Name: Is It Poo Or Is It Cake? | Ep 187 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-10-09T16:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is It Poo Or Is It Cake? | Ep 187 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is It Poo Or Is It Cake? | Ep 187 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-09. Transcript available.

Is It Poo Or Is It Cake? | Ep 187 | Bad Friends

hey bad friends live and we're at the tail end of our tour guys and this is it
and we're dude we've
got a special show yeah if you don't go dude you're dumb dude you're dumb dumb
we're coming
up in washington dc denver then denver denver colorado you gotta get tickets
now that's right
milwaukee wisconsin yep chicago illinois my hometown minneapolis minnesota
where you're from
minnesota happened to me there and then the very last date is madison wisconsin
yeah go check it
out so let me tell you something dc you're up next then denver get ready get
ready we're strolling
down the line get in the midwest we love you guys go to badfriendspod.com for
those tickets
badfriendspod.com if it hits my face from there right i'll promote you right if
i can spit in it
and hit your face you'll promote tomorrow yeah i'm gonna blow my back out doing
this ready yeah
shoulder shoulder dude try what i said if it just hits my head shoulder i'm not
promoting
i'm not promoting you're not gonna promote anything you fucking fat there we go
there we go there's
the hostility dude you don't know how to take a fucking loss dude i should just
learn from you
yeah i'm the l king yeah great great musician that's that's that she's great
you two are bad
friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an asian dude you two are
disgusting
we're bad friends well here's the here's the deal about halloween yeah we're
not gonna be here this
year and last year where were you i'm gonna be where are we gonna be i won't be
here we're going
to be well you'll be here kiddo you'll be here bud oh i'm gonna be here but
wherever you're gonna
be there's still gonna be halloween yeah but i won't have to hand out candy
this year i've never
handed out candy i turn all the lights off well kids don't go to that who's
going to the hills to
get fucking candy that's great hollywood i still turn off the lights for who
your name was i do for
joe of a witness and halloween you don't want to talk to some jay wits no dude
really yeah i'm
always like in the dark like this seeing them walk by see i like i like to hand
out candy don't you
think it's cute when the kids come through yeah my last place was such a trap
house i didn't want
anyone coming up there you didn't want to give them some some fentanyl on the
way home yeah no let me
why why candy though huh we should switch it up no it's easier to lure them in
with it
yeah yeah you know i mean i wouldn't a dollar be cool or do you want a king
size huh oh come on in
wouldn't a dollar be cool yeah there were always that's so funny you say that
there were asians in
my neighborhood that handed out that's right that's why we did you had out
money yeah a dollar what is
that with you guys we love it money's better than candy i'll tell you that
right now because money gets
you can't dude for christmas let me say something let me say something about
christmas dude okay
growing up when we were six years old my dad goes no more he goes no more
christmas tree because the
lat will fit when i was five they put one up and it stayed in the house all
year round yeah but to
the point where all the pine fell off needles is that what it is the needles
yeah yeah so it was just
branches yeah right yeah so all your and then my my mom would put squid on it
what you had to dry the
squid what yeah yeah and like laundry well laundry makes it yeah yeah but it
was like laundry and like
dried squid on this branch tree and my dad wanted to go no more that's really
the nightmare before
christmas that's what that yeah yeah what's the most impressive thing you ever
got for christmas yeah
i mean my dad would give me those visa gift cards but i was like like i wish
you put some thought into
this yeah what is about you guys and thoughts i don't know you white people
with your thoughts your
brother's not one i want feeling with it yeah we do no no every year like kalilah
right i would just go
here's an ipad and she was she's like you know you know every year i get an ipad
but she's i know but
that's 800 she's mixed right yeah but she's still white the white side was like
the white side was
like i want thoughts yeah it'd be nice to get an ipad and a note no note what's
the note for show
some love yeah no i say it verbally do it to me right now give me a note okay
dear who are you me
do you have to be you i don't want you to be you want me to be be just some my
neighbor john i'm john
your neighbor okay dear john what a beautiful neighbor you are thanks are you
okay john oh yeah
and you know it's so what a joy this time of year to share my holiday greetings
with my neighbor john
anyway happy christmas i have cancer yeah and i go bye oh here's our ipad oh
yeah yeah i'll read
this in hospice yeah but what i'm saying is is you guys about especially women
with their i want feeling
you know it's like yeah we want some emotional attachment no no like that's
more important than
the gift yeah no yes it is oh so you'd rather have okay you'd rather let me say
something all right
you'd rather you okay i'm sorry a lot of white women in the studio today i don't
give a
fuck it's getting me crazy i know enough of the pumpkin spice it's not a good
flavor i agree with
you this is bullshit it's not a good flavor it's never been a good flavor and
go yourself you're
never gonna stop that yeah and pumpkin has no business white people stop
crocheting no no no that
one i'm cool and your badminton we need badminton i love it i'm tired of your
white ways you don't
want to smack a shuttlecock once in a while it's called a shuttlecock you don't
want to smack that
thing around you don't want to smack a cock in the backyard i'm sorry but so no
more pumpkin spice
and no more thoughts no thoughts are nice because let me say something and this
year for your birthday
