Name: R2D2 & C-3PO Are Fathers | Ep 150 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-01-23T17:00:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'R2D2 & C-3PO Are Fathers | Ep 150 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'R2D2 & C-3PO Are Fathers | Ep 150 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-23. Transcript available.

R2D2 & C-3PO Are Fathers | Ep 150 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends guess what what we invited a little roach
here today
to be at the studio show yourself a little piece of scumbag from the tiger
belly vert look at this
scumbag look at this mullet holland scumbag oh yeah yeah the roach the roach is
back there he is
with his new baby isn't it funny to see these two guys together these two guys
are dads stop
standing on them yeah basically in the in the star wars universe who are they r2d2c3
people
right aren't they yeah yeah just buffoons buffoons just foolishness i mean the
100 that was dead on r2d2 you are r2d2 for sure but and you're as annoying as c3
people yeah george
that is true every time even as a kid i was like boo i hated it george do your
best c3po impression
well i believe you've talked too much andres that sounds like you and that is
him yeah well the
english accent is gone yeah but it's fine it's fine well can you do a british
one i thought that was a
british accent yeah oh my god now the roach is back the roach is back and also
one of the sharpest
dressed cats in town that i've ever seen yeah what was that was that your cat
yeah okay come on is that that's how a cat sounds to you yeah that sounds
better wait wait what kind
of cat is it is it a house cat or i feel like you're doing like a that's a barn
cat a barn cat
something feral do you have you ever raised a cat not like have you ever seen a
cat have you seen a
cat yeah i've had cats in my house oh you have yeah okay i'm more of dog person
but my sister had a cat
growing up isn't everybody more of a dog person no there's some people are cat
people no i know but
you know those people are he's not he's not more of a cat person he built a cat
sanctuary for like 50
grand shut the fuck up man you did i did but shut the fuck it wasn't 50 grand
they're probably on
their scratching poster they don't go out there well how much was they don't go
out there is it done
finally it's done and there's like a little opening and i sometimes yesterday i
opened up the two flaps
and they just kind of look through it and they won't go through it and then i
go it's 20 grand
20 grand can i live in it it's outside but sure yeah but it's a free spot it's
a free spot actually
you do have to pay i was gonna say no year resolution yes we gotta get her into
her own
place so can it be in your little cat sanctuary yeah okay but you have to dress
up like a cat
really every day no well i mean just have catnip on your body so the cats go
out there i don't want
them in my house oh okay they won't go out there yeah but it's a bummer they
just they don't go out
i know but you know what what that's what that's how it goes what do you mean
that's the way the ball
rolls baby you do something and something doesn't happen and something doesn't
happen so you just have
to let that let the world just let it happen on its own like with kids and
stuff right you guys have
you have a baby on the way yeah you have two now george yep and in your head
you have dreams for them
correct oh big dream right it's never gonna work out never they're gonna go the
opposite direction and i can
almost my son is on the ceo track i'm uh that's my plan for him no his son what
do you think artist no
what is his son gonna turn into yeah i think his son is gonna turn into janitor
maybe i think i think
i think but ceo of a janitor company i might allow he's on the entrepreneur he
might be the janitor of
a ceo's office like he might clean he's the janitor at netflix corporate but he
tells girls that he
works for netflix kind of he does yeah yeah but he's that douchebag right right
he's cleaning up
that's good that's your son's gonna be a janitor a janitor at netflix your
daughter is gonna what
only fair yeah but but she's gonna have free subscriptions and she won't even
charge
i would kill myself would you really kill yourself if it was free subscriptions
right if she was doing
great at it we can only hope okay we can only wait wait if you she was doing
badly at something like
if she's doing poorly at selling herself then you'd be bummed but well let's
say she's one of the top
one percenters on only fans your daughter what are we talking i'd be a little i'd
like be a little
embarrassed at first but three months in i'd start bragging to everybody that's
right yeah what is this
feeling if your daughter is on only fans she's like dad i'm just doing bikini
shots and stuff and then you
subscribe and she's actually doing insertion what is i want to know what that
feeling is like well why
are you subscribing because you're you would investigate you're like i think my
daughter's lying to me but
she can see who subscribes no you can you create a different like name so you've
done this no yeah but
you've subscribed to only fans under fake names no i it's under bobby lee
everybody knows yeah but
why do you do it under your name and not under another person's name i don't
want you to ask that
question i know why tell me you like to get recognized yeah
juice juice juice juice juice let me tell you something that's a half truth
that is such a full
truth that's not a full truth yes that's a full hard-on that is an absolution
you get a boner when
people know that you're present it's not that yeah right in my twisted head
since i'm single i think
oh maybe i have a chance with the girl on only fan yeah but you know they're
not even doing those
they're not running those accounts i know i realize it's it's like teenage boy
do you not know this no
they don't run the accounts they hire out these third-party companies to do all
the work so they
take the photos and then they send the photos and videos to like a company and
then they're the
people that i know a girl who chats for other girls and she gets paid a fuckload
