Name: Rudy & The Goop | Ep 206 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-02-19T17:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy & The Goop | Ep 206 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy & The Goop | Ep 206 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-19. Transcript available.

Rudy & The Goop | Ep 206 | Bad Friends

Hey, Bad Friends, we're on the last leg of our tour.
This is it.
The greatest show on earth.
Sacramento and Long Beach are totally sold out.
Then we go to Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Niagara Falls.
Niagara's sold out.
Windsor, it's right there about to sell out as well.
So if you live in Windsor, come see us.
Come to Tucson, Arizona.
In Tucson, Arizona.
Come to Tucson.
And the final one, Las Vegas, Nevada.
Las Vegas, that's about to sell out as well.
So come out and see us at badfriendspod.com, badfriendspod.com.
And also, bad news, good news.
Good news, good news.
Good news is this.
Good news is this.
We did a competition.
That's right, a shirt competition.
What?
A shirt competition.
A t-shirt competition.
That's right.
I knew I was going to win.
I always win.
And I won.
Yeah.
By how much?
A thousand or so.
Yeah, way more than you.
Three thousand.
So now, what I get is a naked massage.
Well, you get a massage.
Naked?
Yeah, you get naked too.
No, you get a regular massage.
No, we said naked.
We said naked.
We did say naked.
Regular massage.
No, naked.
If you want to see me pay the piper and do my due diligence,
go to patreon.com slash badfriends to see the massage.
Patreon.com slash badfriends.
Naked.
You're going to get what you want.
Okay?
Okay.
Pig?
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
Hello, you two or something.
We're bad friends.
Goop dog.
Gooby goops.
Goop dog.
Hello.
Do a song for goop.
Goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop,
goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop,
goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop,
goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop,
goop, goop, goop, goop, goop,
Goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop,
goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop,
goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop,
goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop,
goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop,
goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop, goop,
- I can't be the goop.
- You don't like the nickname.
- I love the nickname, but Gwyneth Paltrow is a goop
and I'm scared of Gwyneth Paltrow.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- They're two different goops.
- Gwyneth Paltrow has her line of cherry choo-choo candles.
- I don't.
- I can't be the goop.
I don't want to cease and desist.
- Relax, you're the goop.
- No, no, wait, wait.
- Her name is called goop, you're the goop.
- Andrew, we should give him the opportunity
to make up his own nickname.
- Oh no.
- Let's just try, let's see what he comes up with.
- That.
- Goop, what would you like to be called?
- I like the goop 'cause I didn't have to think of it.
- Yeah.
- I know, so can we stay with the goop or?
- Yeah, yeah, I do have a nickname,
but it's already taken in the comedy community.
- What is it called?
- I don't want to be it though, okay?
- Yeah, can I say something?
- Yeah.
- This eyebrow's thicker this time.
- Yeah, you grew one out.
- Really?
- Yeah, it's a little thicker, congratulations.
- Thank you, I'm evened out, balanced.
- No, it's uneven.
- It's a little.
- It's still uneven.
- It's still uneven, but what's the nickname
in the comedy community that you're given?
- Oh, I wasn't given in the comedy community,
but I can't have my out of the comedy community nickname
because it's Coco, and there's already a Coco.
- Coco.
- Diaz.
- Joey Coco Diaz.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but he moved to Jersey, so you're,
you know what I mean, you're good.
- Yeah.
- Can you do an impression of Joey Diaz?
- He's Italian, right?
- He is Italian.
- Hey.
- Hey, that's all I have.
- No, it's gritty.
- Let him do it.
- Oh, hey.
- Go gritty.
- No.
- Imagine this, you smoked a carton of cigarettes
in one hour.
- Okay.
- And then all of a sudden,
the spirit of JFK went into your throat.
- Oh, wow.
- RFK.
- RFK, my bad.
- Robert Downey Jr.?
- No.
- I'm dyslexic, but.
- RFK, you know who that is?
- He kind of talks like this.
- It's like this.
- He's married to Cheryl Hines.
