Name: Bobby’s 1st Year of Celibacy | Ep 161 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-04-10T16:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby’s 1st Year of Celibacy | Ep 161 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby’s 1st Year of Celibacy | Ep 161 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-10. Transcript available.

Bobby’s 1st Year of Celibacy | Ep 161 | Bad Friends

Bad friends! We're doing it. We're back and guess who we're back with? The
return of Juju Juju Juju. Juicy. Did you call her Jamie? I don't know what you
were going to say. Jamie? Is that Juicy right? Jessie? Her name isn't Jamie?
Because you were going J and I go Jamie. Okay Jamie. Yeah yeah. Alright so
Jamie's back. Jamie's here. Hey Jamie. Jesse. Yeah. Are you excited to get on
the bus and go on tour with us? Where are we going first Bob? What city?
Oklahoma. Oklahoma City. City. You better come out and see us.
Kansas City. Is that the OK Corral? OK Corral. Is that where that is? OKC at
the OK Corral. Where else are we going to go? We're going to go up to Kansas
City. Kansas City. Great Barbecue. Then we go to St. Louis. St. Louis. That's
where The Wire. No that's Baltimore. That's Baltimore. Oh my bad. And then we
go to Indianapolis. Indianapolis. Oh my. I love that. Then we go to Detroit,
Michigan. Motor City. My sister. My sister's going to that show. Your sister's
going to be at that show. Then we go to Louisville, Kentucky. Well I'm going to
go to Flint and drink the water. Okay. It's supposed to be pretty good. I love
the water. We go to Louisville.
Louisville where the horses are. You want to go see the horsies buddy? They don't.
Oh do you have miniature ones? Yeah for you. I like the miniature ones. They
have ponies. After Louisville we go to Nashville, Tennessee.
Tennessee. In Tennessee. April 20th. 420. 420. Bring your pot. Bring your
acoustic guitar and your cowboy boots. Yeah. And let's boot scoot and
boogie down in Nashville. Where else are we? Then we go to Atlanta, Georgia. We
got two shows. Late show got added. First show, done. Late show in Atlanta
added. Atlanta come on out. Then we go to Memphis, Norfolk, Virginia. We go to
Durham. Come on. North Carolina. And Charlotte. Then we go to San Antonio,
Texas.
Texas. One of my favorite towns. How many shows do we have in San Antonio? 52.
Two, two, two, two, two, two shows. Two shows I mean. Two shows in San Antonio.
We got Bayou Music Center, Houston, Texas.
Houston, Texas. And we go to Bayou Music Center. And then we finish it up at
the pavilion. At a factory. In Irving, Texas, which is actually where? Dallas.
At the Toyota. It's at the factory? Toyota factory?
It's at the, where we all, everybody gets a Toyota in Dallas. If you come out
to the show. Yeah, a Yaris. Everybody gets a Yaris. Then we go to Spokane.
Those are exact $7. We go to Spokane, Washington, Seattle, Washington, Portland,
Phoenix, Arizona, where Juicy's entire friends and family are coming out. Then
we go to the Dingleberry of the United States, Florida. Jacksonville, St.
Petersburg, Hollywood, Orlando. Let's go. And we finish off a few of these
dates with two shows in Riverside, one in San Diego.
San Diego. And then we peel back off to the East Close, Montclair, New Jersey,
Port Chester, New York. Let me read one. Then we go to where? Baltimore. Where
the Wire. And then where? Philadelphia. That's where the AIDS movie is. That's
right. I love that AIDS movie. Tom Hanks is going to be joining us on stage in
Philadelphia at the Met. Dude, out of all the AIDS movies, that's my favorite
one. It's your favorite. Yeah. Then we have two shows in Toronto where Drake is
going to be at one of the two shows. We're not going to say which one. Yeah. So
hopefully you'll pick the right one.
the right one okay and after that oh is the weekend coming the weekend has
nothing to do with toronto
i don't even know what that he's canadian he okay cool he's i heard he likes me
he's gonna be there
rochester new york guys at the kodiak rochester northfield ohio homestead pa we're
bringing it
home you guys let's party go to badfriendspod.com come see us badfriendspod.com
badfriendspod.com
all right let's start the show you two are bad friends who are these two idiots
white dude and an asian dude you two are disgusting you two are something we're
bad friends
um i want to ask i want to ask jesse sorry for calling you jamie earlier it's
all right i just
had a my dad used to date this lady named jamie we hated her oh tell me i want
to know all about jamie
she used to steal stuff from us uh i remember she like went to like hit my
sister one day and my
sister was like 12 and she goes what are you gonna do hit me and i was like oh
i thought it was the
coolest thing i've ever did she have freckles um why i i needed i need a
description of my mind yeah but
don't be discriminatory to people with friends if she says no it could be no
yeah but she's taking a
shot at me by doing that okay did she what kind of size breasts that's again
that's at me yeah i'm a b
plus right now is she average like five eight she dead now oh she did oh so she's
three foot one
they shrink she's six feet under she's six feet down yeah hey why did she die
no i don't know much
it was just like posted on facebook i found out a couple years ago what a bummer
that that's what
death is equated to now yeah facebook but when she died did you cry at all no i
was just did you smile
so my dad's remarried and i love myself and so and she's been in we've been in
family for so long
this is ancient history so i just kind of forgot about this lady it was just
awful but but i think
you told me one time i think you told me one time that she died jamie died in a
crazy funny way what was
it again yeah it was a uh whoopie cushion accident i'm not kidding whoa what
happened she sat on it and
it was like it like blew up but it also made the noise which is why i'm
laughing oh she died so she
got it it was like and then she died you know what a whoopie cushion would be
even better if you could
put farts in it put an actual fart in it because people put air in it but if
you can actually put a
fart in it it gives it that double you know what i mean like it's a fake fart
