Name: Oliver Tree Fights Bobby | Ep 186 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-10-02T16:00:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Oliver Tree Fights Bobby | Ep 186 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Oliver Tree Fights Bobby | Ep 186 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-02. Transcript available.

Oliver Tree Fights Bobby | Ep 186 | Bad Friends

Hey! This is our last leg of our tour this year. We got Boston, Massachusetts,
October 6th. This
week, we're going to be in Boston, Massachusetts. That's right. It's almost
totally sold out to
come see us. Then we're in the founding father's city, Washington, D.C. Denver,
Colorado. Denver,
what is it? Colorado? Yes. Denver, Colorado, then Milwaukee, Wisconsin, my
hometown, Chicago,
Illinois, Minneapolis, Minnesota. And then we end in Madison, Wisconsin, one of
my favorite places.
And that's it for the year, guys. That's it. So if you don't get those tickets,
if you don't come see us in either Boston, D.C., Milwaukee, Chicago,
Minneapolis, Madison,
or Denver, you're going to miss out this year. We might do it. I'll do it for a
while.
Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? So go to badfriendspod.com, get those tickets.
Badfriendspod.com.
Also, Patreon. We got the Patreon. And again, if you don't want to do it, you
don't have to.
You don't have to. Nothing changes. But I'm telling you, you're going to get
tidbits and
things that we can't really talk about. You're going to get tidbits and tiddlywinks
and more
than you've ever asked for and expected. Yeah. We're also putting up content
from
tour that we had at the beginning of the year. Bonus content, extra extended
parts of episodes,
stuff that you're not going to normally get. But if you don't want to do it,
fine. Just watch the
regular episode on Monday. Nobody cares.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
I love you, dude.
I love you.
I really love you.
Why do you love him?
I sing his shit.
Why do you love him, though?
I sing his shit at my house constantly.
Yeah.
I would love hate.
You don't know any of his music.
Oh, yeah, I did.
Name one song.
Turtle Route.
Oh, yeah, sing Turtle Route.
Turtle Route.
We're going down the Turtle Route.
That is, is that off the new album?
That's off the new album.
In your face, dude.
That's pretty good.
Turtle Route.
How do you know that song?
How do you know Turtle Route, bud?
Because when it downloads, it downloads.
Downs loads for you.
What are you using, Nabster?
Nobody downloads music.
No, he does.
He has LimeWire.
Oh, LimeWire.
Yeah, we're sponsored, I think, by the way.
Yeah.
Okay.
I just, I was going to, you didn't let me finish.
I have Downs syndromes.
That's the new app?
Yeah.
Anyway, well, you texted me last night, huh?
Yeah, no text back.
What is it?
Oh, bro, that's normal.
That's, that's what he does.
I texted you back.
I can read you all the shit, dude.
Yeah, read it out.
Put them on blast.
Don't put it out there, dude.
No, put it out for the world to heal.
You didn't say, I'm not putting any, we'll, so this is what.
Oh, yeah, this is how, this is how it started.
Ready?
Yeah.
How's it hanging?
Guess who that is?
That's you.
No, that's him.
Oh, okay.
I did, I, for some reason.
No, don't, please.
All right, sorry about that.
Please.
Yeah, that's him.
Yeah, that was him, dude.
I've been working on it.
That's the big tree.
I'll do it again.
Yo, how's it hanging?
That one's you that time, right?
That's him.
Okay.
I go, I go real good, fuck fast.
I take it.
I was expecting.
Then you go.
The latter.
Was it, how many ha-ha-has?
Is it four or five?
Three.
I did too many there.
H-A, H-A, H-A.
That's what he did.
Three.
So pumped for tomorrow.
We still in for the interview?
Who calls it an interview?
What is it?
It is an interview, dude.
Usually they have questions.
We don't have questions.
We're just talking.
Well, no, I do.
We're loaded up.
I knew this guy would be prepared.
Yeah, very prepared.
Go ahead, Bob.
Finish the text.
What else does it say?
I think this is a prelude
of what's going to happen
in this podcast.
Yeah, we shouldn't give that away.
A team up.
