Name: White Shenanigans | Ep 146 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2022-12-12T17:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'White Shenanigans | Ep 146 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'White Shenanigans | Ep 146 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-12. Transcript available.

White Shenanigans | Ep 146 | Bad Friends

Hey, we're going to be at the Comedy Store.
Next week.
Next week, next Tuesday night, 8 p.m. in the main room.
All the proceeds, Bob, where are they going?
They're going to the doormen and women of the Comedy Store.
And they're all talented kids.
And we want to help them out for the holidays.
So it's going to be Bad Friends Lives.
Hopefully, if you guys let us sell out the 8 p.m.,
we can do the 10 p.m. afterwards and raise more money
for the men and women that work at the Comedy Store
to help them out.
And they'll be so happy.
Go to ComedyStore.com for tickets.
TheComedyStore.com.
I'm going to be in Boston, New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve.
Eve, get those tickets now.
We just added a late show to New Year's Eve.
AndrewSantino.com.
Come see me in Boston.
AndrewSantino.com.
Also, we got new merch.
Look at this.
Huh?
Look at that, baby.
Bob, show yours.
I love mine.
This is awesome.
We got new merch, guys.
Look at this.
New merch.
Look at it.
We're yelling at each other.
This is great stuff.
Go to BadFriendsMerch.com.
Or it's in the merch bar down below.
But if not, BadFriendsMerch.com.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
No, no.
You know how sometimes you go to a hotel and the valet, but they have to pay
that lady behind
the counter.
You know what I mean?
Wait, what?
You know how to go to a valet, you have to pay?
Sometimes you don't pay at the valet thing.
Rich people reference.
There's an actual little, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Desk thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what she looks like.
A desk girl.
A desk.
No, but only for valets.
What is it?
Because of her pants.
Just her vibe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Her energy.
I think it's cool.
You look like a general manager of an El Pollo Loco, but not in this country.
You know what I mean?
Like there's a new branch in Honduras, right?
Yeah.
And she's like, you're the general manager though.
What's on your forehead?
It's a pimple cream.
Oh.
And we shouldn't have brought that up.
Well, it's right.
I just didn't know what I had.
It's right there.
What do you want me to do?
Rocky Mountain High.
Let's talk about the pimple cream.
Well, this morning I woke up to like a really, really big zit and then I wanted
to pop it
because it was so painful.
Yeah.
And then I was in the mirror and when I popped it, it like squirted all over
the mirror.
Oh, I love it.
I love that.
Yeah.
One of my favorite things is popping a good pimple.
Do you use like a little needle to like poke it?
No.
What?
Just your fingers.
Oh, but sometimes it's like hard.
No, you just got to squeeze, baby.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
You puncture your face first and then...
Yeah, I've seen that online.
Yeah.
You know what I do?
It's disgusting.
You have the dogs do it?
No.
No, that's a good guess.
I appreciate that.
That's a really good guess.
What?
I just...
What I'll do is I'll bite my nail.
Take a nail.
I'll take a nail and I'll turn it into like a little shiv.
So I'll bite it, turn it into like a mini shiv.
Yeah, I got it.
And I'll pop it that way because sometimes I pop it in places there are no
needles.
Right, and I get that.
There's not needles everywhere.
And your nails...
You don't grow on trees.
Your nails are clean so you figured...
Oh, that's another good point and it's funny that you say that.
I wash my hands first.
Why not get the infection worse?
That's true.
I get that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's smart.
So the dirt under your fingernails now gets into the hole in your face.
Yeah.
Can I ask you a question?
Please.
You're not fully over your whatever you had.
Your voice is thick.
My voice sounds normal to me.
And then Friday night you were like a little grumpy on the phone.
Why was I grumpy on the phone?
I don't know.
I called you like, you're not going to be here?
And I go, what?
Oh, no.
I was in the main room of the store.
Yeah, let's talk about it.
I was in the main room of the store and the sound guy was coming to look to see
who was supposed
to be next and I was supposed to bring you on next, but I didn't bring you on.
