Name: Ooh La La! | Ep 171 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-06-19T16:00:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ooh La La! | Ep 171 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ooh La La! | Ep 171 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-19. Transcript available.

Ooh La La! | Ep 171 | Bad Friends

Hey! Bad friends, we got more dates for the fall. We got game. We got game,
baby. And we got shows coming up. We got shows in the fall. So look, we shifted
some shows. We added a second show, Saturday, September 16th in Munhall, PA. Oh,
no! Then, Friday, October 6th, we're going to be in Boston, Massachusetts.
Boston, Massachusetts. Then, October 21st, we're going to be in Washington, D.C.
I've heard of it! And then, October 28th, we're going to be in Belco Theater at
Denver, Colorado. That's my favorite Belco.
I have all of them. And then, Friday, November 24th, we are at the Riverside
Theater in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Yeah, yeah. And then, the 25th of November, we
go to Chicago Theater in my hometown, Chicago.
Chicago, what's up, what's up, where the creatures are. And then, November 30th,
we're in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Minnesota, where I got molested. And then,
Friday, December 1st, we're at the Orpheum in Madison, Wisconsin. Wisconsin.
More dates to come, but that second show added in Munhall, Boston, D.C., Denver,
Milwaukee, Chicago, Minneapolis, Madison. Let's go.
And Madison. Go to badfriendspod.com.
Badfriendspod.com. And here's the deal. Here's the deal. The pre-sale for the
artist pre-sale is Wednesday. Starts this Wednesday, June 21st at 10 a.m.
Oh, that's good.
And it goes until Thursday, June 22nd. Password is badfriends.
Badfriends.
Badfriends.
And then, it's all on sale on Friday, but try to get those tickets Wednesday,
June 21st at 10 a.m.
Password is badfriends.
Badfriends.com.
Badfriendspod.com.
Badfriendspod.com.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
White dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
It's an old Korean tune.
Bing, bitty, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing,
bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing,
bing, bing, bing, bing.
That's about the little boy that died in the well?
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Love that song.
Yeah, it's a good song, right?
You know what happened?
You know what was down in the well?
Mm-mm.
A girl.
That's right.
And this is the story about why you shouldn't ever chase women because you end
up dying in a well.
And that's what's unfortunately the truth about life.
You go after women, you end up dying in a well, Bob.
You got to be careful, buddy.
She drank a lot of ginger beer.
She did.
She did.
A lot.
Too much.
Yeah, way too much ginger beer.
If you drink too much ginger beer, it's not good.
Well, you end up in a well.
You end up in a well.
You know what happens when you drink too much ginger beer, right?
You get diabetes.
You do.
Because of the sugar.
And then what happens?
The whole town puts you in a well.
Right.
And then they go, where are all the ginger?
Well, you know what happens is you get too fat from the ginger beer, from the
diabetes,
and they put you down there, and you look up and you go, why?
And they go, well.
Well, well, well, well, well, well, well.
Interesting, interesting, interesting, interesting.
Okay, let's start the show.
Here we are today.
Can I ask a question?
Back in the studio.
Good to see.
Rudy Jules is back.
She's on her phone.
She's got a brand new phone, a big iPhone 14 Plus, the Max Plus.
Good to see.
Good to see.
Someone's rich.
Someone's rich.
Good to see.
Good to see.
Good to see you, Jules.
Have a happy birthday.
Thank you.
It's your birthday?
It was.
It's your birthday.
Oh, my God.
It's your birthday.
We're back.
We're back.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
Sing it in Tagalog.
Sing it in Tagalog or whatever.
I'll, I'll do it.
Come on.
You can sing it.
Is there like a, do you guys have your own happy birthday melody?
In Tagalog, but I speak Cebuano.
It's different.
Then speak Cebuano.
But there's no song.
Wait, are you saying Sbarro, like the pizza place?
Yeah.
Is that where it's from?
Is the Philippines?
Exactly.
That's why it's not good.
That's why it tastes like wood.
No, it's good.
