Name: Bad Friends Battle Rap | Ep 169 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-06-05T16:00:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bad Friends Battle Rap | Ep 169 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bad Friends Battle Rap | Ep 169 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-05. Transcript available.

Bad Friends Battle Rap | Ep 169 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends can i tell you i was up in the belly
room and i knew
he was in the audience and he really wanted to see all of us go up yeah and the
belly room has
a window to the main room so i knew you just went on stage so i bring macon i
could tell he doesn't
know how to get anywhere yeah so i take him down the back stairwell through the
kitchen to get to
the main room and when we get in the kitchen he goes wow
wait stop sorry your burp messed up the timing
people are gonna think he burped if they're listening
listen do it again i feel like you're gonna do something i'm not do it again
okay so i bring
him down the stairwell to get to the main room and right when we get down there
he goes
sorry i sometimes i have day terrors i knew that was gonna let me get this
straight
i want so he was upstairs in the belly room yeah yeah through the little window
he heard i heard it
you heard santino being announced in the main room i text him santino's exactly
so then
you go let's go but he went ahead of you no no he was like he saw the text and
he looked up and he's
like oh like i don't know what to do with myself right and then he went down to
the kitchen i wave
and i i i went down to the kitchen showed him how to get down the kitchen and
he got and then when
he went to the kitchen he went let me get that get this he went whoa no he went
wow wow wow not whoa
wow and is there a panda in it or ninja assassin or anything happened in the
story well that's what
why i was like why is he so amazed by the kitchen but he just really loved that
place why don't you
make up that story again and tell it can we just let that story sink in for a
second yeah it's sunken
on me it's sunk why don't we get okay do we even know any writers i don't
because they're on strike
they're on strike yeah bring them in here maybe we could write this down and
maybe this is a movie
that's how interesting your story is kind of sounds like a film it's like a
film we got to get mel
gibson in it he's in already right yeah we should get steven seagal he'll do it
yeah yeah they're the
bartender it's an action adventure comedy it's got everything thriller mystery
it was a roller coaster
oh my god the level of the movies you guys are are doing i know i know because
when he was going
down the stairs in the kitchen i was like oh that's the end of the story yeah
that's what i thought
no i thought that was it that's the end of the story whoa and then all of a
sudden then you m night
shamalan wow in the kitchen whoa thank you it's so good to be here it's been a
year since i've been
on the show wait is this your is this your one year episode yeah wow let's give
it up for jetski
one year she's been on the show your last episode honestly with that fucking
story you're really not
coming through with that shit yeah macone's lurking in the back uh fancy don't
ever leave the board
again that's like when you leave the boat i don't want to i don't want the
captain to leave the wheel
don't let one of the skippers fucking take the wheel right you know i don't
want to crash port side
congratulations on one calendar year of being on this show yeah i have a story
you're gonna last
longer well uh wait what i have a story give it so oh my god so today i woke up
this morning right i
got up from my bed and you can't believe what happened i went down my hallway
and i got a cup of coffee
wow oh yeah and then i went whoa whoa yeah that's a good story thank you man i'll
be honest tell you
tell me one uh today my dog jumped up on the ottoman oh no wait and she spun
around and then sat down
holy fuck and she looked back at me and i was like wow pretty cool whoa dude
pretty cool it's pretty
cool story dude i worked late last night i worked a regular shift i'm sick i
want to go back to
theaters where did you work at the store yeah at the store last night i worked
back door at the
store you're stressed out i was really stressed out why did kanye leave bobby
was stressed out
because kanye was there nobody recognized him kanye was there wait stop what'd
you say you told me
nobody recognizes me tonight this sucks that's not what he said yes that's not
what i said and your
fault that's blasphemy wait a minute that's not what i said was kanye there kanye
was there
will i am will i am and kanye was the weekends were there khali was there yeah
khalid was there
yeah everyone khali i don't know mako knows who he is no talib kwali yeah talib
kwali was there
with kanye they weren't together and we're not together they were all there
that last night and
i did not say that i just said that's not what i said kind of though it's not
kind of but you
you know tell them what i said um it's different tonight no no one knows who i
am
that's what i remember you saying i didn't say why would i say that's fucking
the grossest thing
can we go back to kanye was there okay let's go to kanye that's insane kanye
was there with
will i am talib kwali and khalid i was with a young lady in the patio and then
we look out and
kanye's running across sunset from the store and he i guess he couldn't get
into the chapelle show
why did he leave i don't know why he left wow he could definitely get in did he
say anything
anti-semitic he did a hand thing like bye store i'll say later right no that
makes sense yeah
whatever you'd think he'd hate the store because it's owned by jews it is oh i
know oh my god i'm
playing somewhere else now holy shit gross you'd think he would not want to go
there that's really
weird that he showed up yeah he showed up it's a jew place if they should just
call the jew store
they did they used to or jerusalem 2 yeah yeah because it's like it's so jewy
it is yeah and we
love it we fucking love it i mean 19 for a diet coke but that's fine that's how
i wasn't there last
where was i last night what did i do you rested last night remember you told
you said you were
taking a night off you went golfing in the day yesterday i did need to rest and
then you said
i'm resting but you should have been there last night god i wish i would have
been there for
kanye i added so much stuff i do stuff about him i do a joke about him yeah you
weren't you weren't
because he had people around him right a couple of guys around him when i was
because i had the
help in the lot at one point so many entourage came in and he was a whole cast
of entourage was
there too this night is crazy it was crazy was lloyd there for some reason oh
yeah the cast of glee
what yeah he was singing and dancing and hopping around they all drove in
separate cars it was a
mess get him fuck it that's wild yeah i think what i said was i think what i
said was it because
what can i just say something please anything that i say to you can you just
keep it to yourself
because i have things that i can say about you do it i have something i'm not
going to i'm just saying
you made me look like a fool i'm gonna let that go i don't remember what i said
but probably i did
say that but um just don't say that stuff okay it's because i've i said that
story and made myself
look like a fool so it's trying to make you the target oh is that what it was
ah smooth but we were we liked your story we loved it oh my god
so fancy show that video that i sent to you i really want to show you something
bob i think
this is revolutionary stuff right here
how clever so good clever by the way so i found battle raps in the philippines
are huge huge
i propose you and i go do a battle rap in the philippines okay bad friends
battle rap philippines
i need to brush up on my telecala i know everything he just said well i did too
yeah i can
understand it i'm talking it i say something i i know you took the class yeah
uh
Oh shit, dude! I am fat!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Bula de putih te lebaik, te si?
