Name: Bobby Eats Cupcakes Everyday | Ep 145 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-12-05T17:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Eats Cupcakes Everyday | Ep 145 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Eats Cupcakes Everyday | Ep 145 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-05. Transcript available.

Bobby Eats Cupcakes Everyday | Ep 145 | Bad Friends

Ho, ho, ho.
Ho, ho, ho, Matty, Matty.
Matty, Matty, Matty.
Merry Christmas to you.
Look what we have.
We have Christmas stuff.
Brand new Krimis merch.
Krimis merch.
Juicy's got the Home Alone shout out with her face,
and we did her glasses on it even, which is amazing.
Mine's just red with Bad Friends.
You've got the OG Bad Friends,
and I've got the ugly family Walmart photo.
Go to badfriendsmerch.com.
You can get all this stuff there.
It's great for stockings.
Okay, say some other stuff it's great for.
It's good for the under the tree.
And?
It's good for Santa.
And?
And the elves.
And?
Eggnog.
Okay.
Wearing this and drinking eggnog is so good.
Go to badfriendsmerch.com.
Hey, Bad Friends, I'm going to be in Boston, New Year's Eve.
Come out and see me New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve the night before.
If you already have plans on New Year's Eve, come see me the night before.
Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets.
andrewsantino.com.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
What the fuck are you talking about, man?
No, no, no.
Hold on.
All right, Max.
Deliver the keys and the Red Bull to...
Well, that's his name?
That's Max.
That's me.
Back up.
That's me.
That's our new intern.
I know, but...
Do you not know who our interns are?
I know, but...
Is he Spectrum or...
Is he?
Yeah.
You tell me.
He's like super spec.
What are the...
He's a super spec, dude.
Bring up some traits of people that are on the spectrum.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we'll just go down the list.
I'd love to know because I've been observing them and...
You want him to sit down and talk to them for a second?
I don't really...
Go ahead, Max.
Max, go sit down.
Max, right?
Sit down.
Max, sit down and put on the headphones and...
Do you get your hair styled from the Culkins?
I mean, did you see how Maloney went...
Oh, that's the one.
Oh, Macaulay?
Any of them.
Do you know who the other Culkins are?
No.
One of them...
Do you know that they're actors?
I know Macaulay Culkin.
He is the sickest.
There's another one.
Who's the other one?
The other one's on Succession.
You like Succession.
I've only seen like the first season.
Yeah, he's in every single episode.
He's on it.
Kieran Culkin.
Kieran Culkin.
Oh, really?
He looks exactly like Macaulay Culkin.
He looks just like Macaulay Culkin.
And who's the third one?
Rory.
Rory.
This is Rory.
What movie?
Nobody knows.
Signs?
Oh, yeah.
He was a Signs kid?
No, he wasn't.
Rory Culkin was in Signs.
He was the kid with the water.
No, the girl was with the water.
That's her brother.
Yeah.
Look at...
Wait.
Google Rory Culkin in Signs.
What did he do in Signs?
He was the son of fucking Mel!
God, don't get me angry.
It's a great movie.
What are you doing zooming out?
Wait a minute.
That's Rory Culkin.
Do you remember?
He tilts the fucking Mel's head.
That's him to the left.
Go back to the picture.
That first one.
Yeah.
Who's that guy on the left?
Is that guy...
That's Mel Gibson.
Is that Kanye West?
No, that's not Kanye West.
That's the first guy that did that.
I think he was...
Kanye West was influenced by this guy.
Is that Kanye East?
East.
That is right there.
Mel Gibson.
Yeah, so Rory Culkin was in Signs.
He was great in that movie.
Shout out to the Culkin clan.
They're killing it.
So did you see Signs?
No, never seen Signs.
Okay.
Do you know what it is?
No.
We'll tell you what the movie's about.
Well, so for our audience, by the way, this is our intern, Max.
He is a family friend of mine.
He's working for us.
And is he doing a good job, guys?
Yeah.
Fancy tells the truth, and Carlos says, and you know what, Carlos?
I like you more.
Yeah.
Because Fancy went like this.
