're like yeah you're a fucking girl scout
yeah and you know
all the traps do they then they know traps right and ropes well also there's
cookies she has girls
get access to the cookies i like cookies and you definitely like love which
kind what's the flavor
we'll say it on the count of three everyone's favorite one two three lemon zingers
yeah the
peanut butter one tagalongs what's a is there a lemon zinger i just made it up
is there a lemon zinger by the way look up the kinds i actually don't know if
there is a lemon zinger
yeah i think there's a lemon one no there is right i think there has to be thin
mints is the old school
yeah yeah thin mints and then lemon i'll go zoom in let's see thin mints lemonades
lemonades
lemonades i think that's what i'm thinking about what the fuck is a thanks a
lot that's a great i've
never heard of a thanks a lot in my entire life and by the way they call i know
what the flavor is
probably pussy uh yeah because when guys eat a thanks a lot thanks a lot that's
delicious
you're gonna cut that out too no all right wait a minute what is it thanks a
lot is a biscuit
dipped in chocolate with a thank you message written on it really good you can't
go wrong with it
shortbread and but look it used to be called shout outs you know what tagalongs
are the peanut
they're now called peanut butter patties weird they fucking i think well tagalong
is probably
insensitive to uh nerds and losers that were never leaders yeah everyone's just
followers what does
philippe like though who's philippe yeah is that you oh that's your guy i just
named it fine dude
i'm sorry was that too premature no that's sad because it's my uncle i never
met he killed my
mom yeah my mom's dead and we have to kill my uncle philippe let me see the
names again of the
cookies on i i think the ones that you like are i'm gonna go with he he's big
into the shortbreads
okay because i'm short yeah i have no legs but you love bread and i love bread
yeah that's great
a fat little legless yeah yeah mound of and with arm but you walk on your hands
but see i'm thinking in
in horror films you'd be walking on your hands but your face has to be up oh i
know i know your body's
up because you've been on his side your whole life you grab onto people and and
they walk you that's
how you get around what do you mean you hold on to somebody and they transport
you around are they
aware yes they don't have a choice yeah wait so a lady let me just say i get
out of the hospital
uh-huh and you and i see a nurse leaves she's done with her shift she is i
latch onto her calf
right is she going oh no it's philippe at first she goes yeah she goes what are
you doing what are
you doing and then you say what are you as you would ask what are you and you
go i'm a human being
not in this right not in this world will she say something racial like you know
i mean half kook
half kook i don't know i mean maybe in the 80s yeah you're right in the 80s get
this goo off of me
yeah goo half if you're hell she says goo yeah get this goo off and she knows
it's about it's racist so
she stops it at that she almost says the k yeah in fear of getting cancelled
yeah she carries you
wherever you want to go that's right the movie's called goo goo that's what
yeah goo right the beginning
but you make people feel bad you go what are you ableist get me to where i want
to go i want to go
take me to 417 watchman uh avenue otherwise i'll tell everyone that you're yeah
enableist she drops
me off i'm in a bush and i'm scoping out the house can you imagine what do you
mean you on your hands in
a bush how are you seeing anything that's true you're upside down i can climb
trees that you can do
yeah yeah but i just see these two arms just yeah clawing up a tree yeah yeah
right and you just sit
on perch and how about this why don't we do this as a little like you know
while i'm attached to you
still growing up right you're going backwards yeah a little bit you never clip
my nails and that's a
the whole dialogue oh you're like can you clip my nails no that's why you kill
my wife with your
nails instead of the chopsticks look and with with the nails i can climb trees
faster that's right oh
and that's how we know he's near because we see the scratches the bark oh i see
so it's not right away
you guys do investigate the next day we discover and you're like a detective
girl scout lady yeah and
you're like look at the tree well my friends are all looking at my my now
skinny dad and they're like
wow your dad looks different and all i can see are the i mean just a side
stroke eats a lot of girls
because you know you're single now right yeah but i know i'm not getting any
girls because i still have
this big gash of a hole on the side of my body from where a man was that's true
that's we need to call
ryan murphy with these ideas yeah yeah because i watched his show last night i
started the watcher
yeah watcher it's good oh i watched that whole thing you watched the whole
thing already is it
good it's good everyone say it's good the one about the house right yeah it's
very ryan murphy
do you know what i mean by that yeah no i don't i don't know who ryan it was
good i got scared are
you serious i swear to god american horror story never seen it glee you've
never seen one american
horror story it's been on for like 34 years i i see the billboards i'm like oh
that looks weird like
it's always like two like vampires attached to each other and like doing some
weird that's like the thing we
just wrote yeah you're literally doing you think i stole it yeah you did i
stole it from the billboard
no but it's very ryan murphy but bobby cannavale and uh uh uh why can't i think
of her name naomi
watts naomi watts you only got 52 on rotten tomatoes jennifer coolidge is and
my
boy richard kind my buddy richard kind is in it who kills it yeah they're all
great you know richard
kind yeah okay you know so many special he's he's the funniest person i've ever
met in my life
in my entire i'm not kidding his because he's got that very like it's like old
school new york jew like
everything yeah i'll be eating a meal and he'll go are you gonna finish and oh
wait wait what show
was he on with you i never did a show with him how did you meet him playing
golf it's you know i'm
tired of your fucking golf shit dud