Sbarro's good.
Is it good?
Really good.
I always go there.
You like Sbarro pizza?
Yeah, in the Philippines.
I always go there.
So funny.
I was right.
It is from the Philippines.
What do you get there?
What Sbarro pizza do you get?
Bat pizza?
What do you get down there?
No, I, not the pizza.
I get the white.
I like the bat pizza with balut.
That's a huge piece.
Have you seen their bats?
They're huge.
Yeah, we've talked about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I get the white pasta.
Isn't that funny?
Then you hate white things, but you like the white pasta.
It's really creamy.
That's why I like it.
Oh, what's also creamy?
White guys.
Yeah.
Creamy white guys.
Sing, sing happy birthday to her.
Sing, sing.
I don't know the Cebuano.
Would you never have a fucking birthday?
Well, we just sing it in English.
Stealing from us again.
Steal, steal, steal, steal.
Yeah, do you guys have like a Christmas song?
Because the Mexicans have the Feliz Navidad.
That's one of my favorite ones.
We have.
They do.
There it goes.
I can't believe we didn't die.
Another year we didn't die.
Next year we might die.
But this year we didn't die.
That's the film.
But it's more like this.
This year we didn't die.
It's more like that.
Visual joke.
This year we didn't die.
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
Next year we might die.
Da, da, da, da, da, da.
All right.
Well, it was her birthday.
If it's my birthday, say something in your language that says happy birthday.
Not the song, but just what would you say?
Way too long.
Way too long.
What?
Call the government.
Condense it.
She's like starting up a plane.
She's like.
Way too much.
Too much.
That's happy birthday.
Okay, good.
It's just, yeah.
Yeah.
So you had a great birthday.
I had an amazing birthday.
What did Andrew do for you?
Andrew extended my trip in Orlando and my hotel so I could stay at the resort
with his sister
and her best friend Stacy.
That's right.
Shout out Katie and Stacy.
Shout out my sister and Stacy.
Well, both of my, they're kind of both my sisters, but we had a good time in
Orlando.
You guys got to stay by the pool.
You were drinking.
Did you, wait, did you go?
I said go off for dinner.
Yeah.
Dinner and drinks?
Girls night out.
It was awesome.
Who paid for it?
I did?
The ladies paid for it.
You paid for all of our drinks at the pool.
Wait, the ladies didn't put the, so they paid for the dinner?
Yeah.
Oh, that was very nice.
What did I pay for?
You got me breakfast and you called me.
I did call you, didn't I?
You called me at 2 a.m.
And I said, happy birthday again.
What is this soccer shirt you're wearing today?
Oh, it's just because it gets a little cool here and I want to be able to sweat
through something.
You know why it gets cold in here?
Because you fucking weigh 100 pounds and you eat Caesar salads.
You should eat a meal once in a while.
I'm trying to be trim.
I'm 36 years old.
It's easy to gain weight.
36 years old.
How much do you weigh?
135.
And how tall are you?
5'7".
I weigh 180.
I'm 5'3".
That's not even a joke.
I know.
That is fun.
It's insane.
How much do you think I weigh?
I weighed today.
I'm kind of bummed.
202.
Wow.
Do I look fat?
No.
You're trimmed.
Muscle.
202 pounds.
That's great.
I'm 202.
That's awesome.
But it is.
But I do feel fit.
I'm just, I am going to the gym more, but I feel fat.
But it sounds fat.
When I hear 202 pounds, that sounds like a lot of weight.
It's the road.
I think I'm like 150 pounds.
That's fine.
Carlos weighs less than me.
Yeah.
Well, Carlos is sick.
Yeah.
Here and body.
Yeah.
You know, if you told me you had a terminal illness, my response, let's say, I
have a terminal.
Andrew, tell me right now.
Hey, Andrew, I have a terminal illness.
I know.
Yep.
I would just say, I know.
Really?
We've been thinking it's been coming for a long time.
We think you're hiding it from us.
No, of course not.
I would tell you guys anything.
I don't know.
