Name: Mariachis Crash the Pod | Ep 212 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-04-01T16:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mariachis Crash the Pod | Ep 212 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mariachis Crash the Pod | Ep 212 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-01. Transcript available.

Mariachis Crash the Pod | Ep 212 | Bad Friends

Hey, everybody, my best friend in the whole world.
Me.
Andrew's going on tour.
He's headlining, doing new jokes, working out.
That's right.
He's going to be at the Houston Improv.
That's going to sell out immediately.
It already is.
All right, Tampa, Funny Bone.
Yes, Phoenix, Arizona.
Nashville, Tennessee.
Addison Improv in Dallas.
Dallas, Texas, and finally in San Francisco, California.
Cobbs Comedy Club.
We've got Cobbs.
We added two more shows for Cobbs.
Oh, exciting stuff.
And we added for Dallas.
Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets.
andrewsantino.com.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
What do both sound like?
Whoa, really?
Yeah, dig in.
Who's my little bull?
Who's my little bull?
Look.
Oh, look, it's red.
Spain, Spain.
Hey, hey.
Hola, hola, Espanol.
Hey, look.
That's more horse.
That's more hot.
That's more dog.
That's more dog.
That's more dog.
That's more dog.
Well, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock.
What?
Today.
Yes.
It's Fancy B's birthday.
Yes, very good, very good.
Feliz cumpleaños, Saki.
Saki, very good, very good, very good.
No, you can't do the Italian gangster every time.
Why?
Because we're in Spain.
It's a character I've been doing.
Do a Spanish gangster.
Hey, how you doing?
Do a Spanish gangster.
Senor.
Senor, I am Spanish gangster.
Exactly.
Senor, you know where the refried brains are?
But do the face.
Hey, senor.
Do you know where this is?
Do you know where the refried brains are?
I like the cockamolo.
Senor.
What's that?
Senor.
I don't like the way you're chewing with the eyes squinting.
Senor.
Okay, let me try.
Right?
Looks the same.
As what?
Senor.
Say senor.
Senor.
Senor.
Very good.
That's an Asian Spanish bull.
That is?
Senor, welcome to the bull house.
No.
That's not.
There's a house.
Fernando Wong.
Senor, welcome to the carousel.
What's the ring that they?
Huh?
In the bull ring?
Yeah, yeah.
Did you get what you wanted, fancy, for your birthday?
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, man.
How old are you?
I'm 44.
I am 44.
What happened at 44?
What happens in Spanish culture at 44?
You have to be brutally honest with the people you work with.
Go ahead then, pal.
What are you doing?
You taking it off?
It's just so hot.
Come on, man.
No, just this.
I'm going to unbutton and then put the hat back on.
Okay.
Like this.
Good boy.
Look at this.
Senore.
Senore.
Senore.
Yeah, what's up?
What happens at 44?
Anything special?
Oh, no.
Do you remember your 44th birthday?
Mine?
Many, many months ago.
When I was a 44th.
Hey!
Wow!
Yay!
What are you dressed as?
Cool pants.
I don't know.
Go sit in your regular chair.
That's a clown.
Feliz cumpleaños, Andres.
Wow, did you bring Taco Bell for him?
Yeah, because he hates Mexicans.
Oh, yay!
Oh, yay!
He hates Mexicans.
Jules is back, baby.
Jules is in the house.
Jules is back.
And Jules, what do you got there?
What is that?
Is this...
Oh, that's Espana.
That's a great shirt.
That's a great shirt.
Put it on.
Really?
Just put it on top of the shirt you're wearing right now.
Okay.
Is this Ronaldo?
Turn off your phone.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Is this Ronaldo?
Is this Ronaldo?
You know that Ronaldo...
But you know that he's Portuguese, right?
Oh, sorry.
So it's not Ronaldo.
Okay.
Are you wearing a tie?
Yeah, that's what McCone gave me.
Oh, that is nice.
Good job, McCone.
Rudy Jules, welcome back to the show.
It's been a long time.
Let's give it up for the Root.
It's finally back in the house, baby.
How do you feel?
I feel okay.
I got my brows microbladed.
Ooh, let's see.
This is my first tattoo.
Move them.
Nice.
Nice.
Wow.
You know, talk about tattoos.
Next Wednesday, I'm getting two.