But then what?
You left me on read.
No, I didn't.
It keeps going.
I go, what time is it again?
Because I forgot we had.
Yeah, you don't even know.
He never knows.
I forgot we had to do a podcast.
So I was just kind of going,
what time is it again?
I forget.
You know what I mean?
I didn't even know, right?
And you go, my team was told six.
Do you even have a schedule?
Or you just free ball it?
I go, free all.
Free all.
But then I put ball
because you know how you do that.
I get it.
Yeah, yeah.
You're living the dream.
How long do you think
the pile will go for?
I go, an hour.
And then you go,
can I tell you who's going to cameo
at the end of the episode?
And I never respond to that.
Oh, because he likes to be surprised.
I want to be surprised.
That's not rude.
He likes to surprise.
Yeah, I'm not being rude.
He hates when surprises get ruined.
Yeah.
Oh, I ruined it.
It's okay.
Now, can we talk about the girl?
Okay, so first of all,
let me say something out loud.
All right.
That right now,
I'm seeing one person
that I like.
Yeah, we like her.
We like her.
Yeah, she's great.
But before when I was free,
free form,
free form,
Bobby Lee free ball.
When you were free ball,
Bobby Lee free ball.
I hooked up with a girl
in Florida once.
Mm-hmm.
Do you remember?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I was laying in bed with her.
And...
What happened?
Would you still let me finish?
No, but he's right.
What did happen?
What do you mean?
Sorry, I'm sorry.
You're a guest.
Yeah, let that guest fucking pipe in.
This is the worst start to this interview.
No, ask, no.
No, he's right.
It's not tracking, dude.
What do you mean?
I'm...
Well, he's just asking you a question.
What happened?
It's like you said this is a conversation
and I can't get anything out of you.
Oh, you're right.
You're right.
So go ahead.
I'm so sorry.
You're right.
You're right.
Let's start over.
All right.
So...
Should we just start the episode over?
Yeah.
We'll just start from here.
Right.
Go ahead.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, welcome.
No, then you just go,
I'm hooking up with this girl in Florida.
I was hooking up with this girl in Florida.
He's just showing off.
He's probably made this whole story up.
I, you know,
I didn't think there was any girls in Florida, but...
None of this checks out.
You don't even like Florida.
She texted you
or she direct messaged you that night.
What did she say?
Well, I was laying next to her.
She goes, yeah, there's two guys on my...
No, three guys on my list.
On my celebrity hit list?
On my hit list, right?
You.
Yeah.
Ethan from H3.
And then I thought,
oh, I'm going to kill myself.
Why?
Because I'm in that group,
which means,
and I know what they look like,
and I know what they're...
No offense.
Bro, you're the worst looking of all of us.
You should be so lucky, dog.
What do you think he is out of 10?
For real?
For real?
Like, here's the thing.
I walk around like a six.
You're a two, buddy.
Two, buddy.
You're like a two and a half at most,
probably closer to a one and a half.
Ouch.
Ouch, that hurts.
And what's Ethan?
Ethan, he's like a three.
Can I say something?
Ooh, you're below?
I know.
Let me ask you.
Is that why it's H3?
Is that what that stands for?
I mean, dude, the guy's got a wife.
He's fine.
What's going on with you?
Oliver, Oliver, Oliver.
Oliver, Oliver, Oliver, Oliver.
Oliver, Oliver, Oliver, Oliver.
Be honest with me, Oliver.
Please give me a bigger number.
Okay, okay.
You want an honest number?
No, honest.
You're putting that piece of shit,
that piece of shit above me.
Okay, okay.
You want the honest number?
Please, please.
I was being generous as a one and a half.
I'm a one and a half?
Something close to 1.7 or something.
Just say one.
Just say one.
You want the honest answer, I'll give it to you, buddy.
And then Ethan's a three.
1.7.
And Ethan's a three.
I was being nice as well.
Okay, give me, what's his number?
He's like a 2.3.
And I'm like a 5.6.
Okay.
That's, but 5.6 is still.
It's pretty good.
I'm you guys combined.
What's him?
He's like at least an eight or something.