This feels like one of those, the Black Panther guy, you know, thing where you're
hiding it
and nobody knows.
Oh, but that's like too noble for me to like die in peace.
What was his name?
Chadwick Boseman?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Exactly.
That poor guy and he hid it from everyone.
You would tell every, you would scream it from the rafters.
You look like Karen Carpenter without the talent.
That's so mean.
But that's what you look like.
You know who you look like?
Crosby, Stills, and Nash.
Yeah.
You look right as he was going bald.
That's exactly.
Right, right.
That's exactly what you look like.
Crosby, you'd be and.
In that band, you'd be and.
Ampersand.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's talk about Rudy Jules.
What's been going on in your little world?
Nothing.
Oh, fuck.
I'm so happy you came back.
And I, and I, cause she, she's coming to Riverside Show and I, I called her on
boyfriend.
Is he coming?
And I go, make sure, do everything you can to come and bring Rudy.
He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
You know what I mean?
And now he's not coming.
Why doesn't he not like me?
No, he has the work.
That's why.
Where does he work?
The pharmacy, Walgreens.
How much did he get paid that night?
I don't know.
The pharmacy, Walgreens.
He works at the pharmacy?
Yeah.
What does he do?
Pharmacy tech.
What does that mean?
He just stocks pills?
Is he a pill boy?
That's a good job.
Can he get us pills?
I've been telling him to get me Ozempic.
No.
That's a weight loss drug.
Yeah.
Why would you need that?
Because I need it.
For what?
Are you fat?
Just in case I get really, really fat.
What?
No, you don't.
I got to tell you, this is smart planning.
It's pretty good.
Because she's not fat now.
She's not getting fat now.
But she knows at some point she will be fat.
Yeah.
Because you know that and I know that.
You've seen what happens in the Philippines.
At some point, they just balloon up.
Although your mom was big and now she's small.
Because of her.
Because of her.
Because of her.
Because of her.
Ozempic.
Yeah.
Ocentric?
I don't know what it's called.
Because she's eccentric.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ozempic.
We got to get you some Ozempic so you can lean out.
Can I be on Ozempic?
You don't.
You don't need it.
Why?
Because I think it would trigger you.
A drug frenzy?
It's a gateway drug.
I think it would put you in a place where you want other.
Because what it does to you, right?
It suppresses your appetite.
Yeah.
But it's not going to do it.
It's the only thing you live for.
It's the only thing you crave.
That's the only.
I talked to Jarvis today.
I had lunch with Jarvis who says hi.
Brian Jarvis?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And we talked about it.
We got the salt and straw ice cream afterwards.
Because I love.
That stuff is so fucking good.
It's so good.
It's like annoying.
Every time I pass one, I go.
I should stop by.
Yeah.
I don't know why you do that with your hand.
Because he's flaming.
I'm gay?
Yeah.
Big deal.
It's my month.
Exactly.
So listen.
It is my month.
We missed the Comedy Store Parade thing.
It's in Justin Martindale's asshole.
It's just the whole show.
Everyone just comes out of his butthole.
That's where the parade is?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I couldn't find it.
It's a microphone.
It's in his butthole.
The microphone moves up and down.
They crank a mic in and out of his butthole.
That's the moving part.
No, but we talked about you.
And I said, he orders the same thing.
He does a lot of desserts and a lot of appetizers.
And I said, well, you said to me, you said,
I'm an addict.
This is my only vice.
You've got to let me have this.
And I did say to you, I said, you're right.
And I agree with that.
And you're right.
Because you're like, this is all I have.
So imagine on Ozempic, you're appetite suppressed.
What do you have?
If you don't have food, what do you got?
Elden Ring.
You're going to be, let me tell you something.
I have something to say.
Tito Bobby doesn't eat a lot.
He buys a lot of food, but he doesn't eat a lot.
So I think he'll be fine.
I don't miss you on this show.
Why?
That's a true point, though.
It's a partial truth.
Here's the deal.
He eats often.
Small things, but all the time.