What are you getting?
I'm going to get a Comedy Store logo.
Oh, that's smart.
Why?
I mean, that's smart.
I'm going to get a...
I already made the appointment.
I'm going to get a Comedy Store logo.
I'm going to get four.
Okay.
So, I'm going to get the Comedy Store logo.
I'm going to get Alfred E. Newman.
From Mad TV?
Yeah.
What's the connection?
I was on the show.
You were on the...
Acting?
Is that what's happening?
Wait, let's say it again.
Wait, hold on.
I mean, honestly,
I don't know if you step on my comment to him.
It's like, I know it's your birthday.
All right, let's let him have it.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Let's let him have it.
You know what?
I'll let you have all the digs you want today, dude.
Because it's your birthday.
And I won't fucking fight back.
Okay.
So, go ahead.
Get me.
I'm ugly.
No, are you giving up acting with all those tattoos?
Yes, I am.
I'm giving up acting.
You feel good?
Yeah.
Oh, is that your birthday wish that he stops acting?
Yes.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because, well, and also, I'm going to get a bad friends one.
Are you really?
Yeah, I'm going to get our, you know, the cartoon of our, you know, our logo
thing.
That.
You're getting that on your body.
Well, what if you guys break up?
It doesn't matter.
We've done enough.
It's a point in his life.
It's a point in my life where I've done enough.
So, you know, he betrays me.
He will betray me.
You will betray me.
In what way?
Well, I'll tell you this, man.
I was fucking scrolling on my fucking Instagram.
And I saw you in a scene with your movie with Cena and William H. Macy and Zach.
You look, your acting is so good.
But I realized, I go, this is just the beginning for you.
Of what?
Of superstardom.
Nobody's calling.
And I'm going to get betrayed.
Nobody's calling.
I'm going to get betrayed, but I'm going to say this, right?
I'm going to get the tattoo so it reminds me.
Okay.
So, when I'm in the crack house eight years from now, right?
And I'm just like, you know what I mean?
I used to be somebody.
You know, I had a dream, kid, you know?
You're roping off.
I'm roping it off.
And you're doing H.
And right when I'm roping it off, where the needle is.
Someone's in there with you and they're like, hey, man, who is that on your arm?
What are you talking about, man?
What is that on your arm?
Are you done sucking my dick, man?
Yeah.
Okay, finish my dick, man.
You got it.
Okay.
Done?
Yeah.
Oh, folks, so good, dude.
Thanks.
Anyway, dude.
Oh, I'd be more like this.
Hey, what's that tattoo on you?
I have teeth, but I'm going to do the same to you.
No, I have no teeth.
I know, but I'm going to do the same to you.
What's that?
Hey, you want me to give you a gummy?
You're going to get a Bad Friends tattoo, a Comedy Store tattoo.
Alfred E. Newman.
Alfred E. Newman.
And a tiger belly.
Jesus.
That's a lot.
I know.
What does tiger belly look like?
It's just a font.
I'm just going to do a font thing.
Right.
I'm not going to put a face or anything.
The tiger belly one, though, you should do the ink that goes away, you know?
Oh, you mean?
Oh, henna.
Yeah, do henna.
You want me to henna it?
Get a henna tattoo.
Yeah, maybe I'll henna it.
No, I think that's, who's doing them?
All the same person?
Yeah.
Who's the man or woman you care to share?
Yeah, okay.
I mean, I'll tell you her name real quick.
Her name is, I'll tell you why I'm doing it.
Because I had, I went to my AA meeting.
Oh, that's her name.
Cagla.
Cagla Cha.
And she does little tiny ones.
Little tiny tattoos?
They're tiny.
So they barely, you can barely see them.
What gave you the inspiration?
Because I was, I was having, you know, sometimes a youth fellowship after an AA
meeting.
You know about that, Carlos, back in the day, right?
So afterwards, my sponsor was like, hey, come eat with us.
And normally I don't, but I did.
And there was a girl that comes to my AA meeting.
She's a comic.
And she had little tiny tattoos on her body.
And I went, oh, those look cool.
Because they really did look cool.
They're little.
That's trending right now.
The little ones.
Yeah, they're little ones.
So I'm just getting little ones on my body.
Hmm.
What are you doing?
What is the tiny tattoo called?