but not it's real it's
real almost that's actually but not out of a butthole yeah but we should invent
that here but how how
how what do you mean how would you feel well what where do farts come from we've
got to figure that out
what is a fart air it's gas it's gas it's a build up of gas check it out right
i got it right here
it's air or gas is it a gas it's a gas if you put air let's you put um poo
think about it poo in a
plastic bag and then yes correct you could do that does it turn into gas that's
right it would right
yeah somehow put that no yeah put that in it should i call my engineering buddy
i don't know it's just
an idea you need to you need to look up this video right now there's a guy that
they so sometimes they
can extricate gas from cows watch a guy release gas from a cow and then light
the the methane on fire
so check this out okay this this guy extricates like gas from the cow and and
he lights it on fire
look at this like a that's like a like a flamethrower wow that's because all
the gas coming out of that cow
wow the flammable methane gas from a cow is displaced uh what is it called abomin
embolism i got
it i got it you take the whoopee cushion you put it at the end of that instead
of lighting it on fire
you let because it's coming out right but the but the flame is burning off the
methane yeah we take
the flame out you don't light it that's how we fill up whoopee cushions that's
what i said i know but
we sell that we have to sell them full but then how do you refill them it's a
one-time use okay one-time
use you put that in the packaging i get it yeah one-time use only right i'm in
and if you want to put
regular air you can use it after that but then it's going to taste like fart oh
you blow into it
yeah yeah it's like a fun interesting um yeah so anyway um by the way have you
ever had a valet
fart in your car when you go to pick your car back up he has what do you mean i
fought in your car
well that's probably true yeah yeah no but i picked my car from the valet the
other night yeah and a
hundred percent he farted in my car you can't you can't prove it that's why
what do you mean you
weren't witness to the fart it could be anything i had dinner for an hour and
25 minutes right a fart
cannot sit that long so i didn't do it what's a rat huh a rat a rat a mouse you
think i have animals
in my car where are these there could be a little mouse underneath your seat he
farted yeah so the
mouse farted check this out you're drunk one night you got taco bell right i
never but yeah okay okay
hypothetically okay get right half a bean burrito right mouse shit i've been
down here for six months man
how did why did the mouse get into my six months is so long it's a theory i got
it right bean burrito
right he eats it right fart and then he knows the valley is going in i can
blame it on this guy
right well raul right right well he doesn't have to blame anything because i
don't know the mouse is
under there for six months okay how did he get the burrito who the mouse you
dropped it drunk one night i
dropped a huge so first of all i'm drinking and driving and i just drop a whole
burrito under my
seat because when i used to get drunk i used to wake up with like a um what do
you call it oh sausage
mcmuffin with egg you wake up and you're like you have something on your face
you know i mean like a
sandwich you fall asleep you fall asleep like that one time in college we did
the thing where i cooked
a pizza i put in the oven and it caught on fire because i left it and i fell
asleep oh almost
burnt the apartment down my bad boys it didn't it didn't but it was burnt to a
crisp and it was
stinky stinky and smoky smoky that was my fault i bet you are fans at home
someone's fallen asleep and
put a pizza in the oven i've done that but i took it out but it was already
burnt anyway so i just woke
up the next morning and there's a burnt pizza in my bed did you eat it no but
it felt like a one night
stand where i woke up and i was like oh what did i do last night what did i do
with you last night
burnt pizza have you ever made a homemade pizza yeah i tried it oh yeah no you
go to what vons and
they have that one thing it's like um yeah what's it called it's like it's
already crusted well they
have pizza dough no not pizza dough it's another thing that's already like the
and then you just put
cheese and it's crust no it's pizza crust that's already cooked yeah right and
that's what i meant and
frozen no not frozen where what do you mean i can't even explain it it's like a
dried
i know what you're talking about what you do really it's in that clear bag yeah
yeah it's clear
back yeah and it's like baked already it's already baked so it is cooked like i
just said is that what
you said we keep saying the same thing what is going on no no i get what he's
saying no you don't
don't do that but but whenever i did that it just didn't taste good it's never
i've never done it
with a rick real dough oh i've done it with real dough really is it worth it
yeah so worth it i have a bread
maker i'm not to brag rich now tanya papa over here yeah little tom papa where
do you get that
my grandma gave it to me oh it's one of those it's hand-me-downs yeah i guess
he doesn't like stuff
like i don't like hand-me-downs why because you can go to bed bath and yambayana
get a new one right
yeah like a high-tech one i like mine by dyson it tastes better when it's made
with love look at
that oh wow it does it does no my friend's mom my friend michelle's dad i mean
mom my friend's dad
um had a brick brick uh brick pizza oven in their backyard brick oven pizza
oven and it was
that's what they say it's good it's so good and he would make us pizzas i would
sit there i'd eat
pizzas all night what do you do about sauce what do you mean what kind of sauce
yeah do you go like
prego no you gotta get yourself a can of smashed tomatoes and uh put it in a
put it in an emulsifier
you gotta emulsify the smashed tomatoes put parsley you can put a little bit of
uh you can put a little bit of
bodjabu in there yeah and gajagun you know what the best you ever had bodjabu
and gajagun
bodjabu and gajagun and here's what