Name: Happy Stardew Birthday, Bobby | Ep 184 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-09-18T16:00:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Happy Stardew Birthday, Bobby | Ep 184 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Happy Stardew Birthday, Bobby | Ep 184 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-18. Transcript available.

Happy Stardew Birthday, Bobby | Ep 184 | Bad Friends

Hey, Bad Friends on tour, don't miss out.
We're going to be in Boston, Massachusetts, October 6th, Washington, D.C.,
October 21st.
Denver, Colorado, October 28th.
Then we go to the Midwest.
We go to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, November 24th, and Chicago, Illinois, November
25th, right
after Thanksgiving.
Minneapolis, Minnesota, November 30th.
Yeah, that's where you're from, baby.
And then we finish it out in Madison, Wisconsin, December 1st.
You've got to come see us.
Go to BadFriendsPod.com for tickets.
BadFriendsPod.com.
Also, a little hint for the inside fans, we might be adding a ton of dates come
in the
new year.
Oh, we are.
And we might be going international, my friends.
Oh, yeah.
Go to BadFriendsPod.com for tickets.
BadFriendsPod.com.
Hey, Bad Friends.
Go ahead.
We don't have a Patreon.
We got a Patreon.
I got so excited.
I know, and I'll tell you why we have a Patreon.
Why, why?
People are like, oh, why do you guys have a Patreon?
Let me tell you something.
Because we're putting out more content on there.
We have behind-the-scenes stuff from On the Road, in which Little McConey put
together.
Also, we have not really a bonus episode, but it's another extra little thing
that we put
on there.
There are different levels, dog.
There's fun stuff we put on there for you guys to enjoy.
If you don't want to join, that's fine.
Just still remain a fan, and the episodes will come out every single Monday as
they have.
You can join, and you'll get the episode on Friday, ad-free.
You can have fun with us, and we're putting up more stuff as we go.
It's being added as we go and edited, so the Patreon will be there.
Go to Patreon.com slash BadFriends.
BadFriends, right?
Patreon.com slash BadFriends to sign up today.
The link is in the description below.
Is your mic broken?
I don't like the way it is.
Well, you crank it up this way.
See how I have-
It won't crank.
It won't crank.
Oh, there we go.
Told you.
Of course it will.
It cranks up.
A little blue-chew.
Should we- a little blue-chew in the microphone?
Should we start the right way?
They're really hard to blow.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
I got to tell you, that looked like- that did look like KKK for some reason.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is that?
What's KKK in Korean?
Oh, it means white power.
That's the same thing it means with us.
I know, I know.
We're not so different.
Yeah, yeah.
Welcome back.
Jetski Juicy Johnson is back on the show.
And it's-
It's my birthday episode.
It's a birthday thing.
I didn't realize.
I didn't realize.
Happy birthday.
Thank you, thank you.
I like that shirt.
52 years old.
Look at you.
52 years old.
Still playing Starfield plus video games all day long.
No life.
Loser.
You look so Korean.
You look so Korean.
I do?
Yeah.
Oh, do you?
My birthday?
Holy moly?
So explain to all the viewers that are watching right now, we're wearing Stardew
Valley costumes
for your birthday.
I don't know why I stopped playing it.
Who am I?
You're Harvey in the game.
You're the town doctor.
Harvey Weinstein, the town doctor.
The town doctor.
And he likes-
Come to my room.
I'll take care of it for you.
Yeah.
And then you're Emily.
She's got a lesbian.
She works at the bar.
She's a lesbian that works at the bar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh-oh.
Art imitating life.
And I'm Sebastian, the emo guy that lives up north.
Hell, yeah.
What's up?
Where, dude?
Like Portland?
Where do you live, Doc?
Oh, just up north in the mountains, man.
Oh, sick.
And then Abigail's not here yet, but so can I just say what happened yesterday
to me?
What happened, kiddo?
So, you know, I had Robert Kennedy Jr. on, and I wrote one joke, and I wasn't
able to
tell the joke because I got scared.
Tell the joke.
Well, you know, because I go, well, because his wife was on it, too.
Yeah.
Cheryl Hines.
Cheryl Hines.
So they're on it, and so I do the setup.