Is this kind of it?
Yeah, that was like tiny.
Well, look up Cagla Cha.
That's her.
That's her Cagla Cha?
Yeah, that's her shit.
Celebrity tattoos.
So she does very famous people?
Yeah, some.
Interesting.
They're tiny little ones.
They're like tiny ones like that.
Oh, that is cool.
Look at how small that is.
They're small.
And that's a constellation, I imagine, huh?
Of a broken home?
Is that what that is?
Or it's a house made out of stars.
We look at things differently.
I like this.
The tattoo under the tit.
That's a really popular thing I see.
That's like a tattoo.
Right?
That's a big thing.
Yeah.
And she does little pokey ones.
Oh, poke tattoos is cool.
Yeah.
So they're small.
They're not prevalent.
So I'm just going to get four of them.
Right, just in case.
What do you think?
I think it's a great idea.
Would you ever get a bad friend's tattoo?
No.
I would never get a tattoo.
Why would I defile?
You don't have any tattoos, you don't do?
You don't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari.
That's true.
No, I don't have...
You know what it is?
I talked to someone two nights ago at the comedy store about this.
Literally.
I had this conversation in the green room.
You sweating, bud?
I'm so hot.
Yeah.
Just take off the sleeves then at this point.
I mean, the joke is over.
The joke is over.
Thank you so much.
I'm so hot.
Just undo the sleeves but leave the bottoms on.
I will.
Good boy.
And you're wearing a long sleeve.
Yeah, that's why it's so hot.
Roll up your...
There you go.
Are we good?
Who did I talk to?
I talked to somebody at the comedy store a couple of nights ago about tattoos.
Oh, Justine Marino just got new tattoos.
Oh, cupcakes.
She got...
I think so.
She just makes cupcakes.
She makes cupcakes?
Yeah, no.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Yeah, she used to make cupcakes.
Oh, maybe she does.
But then she was talking to me about why don't I get tattoos.
I said, I genuinely couldn't tell you what I would want.
I have no...
I don't know.
Like, I just don't know.
And what would be my first one?
I think maybe retro.
I'd get like a Chinese symbol because I think that's out.
Yeah.
Like, I'd write your name.
I'd write Bobby Lee in Chinese on my neck.
Yeah.
Or on my lower back.
Like a tramp stamp.
Bobby Lee in Chinese.
I used to hate white chicks that get them.
Why?
Because in the 90s, they would get them.
But these are women.
These white chicks, they would never fuck an Asian guy.
But they'll get the symbol.
Right.
Like, I'm fucking, you know what I mean?
Not racist.
You know what I mean?
But then she's like...
I think back then...
And they're like, can I insert?
And they're like, no.
No.
That was them showing they are racist.
That's why they got it.
Oh.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Down with the Chinese.
That's what they're saying on their arm.
That's what it says on the...
That's what it said.
I didn't know.
I want to get a Chinese symbol.
I want to get a butterfly.
I should get all the tattoos from back when we were young.
Your dog.
Make a picture of your dog.
I would get a picture of my dog on my body.
I saw a dog today that looked exactly like my dog.
Your dog.
Because I've traveled with your dog.
Great traveler.
May I say something?
Great traveler.
It's like fucking Magellan.
Your dog.
What do you mean?
I mean, that's how he travels.
She.
But thank you.
Whatever.
Don't misgender my dog.
Are you kidding right now?
Cole.
Are you me kidding right now?
My dog is they, them.
Are you me kidding me right now?
It's a girl.
I've told you that a thousand times.
At this point, who gives a fuck?
I do.
All right.
I'm sorry for misgendering your dog.
Have I ever done that to your dogs?
Okay.
What's Gobi?
Gobi's a guy.
No, it's a girl.
It's a girl.
So fuck you, dude.
Gobi's a girl?
Yes, dude.
Yeah, she's butch.
She's a little butch.
Yeah, she's a little butch, dude.
Isn't she like the leader of a softball league or something?
Yes.
Gobi's a star of a softball team.
Yes, yeah.
Wow.
But, you know.
Doesn't your dog drive a Subaru?
Yeah.
Wow.
Anyway, your dog, Magellan, was just like so calm.
Very true.
On a plane.
Yeah.
Not a bark.
Not even a bark?
No, nothing.
Nothing.
She 