I ended up bringing on somebody else, Benji Aflalo.
He's great.
Yeah, okay.
But the sound guy said, is Bobby not going to make it?
And I said, well, I'll call him.
And I said, Bob, your spot is next.
Are you going to be here?
And you said, no.
Yeah.
And I said, why not?
I was at the improv.
No.
You were done at the improv.
No, I was at the improv.
You were done.
Was I not at the improv though?
You were before, but you were done.
You could have made your spot, but you didn't want it.
So you just bailed.
So for all the fans out there.
No.
That paid for a ticket on Friday night and didn't get to see Bobby, he bailed.
Yeah, I'm there every night.
And if you really want to know.
If you really want to see him, you come every night.
He wanted to go get food.
Oh, damn.
That's it.
Now I know what to tell people when I'm working.
When I'm working and Bobby doesn't show up, I get a long line of people that
are really upset and sad.
How much for the car?
Are you going to get it?
The car?
Oh, yeah.
The valet.
Don't talk to me like that.
My point is, listen, okay?
Can I tell you what happened last night?
Stop calling in if you're not going to do the spots.
Fuck you.
I've seen you so many times cancel.
Never.
Yeah, you're right.
I never cancel.
That argument doesn't work.
But I tried.
And that's what's great about me, right?
I commit to whatever nonsense.
What happened last night?
Last night, I'll tell you what happened, right?
It's scary.
Fucking scary.
So I'm in the main room at the comedy store, in the green room.
And I was there.
I had a friend from Canada with me.
Okay.
Yeah.
I was sitting there.
Eddie Pepitone's there.
You know the old man?
Love Eddie.
So funny.
Yeah, that's awesome.
And he's there with his friend.
And then there's this black guy.
Okay.
What?
Well, just the way you went.
Yeah.
Like you laughed at him.
Oh, I did.
Yeah.
Can I say it again?
Yeah.
Guy.
Black.
There was a guy who was black.
Who happened to be black.
Just so happened to be black.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he's sitting there.
And everything's fine.
I'm like, you know, I was there a little early.
And we're all chatting.
This is guys sitting there on one of the, you know, where the bar is, that
little bar
that they don't serve or anything.
In the main room.
And he says something a little bit weird.
He's like, yo, a man, Trejo, Trejo on stage.
And I go, what?
Trejo, Trejo.
And I go, Jesus Trejo?
That's his name?
I go, yeah.
So that right there, you know, in your head, you're like, why would you?
You don't know him?
Trejo, Trejo.
Like, what do you do?
Who are you?
That's what I'm saying.
I'm waiting.
So I look on the list.
Because, you know, sometimes you have your, you know what I mean, the open micers
that
open the show, you know what I mean?
Don't point at her.
Not her.
I'm just saying, you know who I'm talking about.
You know what I mean?
The names.
You hire me.
I do hire you.
And you're fucking great.
Yeah, yeah, thank you.
You're cheap.
I mean, you're talented, but cheap help.
Like, I'm not getting fucking, uh, Nick, what's her name?
Nikki Haley, whatever her name is.
Who's Nikki Haley?
Um, anyway.
No, I tell you what that is.
Oh, she's a politician, right?
Yeah, her.
I can't get Nikki Haley.
What?
Does she do?
No, but she's running for the Republican, then.
She does stand-up?
No, she doesn't, I don't watch it, I don't watch it, I don't watch it, but she
should.
Her whole campaign is a stand-up.
Yeah.
Oh, it is?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Show me some Nikki Haley stuff.
No, no, no, but let me finish.
Let me finish my story.
Well, I might cast my vote for her.
Yeah, stand-up.
There is no stand-up.
By the way, Pete typed in Nikki Haley's stand-up.
It's insane.
Fire.
Stand-up for America.
Well, stand-up.
Oh, stand-up for America, yeah, yeah.
No, it's Stanford.
That's very good, though.
Yeah, yeah.
So what?