I go, hey, do you guys fart on each other?
Go on.
Go on.
And right when I said that, I realized I couldn't do the joke.
Why not?
Because that, their campaign manager went, no.
Yeah, yeah.
And then they, it was almost as if, like, what the fuck?
They've never been asked that.
You didn't do any other Kennedy stuff, did you?
No.
I had a bunch of stuff, but after this, so what I was going to say is, if they'd
said,
we fart on each other, then I go, does your fart sound different, like your
voice?
That would have been a good joke.
I feel like that would have been received by him.
I know, but because I set up the fart thing, and they didn't respond to that, I
couldn't
do the fucking, did your farts sound like your voice?
I get it.
Yeah.
I get it.
You had to bail.
Yeah.
I bailed.
You said you were really nervous.
Oh, I was pacing back and forth, because I've never had, like, a politician and
stuff.
He's not really a politician, is he?
Was he not in the Congress?
I thought he was a YouTube guy.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
I'm also a huge fan of Cheryl, too.
She's the shit.
She's the shit.
Yeah, she's unbelievable.
What a power couple, huh?
Politics and Hollywood, the ultimate cabal.
Yeah.
How much baby blood do they have at their house, huh?
Oh, so much.
So much.
Good babies, too.
They have Obama baby blood.
Obama baby blood.
Obama, Obama, Obama baby blood.
Obama, Obama, Obama baby blood.
Oh!
What time is it?
What time is it?
She's late, and she knows it.
Yeah, yeah.
6.05.
And you're running late, but you showed up.
Let's give it up for the Rudy Jules.
Put on that wig.
Put on the wig.
And there's a choker, too.
Yeah.
Carlos, for some reason, is really pushing the choker.
It's a part of the costume.
Uh-huh.
All right.
If the village people were stand-up comics, let's go through that photo.
Down.
That one, and let's see who.
Yeah.
So, Craig Robinson.
No.
In the middle.
Oh, in the middle.
Yeah, correct.
Yeah, Craig Robinson.
Top left.
Wait, wait, let me.
Chris Spencer.
Chris Spencer.
Yeah, yeah.
In the middle of the Indian.
Charlie Finn.
Not Charlie.
Charlie Hill.
Charlie Hill.
Charlie Hill.
Charlie Hill.
Who's on the far right?
Shane Gillis.
Shane Gillis.
And then who's the bottom right?
That's another.
There's three blacks?
That's Tony Hinchcliffe.
Well, that's a black guy.
Yeah.
And the far left is.
It's got to be me.
I've got to be in the band.
You're not in it.
Oh, fuck.
I hate to tell you, you're not in it.
Look at the Rudy Jules back in action.
Can I ask you one last thing I think about the village people, though?
Please.
And I don't even know.
Excuse me for even asking this question.
I really don't know.
Okay.
Are they all gay?
No.
None of them know.
Only one of them is gay.
Be real.
How many are there?
Let's guess.
Okay, out of the six, just before we go.
Before you Google that, the obvious answer is all of them.
No.
Can you imagine being the one not gay guy in the village people?
They're out having fun every night after shows.
Yeah, and he's going back to the hotel room.
Just to read a book?
Yeah, he's bummed.
Imagine that one of them is really religious.
He just goes and reads a Bible in the room while these guys are having fucking
popper orgies.
Right.
By the way, if they were still around.
They are still around.
Are they still?
They're not dead.
Are they touring, I mean?
If they're touring, Carlos should go to a show.
Oh, that'd be so good.
It's where you'd find all that you're looking for.
Everything you're looking for is there.
Are the village people still touring?
Glenn Hughes, the biker, despite the stereotypical connotations that surrounded
his character, is straight.
Wow.
There you go!
Wow.
Here we are!
Wait a minute.
Here we are, dude!
Randy Jones, cowboy is openly gay.
Felipe Rose, the Indian, is openly gay.
Victor Willis, the cop.
Sexuality is unknown.
Let me just throw my hat in that bucket.
No, you can't point your finger.
Wait a minute.
Glenn Hughes, the biker, isn't gay?
He's not gay.
The one that we thought was riddled with AIDS.
Yeah, the one that we thought had the most.
Yeah, I mean, it has no AIDS.
