Name: Aliens, Gyoza & Japanese Dog Men, Oh My! | Ep 179 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-08-14T16:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Aliens, Gyoza & Japanese Dog Men, Oh My! | Ep 179 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Aliens, Gyoza & Japanese Dog Men, Oh My! | Ep 179 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-14. Transcript available.

Aliens, Gyoza & Japanese Dog Men, Oh My! | Ep 179 | Bad Friends

Hey, you guys, we have a Patreon and it's the best thing on earth.
It's the best thing on earth.
Because if you don't sign up for it, you're missing out on in life itself.
We have funnier content.
We have way funnier content than the episode itself on Patreon.
Yeah, because today was a baller.
It was baller, baby.
Here's what you're going to get.
Out of pocket.
When you sign up for our Patreon, you're going to get the episode that we post
normally on Monday.
You're going to get it on the Friday before.
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Ad-free, baby.
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And then also, bonus exclusive content.
Behind the scenes stuff.
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We're going to take bad advice calls from fans.
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That's right.
Patreon.com slash bad friends.
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In the fall, we're going on tour.
Rochester, New York, baby.
Yeah, then Northfield, which is basically Cleveland, Ohio.
It's just south of Cleveland, Ohio.
Homestead, Pennsylvania, which is Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh.
We're doing two shows.
The first one sold out.
The Late Show is there.
Then we go to Boston, Massachusetts.
Washington, D.C.
The home of our residents.
Then we go to Denver, Colorado.
Milwaukee.
My hometown of Chicago, Illinois.
Minneapolis.
And finally, in Madison.
We're adding dates as we go.
Go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets.
Badfriendspod.com.
Come check us out, baby.
Check us out, baby.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Funny.
Funny, funny.
But anyway.
Who called you every day that you had COVID?
Who called you every day that you had COVID?
You did.
I did.
You called and texted me a couple of times.
Right.
But, and then who else?
Pete nothing from Pete.
You're on the road.
You're headlining.
But you called me the most, I think.
You texted me the most.
I did.
I was worried about you.
When you said, when you, when I first called you, I said, how are you feeling?
You're like, yeah, but Robin would call Batman if Batman was sick.
That one.
No, no, it's the other way around, buddy.
I think I'm Robin and I did call you.
No, I'm Batman for sure.
You're 100% not Batman.
Yeah.
100% Batman.
You're definitely not Batman.
Bro, have you seen my house?
It's a cave.
There's nothing beautiful and ominous about you at all.
There's nothing like sexy.
How do you, Batman's not sexy.
Yes, it absolutely is.
Who gets more pussy?
Robin or Batman?
Batman.
Yeah, Robin's gay, I think.
Robin's gay.
Oh, he is?
He gets no pussy.
Oh, it's the color of the costume.
He's got to change that up.
No, I just.
Like a salmon or something.
I think it's Chris O'Donnell.
You're right, right, right, right.
But I thought I was always Batman between us, but okay.
You're a little bit closer to Ant-Man.
Cockroach Boy.
There are different universes.
Cupcake Guy.
No, Ant-Man Marvel.
Cupcake Guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm Cupcake Gay?
You're closer to Cupcake Guy.
Yeah?
You're whatever superhero orders too many things to eat.
What superhero is that?
I'll be Wombat.
Full menu guy.
Oh, yeah, you are Wombat.
Wombat.
Wombat.
Wombat man.
Wombat.
Wombat man.
Wombat man.
Wombat man.
Okay, all right.
I'll give you a Batman.
I'll give you a Batman.
Yeah, thanks.
Yeah, Carlos is what?
Alfred?
Yeah, for sure.
Slave.
I don't know.
I kind of like, I love Alfred.
I think Pete is closer to Alfred.
Pete's closer to Alfred.
Yeah.
Right, right.
Carlos is a little bit closer to like the penguin.
Right.
Carlos is definitely penguin.
Yeah.
You are Poison Ivy?
That's Poison Ivy.
Or Catwoman?
No, that's Poison Ivy.
Poison Ivy.
Yeah.
You have more of a hippie vibe.
You know what Pete is actually?
Pete is, what was Schwarzenegger's?
Remember Iceman?
What was it?
