Name: Bobby Is a Lazy Beaver | Ep 166 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-05-15T16:00:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Is a Lazy Beaver | Ep 166 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Is a Lazy Beaver | Ep 166 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-15. Transcript available.

Bobby Is a Lazy Beaver | Ep 166 | Bad Friends

hey bad friends fans we're on tour baby tour baby and this is our last leg
one of our last legs one of our last legs for this chunk and we're going to
jacksonville florida we're doing a florida run guys then we're doing saint petersburg
hollywood florida and then orlando florida so jacksonville saint petersburg hollywood
and
orlando come out and see us after that we come back to the west coast baby and
we're gonna go
to my hometown san diego yeah we do riverside and san diego two shows in riverside
and then
san diego and then we go back up to the northeast but for now florida riverside
san diego come out
and see us in jacksonville in orlando in hollywood you're gonna love it you're
gonna learn so much
about your life go to badfriendspod.com badfriendspod.com you two are bad
friends who are these
two idiots white dude and an asian dude you two are disgusting oh you two are
something we're bad
friends well what we got ourself a brand new asian well am i being replaced
because this is fucking
first of all she accused me of saying a jungle asian i've never said that have
i no roll the tape
yeah and also i love all people i know there's some some there's some asians i
don't even know
what island they're from those are the weird ones so many of you guys there's
so many more than i
there's different varieties i love it look at he's got his gooner jersey on my
boy you know what i'm so
sorry i i um i love you i love your soups i love your movies what was it full
metal jacket
really good movie a classic it was really good who directed it coob coob the coob
have you seen it
oh yeah coobsy boobsy baby really you've seen it i've seen it what is it about
the army
yeah and wells and a really tough jacket well it is full metal yeah it is a
full metal it's tough
she's not wrong it's not adamantian steel like no marine wears but it's pretty
close yeah
pretty good so we got ourselves a brand new asian you have to announce yourself
because you're going
to be on camera yeah she's she's on camera she's my new carlos she's my new carlos
much better
looking will you introduce me hi yeah man they're all the same you guys i'm
like that quiet and polite
no you're not you're the exception of the rule i think i got dropped in my head
99.9 percent of asians
are high quiet sweet polite just like lovable wonderful people and then there's
you yeah my dad goes
pick me up as a baby go this one broke put a bucket in it cook more no no no
your dad tried to shove you
back in your mom yeah there was something wrong with me since day one well she's
from uh where your
mother lives she's a she is a phoenician as it were we got a new arizona uh phoenician
in our midst
so we got two az scumbags in the house because i saw you at my house the other
day right yes and
you were with who are you oh you're coming up with i thought she was with david
so and tim
what's his last name chandran sue chandran sue yeah and um i always call him
tim kookamonga i don't
know why because i just don't know how to say his last name but sounds right
yeah yeah but um and i
thought oh dave and tim brought a you know their daughter i don't know what it
was you know i mean
but then she works for us she works for us now amazing and i saw she has a
tattoo right in the
middle of her chest it's undeniable to you have to see it it's like she's
pulling focus what does
the tattoo say it says it says 666 and i was like what does that mean to you do
you know what
well when she looks at it it's 999 that's right so that's what she said yeah
yeah um 666 is the
mark of satan the mark of the beast of the beast beelzebub beelzebub and then i
don't know if you
guys know that but they just approved uh satanism to be taught in schools yeah
is that what it says
yeah yeah oh shit that's her name area code what is it that's her name that was
her mother's pet
name two two two come here too yeah that's what it sounds like when i'm making
love
just the actual sound go anyway um no two two two because it's what explain it
in the mic say what
it is it means like alignment and that if you're on like a path that you feel
like you're it's kind
of rocky it's like no you're on the right path you're aligned this is a tattoo
that only someone
from arizona would have right because boy oh boy is it treacherous out there it's
pretty treacherous
what's so um there's a lot of people like you out there huh a lot of yeah yeah
a lot of hippie
dippies it's a hippie vibe right do you like the grateful dead no okay i do i
think they're
terrible really dude i don't want to hear a jam in g major for 45 minutes they
jam for like 45
fucking minutes man i love them it's fun big fan you like them a lot of what
was the lead singer's
name uh close i heard the first part yeah almost yeah ted ted no yeah jem jem jem
jem that's her
that's his name gems yeah how'd you know ted gems big fan ted gems was the lead
singer his name was
jerry garcia oh right right right there's an ice cream named after him i
thought you meant the guitar
how many fingers did he have at least eight true pretty good nine he had nine
and a half nine
and a half yeah he had a little stubby bubby my my girlfriend in high school
her brother was like a
huge deadhead yeah or just a fan of of jerry garcia and there was like a an
iconic poster that
has his handprints on it and one finger is obviously missing whoa and every
time i went in there i thought
he's gonna do that to me because he finds out i'm fucking his sister his sister
he's gonna fucking
yakuza he was oh he was yeah he was yuck he was yucked up yo he was yucked up
he was yucked up dog
yeah when yakuza are yucked up they're yucked up dog can i play you guys a song
that struck me this
week go ahead and we're gonna be free and clear on this song can you acapella
it no no but i want