Well, you don't know that.
Oh, that's true.
I don't know his extracurricular activities.
By the way, these guys, imagine after a show, the amount of dick that these
guys get.
And then Glenn Hughes has to sit there and pretend.
Look it, I'm Glenn Hughes.
Yeah.
You guys are the village people.
Yeah, yeah.
This is the after party.
Yeah, yeah.
Ready?
Hey, Glenn.
Hey, what's up?
You having fun?
Yeah, oh yeah.
Great show.
It was such a good show.
Dude, your ass was jigging.
Oh, cut it out.
Your ass was jiggly, jiggly, jiggly, jiggly up there.
Please cut it out.
Now, anyway, hey, do the thing that you did, the improv jiggly thing you did on
stage.
The show's over.
Pull your pants down and do it.
The show's over.
Pull your pants down and do it.
The show's over, please.
Come on.
You guys, please stop making me do this.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Anyway.
I'm a man of the Lord.
Hey, you want some of those popsicle?
Is it a pop or popsicle?
No, it's my dick.
Oh, that is?
There's never a stick at the end of these things.
It'd be such a bummer to be backstage.
The amount of dick they would get would be absurd, and then this guy would have
to chill?
That's not true.
What if they're all in relationships?
Okay.
No, I'm being real.
Now, you're making an assumption.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
Andrew Sanchez is making an assumption that these guys are, like, still single.
Yeah, based on some of the more popular ideologies of touring gay superstars.
Liberace committed relationship.
Maybe.
Okay.
Elton John was.
Committed.
No.
Yeah, he was not?
I hung out with Elton John.
Oh, you fucked him?
No, I didn't.
You know what?
A girl doesn't kiss and tell.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rudy Jewell's welcome to the party.
Hello.
Yeah.
Why do you think we're doing this episode today?
Because it's your birthday.
And you didn't say shit yet.
Because I'm waiting for you to be finished.
Yeah, she's doing the polite thing now.
Oh, that's so nice.
Sing happy birthday right now in Tagalog.
Or in your life.
Whatever it is.
We just sing it.
It's not English.
No, sing it.
I want you to hear it.
In a different language.
You were late, so you have to sing to him.
Whitlang.
Whitlang.
That's it.
That's how cool it is.
That's it.
That's it.
That's how fast it is.
What a great song.
It's so quick, but to the point.
If you slow it down.
If you translate, it's happy.
Happy.
Yeah, but they don't say that often out there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You never hear Whitlang.
Go ahead.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, did they sing in the Philippines?
Did they sing the Christmas songs as well?
There's like English and there's Tagalog.
I know, but you celebrate Christmas there?
Yeah.
Can I say something?
What?
Look at me right now.
Santa doesn't go there.
Santa doesn't go there.
No chance.
Yeah, he does.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
It's the happiest there.
Every Christmas.
You think.
Every Christmas and there's always.
Imagine what Santa has to do.
Santa has to go to all the states, all the cities in America.
Yeah.
All of Europe.
You think he goes to America first?
No, definitely.
Yeah.
L.A. first.
Yeah.
Yeah, L.A., New York.
L.A., New York.
Right.
Chicago, Atlanta.
He's done.
He's in London.
It's 5.30 in the morning.
He's coming, right?
Elf calls him.
Hey, hey.
You forgot.
Hey, boss.
It's a Filipino elf?
No.
I don't know.
Hey, boss.
You forgot.
You forgot.
You forgot to go to the Philippines.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
What is he going to do?
Bail.
Bail?
Yeah, he's going to bail.
He's like, I'm not going to cross the Pacific and go to that little island?
What the fuck?
And then what does it give you guys?
Pineapples and coconuts.
What the fuck?
You guys pick those.
Pick them.
Sing it right now.
I want to hear it.
You don't even know the words.
Maliganyang.
Maliganyang ka'arawan.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
But that's...
I don't care.
What is it?
Yeah.
Maliganyang ka'arawan.
Maliganyang ka'arawan.
Maliganyang ka'arawan.
Maliganyang ka'arawan.
Maliganyang ka'arawan.
Now, how often do you sing happy birthday to someone you love in the
Philippines?
Do they never sing?
We sin