Name: Just Date Me, Please! | Ep 195 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2023-12-04T17:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Just Date Me, Please! | Ep 195 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Just Date Me, Please! | Ep 195 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-04. Transcript available.

Just Date Me, Please! | Ep 195 | Bad Friends

merch we got merch and check this hat out i've been wearing on stage have you
seen me look at
this dude look at this shirt this is the og shirt the og design is back yep and
also bad friends on
the back in the back the cute little faces on the front bad friends on the back
go to badfriends
merch.com we also have coffee mug for people that like coffee and beautiful
beanies and a couple
different colors but go get some og merch we're releasing new stuff as we go
bob and i are in a
competition to see who can design the best shirt but for now you want the og
original stuff happy
holidays happy holidays get this for someone that you love go to badfriends
merch.com badfriends
merch.com you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian
dude you two are
disgusting you two are something we're bad friends we walked in the studio here
we go we did a couple
spots bob and i did a back-to-back spot at the store and uh then we walked in
the studio and mccone
tried to make up for all his blunders by getting bobby in and out that's very
nice but what did you
forget it would you forget mccone fries yeah french fries the quintessential
pairing the quintessential
pairings the quintessential pairings i guess yeah a burger and fries peanut
butter and jelly
right yeah yeah what don't you understand about that i don't think i've ever
gotten a cheeseburger
without fries freddie aids freddie mercury freddie mercury and aids you know
these two things go hand
in hand magic johnson aids yeah yeah easy e aids i next time i'm in an in and
out i'll think about
easy e and aids i'm sorry next time you're in the order and they say welcome to
in and out how can i
help you what would you like some aids welcome in and out how can i help you
what would you like
a double double with regular onions and fries and a coke diet coke please okay
a double double with
aids coming right up window two see they'll know they'll know they'll
automatically know
and i'm not i'm not making fun of people with that disease it's terrible no we're
saying the two things
that go together yeah they do come to go together that's terrible disease well
a burger was a very
nice gesture thank you but a burger without fries seems worthless but i mean
but did you see what i did
you call me i'm just leaving the store i said i was at 7-eleven you go get me
some snacks get me some
snacks what i do well i said please what i do though you got me seven different
things to choose
from see that's how you do it that's what friendship is that's what love is
that's what family is and you
don't do that you don't complete it yeah like when i play a video game i need
to complete all the
objectives yeah you know what i mean and here's another thing hi guy hi guy me
yeah you're ripped
you're ripped you're just shred out of your mind i told you it's later in the
evening i'm gonna start
drug testing on this show yeah the employees on the show are gonna go into
rigorous drug test i'm
i'm not you're so high right now i'm not so high i'm yeah i've seen your eyes
get on amazon right
now and order drug tests for the crew because i want to start drug testing
everybody yeah this is a
sober show bobby is sober he's going through the program you show up here on
drugs and alcohol
macone said you were drinking whenever i look at you i get uncomfortable look
at him he's itching he's
itching right now i want marijuana too no bob he's given me marijuana before
yeah because we get him
for free at comedy shows he gives you what we get when hawaii was that high
yeah when i was high yeah
when you were relapsing yeah that doesn't count we were in hawaii together yeah
bro yeah he was wait
wait why we did a show no we didn't do a show in hawaii no what you mean mexico
no i was in hawaii with him with
trash tuesday oh oh you were yeah you were filming something and so you were
there too and yeah it was
chaos but do we get high together oh yeah fun yeah yeah it was fun no hey no
yes bad carlos bring me
back to no no i won't i won't and joe get too mad and these drug tests are
pretty uh reasonably priced
too yeah well i want the whole crew drug tested and fancy i want you to drug
test as well you're not
exempt from this because i don't know what you're up to if you're using he
seems like he could be using
and carlos meanwhile what did mccone say you were drinking in the car before
you came in
the topo chico margaritas they're good mccone go get a bud light out of the
fridge he has to drink
one on the air now hell yeah don't drink that on camera okay you pig just do
that like the sad pig
you are hide it behind the wall it's the gay drink right it's well it's trans
drink yeah the bud light
supports trans right let me ask you a question andrew my best friend yeah baby
um why is it that you can't
mix foods who are you talking about what do you mean what do you mean i can mix
foods no what up no
but think about what i'm saying you can't different lands right you can't at a
restaurant get a
california roll did you give him weed i promise i do beef stroganoff i'm trying
to tap into it
no you can do that it's got a buffet california roll beef stroganoff at a
buffet have you been
ever been to a fa they have all that stuff they have pizza spaghetti baha fish
taco go to any when
we're in vegas you can get all that at one we'll go to the famous you shouldn't
do it no yes you should
why because that's what makes america great oh that's true that's what donald
trump was talking
about right can you get a torch i want i want a torch tiki torch i want a tiki
torch and i want to be
able to like wear not a red like a red hat but without anything on it just a
white hat no red hat
like a red red baseball hat they're doing a white hat like a pointy white hat
oh i want that at
