Name: The Magic Lick | Ep 191 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-11-06T17:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Magic Lick | Ep 191 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Magic Lick | Ep 191 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-06. Transcript available.

The Magic Lick | Ep 191 | Bad Friends

Carlos, you know, I've known you for a long time and I thought that I trusted
you.
And then Andreas, I mean, you look like a guy that doesn't prank and that is an
honest one as well.
And when you guys shocked me during the Hollywood thing, the Halloween episode,
it was a real betrayal.
And you guys mock me still.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Because when I came here today, you still had the shocked caller on the table
just to make fun of me.
Not funny.
That was not funny.
That was not funny at all.
And I was being real, like, you're lucky you have a job.
Yeah.
We apologize.
No, you didn't.
No, we're apologizing.
Well, they're doing it now?
You're doing it now.
We're apologizing now.
Yeah.
Well, let's see.
Rudy, do you accept the apology from these guys?
Was it really painful?
Here's what they told me that it was fake.
And so you're not, like, anticipating it.
Yeah.
So you're completely relaxed.
Yeah.
And then when it hits you like that, it hurts, but it hurts your soul.
I bet it's kind of shocking to get something like that, to hit you like that.
Traumatic to my neck.
Right.
It wakes you up a little bit.
Yeah.
It's like my neck.
Neck.
That's what it was.
And you can say that.
You can't cut that.
You don't have to cut that out.
Sorry for interrupting that.
Yeah, and my neck said no.
Sorry, Bob.
You told us once that you would do anything for comedy, so we thought, okay.
Long-winded.
Not a real apology.
No, no.
Oh, so it's my fault.
No.
Yeah, dude.
Oh, my God.
What a twist.
He put it on you.
It's my fault?
I hit you because you made me.
No, I will hit you because you make me hit you.
That's what it is, right?
I don't want to hit you.
I hit you, but your eyes and your face make me want to hit you.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But, yeah, I'm sorry, Bobby.
You didn't deserve it.
That's right.
I can make fun of you, dude.
I know.
We know that.
I mean, there's other things.
I look at your face and everything about you.
I have things I can say.
Yeah.
But I don't.
I hold my tongue.
You do.
Right?
You're so good.
Yeah.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Wait, is this the real Invisible Candy that we're talking about?
Yeah, this is the real Invisible Candy I'm talking about.
This is what we're talking about.
I don't know what this is called.
That's right.
I'm on the box.
Look at you on the package.
I'm on the package.
And I remember it does come with stickers.
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Yeah, yeah.
Have you had one of these?
Yeah.
They're way better than the White Lotus.
Do you know the song?
Boat and rice.
Rice candy.
Boat and rice.
I like Boat and rice.
Rice candy.
Is this what you have back in the old country?
Get in the hole.
I've never seen it.
The Americans up a coming.
Get in the hole.
We're going to build a trail.
Boom, boom, boom.
Goes the sound of the bombs.
Boom, boom, boom.
Goes the sound of the bombs.
Boom.
Try one.
I'm about to.
I've got to open it up.
Welcome back to the Bad Friends podcast where we're trying out some brand new
Boat and rice
candy.
Oh, my God.
Carlos, this won't interest anybody except for you and me, but Dwight Howard.
Oh, yeah.
It's insane.
Bobby, do you know who this is?
Oh, yeah, dude.
The one that's saying Taylor Swift.
That's exactly right.
The football player.
Dwight Howard is a famous NBA player who got caught.
He got caught hooking up with a dudesy dudesy.
And that's not a problem.
That's okay.
It's not the first time.
That's okay.
But he's got allegations that it wasn't okay.
That the guy wasn't, you know, it's an essay.
Wait, wait, wait.
It's an essay.
It's an assault.
So he assaulted another man?
Yes.
How does it?
Do you eat the wrapper?
You eat it.
But you eat the, so you eat, this is how you eat this, the whole thing.
It's so good.
Promise?
I swear to God.
It melts in your mouth.
Does everyone do this?
Yes.
Mm, cool.
Why is your face like that?
Oh, this is good.
No, honestly, you don't like it?
