Name: Ying, Yang, Yong | Ep 175 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-07-17T16:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ying, Yang, Yong | Ep 175 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ying, Yang, Yong | Ep 175 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-17. Transcript available.

Ying, Yang, Yong | Ep 175 | Bad Friends

Hey, everybody. Hey, we're on tour in the fall in the fall. We're going to be
in Rochester, New York. Yeah, baby. Then we're coming to Northfield, which is
Cleveland, Ohio. Homestead, Pennsylvania. Homestead, Pennsylvania. We're doing
two shows. That's basically Pittsburgh. The first one sold out. Come to the
late show. Then where did we go? Boston, Massachusetts. D.C. Washington, D.C.
Denver. Denver, Colorado. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Then Chicago, my hometown.
Minnesota, Minneapolis.
Minneapolis, Minnesota, the Twin Cities. And we end it all in Madison,
Wisconsin. Come check us out. It's going to be great. Go to badfriendspod.com.
We're adding dates as we go. Badfriendspod.com.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian
dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends.
Yeah, it's funny. I'm not. I'm like, I've always been. I've never looked at a
cop in the eyes. You can't. When they pull me over, I'm always. You know what
you do is you look at their ear. What? Yeah, I always look at their right ear.
Look at me. I'm looking at your ear right now. So you're the cop. Yeah. Right.
So this is what I do. Go ahead. You know why I pulled you over? No. Whoa. See?
I got to tell you. I don't know if it's your eyes, but it's worth. I can't tell
what you're looking at. Exactly. This is amazing. It's amazing. Maybe it's your
eyes. Let me do it to you. And let me see if you can tell. Let me see. Let me
see. Yeah.
And I go, hello. Wait, the cops say hello. I don't know. I don't know. What do
they say? Cops say stuff like license and registration. Do you know why I
pulled you over?
I've never seen a little Korean cop before. I'm out of here. Gone. You'd be
gone? Yeah, I'm gone in a heartbeat. You're not getting me. I've been pulled
over by mostly Asian cops. In Southern California, we got a lot. Look it up. I
think actually the majority of cops in Southern California are Mexican. I think
it's like 54% Latino. Well, it says the majority of California is Mexican. Well,
no shit, fancy. And whenever an Asian cop pulls me over, I mock them. Look, it's
like they're chasing you. Asians only.
Asians only make up 10% of police officers. So when they go, you know why I
pulled you over? I go, do you know why I pulled you over? I always do that. And
I always get a ticket.
He goes, dude, he stutters. Dude, you go, you go, you know why I pulled you
over? Yeah. Give me the ticket.
Yeah. And in the back, I'm in the back seat. I come in. I go, gong.
21. Okay. 61% of federal law enforcement officers were white. You got to do
California. You got to do California.
California. What percentage of cops are Mexican in California? I guarantee you.
But whites are the scariest cops. No, no, no, no. Oh yeah. Dude. Oh yeah. For
me growing up,
whites were always the scariest cops. Because what? You were in San Diego.
Big whites. Dude, in Poway, there is a fucking saying. What is it? I don't know.
But I know there is. But generally what the saying is, is that they pull you
over more often than not.
Is that the saying? Yes.
You know those white cops, they're going to pull you over a lot.
They pull you over a lot. A lot. A lot.
Although I haven't been pulled over in LA in 12 years.
What?
I have not been pulled over in 12 years.
When was the last time you got pulled over?
It was a couple of years ago in Arkansas.
Here in LA, I said.
Never.
You've never been pulled over in LA.
What was that?
Whoa.
What's going on with you guys?
There's tension here.
Pull the mic closer to yours, Rudy.
Yeah. Listen. Listen to me.
What's going on between you guys?
There's something going on, right?
Listen to me.
I don't know either.
Yeah. What's going on with you?
I don't know.
Because since I've been here, you've been acting aloof.
And I feel like another doc's happening.
Wait a minute.
Do you have beef with him?
Yeah. Is there a doc beef going on?
Because it's like, I need to know.
He knows what he's doing.
What do I know I'm doing?
I have a theory.
What's a theory?
I think over the tour, Bobby and I became very close.
And I think, you know him longer than me,
but I think he's scared of how close we got.
And I think now he's actively trying to push me away.
Do you do that?
Do you think you do that?
Do you think you push people away?
They get too close?
Is that a pattern with him?
I think I do.
Yeah.
Because at the comedy store-
We've gone through huge waves of being close, not talking.
Being close, not talking.
Well, it's happening to me now.
And I hate it.
What can I say this, though?
Welcome to the club, kid.
When I'm coming to the club, who am I with?
Sometimes no one.
And am I the rudest then?
I feel like I'm more rude
when I'm with somebody.
I will say that, but you're always rude lately.
In what way, though?
I just don't look at you.
Well, yeah, and you make it like, don't look at me.
Oh, no.
Like, you don't want me looking at you.
And do I say to you, don't look at me?
Sometimes.
I do, yeah.
I'll walk up to you and go, hey, man, just for tonight, don't look at me.
Or you look really fake and you smile really vague.
No, that's real.
And you go, hi.
You know, I'm fucking tired of people telling me that my fucking smiles are
fucking fabricated
and not real.
Let's go through.
Yeah, show Andrew what you did.
This is the smile I give her.
That's real.
No, it looks like you're going to kill me.
That looks pretty real to me.
Yeah.
Look.
I won the lottery.
He was also holding a knife up to my neck.
Oh, he was?
Yeah.
I was?
You were also holding a knife up to my neck.
I would never do that.
All right, say hi to me and I'll say hi with a smile.
Tell me if this is fake or real.
Hey, Andrew.
Hey!
Was that real?
That's real for me.
That's about as real as it gets.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When I see you, that's what I do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Then I apologize.
