Name: Bad Breath Friends | Ep 164 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-05-01T16:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bad Breath Friends | Ep 164 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bad Breath Friends | Ep 164 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-01. Transcript available.

Bad Breath Friends | Ep 164 | Bad Friends

Hey, Bad Friends, we're on tour.
We're on tour right now.
And look at the run that we're going on.
We're going to go on the Texas run.
We're going to look.
This week, we're going to be in San Antonio, Dallas, Houston.
And then we go up to the Northwest.
We go to Spokane, Seattle, Portland.
And then we end this West Coast run.
And then we go to Phoenix, where my mom is.
Bobby Mama.
I'm Bobby Mada.
And then after the big break, we go down to Florida and finish the rest of the
tour.
We'll go to BadFriendsPod.com, BadFriendsPod.com for those tickets.
And we want to say sorry to our friends in Virginia.
Yeah, so sorry.
And we had a scheduling conflict.
We had to cancel it, and we had a scheduling conflict.
It was stuff out of our control.
I am so sorry we had to reschedule.
We'll figure it out.
We'll get back out there sometime, somehow, someway.
It wasn't us.
No, we're going to make it up.
We're going to make it up.
It was out of our control.
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm sorry about that.
Carlos' fault.
It's all Carlos' fault, Virginia.
Blame it on Carlos, the glory hole king.
Go to BadFriendsPod.com for tickets.
BadFriendsPod.com.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
And we're back.
We're back.
We're back with the boy that kissed the Dalai Lama.
There he is right there.
So how was it when the Dalai Lama kissed your tongue?
I thought it was weird.
It was a little strange.
He has a thick tongue.
Did you see it, Juice?
Did you see the Dalai Lama kiss a little boy's tongue?
Oh, I watched it a lot of times.
Let's check it out.
I know this episode is going to come out way after this,
but man, do I want to see this.
Yeah, yeah.
Give me smooch.
Whoa.
Give me a kiss.
Oh.
So weird.
Yeah.
So weird.
So weird.
Does the Dalai Lama have not people,
like other monks around him going,
yo, yo, yo.
Yo, yo, yo, cameras.
Dalai cameras.
There's a Catholic church down the street.
We can go there.
Well, but look.
But look.
The funniest part about it is,
he didn't sneak it.
He stuck it out and led with it.
You know when you see someone go like this,
when you see someone like go to kiss someone,
they go.
Oh, right.
He led with his tongue.
He led with the tongue.
You got to chill out, get there,
then look at his tongue.
Right.
You close mouth and then you dart the tongue in.
Like a little arrow.
Yeah.
He sparked controversy,
film kissing a boy.
Suck his tongue.
What a weird.
He asked him.
Well, that's what namaste means.
Oh, that's namaste.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
People don't know what namaste means.
That's what it means.
Suck my tongue means namaste.
Namaste.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That being said.
That's a weird.
You think it's over?
No, no, no, no.
It's the beginning.
I think we're going to find out how many tongues he's kissed.
Right.
I think this is the Dalai Lama's thing.
That's my opinion.
Yeah.
Are they celibate?
Do they have to be?
Does the Dalai Lama has to be celibate or no?
Because then we got a whole Catholic church thing going.
Pete, you say yes?
I say yes, yeah.
Pete says yes.
Carlos has no idea.
I say no.
Ultimately, the Dalai Lama who, like all Tibetan monks, is celibate himself.
Yes.
So yes, said gay marriage was up to each government and was ultimately
individual business.
No.
Gay marriage is, no.
Come on, Dalai Lama.
It can be a business.
This says he voices support.
That doesn't sound like he supports gay marriage.
That sounds like he's saying, yeah, kind of.
It's up to you.
If the local government says you can't.
Yeah.
What he's saying, he's like, look, if they stone you, they stone you.
I think you got to let them do whatever the fuck they want.
Who cares?
That's insane.
Gay marriage?
This is a gay marriage, by the way.
You and I.
What?
This is a legal gay marriage.
Yeah.
We've been performing together for how many years now?
This has got to be under California state law.
They don't have that.
We rent this place together.