You know how judgmental he is, Spanish people.
You're doing a good job, Max.
So Signs, tell him about Signs, because he's been out for so long.
So Signs...
It's about an alien invasion.
M Cheyenne.
M Nac Shamalax.
Oh, he makes good movies.
M Nac Shamalax.
Shamalax?
Shamalama Ding Dong did it.
Right, so he...
Basically, it's like a gay sci-fi...
Right?
It's a gay sci-fi movie.
It's a gay sci-fi movie.
It was the first gay sci-fi movie of his time.
So these aliens come down, and Mel Gibson sees them kissing in a field.
Okay.
And he's smoking a cigarette, and he sees...
Cigar, it's a cigar.
It's a cigar?
It's a Cuban cigar.
It's a Cuban cigar.
Because he's half Cuban in it.
That's right.
Right.
And he sees these two aliens kissing in a field.
That's him with his Cuban cigar right there.
Look at how fake those Cuban cigar.
And that's a Cuban right there.
Yeah, right next to him.
He hangs out with Cubans.
And right now, they're just friends.
They're just friends.
They're just friends.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Love that.
I've seen it.
Yeah, that's great, right?
You saw it?
I've seen science.
Yeah, and what happens is...
Two male aliens are kissing.
See, Mel is...
Mel, right, is a preacher, but he's gay.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
Right?
He's gay, but he hasn't come out to his family, right?
And he murders his wife, but that's, like, later.
Wait, he murdered her?
Yeah.
I thought the little boy kills her.
Through him, though.
Right.
He takes over his body.
Right, right.
Through him, he does it.
Right.
Mel Gibson is a gay...
This isn't hard.
No, no, I know.
Mel Gibson's a gay preacher.
He sees two gay aliens kissing.
The little boy embodies Mel and kills his wife, which is his mother.
Is the little boy the alien?
Huh?
Is the little boy the alien?
No.
The little boy's his son!
Human, yeah.
He's a human, right?
The fucking aliens are gay.
Those ones in the field, isn't his son?
His son's making love to another alien?
What are you talking about?
And you can tell that they're...
The only reason you know that they're gay, when the spaceship comes down, it's
like...
And then they come out, and they go, take me to your leader.
Your leader.
Your leader.
Leader.
Leader.
Leader.
Leader.
I thought that part, though, was like...
That was a little over the top.
Way over the top.
It kind of throws it off, but...
I just thought that was overkill.
They didn't need to be that, like, flamboyant about it, but...
Yeah, kind of stereotypical, but it was a different time.
It was.
But signs is a symbol, right?
And the sign is, is that, like...
This is the sign.
No, this is the sign.
That's how they say, take me to your leader.
On the two gay aliens, on their bodies, there is a...
They have a hieroglyphic, tattoo-y kind of a thing.
Yeah, what is it?
And it's like...
I don't remember.
Well, it's the...
A rainbow flag.
Oh, right.
It's the...
Well, no, no, no.
It's an all-inclusive flag.
Oh, that's what it was.
Yeah, because I think they updated it.
Well, that's how it came up, because the signs came out, and then that's how
they created
the...
That's right.
...sign for the movement.
And the end scene, the aliens are playing tug-of-war, but they're doing it with
anal beads.
So they're looking both in different directions, and they're pulling as hard as
they can, and
the beads are...
Oh, and Rory Culkin, for some reason, he does a jump rope thing.
So, no, they do the...
The thing goes...
They're anal bead jump roping.
He just assumes that it's playtime.
Right.
Right?
And he does, like, eight...
Mm-hmm.
Eight to ten, right?
I think it's ten.
And Mel goes, like, stop it!
Cut it out!
Cut it out!
That's what Mel says.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, that's the movie.
That's the movie.
That's a really good movie.
Yeah, you should see it.
And there's a twist, though.
Oh.
Yeah.
What is the twist?
M. Night always has a twist.
Yeah.
Do you remember what the twist was in Signs?
Well, the twist is...
Okay, so the kid ends up also feeling really gay.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, I think that's right.
Yeah, and then they find out the son isn't Mel Gibson's blood son.