I'm misreading the situation.
Yeah.
And you know what?
You're right.
I should check my behavior.
I've been at the club twice, not the improv and the store,
and I see you either in the corner of my eye or on the lineup,
and I just don't say hi to you anymore.
Whoa.
This is weird.
I didn't know this was going on.
I was out and about.
I haven't been around in a while, so I don't know what's going on.
I didn't know that there was a little bit of undercurrent, if you will.
He's Zuko-ing.
Are you Danny Zuko-ing her?
Oh, shit.
You mean from the movie The Grace?
So I'm a-lovin', have me a bond.
That's my favorite lyric.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Having some bond?
Having some bond, dude.
Bonbons.
Look, Danny Zuko, by the way?
Yeah.
What a babe.
That's what you're doing.
You're Zuko-ing her, dude.
I'm Zuko-ing her, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, because we're no longer in the summer.
We had a great summer.
No, we're back at school, and when we're back at school, Danny Zuko is, you
know.
You realize we're in the middle of summer right now.
Yeah, it's still summer.
But when I say summer, I mean the tour.
Oh, okay.
The tour was summer, like in Greece.
And now we're in school.
And now we're in school, and we're back in class.
Going to the comedy store is like a school.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah, I'll give you.
We're there every night, right?
Yeah.
And so I'm too cool for school for you.
Yeah.
That's so funny.
This feels like Mean Girls, where you're like talking shit about her right
after you hang
out with her.
Because I don't want a McCone to happen.
Yeah, but I'm getting-
Rest in peace, by the way, McCone.
He died?
He sure did.
He does.
Damn.
So I apologize, and I'm going to be more mindful about how I treat you.
Wow.
And I will-
You know those fake smiles?
I'm going to keep doing them, because that's how I feel.
You don't have to fake smile to me.
Okay, how about-
In fact, I love you so much.
If it is a status thing for you, for me to socialize with you amongst your
friends, I'll
hide in the corner.
I think he's just being ultra sensitive.
I think I'm being an appropriate reaction.
You think it's appropriate reaction?
Yeah.
What do you think we are?
I think we're friends.
What do you think it is?
I don't think it's friends.
Are you talking about you two?
No, just in general, Jewel, Jessie.
Well, I guess that says it all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're Jessie, right?
I think Jessie is, um, if you were like a daughter.
I thought you were going to say a dog.
A dog daughter?
Yeah, kind of like a dog daughter.
Yeah, a dog daughter, right?
Also, you're an employee.
Sit.
You're an employee.
Yeah.
Right, so I'm kind of your boss.
No, you're literally her boss.
I'm literally your boss.
So it's like, how do you treat your employees?
How do you treat your employee who's also your daughter?
Like shit.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop.
Family business.
You think I treat you like shit?
You think I treat you like shit?
No, we're talking about her.
Okay, good, good.
It's so funny to have you yell at him in a clip going, you think I treat you
like shit?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You don't treat her like shit either.
No, you don't.
There's nobody who gets treated like shit in here except for when Carlos is
here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because he's a shit human.
Wow.
I know, he's a good guy.
He's a good guy.
But Jess, can I say this?
Yeah, yeah.
If you came up to me in life and whatever you needed, I would provide for you.
Even like a hello?
No, not that.
No, but if you're like-
He means something real.
My toes fell off.
Why are your toes falling off?
I don't know.
Where are you?
I'm just trying to create some sort of like physical thing that could happen.
I get it, but I like it.
No, but like, you know, you got black toes.
Okay.
Careful.
No, no, what I'm saying is that I'm not like James Baldwin black toes.
You know what I mean?
Is black feet like black face if you put on black feet?
Is that bad?
I can dance now.
Yeah, when white people go to Antarctica and they get black feet from the
fucking, you know what I mean?
Snow.
They get canceled.
They should get canceled.
Those aren't your toes, man.
That's fucking black toes.
Well, people have black hands.
Look up frostbite hands.
Yeah, yeah.
When they have that and they come back, we should publicly cancel that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's insane.
Wow, it's insane.
That this happens, by the way.
I know.
That you're out there long enough to lose your fingers.
I know.
It's crazy.
Why would you ever do that?
Well, maybe you're stranded.
That's, look at how many times it's on the internet.
These people aren't all stranded.
Dude, why do people do get, why do they get black toes though in, anyway, if
you were in
the comedy store.
What?
Why do you get black toes from frostbite?
Yeah.
What is it?
What's that about?
It's dead.
It died.
You're like, the nerves are dead.
Holy fuck.
Like there's no blood circulating.
And then do you have to chop them off or does it fall off automatically?
I mean, they're usually not fixable when it's at that degree.
They just, they have to cut them off.
So it's a gangrene.
I guess, yeah, that's the, yeah, it's got to go.
Hey, that's what they say.
They walk in, they go, got to go.
Is it green gangrene or is it just an arbitrary?
It's like a, it's like a shade of green.
Because if it's purple, it would make no sense.
Purple green.
Yeah.
No, we're like gang purple.
Go ahead.
Did you watch Indie?
Did you watch Indie?
New Indiana Jones.
Are you not going to go see it?
I've never, I honestly, can I say something?
You've never seen the original.
I've never seen any Indiana Jones.
Not in my life.
I know what it is.
He's a professor or something, right?
Wait a minute.
Dude, you've never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark?
I just, I don't know why, but as a kid, I thought it was more of a historical
kind of a movie.
You, of all people, would fucking love.
I don't believe it.
I've never seen Indiana Jones.
I don't believe it.
I know what it is.
He's real.
I know what it is.
He's real.
Ask me questions.
I know what it is.
There's a boulder because it's in pop culture.
Like you and, like Harry Potter.
I know, he knows the Harry Potter.
I know boulders.
I know t