because you did such a great job on my birthday thank you i'm gonna have to put
some thoughts into
it yes but i don't wanna that's why it means something that's why it means
something but you're
the only one i'm gonna give you thoughts i like that yeah yeah i like i'm like
i'm we're going i'm
going to hawaii with a young lady okay
all right private jet no first class spirit yeah
oh yeah you give her the window seat yeah yeah um west jet
let's get back right and you know you're gonna stop by canada first yeah so you're
going to hawaii
with a nice young sweet one i'm saying is and you're going to rebuild houses
that's no we're
gonna find kids first what are you gonna do with them no i mean there's some
people missing so we're
gonna go to maui oh you're to search for the un sure oh that's sweet that's why
we're there
that's nice but then we're gonna tan too and eat nice food and this is how i
tan right here like this
but anyway um that alone right is a thoughtful thing that i'm taking someone to
maui yeah if
like when i take you to dinner and i pay for it right yeah do i pay for it you
always do i always do
right yeah that's thoughtful i love those but i don't have to say it and i don't
have to put any
thought into it right yeah but you know the gesture is nice i do every day i do
generous
gestures of love give me a gg of love right now what did you do today what's a
generous gesture of
love that you did today to you in general that you did today what did you do
today you said you do
them every day what's today oh yeah i know okay today's tuesday you got your
nails done that's not
it though you got your hands shortened no no no i mean no i got it no i got my
nails done oh right
right i don't know if they're shrunk so i go to a place so you know with a
bunch of
hold on let me see yeah beverly hills housewives yeah they've got work done
yeah right and they're
always they're always like they're always like they're always like right right
yeah right and i
give them a hundred dollars tip hands and foot separate a hundred dollars a
piece yeah that's insane
that's it but that's generous is that thoughts that no that's just yeah is that
thoughts that's rich
guy shit yeah yeah but still dude i'm telling you right now i'm gonna all right
i'm gonna call
somebody out right now i'm gonna call somebody out right now dude all right
okay well i'm not
gonna say his name but you can guess okay he's a he wrote a bunch of spiritual
books very popular
spiritual l ron hubbard somebody someone like that all right and i okay so i
used to work at a restaurant
way way back we know okay yeah and the spiritual guy used to come in there and
he wouldn't tip that well
and we knew that he had money but we talked about yes what ramdas or whatever
his name is not ramdas
what are you talking about ramdas would tip yeah yeah jesus ramdas he would all
tip what's going on
with you yeah yeah ramdas was that a joke or is that an honest guess no i
thought it would because
he's by san diego sometimes so i really thought when's last time you jerked off
uh you look you feel
like you're built up days ago no i'm not i hooked up with a girl last night
come she had a shirt that
said i did you come yes i can okay all right we'll get to that in a second yeah
yeah give me back to
the famous guy who didn't tip four days by the way huh four days for you yeah
someone's holding out
i'm holding out that thing is gonna i know it's so hard and last night was the
toughest one i know
last night was pumping up that balloon it's gonna i was playing starfield right
you were just coming
during no no no i was well yeah so exciting the game now i'm playing starfield
and i'm on a planet
and i'm like you know at a uh weapons installation got it but let me finish
yeah right there's too many
details just and yeah and also like the crimson fleets there so i'm going
around right with my
fucking gun i got a new gun guy that you know i mean upgraded and stuff in my
house in uh um
a killer city i have a house in a killer city oh cool let me finish all right
and so i'm like
you know snipe snipe snipe snipe yeah yeah yeah but my dick is like snipe snipe
too oh see what
i'm saying got it do you understand you're ready to snipe right and i'm like
hello toki you know
what's my penis is okay dumb dumb the dumb dumb the dumb dumb sorry apologize
what the
fuck dude i know i know yeah i don't want to offend the guy toki the dumb dumb
right was up
ready to go right man this story is like your sex life like is he ever going to
finish
it's a zinger dude thank you that's a zinger dude i like it montreal next year
new faces anyway um
uh-oh we'll be right back i take back what i said i'm sorry did you do that i
hope not when you give
him a good zinger that's like when you poke uh poke one of those voodoo dolls
yeah i'll never choke
again so anyway anyway i'm fine this guy didn't tip very well down rich guys oh
yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah well no i pinched the head of my dick let me finish last night
i like how these two things are kind of well it's like a i'm like a tarantino
movie dude
really are yeah yeah yeah yeah so um i pinched the head of my dick and he went
right but then he went back to sleep right i did like a well you tapped him out
i did a rear naked
choked i did a rear naked choke to my dick dude you tapped out your dick i kept
out my dick dude
and he's like right right there's no ref yeah there's no ref no that's it he
let him pass out wow
yeah you know because my fingers are like you know black belt in jujitsu so i
yeah i pinched him out
he felt anyway back to the spiritual guy he didn't tip that well every time and
i know a lot of guys
that don't so for you to you know when i went to the nail salon yeah so don't
do that don't not tip
no i'm just saying don't say that because i have a little bit of money and i tipped
that was still
generous first of all a hundred dollars is more than generous that's rich guy
shit 20 a person would
have been generous can i tell you why i do that though because you only have
hundreds no well
that's true yeah that's true yeah let me look at my there is no there's no
small bills that's the
problem let me look same thing we were what we were val