Name: Harry Potter Magic Boy and Rudy the Fairy Elf | Ep 170 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-06-12T16:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Harry Potter Magic Boy and Rudy the Fairy Elf | Ep 170 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Harry Potter Magic Boy and Rudy the Fairy Elf | Ep 170 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-12. Transcript available.

Harry Potter Magic Boy and Rudy the Fairy Elf | Ep 170 | Bad Friends

Hey everybody! Hey guys, we're back on the road east coast this time. East
coast. We're doing Baltimore and Philly. By the way, we're already coming to
Montclair and Port Chester. We'll be in Jersey and New York, but they're
totally sold out. But Baltimore, a few tickets left. Philly, a few tickets left.
And Toronto, the late show. The late show in Toronto has a few tickets left.
And by the way, just want to say I'm sorry for after Toronto, we're having to
reschedule Rochester, Northfield and Pittsburgh. They're going to be scheduled
to September. You can get your money back, obviously, if you can't do it.
in September. But we're going to be coming in September. We're so sorry. We're
doing fall dates about to be announced. But we're having to reschedule
Rochester, Northfield and Pittsburgh to September 14, 15 and 16. If you want
your money back, they'll refund your money. Otherwise, you can use it for the
show. But we're coming to see you. So Philly and Baltimore and late show
Toronto. Come see us, baby. Go to badfriendspod.com. Badfriendspod.com. You two
are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You
two are disabled.
disgusting. Who are you two or something? We're bad friends. Look who's here.
Look who's here. Look who's here. Look who's here. Look who's here. Look who's
here. Look who's here.
Yee-haw. The mystery of Jules. The mystery of Jules returns to bad friends. She's
here. Let's give it up one time
for Rudy Jules.
Yeah. Welcome back, Jack. She looks like a poo beetle. A little poo beetle. A
little peedle. Look at her.
Hi, Titu Bobby. Hey, hey, poo beetle. Hi, Titu Andrew. Hi, she got her haircut
and everything. Whoa. She's got, she's an American now, right?
No. Boyfriend. A year. They've been dating for one year. A year. Yeah. Wow.
College. A white college. You love white colleges.
All whites. Yeah, yeah. All whites. It's an Aryan college. What's it called?
Hi. That's what it's called. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What is it called? No, we're not
going to say what it's
called. We don't want to say what it's called. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She said
she got recognized
on campus. If there was a hi, hi, college, what was it? What's the like fraternities
and sororities
like? The hazing must be crazy. Yeah, it is. You got to drink a bucket of
beetle poop, beetle poop
juice. Yeah. Yeah. Rudy Jules, tell us what's going on. There we go. We're
waiting for your
stories, really, to be honest. Dude, we're so excited. And I know you prepared
a bunch of
stories for the show today. Yeah, tell us a story. Well, during the spring
semester, I was
taking organic chemistry and I hated that class so much. Like, I kept getting C's.
C's get
degrees. Yeah. And I thought I was going to fail. And so I was really stressed.
So that's why I cut
my hair because I needed like control. Oh, are you are you are you also version
of cutting? Are you
cutting? Yeah. No, not cutting. No cutting. Just cutting my hair. Cutting your
hair. Yeah. Well,
that's what this generation. We our generation. We were hardcore skin. That's
like so. So 90s. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, you know, we're old. Okay. For us. We're a tougher generation. We
are. I'm a generation
above you. Several. Two, maybe. Yeah. I'm not a baby boomer. You thought I was
a baby boomer.
You're a boomer. X. Whatever, boomer. X, dog. You're a boomer, dog. Nah, dude.
I'm on the corner of
millennial. And what's the other one? I'm on the, what's the other one between
them? Uh, it's
Gen X. Yeah. No, no. He's Gen X. I'm millennial and one more. Why? Gen Y? I
think you're
X. I think Bobby is trying to sneak into the Y. You're a boomer, dog. Don't try
to sneak
down by us. 1971 is X. Look it up. Anyway. He might be right, actually. I am. I
already
know. I know what generation I am, dude. Generation X. Generation X, dude.
Pepsi Max. If I was a baby,
I would have to kill myself. No, you wouldn't. I'd be living. No, you wouldn't.