night yeah with the torch yeah yeah at night but during the day wear the red
hat right with nothing
on nothing on it and let them infer right i think you can mix mix foods but
honestly do you even like
it what do you want to you want to get a california roll and then have
spaghetti yeah i mean i've never
had a california with beef stroganoff before is this something that you want
well i just in my mind
i'm like there's no way that's good i don't know i kind of think that might be
really good but with
the baja fish taco too i mean what's wrong with it i just don't get it i just
don't see what's bad
about this an epanada again these are all home run all right okay i don't hear
any flaws in this okay
what about this if i take a california roll got it i take a bowl and i stir it
like you mash it i mash it
got it then i put beef stroganoff in stir it right steel cut oatmeal why stir
it what do you mean why
why not is what i said why not i said i mean you're irish right yeah yeah yeah
oh is that our thing
well i mean i put it in a california roll you need i you didn't cut up some
potatoes put some potatoes
in there you stir it right right and then what else would you put in there i
think you'll have enough
you think so no i think you put an entire packet of american cheese that's
right on top slices
singles crap the craft powder oh all right macaroni and cheese powder yeah you
pour that in there
right you mix it then you bake it yeah 350 in the oven right and you bake it
for two hours that's so
long two hours yeah all right all right now hour what's long i never baked 30
minutes our 30 minutes
at 400. could you put flour in there just a just like a rose yeah yeah you can
yeah like a dandelion
a begonia a begonia yeah you throw that in there no i put flour like the wheat
flour the bread flour
right why why could you make a bread out of it not if you just put flour in it
that's not going to do
anything oh how do you make bread we need water let me guess water flour egg
butter geese yes yes yes
let it rise yeah yeah okay we'll get tom pop on the show he'll teach us how to
make bread oh really
you know what i did in the middle of the night that i have to admit and i feel
very bad about
i stepped on my dog going to piss in the middle of the night no you know that
sound that they make
when you step on it's different yeah it's different there's a different sound
that they emit it's like
inside their computer deep inside of the algorithm and when you step on them it's
like yeah they've
never made that sound before yeah i've stepped on jewish a jewish person before
what do they say
same same thing yeah yeah yeah you just stepped on one i stepped on one yeah
wow oh they oh yeah
my jewish dog oh they but so you stepped on your dog your dog's so cute you're
a poodle i feel so bad
she was on see what happens is she does this i don't know if your dog does this
but she goes on and
off the bed during the course of the night like sometimes if she's too warm she'll
jump down off
the bed and then she sleeps under the bench she gets cold she wants to come
back up on the bed again
well last night she must have jumped off when before i passed out because i
didn't know yeah and
i my fat ass rolled out of bed and i took a big thud onto the ground and i
stepped on the back of her
legs and her butt i mean hard and did you wake your wife up yeah freaked out
well because the dog went
yeah it did that thing and did he walk out of the room no she panicked she
started moving around the
room like crazy like she and i was trying to hold her to see if she was in pain
and i picked her up
and i was holding her and i just started peeing i went piss i had to piss you
pissed while you're
holding the dog well i was comforting her but i had to piss what am i gonna do
not piss i gotta comfort
the dog has your dog seen your penis seen it seen it how else did you adopt the
dog that's how you let
him know who you are oh that's right i don't know peanut butter baby peanut
butter oh yeah yeah yeah
i was holding the poor girl okay and i'm peeing yeah and she was like whimpering
and shaking i felt
so bad so bad i know so we killed her we had to get rid of her that's it bojo
my cat my middle cat
yeah no the youngest cat bojo's the youngest he's fat he's overweight i wouldn't
say he's fat yeah he's
over that's a mean word he's over you know sometimes i'll look at him and on my
bed when he's on my bed
he'll go and like spread his legs like this he goes just to show you his goods
no he doesn't he wants
belly rubs oh yeah bellies that's what we said it's not he's not that he wants
his popito rub no
i don't know i don't know dude i don't know but i swear to god he goes right
like this right and okay
bojo and i'll start doing the belly and he'll go oh down he wants it yeah yeah
yeah he'll go right
i'll go no no bojo you know the next time you are on a date with a girl what i
want you to just at
dinner just go yeah you think so yeah see what she'll do like this see if she'll
rub in the middle
of it right you and i are on a date right now okay thank you for taking me to
cheesecake factory
this is rad i've never been here got the match you're you're welcome i like
what that's not you
i'm the lady i know but your voice i just felt like i had to match it no it's
oh you're welcome
i like that you're just you okay i'm sorry i really like this restaurant this
is great thanks for taking
me here oh you're welcome what who are you now me okay great that's how i am
she's black right what
you're doing i'm black i thought the character was like i was doing my own
thing oh you're right
okay perfect you're welcome so um i know we matched on raya yeah and i want to
tell you a lot of
girls online they're not into first date hookups yeah i am i'm a first date
hookup type of girl
meow oh wow oh no there it is that got me yeah yeah yeah that got it that would
get me that's better
oh yeah okay sorry my bad i want you to meow the next time you date if you take
someone on a date
just do that lift up your if it's not going well if it's not going well well
just let it bomb anyway
what's the difference okay well let's i want to see what the car okay let's say
that we're having
a conversation th