That's right, that's right, that's right.
His mom was dead, and in her will, they find out that it's not really his
father, and then
despite the age difference, they fall in love, Mel Gibson and his non-biological
son, and
they're happily gay together.
That's it, that's it, yeah.
Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.
And they're also dead the whole time.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they are dead the whole time, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're all dead the whole time.
Yes, they are.
Yeah, that's it.
Which is, you know, he should change themes.
Like, he should switch it up, that Shyamalan, I think, though.
I know.
Well, the kid saw dead people in the original one, but this time, they were
dead themselves.
Yeah.
Well, that's pretty good.
That's pretty good, yeah.
Yeah.
It was no village, but it was pretty good.
Yeah.
It's pretty good.
You gonna watch it?
I mean, yeah, it's on my list now.
Let me ask you something, Max.
Is that your name, right?
Yeah, yeah.
How old are you?
I'm 20.
Where are you living?
He lives here.
I live here.
I know, but where?
Like, down the street.
But in an apartment?
No, with my parents.
Duh, that's mean.
I didn't do, what did I have to say?
That's mean.
It's, this time of year, I have allergies.
Oh, is that what it was?
Right, and so it just comes out.
Get him some Claritin.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry, get him some Claritin.
Yeah, with an R.
So, let me ask you something.
Your little dear parents?
He's 20 years old.
I didn't do anything.
Why are you making fun of him?
He's, like, 40 years younger than you.
I'm not making fun of him.
Fuck you.
I wasn't doing that.
Juicy, yeah.
I wasn't doing that.
I'm sorry if that came across that way, right?
No, it's fine.
Do you have a job?
This is my job.
This is his fucking job.
This is his job?
Yeah, we hired him.
I did?
I did.
Oh, but does it come out of my shit or no?
You better believe it.
Oh, my God.
Well, next time you hire people, can I go through that process with you?
Nope.
Okay.
No, he's an intern.
What are you getting paid, Max?
Experience.
Oh, so you're not getting any money now?
Goose egg.
Right.
We're going to give him a gift when it's over.
So when you come home and your parents are like, Max, you know what I mean?
Clean your room.
They're British, his mom and dad.
Max, clean your room.
No, that's a really good British accent.
Thank you.
Maximilian.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maximilian.
That's his real name.
That's what I love.
Right.
And then you go, oh, is this working?
Yeah, this is working.
How would you get paid?
Nothing.
And they feel good about that?
Yeah.
Okay.
This is a job interview for me.
Okay.
He's already got the job.
I know, but I just need to go through the interview, though.
You got it.
All right.
Thank you.
You good with this, Max?
Oh, I'm here for it.
You are?
Okay.
Let me, if I were to guess, you've had sex with one person?
Okay.
No, no.
First of all, first of all, first of all, that's illegal to ask about sex.
You can ask sex stuff in an interview.
Can I take it back?
No, it's over.
He's going to sue us.
We're fucked.
All right, let me take it.
Lawyer up.
I'm going to go a different direction.
Please.
Do you believe in God?
Is that better?
What are you doing?
Oh, you're not supposed to do that?
No.
All right.
Let me ask you.
Did you play sports?
It is illegal to ask a job candidate about their age or genetic information,
birthplace, country
of origin, citizenship, disability, gender, sex, sexual orientation, marital
status, family
or pregnancy, race, color, ethnicity, or religion.
You knocked out all of them.
Oh, I get it.
All right.
So now that I know the rules, may I start anew?
Of course.
Okay.
You like sports?
Yeah, I watch a lot of soccer.
Do you really?
Yeah.
Oh, this is something you guys have in common, common.
Really?
What club do you prefer?
Arsenal?
No, you don't.
Yes, he does.
Swear on my life.
You swear on your life?
His mother and father are from England.
Let me ask you some questions.
I'm just going to ask him some Arsenal questions.
Go on.
Yeah, go ahead.
Yeah.
What's the stadium called?
Emirates, of course.
Fuck.
And then before that, it was Highbury.
Top scorer of all time, Thierry Henry.
Keep going.
Keep going to Tickless Fancy