Name: Broken Butts & Bubba Gumps | Ep 151 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-01-30T17:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Broken Butts & Bubba Gumps | Ep 151 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Broken Butts & Bubba Gumps | Ep 151 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-30. Transcript available.

Broken Butts & Bubba Gumps  | Ep 151 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends i do want to say welcome back happy new
year happy
new year it's been a long time welcome back and happy new year i hope everybody
is watching
cheeseburger on netflix my brand new netflix special i hope you do it i hope
you went into
the theater of course i did what is this happy birthday dude what is this i don't
know what it
is oh cheeseburger for my special pete yeah yeah oh thank you guys yeah and now
we can't eat that
chemicals i can't have graffiti on my hamburger that's insane yeah is this a
banksy now can we
sell this yeah we can sell street art now thank you guys that's very nice of
you yay bobby get a
cheeseburger everybody gets one oh they're warm are these in and outs yes baby
oh thank you and
ladies and gentlemen welcome back in the new year 2023 it's the juice the juice
yeah is loose she
is so she's so full of herself i love it what's going on she needs direct hellos
oh i've been driving
up to this comedy store she's doing the lot she now needs direct hello i'm
working a lot this is what
you know minimum wage i'm paying my dues bobby comes your choice by the way we're
not forcing you to
work there that's true i'll give you that we would have to we would have to pay
her more money so she
doesn't have to that's right so we're here but it is by choice i'm working a
lot and bobby peels in
it's a small lot he peels in gets out of the car i go whoa speed racer he looks
at me like
doesn't say nothing yeah this right here is like you know what dignitaries in korea
yeah say that to
other dignitaries that's the highest honor to do a little black head like
attitude thing it wasn't an
honor you were looking at me because you were with a beautiful woman and you
were looking at me like
why are you talking to me right now and you didn't say hi to me and then i
laughed and i was like okay
and then you go you need medication and then you walked away i got a laugh out
of the girl yeah
yeah i mean you need medicate you're right i made it seem like that you were
like kind of like
yeah what for 30 minutes driving up i go there's a right right so don't even
lock eyes with her
you know i mean she's very strong and i did this whole thing and then i did and
she only communicates
by the head right so i did the head thing right and she giggled and we walked
in the club
and why the medication line did i really say that line yeah did you did you tip
on the way out in
front of the girl no no whoa that's unusual for you yeah yeah no but you
apologized i did apologize
well the truth be known if you want what are you doing um thank you pete guys
grab a cheeseburger
what are you doing yeah the truth be known um i've been so used to calling you
juicy
i've forgotten your real name
what
for a second i've forgotten her real name well you could have just said hi
i know what is your real name i don't know either
jason you don't know her real name it's jason or jeffrey or jet ski
is it all right if i introduce you as juicy then from now on
yeah all right but it might jenna jenna jesse jenna ski mask is the new one
yeah so um is it jessica
yeah oh yuck yeah middle name brooke jessica brooke what sorority were you in
i'm jessica brooke and i'm an ad pi
totally different route i could have
yeah dude you could have been a hardcore you could have been like a were you a
cheerleader in high school
no marching band oh that's right yeah fucking nerd but you know what they say
about kids in the band
school shooters later
i was gonna say they're like freaks they're like sex freaks
i don't know aren't they aren't the band kids like the horniest kids on earth
oh yeah we're doing a lot of mouth stuff
what like with the instruments oh yeah
what do you call the group i'll tell you what group i was i was the guy
underneath the bleachers what do you call that guy
pervert oh that's right yeah like all those perverts
we didn't stop back there yeah still pervert
oh because you want to look at people you want to look people
not during the game it was during the day
okay oh wait during the football game i'm looking up
yeah yeah check it out dude you can see your bush
yeah in high school were you like let me guess
i was in the shed in the football shed
what is that
yeah the equipment shed i was in the equipment shed
you were half koala bear
no no no i would they would stuffed me in there oh i see
no like stay in there ginger freak you weren't you weren't the jock
like you weren't the popular like jockey kind of guy
i kind of towed this weird line because i like drugs i liked weed a lot
and most of my friends were potheads
like my closest group of friends my my best friend from high school
we met smoking ditching class and getting high yeah
so that was my crew was like but i also played sports so i could mingle with
both
but i wasn't i was never committed you know what i mean
yeah yeah like but sometimes i go to popular cool kids parties
and um i'd bring people that they wouldn't like
oh right right do you know what i mean like the cool kids didn't like that i
traveled with kids who also had drugs and arrest records
so it was like this weird like santino's cool but you can't bring these other
guys
and it's like well then i'm gonna leave
really well because those guys got drugs i gotta go with the guys that have
drugs
right your house is nice but i gotta go get high
so you're one of those guys that probably
was were friends with everyone
i had a lot of friends in different groups i was pretty cool about like
i had a lot of groups yeah like
i knew kids in insert and all different like vectors
for me it's if i went to school now
now i would be friends with the
ones that like are a little cuckoo
right because if the day comes
yeah right that they might give you a pass