So what?
So this young black man.
Right, so then, can I tell the story?
Please.
Yeah, yeah.
So he goes, treo, treo, and I go, uh-uh.
And look, he's not on the list.
Then he starts mumbling, when do I get to go up?
Like, just randomly going that.
Asking, when do I get to go up?
Yeah, I'm going to go up.
Okay.
I'm not kidding you.
And from my peripheral, I'm like, there's something wrong.
Because he's also, his eyes are going all over the room.
Yeah, zigzagging.
He's like, when do I get to go up?
You know what I mean?
And I can't, I'm not good with confrontation.
I know that.
Right?
So I'm like, you're going to go up?
Well, what else do you say?
Nothing.
Yeah, yeah.
I leave.
I just leave.
No, no, no.
I double down.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Because I think we're not, but also, Eddie Pepper, they have no idea what's
going on.
Eddie doesn't know him either.
No, but he has no idea that there's danger.
Why is there danger?
Some guy doesn't, treo, treo, and going, when do I get to go up?
Sounds like a comic.
That's true.
That's true.
That is true.
So what?
Then he starts going like, yo, man.
He goes, I've seen you on the TikTok.
And I go.
That's right.
I know, but you have to understand that if you're a comic, you don't say that.
But I understand.
He has seen you on it.
I understand what he's saying, right?
But it's like, you know, me going, yeah, Dave, to you.
And I'd go, uh-huh.
Oh, okay.
So I go, okay, TikTok.
I should have done that.
He just doesn't know a lot of words.
Oh, that's true.
Okay.
It sounds like his vocabulary is limited.
So then I'm like, I got to do something.
Yeah.
Would you?
No.
You would just let him.
Immediately leave the room.
I know, but if I was the only person in the room.
Leave.
Then I would leave.
But I don't want to leave the room.
And then I come back and Eddie Pepitone's in 19 different pieces.
Oh, no.
Then I'll feel guilt.
He can defend himself.
He's fine.
Can he?
Oh, so you're the hero of the day?
Between me and Eddie Pepitone?
My money's on Eddie.
No, no.
That's offensive.
He's fucking a thousand years old.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He can fight for sure.
There's no doubt.
No, no.
He's a thousand years old, this guy.
Look at him.
He's the man.
That.
Okay.
Who's your money on Jules between him and Bobby in a fight?
He looks like he's going to have a heart attack.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So maybe to Bobby.
Thank you so much.
So you're saying the only reason that Bob would win is because he might have a
heart attack.
Yeah.
Right.
But outside of that, let's just say he has a real-
That's not of me doing anything.
That's just him killing himself there.
But let's just say he's got a really healthy heart.
Like, I know his vitals are great.
Okay, then maybe him.
Then him.
Truth is the truth.
What do you think, Jules?
I think Eddie would take the hit for the insurance money.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So he would lose on purpose.
He's a fall guy.
Yeah.
But what that means is he could still beat you if he wanted to.
So what do you do?
Anyway.
Okay.
So what do you do?
I go to the front.
I go to Jess.
And I go, I think there's a crazy person in the green room.
She's like, what are you talking about?
And I go, what do you mean?
There's a fucking crate.
Black.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
I should have done that.
No, no.
Leave it in.
No, leave it in.
I was just doing a callback.
I got it.
And then this fucking guy goes, we got to fucking cut it out.
No, it's great.
Leave it in.
It was just a joke.
It was a joke.
So look, you told Jess.
So I go, she goes, okay.
And she comes with me.
I go, no, you can't come now.
You can't come now.
She's like, why?
I go, because you're going to.
Then he knows that I'm the one that's north.
Right?
You got to come in eight minutes.
Time it.
I timed it.
Time your number.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I went back in there.
And then, lo and behold, Eddie Pertone's still alive.
Thank God.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm like, oh, he's not in pieces, right?
And the guy's still sitting there.
I go to the bathroom.
And I just pretend that everything's fine.
Right.
Right?
Right.
And then she