He's like six and a half feet tall.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
You can't even grow a beard, dude.
I can't.
Dude, what's your, what are you doing?
I'm just enjoying this interview.
I know, what I'm saying is that you're my partner.
I'm your best friend.
You have to defend me.
Yeah.
I know, but you're just laughing it up.
All right.
Burging this fucking bullshit.
Oh, you're right.
Let me be on your side.
All right.
He's like double your height.
Girls take that into consideration as part of the rating factor.
I'm not a tall guy either.
I'm only six foot one.
Yeah.
But you have cheekbones.
I have cheekbones.
Dude, you look like you have progeria, dude.
We're not going back to this.
Let's get real, dude.
All right.
You look like an anorexic progeria guy.
Bro, I was morbidly obese for a while.
I've been working on myself.
You look fucking great.
You did lose weight.
And guess what?
I can tell.
Yeah.
No Zempick.
No bullshit training every day.
Waking up at eight o'clock so I can work out, eat right.
I was eating six Michelin star restaurants a week.
And I got so fat, bro.
But I loved it.
I enjoyed it.
I was eating as many Snicker bars as I could per day.
And I'm back.
He's back.
You're back, dude.
Feel good.
You seem different.
Lots changed.
Like, what's changed?
Got rich.
Right.
So that changes things.
I was mad last time I got ripped off, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But now you got rich, dude.
No, the thing is, it's overrated.
It doesn't change anything.
I still slept on a couch for an entire month this year.
So it doesn't change anything.
Well, why don't you go back then?
To the couch?
Why don't you just give it all away?
I don't live anywhere.
So it doesn't make any difference.
I'm just living as if I'm prepared for it all to disappear.
Where do you stay the most?
Well, this year, the most I've spent time was at my manager's house.
There's a guest room.
By my house?
Yeah.
I know.
I actually went by your house.
I was knocking.
I know.
I heard it.
But that was only basically, you know.
Out of the year, three months I spent in America, in L.A., and then the rest of
it, I was mostly in Europe and then Brazil.
I'm sorry.
Also, can I just apologize for one last thing because I haven't talked to you.
I would like more apologies.
Can you look into the camera and publicly apologize?
I apologize for saying no to the offer that you made.
Which one?
To open for you.
You didn't know.
He missed it.
Red Rocks.
I tried to get Bobby Lee to open at Red Rocks.
And you didn't do it?
What a loser.
Me?
It was going to be the biggest show of your life.
Why wouldn't you do that?
Because you and I got in a fist fight.
So?
Well, we could have fought on stage.
Think about the views, buddy.
I don't want to.
8,000.
Live fight this guy.
9,000?
9,000 people?
You missed?
Yeah.
You don't want to fight him in front of 9,000 people?
Bobby's beating a body bazaar.
I don't want to.
You know what I mean?
Why'd you say no, Bobby?
Why'd you say no?
Big timey?
No, I just thought that.
Did you offer?
You want to be honest?
Did you offer him money?
You know what?
Here, I'm going to take this off.
No money.
That's why.
You know what?
Leave it on, Bobby.
Okay.
Put it on, Bobby boy.
Respect to the guest, dude.
All right.
Okay.
You're right.
You look good, man.
You look good.
Lots of change.
What changed?
Am I above a 1 right now with the glasses on?
The hair takes you to 1.8.
Oh, I get it.
No, the hair is good.
Thank you, man.
Why didn't I do it?
Scheduling?
Sure.
You smiled.
I saw a smirk.
I'm a happy person.
He breathes.
When he lies, he breathes out.
Wait, so have you played Red Rocks?
It's just like, you know.
No.
No.
We never played Red Rocks.
Never played Red Rocks.
I should have asked you.
I know.
And I would have said yes.
And I would have moved my schedule around.
You didn't do it because there was no money involved.
Oh, there was money.
Obviously, I was going to give him at least like 200, 300 bucks.
Oh, okay.
But we wouldn't have paid for travel or lodging.
You wouldn't have.
No, hell no.
Yeah, so I mean, I think I'd put that into consideration maybe.
I don't know.
Yo