- But go deeper.
- Isn't he trying to be fucking president, this guy?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm doing a benefit show.
I'm doing a benefit show for him.
- I'm kidding.
- Cheryl Hines?
- Oh, I can't kid around anymore?
- I'm doing a benefit show.
Let's move on.
- I know, wait.
Let's bring up the lineup of who's on the benefit show
for RFK.
We'll go.
- Are you goop?
- Yeah.
- Rudy, Rudy, that's the goop dog right there.
- I thought he'd be Asian.
- You thought he'd be Asian.
He did seem Asian, yeah.
- Shout out to the benefit for RFK, Cheryl Hines.
Tim Dillon, Rob Schneider, Bobby Lee, Dustin Ybarra.
- Yeah.
- And Mike Binder.
- Yeah, Mike Binder.
- I gotta say something about this lineup.
- It's all-star.
- Fuck you.
- This is star studded.
- Fuck you, dude.
- This is star studded.
- That's Chelsea Handler.
- It's not Chelsea Handler.
It's Cheryl Hines.
- No, that's Cheryl Hines, buddy.
- Can I just say, may I defend myself real quick?
- Why?
I'm just teasing.
- No, no, you can tease all you want.
- All right.
- That's why I'm here.
- Yeah.
- All right, but may I defend myself a little bit?
- Okay.
- Okay?
RFK, Cheryl Hines, they call me together.
- Hey, do you mind doing a benefit for?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Well, talk to Cheryl.
- Is that a disability we shouldn't be making fun of?
- No, it's just, I don't know what it is.
- Is he dying from that?
- No, if he's dying from it, I can't make fun of it.
If he's not dying from it.
- Anyway, Cheryl gets on the phone.
She said, "Can you do us a favor and please do this better?"
I can't say no to her.
- You could.
Spasmodic dysphoria around 1996.
One symptom of the rare neurological disorders,
a raspy voice, no cure, patients can undergo surgery.
It's not gonna kill him.
- That's fine.
- Not gonna kill him.
- That's his red hair.
- We can make fun of him.
- That's his red hair.
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- He's fine.
- That's his Korean eyes.
- Right.
- No, I love my Korean eyes.
And if you have Korean eyes out there-
- I don't, I don't.
- If you have Korean eyes out there, be proud.
- Sleepy little boy.
- You know who called me today?
- What?
- Your mom.
- Oh, why?
- I swear to God, your mom called me.
I'll even prove it to you.
- No, I believe you.
- She rung me up.
- What'd she say?
- Just wanted to fucking link.
- That's weird.
- You know what she said to me?
- What?
- Andrew, you're my sneaky link.
- She called me sneaky link.
- Yeah.
- You know what a sneaky link is?
- You.
- That I'm a side piece.
- No, that's not what it means.
- Sneaky link.
- No.
- Sneaky link.
She called me that.
- No, you're a problem solver.
Sneaky link is a slang term that refers to a secret
discreet meeting between two people
who are romantically interested in each other.
- She didn't say that.
- She called me sneaky link.
- No.
- Or she said get a drinky drink.
I couldn't really make a difference.
But I think she called me a sneaky link.
I swear.
- Oh, that's what she said.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
Welcome also to the show.
The goop is back and also our beloved Rudy Jules.
Rudy Jules.
Rudy Jules.
Looking nice in her teddy.
- What do you think of the goop so far?
- I like his energy.
It's like calming and chill.
- What color is his energy?
- Yeah.
- Orange, for some reason.
- What color?
- Did you want to say pink?
- You're red.
- I'm red, he's orange, what's Bob?
- Yellow.
- That's not, you can't say that's so racist.
- You're right.
You know what your energy is?
- Shit brown.
- Poop.
- No.
- Poop's purple.
- Oh, I had explosive diarrhea before coming here, so.
- End scene.
- Did you really have an upset stomach?
- Yeah.
- What's been going on?
What did you eat?
- I ordered coffee, but I forgot to order almond milk.
I got whole milk.