Oh, man.
Do you like it?
There's no flavor.
Yeah, I'm afraid.
There's no flavor?
What the fuck are you talking about?
You mean sweet isn't a flavor?
I don't taste the sweet.
Well, it's like, you know, nothing?
It's pretty flavorless.
All right, let's not chew into the mouth.
No, stick it in your mouth.
No, finish it.
It's so gross.
No, finish it.
Finish it.
Finish it.
The paper.
Put the paper in your mouth.
Finish it.
Yeah.
Finish it.
Okay.
Bob and I had dinner last night.
The most depressing dinner I've ever had.
It was a fun dinner with a good friend, an old friend.
It was fucking depressing.
We had a very good time.
Good friend, though.
Good friend.
Depressing.
And you had tuna tartare.
I had stomach aches.
I hate that place.
Really?
Yeah, my tummy hurt.
It was terrible.
Well, maybe because of the cream.
Yeah, you did drink a lot.
I drank a lot of cream.
This guy's a cream.
Because I'm lactose intolerant.
Cream drinker.
I love the cream.
But my point is that my tummy started hurting,
and then I left, but it was fine.
Didn't you enjoy the experience with an old friend?
I love him because he's an old friend.
An old friend.
Isn't it nice to see old friends?
Do you have any old friends, Carlos?
It's when I see you guys.
Yeah.
No, but Andrew, though, is like,
you know that you see a show like 30-something?
What?
What are you talking about?
I'm not a sitcom from 95.
Can I just say something?
Yeah.
When you're in that setting,
you cross your legs like this.
He does.
And he's like a normal guy.
You know what I mean?
So how's your week been?
How are you feeling?
He's like a normal guy.
He goes into normal mode.
Yeah, but me, I'm still,
I'm the guy that I'm like,
where's the cream?
Right.
You know what I mean?
I want my cream.
I order cream, you know?
I'm crazy, you know?
But he's like,
you know,
he's dressed nice.
Yeah.
He looks like a normal,
all-American man.
We went out to a nice dinner.
You should have dressed up a little bit.
It was a nice restaurant.
I didn't know.
It sounded like a hot dog joint.
It is a hot dog joint.
It's a nice high-end hot dog joint.
Uh-oh, hot dogs presented by Mark.
Yeah.
But it was a nice dinner.
The valet.
That was nice.
Right by my house,
which is,
I've never even heard of it.
You couldn't be closer to your house.
And then I went to the store
and I had to poo between fucking shows.
It was terrible.
Have you pooed in the main room,
green room?
Every time I'm in there.
There's no door.
It's two swinging saloon doors.
I know.
That's why I like it.
It's so wet.
I love showcasing.
You do?
No, I tell,
so there's two parts of the green room.
There's like the,
where people lounge you've been in there.
And then there's a door.
So whenever I'm in there,
I'm like,
hey,
I tell everyone,
I want to take a shit.
Don't go in here.
You announce.
I make a noise.
I have an announcement to make.
What is it?
What is it?
I poo-poo.
Oh, yay.
Why am I eating this again?
Yeah.
Are you sure you eat the outside of this?
Didn't it melt in your mouth?
No.
It did.
I feel like it's in my teeth.
Yeah,
it melt in your mouth.
Can I say something about your poo,
Tita Bobby?
No, please.
No, no,
you may not, actually.
I'll say it.
Okay, go ahead.
But let me say something.
I have beef in my car.
What do I have in my car?
Butcher box.
Yeah, butcher box.
A lot of meat.
A lot of meat.
Yeah.
You want the meat, right?
Watch what you say.
Okay.
Every time I clean your toilet,
there's so much poo stains.
We'll be right back.
Thank you, thank you.
Yeah, thank you, guys.
We'll be right back.
There's so much a poo stains.
Yeah, and they're like so sticky,
you can't take it off.
Oh, your poo's dry?
No.
You have dry poo?
No, I usually don't have so much stains.
And they're so sticky.
I call it poo shrapnel.
I have to brush it for like 30 minutes.
Good.
It's on purpose.
It's on purpose.
I don't understand why it's so sticky.