Yeh!
Hei kotor de garik, pakarik, gula mati cundu, bai, ui!
Cundu ayo!
Oh, tanya na, ui, ui!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Stila bi, stila bi.
Bula, bula, bula, bula, bula, bula, bula.
Boi, boi, boi, boi, boi!
Okay, hey, bula, so la boi.
Eeeh!
Bala ke lo bo, dole.
Bala ke bo.
Yeah.
So I think we should do a Bad Friends Battle Rap in the Philippines.
I swear to God we'd have so much fun.
That was the dumbest thing we've ever done.
Yeah.
That was so fun.
A little episode like that.
But I found these videos online.
They have millions of views and people are obsessed.
They're pushing them around.
Yeah.
I think somebody said Bad Friends Battle Rap Philippines would be the echelon
to me of
us traveling internationally.
So I think we should go over there, do a show, do a Bad Friends Battle Rap.
Well, I mean, we went out there, did our variety show.
I know.
When does that come out?
Fancy?
It's coming.
It's coming.
It's coming.
You know what that means.
Yeah, nothing.
Yeah, nothing at all.
Anyway, let's move on.
Okay.
Okay, dude.
Would you just roll your eyes at me, dude?
Never.
You just did though.
So you just did that one time.
I had something.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
He's getting cocky ever since.
Dude, he's getting real cocky.
Why?
I don't even want to say it.
It's going to hype him up.
What is he cocky?
He's got a fucking podcast now and he's like all up his own ass.
I did it.
Did you do it?
I fucked up.
I did it.
He texted me.
Andrew, please come talk to me.
And you know what I said?
Yeah.
Nothing.
Great.
I should have said nothing.
I'm not responding to that guy.
Here's another thing.
What did you do?
What movie did you do?
I was getting angry because I had to wear.
He has props.
Yeah.
And wardrobe.
Oh, wow.
Who does wardrobe for a podcast?
He does.
Also, Bobby ruined it.
You know, I have a script and he decided to.
Oh, you think he was going to follow the script?
Right.
Come on.
I know.
I know.
I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do it soon because I'm proud of the kid and I want to help him out.
What are you, Aaron Sorkin?
You have to do word for word the way you wrote it.
You fucking piece of shit, dude.
All right.
You're a producer.
I'm not.
Look, I want you to pull up a photo.
I'm not saying I'm not trying to make a joke or anything, but do Jonah Hill.
Somebody saw another photo.
This guy, you know how he gets big and skinny and big and skinny.
There was a picture that came out that somebody showed me today that I was like,
man, it looks
concerning.
Like Jonah Hill now.
There's no way.
No, it was kind of wild.
There's it's got to be on images, maybe images.
No, that wasn't it.
There he is.
He looks good.
No, no.
The word.
Yeah.
Um, but I think that's it.
That's actually the one right.
It looks good.
Yeah.
But look at the whole body.
He's got the whole body.
He looks great.
He looks great.
He looks ripped.
So skinny and jacked.
Yeah.
What are you doing, dude?
Oh, is that where you're?
Oh, Zen pick.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, Zen pick.
Oh, Zen pick.
What's those in pick?
It's like a, is it a weight loss drug?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whatever the case, dude.
He, he's looking, the kid's looking great.
Shout out to that kid.
But I saw a photo and I was like, he's got kind of like a, um, Tom Hanks, uh,
cast away
thing up top, but down below little Tom Hardy, Tom Hanks up top, Tom Hardy down
below.
Yeah.
Skinny tattooed, right?
Like, look, he's in fucking great shape.
So I'm like, what is he working on?
This doesn't look like just life stuff.
This looks like he's working on a movie thing.
Well, he looked like that in a YouTube movie, right?
With Eddie Murphy.
This is the most like in shape.
I think I've ever seen the guy that Eddie Murphy movie.
He looked good, but this is like fucking crazy.
Jack.
He's jacked.
He's skinny muscles out.
I just have to say he's the nicest guy.
Yeah.
I'm not saying anything negative.
I'm saying he must be planning for something is my point.
Yeah.
Cause he's looking like such a nice guy.
Oh, like a movie?
Have you met him?
Yeah.
Jules?
Jess?
No, no, no.
Jules.
I know.
She'll be here soon.
I saw her yesterday.
What happened?
Nothing.
I went to over th