- Oh, you're lactose, like I am.
- Yeah.
- How are you, how, is everybody lactose now?
It's like a thing that's going around.
- What do you mean?
- I feel like a lot of people are lactose intolerant now.
Did you put on perfume this morning?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- Yeah, I can smell it from here.
- Wow, it's nice.
- What is that?
- Bobby's perfume, I asked.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Did you ask for your date you took?
- I asked for it on my birthday.
- What was it?
- The Rouge Bak-
- Oh, that one, yeah.
- Yeah.
- What is it?
- I don't know.
- Rouge Bak-a-man?
- Rouge Bak-a-man.
- And you took the notebook too?
- No, I forgot to get it.
- Okay, all right.
- Yeah.
- Anyway, Goop, how's the response been
since the last time you were on our show?
- Oh my God, 800,000 people saw that episode.
I don't even know 800,000 people.
Like, it's overwhelming.
- No one does.
- Do you think we know all of them?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you guys are-
- 800,000 people saw it, but even more people heard it.
- Whoa.
- Some people listened to it.
- Yeah, I haven't gotten that much love in,
I didn't know there was that much love in the world for me.
It was incredible.
- You deserve it.
Don't you feel good about it?
- Whoa.
- What are you going to do with your newfound fame?
- Uh, I bought tickets to Adele's final performance.
- This guy, dude.
- June 15th.
- You did.
- That's her final performance-
- In Las Vegas.
I'm not going to Germany.
- Right, why would she?
- Wait, you can't make me, huh?
- She lives in Germany?
- No, she announced a Germany residence.
- Oh, oh, okay.
- Yeah.
- She's going to spend a whole,
like a year doing shows just for Germans, huh?
- Yeah, which sounds kind of-
- Who's opening?
Kanye?
- Hey, you like that joke?
- I do.
- Yeah, you like those jokes.
- Dude, I got the goop.
- And then you bought Esther something, no?
- Yeah, we're going to see Madonna.
- You got her the tickets.
- Yeah.
- What second row, I heard.
- No, it's a perfect view because it's from,
she has many stages.
So we're going to be after all the stages in the first row.
So she has like four stages.
I don't know, she has many-
- Four stages and you're in first row in all the stages.
- No, no, no, no, no.
We're in a comfortable distance from, you know,
there's two catwalks and then another catwalk in the middle.
And then there's like a little break.
I want to make sure she could see.
So there's a little break in the middle.
And then there's me and Esther and Emily.
- Who's Emily?
- From the comedy story.
- The booker. - Our Emily.
- Our Emily. - Oh, wow.
- Wow.
I have a feeling when this song comes up,
you're going to get up and you're going to jiggle
your little body.
- There's no Madonna song that'll make me jiggle my body.
- Like a virgin.
- No, I think my favorite song would be probably Frozen
or I like Miley's cover of like a prayer.
- Oh, just like a prayer.
- It's like the prayer.
Like you kneel down to suck the dick.
- Yeah, and that's what it's about.
- I know. Is it really?
- Yes. It's about giving head.
Like a prayer is about giving head.
That's why people were mad about it.
- Oh.
- And then the music videos with like a black Jesus, right?
Remember that people got really mad about that.
That's before your time.
But in the music video, people were upset.
She's like, she's like kneeling in front of a black Jesus.
It's about, and I say black Jesus.
I should just say Jesus because that's what color he was.
- That's hot.
- Yeah.
- And she was sucking him while he was fucking her.
- Wait, what's on his face?
- He's crying.
That's tears.
- Oh, okay.
- It looks like goop.
- Yeah, it looks like goop.
- That's you're there, but he's half wooden.
He's like wooden turns into a man.
- It's like goop nut on his face.
- No.
- It's goop nut.
- It's goop nut.
- Goop dog, what do you think about Rudy?
Do you know about Rudy on this show?
- I thought she was gonna walk in
and then she was gonna be like stop being a little bitch,
but like she hasn't done that.
- Yeah.
- Do you have any advice to giv