I know, but I looked it up.
They don't have it.
You're worried about it.
I don't want to marry you.
Too late.
I don't want to be legally fucking bonded to you.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Oh, there's going to be two versions.
You do the American version.
We do the Asian version.
Gong, gong, gong, gong.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Juicy is back in the studio with us.
Thank God, because, man, did we miss you.
Yeah.
Where have you been?
You know, after that tour we've been doing, I've slipped in.
Yeah, we've been on tour.
We've been on tour.
So much.
So heavy.
How much fun have we had on tour?
Oh, I love it.
It's been incredible.
I love it so much.
It's been incredible.
Yeah.
Can't wait to do more.
Yeah, I can't wait.
And can I just say one more gripe I have?
Give me the gripes.
I'll give you one gripe, right?
I was driving down the street.
I almost had an accident because I looked at a billboard, right?
They did another Peter Pan.
What are you talking about?
I can't watch another Peter Pan.
There's a new one.
And you know the two things that whites do?
Peter Pan every year and they make a Robin Hood.
I don't like any white people dressed in green.
Can I tell?
First of all, that's my ancestry.
That's my history.
You know, leprechauns can do it.
Thank you.
Right, but.
What's wrong with Peter Pan and Wendy?
Every year they make a movie about Peter Pan and Robin Hood, man.
What's wrong?
Why?
What's wrong with this Peter Pan?
Why don't you like it?
Because I know the story.
Look at that.
That's literally our show.
That's you on the left.
Yeah.
That's juicy as Peter Pan.
So would you be Peter Pan?
I'm Hook for sure.
I'm the.
You're Tinkerbell.
Tinkerbell.
Yeah, you are.
I gotta be Tinkerbell.
Is Tinkerbell in this?
Is that Tinkerbell?
I don't know.
The black chick on the right?
There's never been a fat Asian guy as Tinkerbell, by the way.
Can you imagine?
Yeah.
He'd have to take so many breaks flying around.
He wouldn't be able to fly.
He'd just be walking around with his wings.
A flightless Tinkerbell?
Yeah, flightless.
Yeah, it's the black girl.
Wait, who is it?
That's what's her name?
I know her, right?
Yara Shahidi.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, Yara Shahidi.
No, she's famous.
She's really good.
She's super talented.
So she's Tinkerbell.
Who's Pan?
Who's playing Pan, my dog?
Who we got on Pan?
Probably a black guy.
Oh, Gaffigan is in this.
That's right.
I heard that.
Peter Pan is a kid named Alexander Maloney.
Oh, so they went a different way.
What do you mean?
Zoom in.
I'm not.
They went a different way.
I gotta be honest with you.
Yeah.
Okay, you look at that picture of that gentleman.
Yeah.
That looks like Tinkerbell to me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That totally looks like Tinkerbell.
What?
That looks like Tinkerbell.
Why couldn't that be?
By the way, why couldn't Tinkerbell be a guy?
Why not?
That's true.
Yeah, if we're fighting all this equal rights shit,
then how come Tinkerbell can't be a guy?
Thank you.
A fat Asian guy.
Oh, so who's playing Rufio?
Oh, different movie, dude.
Totally different.
That's a completely different world.
You're involving two completely different storylines in a thing that-
Wait a minute, is that Peter Pan?
Nah, it is, but that's like under the umbrella of the Pan universe,
just like Hook is under the umbrella of the Pan universe.
Peter Pan is the star of this.
Okay.
Rufio exists, Hook exists, but in this one, the stars are-
You know, Jude Law is playing Captain Hook in this.
Uh-huh.
Perfect.
Oh, sick.
Perfect.
Gaffigan's playing Shmi, which is amazing.
Amazing.
No Rufio, because I don't think-
Maybe they don't show Rufio some love.
Okay.
You know the Rufio, Rufio.
Rufio.
You know that guy, that actor?
I love him.
What's his name?
Why can't I think-
His name is, they're brothers, because I used to audition against them all the
fucking time.
Dante?
Dante Bosco.
Dante Bosco.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dante and his brothers, I used to see them at commercial auditions in the 90s.