of money to chat
because every time they chat it's like 20 bucks a girl you know yeah so it's me
big deal all right
but sometimes they'll have like these broad uh those you'll get a message right
and they do these broad
messages like what are you doing tonight baby right oh and the first time that
happened i responded as
if it was specifically to me i have two shows one at the left right and then
like nothing back and
then i realized oh no it's just like this gigantic broad yeah thing you know
what if it was her you
know you got to keep responding just in case one day it's going to be them you
think that i'm going
to go i'm gonna have two shows and they're gonna be like oh cool can i get i'd
love to go yeah you
never know you may be maybe how many it was a teenage boy it would they would
definitely be like talking
it to him for bobby that's right okay can i get tickets to the show like you
got it how many how
many um how many girls are you subscribed to or have you subscribed maybe they're
all people i know
though 10 is a lot i know what is it is it well i'm zero so i think 10 is a lot
to me but i i i i
i subscribe when they're liars what do you mean how do they lie they lie when
they say like uh
you're gonna get more of this and this and you know they don't get it they'll
go hey do you want
to see my breasts yeah you know and then you 50 50 for their tits i know and
then you press it and
it's like them still in a bikini and you're like i could have saw that in your
instagram right you're
a liar you're a liar and so then you and i always call corporate only there's a
liar hello only fans
corporate hi um bobby lee here oh god hey yeah one of our one of our top subs
is here thank you
also could you say i mean this is not my complaint but it's like can i get
verified
i need the blue check mark can you tell us some of the recent credits that you've
got in television
or film oh yeah i'm on the bad friends podcast that's pretty good thank you but
that's not
going to get you all the way there anything else i open for tom segura
yeah one more maybe one more yeah uh i did a michael bay commercial how long
ago 25 okay
all right sir well then tell us what's the problem what's going on with only
fans that you're upset about
oh yeah so um i spent 50 on this girl and she's like do you want to see my
brass and i'm like oh
and i well she doesn't respond to me because she always says like what are you
doing tonight and
then i always say like i have two shows and she doesn't respond but anyway my
point is is that i um
i spent food and there was just a breath and it was the same photo as an
instagram so i paid
50 for no reason that's false advertising sure is yeah thanks for calling bye
that's it how could you
win there's no way to win could you imagine trying to file a lawsuit saying
that that you're you know the
false advertising i didn't see the nipple because tits are tits that's true
that is because the
breast is still the breast you got to be specific you got to say can i see your
nipples oh i see so
do you want to see my nipples and then you want to see my nipples on my tits
yeah
right well i mean what if she has no bra but there was no nipples it was just
the breast part
kind of like there was some sort of accident that happened and she got her nipples
oh that's cool
that's kind of cool yeah because it's like you know sometimes you take the
eyebrows
off of photos from people and they look different yeah maybe then when the nipples
are gone it
completely looks like a different thing they look a balloon
yeah yeah they might look different yeah i don't know i kind of what with the
vagina like
if the vagina had like no lips or like a dick no what do you mean like a dick
coming out of it
it was a lipless vagina yeah yeah would that change the it would change the
look of it i'm
thinking about it right now i know what you guys are describing what what a barbie
doll yeah
barbie dolls don't have openings i've tried that's what i'm saying to look to
look well i mean i i've
no i mean no well i've been i've seen a barbie before and i look and i go there's
this it's just
like a flat surface crack her legs open she's not a chicken you just crack it
out of anger
there's no magic but you're right barbie dolls do it barbies have smooth tits
no nipples yeah and
they have a slope yeah juice did you have barbies i actually used to bury my
barbie dolls
well sounds like a story time go ahead i don't know why i would cut their hair
and then they'd look
weird and i'd go but you know i grew up in the desert so it was like the
suburbs but the backyard was all
dirt and i'd go back there and bury them and my dog would go take them out and
chew them up and my
mom do you know why it's like your dog did that naked dirty chewed up do you
know what you're my god
dude this is like dommer yeah well i got it out of my system that's right
because your dog knew they
were still alive that's right and the dog could hear oh yeah my dog's my best
friend so she was like
i better finish them how many barbies did you bury in the backyard i would say
like three to five
i didn't have like an unlimited amount but wait a minute so you got bought
these and was your mom
never like what happened to your dolls i think we just laughed about it maybe
she was scared to ask me
i don't know your mom your mom i should ask her more i used to do that too i
used to buy i used to
bury little toys but she definitely thought it was weird do parents have
inventory of what they bought the
kid like i don't know if as a parent i'd be like oh no what happened to the
playstation that i bought
my son three years ago well playstation's a pretty obvious one that one's a big
one or the ball
well balls balls kids love balls right like barbie dolls if she only had five
of them and they were all
gone at one point your mom would be like didn't you start barbies oh that's
right what happened to
the fucking barbies yeah do you have limits on what you're allowed to buy your
kids like do you have
a discussion with your wife over like can't get too many gifts and all that
stuff also get off the apple
box