you to hear some of it but i think we won't get clipped for this because it's
public right because
it's pbs okay i don't want to live on the moon type that in my buddy chris o'connor
shout out
o'connie's send it to me i've been listening to it all week i don't want to
live on the moon
people i love so although i may go i'll be coming home soon
because i don't want to live on the moon no i don't want to live on the moon
are you okay man i relate to ernie so much this is what you sing when you're in
australia
missing your wife and your dog no you know what honestly it's a metaphor for it
that's written for
adults maybe a song for kids but that's definitely for adults i literally
thought it was good the last
line was gonna be something crazy i know you did yeah yeah but i wanted to
start it with a way from
the heart i wanted the show to start from a very sweet simple place and let me
tell you something
that song is so deep and so perfect so simple i thought he was gonna say you
know i don't want
i don't want to live on the moon i'm a fan you know what i mean like some twist
i think that was implied
yeah yeah yeah because he's gay oh yeah well first of all are they not allowed
on the moon
no but i just thought that the end there was going to be a payoff at the end i
know you did two minutes
i know you did i wanted you to take that in and really absorb that song well
the end is him getting
back into bed with bert and they start fucking no i observed they don't have a
double they have
twin brats yeah they push them together oh they do at the end oh yeah yeah that's
the unedited
version oh really the explicit version he pushes about together and they start
69ing and you're
like this is made for adults yep oh i see i don't want to live on the moon how
beautiful
it's stunning you know what dude if i think about it it's so stunning and
beautiful just think about
it dude okay you ever looked at the moon i want to go out there and then you
think what am i going
to do when i get out there i gotta i gotta be back here by everybody i love
yeah i mean if i was on
the mud die you would die you would die too no way i'd be prepped you wouldn't
bring shit i wouldn't
even bring the thing carlos would call you the car to the moon you get the car
to the moon hey man you
have a 7 a.m pickup you'd make it i'd show up nothing you'd pack nothing right
they would shoot
me up everyone has their helmets on in the suit you'd have i got nothing you
have an arsenal jersey
and a vape yeah and a vape can i vape in space that'd be their first question i
walk out and i just
implode yeah you would implode turn into that dust packet from ramen noodles no
wi-fi on the moon
can't switch you can't switch on the moon dog i think you can can you switch on
the moon i'll tell you
why yeah because um wi-fi is from satellites boom there's wi-fi nice try jess
yeah nice try
and the satellites guess where they are space not in the sea
are they in the sea they are they absolutely are they're in the sea yeah i'm
learning a lot
about space dude what is wrong with you today i don't know man i know you're do
you know what
let me say something to you that hit me in a weird way you're jolly right now
that hit me in a
you know what it really is it made me i missed home we got home and i thought
that's what that
song is about that song is about being back with the people that you love and
the tour bus is the
moon the tour bus is the moon i don't want to live on the fucking moon but we
can visit it we can visit
the moon we can visit the moon and then i learned about space i learned divine
divine heavenly wait divine
geometry there is 108 108 moons in between the moon and the earth and there's
108 suns in between
the sun and the earth you tell me that's not crazy sacred what the fuck is
wrong look up 108 moons
maybe literally literally what the fuck is wrong with you smoked a big one
today yeah yeah yeah are you
high right now oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i got picked i yeah i could tell a little
bit yeah i don't like it
108 look at that jesus christ divine geometry look at this there's 108 suns
between the sun and the earth
there's 108 moons between the moon and the earth you're telling me that's not
wait wait between the
moon and the earth there's 108 moons between the sun and the earth there's 108
suns aren't they
asteroids they're not fucking they're not moons i think he means like distance
distance dog they're
not really the moon i mean she's got it there oh 108 moons if you put them
together yeah yeah i think
that there's 108 moons in between the two fucking things i was like i've never
seen that i'm
fucking that's how much i like her movie dean pimp when you finally got it she
clapped a little bit
she went like this oh you got it i like her i like her a lot you know that's my
daughter right yeah
you wish oh you think if i had a daughter she wouldn't look like that no way
she would look like
allie wong yeah no yeah no who would it look like wait i said yeah too fast
yeah yeah if i had a
daughter who would it look like you with tits he has tits yeah yeah before you
get your hair cut
yeah you now look like your son all the tour you've looked like my daughter
would be haughty
no chance fuck yeah no chance first of all i would have her underwear would be
made out of a
cage yeah because she'd be showing her butthole to everybody yeah yeah the butthole
queen her butthole
would be loose but vagina no one's been there oh right so she's catholic yeah
you let him in the
back yeah the back in the back door yeah that would not be your daughter i'm
sorry dude first of all
she what would my daughter look like then not good offensive what because if i
did if i had a baby
with like glenn close doesn't matter right it would look like you know what it
would look like an
explorer oh yeah yeah yeah with glenn close an explorer yeah like you know he
travels the seas or she
they oh they you let your daughter choose their gender bud don't get too far
ahead of yourself yeah
it's not even alive yet you'd have a good-looking kid i take it back you're a
hot guy i i am stoned
i know but if you look at my photo of when i was 20 i looked okay you look
really cute i did this to
myse