You push us harder.
When it shoots out,
why do we always have to talk about poo?
Let's get off of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But can I say something?
It's the cream.
And I got to cut down on the cream.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
What have you been doing, Rudy?
I've been watching One Piece nonstop.
Love One Piece.
Two Piece is better, though.
What?
I don't know.
Anime.
One Piece?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me see.
Let me see it.
One Piece anime.
Two Piece mini me.
What are we talking about?
Yeah.
So this is it.
Welcome to One Piece.
Look at the guy in the front.
He's even going,
One Piece.
One Piece.
It's a bunch of pirates.
And I've been...
And the one to the right,
is that with the Pinocchio nose?
You're telling me all these people are pirates?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But is the guy with the long nose...
Is he a liar?
Yeah, he's a liar.
The biggest liar.
Because he's Pinocchio, then.
Oh, I didn't notice that.
Do you know what Pinocchio is?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
I never realized that.
The guy with the long nose?
When he doesn't lie,
does his nose grow?
No, it doesn't grow,
but it's just long.
He's lied so much,
it's at its peak.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I didn't realize that.
What's the story of One Piece?
Can we guess?
Okay, go.
So, the guy with the nose, right?
He's not the main character.
I understand,
but he's on the poster.
Okay, okay, okay.
Right?
So, he's like,
you know,
series regular.
Okay, go.
He had to audition,
probably test.
Right?
He probably had to test.
I think they run a train
on that girl on the left,
and the guy with the nose
used to be the king,
but now this guy
with his big dick finger
is in the leg.
Dude, that's where I'm, yeah.
That's the head guy.
Well, she was,
she met the guy
with the long nose first.
Yeah, of course.
And she's like,
oh, I'm,
this is the guy.
I want to sit on your face.
Yeah, and he's got the,
his nose is bigger
than any dick I've ever had.
It looks like it.
But then,
she runs into the ring,
the finger,
the monster finger.
Monster finger.
And now the guy
in the long nose is like,
look at his head.
He's like,
what about my nose?
He's trying to make it look,
it's big, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
And he's like,
no, but my finger's bigger.
And she,
look at how happy she is.
She's stoked.
And the two guys in the back
are just mafia bosses.
What?
They look like mafia bosses.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
The one with the green hair
is so hot.
Zoom in.
What do you mean
when you say hot?
What's hot about him?
Yeah.
That guy's hot?
He barely has any facial features.
That guy,
what?
That's not a good picture.
Find another, find another.
He has no nose.
No nose.
Okay, just do Zorro one piece.
Zorro.
That's his name, Zorro?
Uh-huh.
Do you flick your bean
to this stuff?
Do you strum the guitar to this?
Yeah.
Okay, look, look.
Oh.
That guy's hot?
Oh, my God.
I'm so confused.
It's so stupid.
You know what?
Because he has two abs.
Two abs?
Only two abs.
Look at that.
Two abs and one eye.
He's got a two-pack.
Scars.
A scar on his face.
Look at how big his mouth is.
Yeah, huge teeth.
But he uses three swords.
I mean, this is downsy, downsy, downsy.
Oh, that's a-
That's the live action version.
Well, are they doing live action?
Yeah.
Wait, you don't like that.
You like the animation more than the real guy.
Animation.
Is there anything for me?
Can I be the long nose?
Oh, you look up Nami.
Yeah, this is what I want to audition for, Nami.
Oh, that's the photo.
Yeah, whoa.
Oh, so that's why you like him.
Right.
What is that?
Isn't that Zorro?
Stop faking it.
What is?
I've never seen that before.
Look at that penis.
Zoom in on the penis.
That's the piece in One Piece.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's the piece.
Oh, look at that.
So much cream.
So much cream.
My stomach hurts right now just by looking at that.
So One Piece is your, this is your, this is your, this is your everything.
My everything right now.
What is it about though?
Because I think we're probably wrong.
It's, you know, that guy with the big finger?
Yeah, yeah.
So he's the captain and he wants to be the king of the pirates and to be the
king of the pirates
Is to be the strongest and to be the strongest and to be the most power