right right right this is it this is the reenactment
yeah
yeah yeah give yourself to jesus
yeah
bobby lee yeah remember i gave you the tootsie
the tootsie roll guy the tootsie roll guy
hey hey i love you thanks can you point
oh sorry sorry yeah yeah i love you
you wanna know the tootsie put throw it in my mouth
yeah
oh oh oh oh oh fuck i didn't mean to say
oh and then and then you're a hero
i want people magazine to cover
you stopped a school shooter
yeah yeah i'd be like yeah like i've been practicing throwing tootsies in
people's mouths
you know what i mean for like eight years and i just knew i timed it out you
know he opened his mouth i just whipped it right in his mouth
60 minutes to do a piece about you at your home with like a little target and
you're just sitting with sticky tootsies and you're throwing it against the
wall
yeah
or i could take a pez dispenser i could throw the pez the opposite way
i'll put that in it
yeah
what were you juice were you a cool kid in high school
i was like you in a sense where i had friends with a lot of different groups
yeah i was friends with the marching band the orchestra the choir
oh no
that's all the same one
yeah
i feel like that's the same group
she's like flags uh right the brass section the woodwinds
yeah woodwinds woodwinds were the shit
yeah i i i knew nobody in that section
but i i guess the only musicians i knew were like guys like you
what guys like me
well guys that did drugs and experimental music
like i'm friends with a lot of those kind of guys
oh the jazz musicians
no no no no no no no no
what the fuck are you talking about
jesus christ jesus how long have you known us
jazz
i went to this high school field trip to we went to a college to watch the
college jazz band play
and they this guy took me like one of the student teachers took me into this
car ride with one of the college trumpet players
and i thought i was like oh cool i'm gonna hang out with them before their big
concert
and they rolled this giant blunt and we drove around flagstaff arizona just
smoking this blunt
and then they were like oh shit we gotta get her back to class
and they dropped me off and i was just high as shit and i know my whole band
could sell
oh wow
i always felt like i was gonna get in so much trouble but
i mean that's the best way to learn jazz
yeah that is
that is real
one time uh we skipped out and i had um
uh it was the end of the year
and we had uh chemistry
and in chemistry they told us we were gonna do tie-dye
and chemistry for me was right after lunch and i was like all right so we're
gonna go get stoned at lunch
and then we'll come back and do tie-dye shirts because that was kind of like
you know at the end of the lesson plan season they're like just
fucking something related to the subject a little bit they're not trying at all
the teachers yeah
so this woman was like we'll just do tie-dye right uh and everyone was stoked
so we went out and got stoned and this particular day i remember my buddy john
martitius was like he's like this is purple haze and i was like okay dude what
you know like the names of weed at some point we were like yeah sure dude
whatever it's all the same let's get high
and i got so unbelievably high that i remember walking up to the stairs to go
back into the gymnasium and seeing them it was like three levels and i got
nervous about how long it was gonna take me to get up all the stairs
and then i as soon as i finished that that one goal done then it was getting to
the classroom wow almost impossible wow got there was so fucking high she knew
something was wrong i couldn't tie-dye
couldn't figure it out wait wait you're so high you can't tie-dye it's the only
thing you should be able to do because the rubber bands i didn't understand she
was explaining how you could do the rubber bands in different ways and i just
fucked it up every i would fuck it up i'd over dip and then under dunk
your shirt came out perfectly orange yeah it's this shirt this is the shirt
that i made in high school it's just all black i just feel like it's the
simplest thing to do it's like jackson
pollock painting i was so like you can't do that i know dude but i was just i
was it was uncomfortably high i couldn't focus i was getting nervous
about everyone thinking that i was acting weird did you have in in your school
did you have do you have to raise your hand to go to the bathroom or could you
just leave no you absolutely
had to ask we had to have hall passes dude because we had so many kids who
would ditch or skip and all that shit
yeah you had to have a fucking hall pass do you remember that guys yeah suck we
had one girl that could just leave
because she was no no it turns out she was i swear to god i don't want to say
her name but her name is very
like that's what you had to call it yeah we had a couple of those oh you were
in the special class
maybe i was i had to wear a helmet is that bad but they made you wear a
football helmet yeah yeah yeah no we had we had a couple of kids that had
uh tourettes that were allowed to come and go as they pleased when they felt
like they were overwhelmed
no this girl was born without an anal muscle i gotta go no i'm not kidding that's
enough for me
what do you mean no what do you mean she was born with no anal muscle well you
just gotta get it just gotta
lift some ass weights i guess back in the day they did a drawstring
around the i swear to god so she had a little drawstring i'm not kidding you
dude
yeah and you close it up that way i guess this day right it was a little wet
fucked up the drawstring
right and it kind of on you know it opened up a bit oh no right so she was able
to go
walk out and every time she would walk out the whole class would
i wouldn't no everybody but you i'd be jerking off i can see her drawstring
yeah yeah yeah no but she
and her i can't see no do not say her name i i know but i'm gonna tell you why
i i'll tell you why
i have to say her name and then you have to beep it out right okay her name was
no way i swear to god that's what her name was what right so it's so you have
to understand
is uranus leaking yeah so u