You'd be living a dream
life, dude. You'd be living a dream life. Uh, so listen up here. Uh, Gen Z. Is
she
Gen Z? Yeah. Listen up, Gen Z. Yeah. You're going to school. You can't get C's
anymore. How
did you flip it around? I don't know. I got like a really bad score in the
final, but I
guess the teacher. No child left behind. No. Biology, is it you said? Chemistry.
Uh, well,
we know about chemistry. Sure we do. Yeah. Yeah. You and I got it, baby. Yeah.
Give me a chemical
composition. Composition it up. Let's hear. Give me a mineral. C6H12O6. Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa.
That's my phone number. Uh, no. That's Bobby's age on his dating profile. Yeah.
So, um, yeah,
I don't know anything about chemistry, but, um, can you make meth? Yeah, you
can with O-Chem.
Like you can do like stuff with the lab. Do you have enough knowledge? No, I
don't. Not me.
I don't know. You give us the knowledge. We have the lab. Yeah. We got the lab.
I have the lab procedures. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. What are you
saying?
Like we have procedures and we just follow. Oh, and we can, where, where is it
at?
I have at the house. At your house. I'll just give it to you. Bring it here.
Bring it here.
We'll make meth. I want this studio to be a meth lab as well. That back room is
huge. Huge.
And it's got a ventilation system. And we won't do it. Yeah, we won't. Yeah, we
won't. No,
we won't. No, we won't. So you learned what in chem?
I told you, I don't know anything. I hate the class. How about this? Can you
make cyanide?
Is that chemistry? What's the thing that melts people's bones?
Yeah, yeah, I want to know that one. That's the one we want. Yeah, yeah.
You know where they melt people down? Yeah. Did they tell you that in class?
Yeah, but I don't know. I don't remember the name. That's that chem, you know,
you know,
like that guy that dipped it. You can, you can, oh, lye. Yeah, lye. Boiling
temperature water.
Lye is basically the alternative name for highly strong base. N-A-O-H,
historically K-O-H.
By using high concentration of lye, human body can melt. We can melt a body in
lye.
From Fight Club. Huh? Fight Club. Fight Club, that's right.
Oh, yeah, lye on the hand. Hey, can you get us some N-A-O-H, baby?
I'll steal it for you. Yeah.
That would be a good, like, villain name. N-A-O-H?
Lye. Oh, lye.
Is it Mr. Lye or Sir? It can't just be Lye. It's got to be something.
Yeah. Uh, bonjour lye.
Bonjour lye. Yeah, or something like that.
Ooh. Right, is that good? What's bonjour mean?
I don't know. I think it was bonjour and Mr. Lye.
I can beat that up. Hello and sir.
I throw it out there. We'll see.
Bonjour lye. Bonjour lye.
And somebody at home who's an artist, please create a bonjour lye art piece.
Yeah. Yeah.
And make Rudy in the background mixing the chemicals.
So, you can get us. Well, let me ask you about lye real quick, though.
Hmm.
Why do you want it? Why do you need that?
You can melt a human body.
Why would you need it, though?
Get rid of a body.
Hey, have one.
I get it.
You got body.
Look.
Yeah.
You cut me off in traffic in L.A.
You're going to end up in a bucket of lime, buddy.
Yeah.
No, I don't have one, but if you and I need one, just in case.
Well, so it melts bone?
It disintegrates an entire human body.
Dogs, too?
You got some dog bones laying around?
Yeah.
Late night, little late night snack.
Cut it out, Rudy.
Cut it out.
Cut it out.
Cut it out.
What about, um, is battery acid, that's not chemistry, is it?
No, no.
Battery acid you have access to.
But, you know, the kind you could throw on people's face.
You could do that with a bunch of batteries if you emptied double D batteries
out, right?
I don't know how to do that, though.
Well, she should know.
You need gloves, probably.
Don't you know how to empty out battery acid?
No.
What the fuck are they teaching you in school, anyway?
Yeah, what are they teaching you?
I'm telling you, I can't understand it.
Old toothbrush dipped in vinegar or lemon juice gets the job done.
What is that?
What?