He's the man.
Yeah.
This dude, he can rap, breakdance, he can do everything.
He can do everything, dude, this guy.
Look at him.
Sing, he's pretty.
Yeah.
He's got it all.
Half mustache?
Half stache.
Yeah.
You can't grow a real, real beard, though.
I know, but he can't even grow a full mustache.
Look at that.
Get peppered in.
Okay.
They paint it in.
There's that one.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Okay, so if this studio, if Bad Friends became, for real, let's be honest, if
Bad Friends
became Peter Pan, if they do the rendition next year, you're complaining, but
if they offered it to us, we would all do it, right?
Okay, well, Pete would play the boat.
Come on, man.
Well, you can float, right?
That name is Pete.
Who would be the boat out of us, this crew?
All right, Pete's the boat.
Pete's the boat.
First of all, Pete would be Shmee.
He'd be Shmee.
Okay.
I want to be Hook.
Right.
Peter Pan has got to be Juice.
That's got to be Peter Pan.
Even though he's a redhead, clearly a role for him.
You have to be Peter Pan.
Yeah.
And Carlos is going to be who?
Wendy Darling?
Or no, he's Mr. Darling.
He's Mr. Darling.
Look at him there.
Wasn't Mr. Darling bald in the original?
But also, can't we just like, he could be this guy, right?
Aren't there a bunch of pirates on the boat?
So many pirates.
He could be pirate number 14.
Let's hear your pirate.
I want to be a pirate.
Let's hear your pirate.
Yeah.
Armady.
Oh, no.
Pirate.
You're never going to get the job.
By the way, I thought...
You got to fucking try.
Not only did you not commit, you didn't even try.
Armady.
Armady.
Armady.
Is that how you would do that?
We're serious about this, dude.
We're pitching Peter Pan.
Bad friends.
I feel like pirate number 14 doesn't really talk.
And that's why...
We're producing the movie.
We're going to give you a line, fuck face.
No, not anymore.
Not with that attitude.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I don't think that's a line.
That's just a noise.
All right, how about this?
You could be caught chief.
You'll be caught chief.
Thank you.
Who's caught chief?
What do you mean?
Who's caught chief?
Or slightly?
I don't know much about it.
I think that's from Lion King.
No, dude, that's Peter Pan, my dog.
Caught chief, look.
He's like a native.
Yeah, he's one of the native characters.
He's Tiger Lily's father.
I don't remember this story.
Well, you should watch the movie again,
like I do every year when the Whites remake it.
But you're a Robin Hood fan, too?
Look, I liked Robin Hood,
but steal from the rich to give to the poor.
It's like the poor have enough.
You know what I mean?
Right, porridge.
It's so delicious.
No, no, keep the rich rich is my whole thing.
I want Robin Hood where he robs from the poor
and gives it to the rich.
I want act the real Robin Hood robbing the hood.
Rob from the poor, give to the rich.
Give to the rich.
That's what I always say.
That's me, too.
Give to the rich.
It's easier to rob the poor as well.
Way easier.
They don't have security.
You know what I mean?
Right?
You know what I mean?
They don't have much, so it's like, yeah.
Let's do a real Robin Hood.
Yeah, and then who do we give it to?
Elon Musk?
You got to give it to someone that's struggling.
You know?
Someone like Gates or somebody like that?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Gates or...
Someone that needs it.
Yeah.
I read a thing today that's a very...
It was obviously from a conservative post,
and it said,
Bill Gates' private jet in one flight
causes more carbon emissions
than your entire lifetime of the vehicle that you own,
the car that you own.
Wow.
Look that up.
Bill Gates says flying in a private jet
doesn't make him part of the problem
because he invests billions into fighting climate change.
Oh, I have black friends.
That's what that is.
Yeah, that's what that is.
Yeah, yeah.
But I have black friends.
Yeah.
All that means to me,
all this really says to me is,
get rid of your car.
Let's all have a jet.
Yeah.
You think when Bill Gates dies,
and I died at the same time,
that we would be waiting in the same line
at the pearly gates,
or is he treated differently?
Oh, no.
You think 