Iceman.
Mr. Freeze.
Mr. Freeze.
Mr. Freeze.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Welcome back.
Bobby's healthy.
Hello.
You're back off the road headlining Jetski Johnson.
We're back in the studio, man.
Look at this.
We're all back together.
I love it.
A family, a team.
How was the shows?
Amazing.
Sold out?
Sold out.
The people were great and Vegas was wild.
Wait, wait.
You played Wise Guys?
Played Wise Guys.
One night?
It was my first weekend.
I did Thursday in Salt Lake City, Friday, Saturday, Vegas.
Okay, so Thursday you did one show?
Mm-hmm.
All wise guys?
Yeah.
Okay, you sold that out?
Very close each night.
It's either a sellout or not.
Just say yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, she did.
Yeah.
Okay, I'll give you that.
Friday.
Yeah.
Sold out.
Everything sold out.
Sold out.
Sold out, sold out.
Great.
They even sold out the sold out sign.
Sold out.
Somebody bought it.
Oh, somebody bought that part?
Yeah, that's what happens.
Seinfeld was in town, too, but.
Yeah.
Can you believe Jesse's across the street?
It was crazy.
And Vegas was wild.
It's different without us, though, no?
Oh, yeah.
It's a lot lonelier, but I worked a lot harder.
Really?
Yeah.
Were you nervous?
The first night I was pretty nervous, and I, like, just remembering all my
jokes, but
I was more nervous, like, flying alone.
Yeah.
Because we were there to comfort her.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
But she used to fly.
We'd fly with her.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, that's cool.
Congratulations.
Speaking of flying, man.
Uh-oh.
The government just admitted that we have UFOs.
Legit.
Like, legit, legit.
It's over.
Yeah.
Not a million shit.
What government?
Look it up.
It's, what are your government?
The only one that matters, right?
What administration?
Biden or Trump?
Because I only trust Trump.
Uh, Rand Paul's.
Remember Rand Paul?
It's kind of his thing.
Oh, I like him.
Yeah, we love that guy.
No, dude, the government, they got-
Tea party, tea party?
Tea party, tea party, tea party.
No, they literally admitted, look it up, right?
Didn't they admit to saying that we have contact with aliens?
Is that what it was?
And they showed up-
They have physical contact.
Like, hello, hello, I'm John.
I'm Ibaragopa.
Is that Ibaragopa?
Yeah.
Hello, hi, I'm John.
What's your name?
Ibaragopa.
Ibaragopa.
Ibaragopa.
Yeah, Francis Ford Coppola's nephew.
Yeah.
Alien.
I direct up there, too.
You know what I mean?
Space father.
They said that we have contact.
Whistleblower tells Congress the U.S. is concealing multi-decade program that
captures UFOs.
Wait, whistleblower tells-
Like, who's this whistleblower?
Someone that worked-
Yeah, but who knows who that is?
What do you mean?
Who's the whistleblower?
What if it was me?
No, I saw him.
He's a big-
He's a white guy.
It's a white guy.
Yeah.
We gotta trust him.
Yeah.
Oh, if it's a white guy, you trust?
Yeah.
He's, like, tall, too.
What, have you learned nothing about this country?
Oh, white people don't tell the truth.
That's right.
Yeah.
That's right.
They never find.
No, but they basically said that we got contact with these people.
That we've been going up, that we've been talking to them for a long time.
Multi-decade.
Doc was right.
Doc was right the whole time.
I apologize.
Yeah, man, I told y'all, man, that was crazy, man.
Y'all thought it was on wine.
I'll tell y'all the truth.
It's insane how true it did come to be.
And we captured them.
What does that mean?
That we've got them somewhere.
I gotta believe that we have one somewhere.
Four shocking moments from Congress, UFO hearing.
Non-human pilots to possible contact with aliens.
Come on, dude.
What do you mean?
You don't buy it?
I don't buy it.
Dude, this is every valid news source is talking about this.
If I see an alien, an idiot, bop, bop, bop, right?
What was his name?
Idiot Coppola.
Coppola.
Idiot Coppola.
Idiot Coppola.
If I see a photo of Idiot Coppola, right?
Yeah.
Going, hello.
And a photo.
You can't take pictures of them.