Wow.
Old toothbrush dipped in vinegar gets the job done.
That's a commercial?
That'd be a cool commercial.
Old toothbrush dipped in vinegar gets the job done.
Do you have, do you or someone you know have battery acid stains on your
clothes?
You can get it out.
Yeah.
Monsieur Lai, to the rescue.
Because I always thought it was sad.
Like, in India, that was a way of, like, you know, they would throw it on
battery acid on women's faces.
Oh, my God, it's terrible.
If your wife, right, it's like the woman, like, fell in love with somebody else
or, like, left you,
they would, uh, yeah, they would throw battery acid on them.
It's insane.
That's, it's disgusting.
Would bleach be the same as battery acid?
Bleach and battery acid are not the same.
No, not at all.
But, like, the pain.
No.
No.
Have you ever gotten bleach on your skin before?
No.
No, it's not painful.
It's just kind of stingy.
It's stingy.
Oh.
Battery acid eats, eat your skin away.
It, like,
show me somebody who has had battery acid on their face.
No, no, no.
I want to see it.
We all, she needs to learn.
You got to teach her.
The school's obviously not doing anything.
If you get battery acid on your skin, it can, it just deteriorates your face.
Look at that.
It rips your skin off.
Yeah, look at that guy.
That looks, that's cool on him, though.
See, that's, that's Montier Lai.
Yeah.
And he catches revenge.
That one.
Let's tell the tale.
Whoa.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Whoa.
Hey.
Oh, that's...
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What do you mean, wait a minute, wait a minute?
That's Mr. Lai.
That is Lai.
And he removes...
Bonjour Lai.
Bonjour Lai.
Yeah, that's him.
And he removes the mask.
That's not a mask.
What are those things?
You just put fucking...
It's holding his eyes in place?
No, I think, I think that's, like, stuff he puts it on to moisturize it.
No, there's, like, two lines going through by his ear and below his, by his,
below his ear.
Those are called glasses.
To get the skin in.
Oh, that's, it is a mask, you're right.
It's a full-on mask.
Oh, sorry about that.
Don't insult Monsieur Lai.
I'm sorry.
Monsieur Lai.
Monsieur Lai.
That's cool, what a cool mask.
When he takes that off, what happens?
The kids are like, ah!
Dude, all right.
You scare someone to death.
Wow, what a...
You know, I would probably get battery acid enough just to look like seal.
Kiss from a rose.
Yeah, that's a cool...
You know, that's what Kiss from a Rose was about, him getting battery acid
thrown on him.
On the streets of Paris?
Yeah.
Whoa.
Yeah, by Monsieur Lai himself.
Is that what they call Monsieur Lai?
What was that from?
Was it just...
Maybe, like, acne?
Acne scars?
Is that what it was originally from?
By the way, this guy didn't slow him down even.
He married...
What's her name?
Heidi Klum.
Heidi Klum.
Come on.
He killed it, that guy.
It's unbelievable.
He's still killing.
There's no way he's not...
It's the only song I know, but it's a good one.
There's so much a man can tell you, so much he can say.
So, DLE is a disfiguring disease.
He has a disease.
Oh, man.
Poor guy.
The immune cells attack the skin from underneath, creating inflammatory areas
and scarring the
scalp, ears, face, and sometimes chest and arms.
Why?
Where does he...
You know, when they say Asians are yellow...
Sure are.
I don't look yellow.
You're not Asian.
I don't look yellow.
What is that?
You know...
This is the kind...
That's climbing a tree.
You're a darker...
You're a dark yellow.
Yeah.
But why do they say...
What are you saying?
I don't look yellow.
Yeah, you do.
We've gone over this a hundred times.
The shirt that you're wearing blends in.
It looks like you're wearing a long sleeve right now.
I actually can't tell if you're wearing a long sleeve right now.
That's silly what you're saying.
There's no way.
No, here's the deal.
What they're saying is you have a hue to behind your skin.
Like, I have a red hue.
You have a yellow hue.
Fancy also has a red-ish hue.
He has a pink-ish hue.
Pete has like a brown-ish hue.
Pete's actually more...
We didn't even talk about this.
You know Pete is n