Why?
You can't capture them.
They're translucent?
Yes, you can't capture them on film.
Oh, they're like your dick.
Trent see-through.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Whoa.
This is real, dude.
Look, they made contact with extraterrestrial life.
Grush personally interviewed people with direct knowledge of non-human origin
craft.
So, he personally spoke with people that have been on non-human origin crafts.
Let me, what was the, let's say you captured me.
Yeah.
I'm an alien.
I'm Idiot Coppola.
That's kind of what this show is, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
What would you, what's the first question you would ask?
Hello?
Well, hi.
Hi.
Idiot Coppola.
Hi, Idiot Coppola.
Where are you from?
What is your name?
My name is, my name is, my name is Pete.
Pete.
Sorry, my name is George Kimmel.
Yeah.
If you're trying to kill anybody that I, please go after the Kimmel family.
What's the first question I would ask you?
Where are you from?
Cleveland.
You're from Cleveland, Ohio.
You caught me, no.
Where are you from?
I'm from Abriapapap.
Abriapapap.
Yeah.
How long did it take you to get here?
It took me 3,000 light years, two seconds, 0.5.
And we must have a different numbering system, I feel like.
We do.
Yeah.
It's in metrics.
Oh, that's the, well, British.
We do it in metrics.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You do seem British.
Bye.
Bye.
Gone.
I would ask like this, you be somebody.
Hello, my name is, this is my scientist, you say your name.
Hi, I'm Dr. Klovorian, and we're researching a-
Dr. Klovorian.
Klovorian.
Oh, then let's get this thing over with.
How are you doing today?
Pretty good.
Excuse me.
What's your name?
Baskok.
Baskok?
Baskok.
Bask.
Baskok.
We caught a mafia alien guy.
Oh, hell yeah.
That's what he is.
Yeah.
Baskok, are you going to have us whacked?
Oh, maybe you can.
They just kept him sort of an Italian guy.
You keep that, I tell you that.
All right, that's cool.
I mean, truly, the best example of this was for men in black when they took the
bodies of
humans.
You know they're doing this.
You know that they took the bodies of humans.
Oh, remember the woman on the plane like two weeks ago that's like, that
motherfucker's
not real.
Oh, I saw that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
Did she see what she wasn't supposed to see?
It was a guy in a hoodie.
I saw a testimonial from a guy that was on the flight who said he saw her
talking to
a guy with his hoodie up who acted as if he didn't speak to her once, but they
communicated
telepathically.
Like the shining.
Like five minutes straight.
Whoa.
So she thought, I don't exactly know what's going on.
She thought she saw somebody in the back?
She spoke to a person who had a hoodie on, was bent down, and she said, it wasn't
real.
He wasn't real.
She said, that motherfucker's not real.
Not real.
This distressed woman had a meltdown on a plane saying there was a passenger
that was there
that wasn't there.
She wants off the plane.
Wait, so there's a guy, but was he really there?
There's some skater kid in a hoodie going-
Apparently, there was a guy that was there.
And he's like, whoa, I don't know what's going on.
Yeah, I don't know.
They haven't spoken to this guy.
This guy hasn't come forward.
You know why?
Why?
Because that motherfucker's not real.
Oh, fuck.
It blew my mind.
Told you, dude.
Fucking blow my mind.
Why don't they have an interview with him?
Because he's not real.
Whoa, dude.
Can I say something?
You know when people get yellow?
Oh, sorry.
Okay.
I don't know what that was.
Wait, wait, wait.
Stop.
I am so sorry.
Honestly.
Well, people-
Just stop.
Sorry.
You were thinking one thing.
Yeah.
You weren't looking at me.
I know.
Then you looked right at me, and then you said yellow.
Yeah, I did.
That was weird.
I was going to say, when people get sick, they turn green and yellow.
When people get sick, they turn yellow and green, right?
Don't they say, like, you're turning green or turning-
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You look the same.
So, you wouldn't know if I was being nauseous or anything.
Right.
How would I know you're nauseous?
That's such a good point.
You could throw up just regular.
Exactly.
No warning.
Did you throw up the last couple of days?
No.
No bathroom trouble?
No.
I stopped picking the boogers in my left nostril, though.
T