Name: Prunes Are God's Ozempic | Ep 213 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-04-08T16:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Prunes Are God's Ozempic | Ep 213 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Prunes Are God's Ozempic | Ep 213 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-08. Transcript available.

Prunes Are God's Ozempic | Ep 213 | Bad Friends

Hey, everybody.
We went to Austin and we did something for Patreon.
Yeah, we did a little Austin show with our boys,
the Basement Yard, and now you can watch it.
It was an amazing live experience.
It was beautiful and you should have been there.
If you're a paid Patreon member, it's free.
If you're not, you can still watch it by going to our Patreon shop.
The link will be on the screen.
And remember, paid members will get anything we share there for free
as part of their membership.
So it's a great time to become a bad friend.
That's right.
Our Patreon shop is open to anyone, whether you're a member or not.
And it's where we'll be able to sell any live shows, specials, etc.
Directly to you.
We're going to be doing more Patreons.
We're going to give bonus episodes on Patreon.
So sign up, baby.
You have some good ones on the way.
I had to massage Bobby naked when I lost a bet on the show.
And I couldn't get over how purple it was.
It's like Barney's dick.
Top six.
Okay, okay, okay.
Hold them, get them.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Give it up for the bad friends, guys.
Thank you guys very much.
Appreciate you.
Hey, we're going to be at Abu Dhabi Comedy Week.
And Abu Dhabi Comedy Week is part of Abu Dhabi Comedy Week.
Bad friends are coming to Abu Dhabi for the first time.
May 21st.
That's right.
Where are we playing?
The Etihad.
Etihad.
Arena.
Yas Island.
Yas Island, man.
Book your tickets right now.
Brought to you by Theory 11.
Go to badfriendspod.com for the tickets.
Badfriendspod.com.
I'm doing a couple dates.
I'm doing Tampa, Florida, Phoenix, Arizona, Nashville, Tennessee, Dallas, Texas,
and San Francisco.
Dallas and San Francisco shows have been added.
Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets.
Andrewsantino.com.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude.
I'm an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
What do they call transition lenses?
And that's very progressive.
These aren't transition.
They're going to stay this way the whole time.
Oh, wow.
I have to change glasses.
It takes all the cool out of sunglasses.
When did you do the...
When did you...
Have you ever had the transition lenses?
I had them for a while, and then I was told they're not cool.
Wait, why are they not cool?
I don't understand.
I don't know.
Some girl told me that, and I listened to her.
Oh, you got to listen to girls.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Are you married?
I am married, yeah.
I can't believe that.
It's hard to believe.
What a miracle.
Yeah.
You know where he had his wedding?
Where?
Downtown LA, 4th of July.
The only way to go.
They fit right in with all the tents down there.
Yeah, it was really...
Yeah.
Got a good tent for the weekend.
Is she Jew or what?
She is not Jew.
Okay.
But thank you for asking.
Not Jew?
Not Jew.
Wow.
Wow.
It's a status symbol among white people.
Not Jew is the step up.
Okay.
That's what you're supposed to say.
Not Jew.
Yeah, not Jew.
Bobby is interested in dating a Jewish woman.
Can you help...
Never had one.
Acquire him?
Really?
Never had one.
Never one Jew.
Wow.
I think you could do that.
How?
Do you though?
I know how you could do it.
Yes.
Do Jewish women like Asian men?
I'm Palestinian.
Opposite to track.
That's going to be tough, Bob.
We do want to get him.
He's never dated a Jewish girl.
And I said, we're in Los Angeles.
Like, how not?
And he just...
What?
He says he can't land any Jewish girls.
Well, I've been hooking up with Arabs.
Oh, I love it.
He's a big Arab fan.
I love the Arabs.
You like a little sideburn on your lady?
Yeah.
I mean, they never used to like me.
Uh-huh.
But now with this new fame?
Yeah.
My options have opened.
Well, they have the same kind of mustache, him and the Arab women.
Yeah, yeah.
But they have it down there.
They have it down there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what we're looking for on the sheiks of sunset.
You coming in.
Season cliffhanger.
Yeah?
You like giggling, boys?
Yes.
I love it, too.
These boys are our...
Did you meet?
Did everybody meet?
Yeah, we met earlier.
Our nice production team of ragtag individuals, misfits.
And Carlos is 97 days sober.
I'm over 100 now.
Oh, it's over 100 now.
Hey, that's great, dude.
Congrats.
You guys are Dave Attell fans?
Yeah, yeah.
What was...
Name me an album.
No, no, no.
Hold on.
Game for the Memories.
Oh, that's a great album.
I only have one.
I know.
I love it.
Game for the Memories is amazing.
That'd be great.
That was a good test.
Fancy doesn't know.
Andres doesn't know.
Is it in Spanish?
Yeah.
Do you have any stuff in Spanish for him?
Do I have any...
I was going to give him a comb.
I mean, what's the hair?
How'd you get here, buddy?
Paraglider, huh?
Yeah, I see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at this guy.
Si, senor.
You really have a multicultural feel going on in here.
I love it.
What do you mean?
Would you just look at me and say that?
That I mean, you're not paying anybody.
Can I say one thing, guys?
Hey, go ahead.
Have we started yet, or is this what you guys call?
This is what we do.
A tailgate.
No, we just kind of get going.
We just kind of get going.
Move it in.
This is the podcast that I've been dying to do.
I'm out here promoting and promoting.
I'm like, when do I get to sit with these guys?
Yeah.
And I'm sitting in the, this is awesome.
I remember these in that movie, Wonka.
That's what happens when you're bad, and they put an Oompa Loompa in the chair.
Give him a talk down.
Because they can't get out of those.
Yeah.
We actually got those.
There was a estate sale.
We got those from Puff Daddy's house right here that they raided.
Wow.
Yeah, they put those on the lawn.
I was going to say, after Pee-wee died, this is his.
Straight out of the playhouse.
The reading of his will.
So let's introduce.
Please do.
May I?
Please, I just said.
All right.
So the first time I met Dave was years ago.
This guy named Ned.
Remember Ned?
Ned.
Carlos Mencia.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, God.
You know him by his superpower name.
Super.
Yes.
And we did a tour.
Remember that tour we did?
Uh-huh.
That was a big deal for us.
Yeah, yeah.
Back then, Ned was like, I'm going to, you know, get the biggest white dude,
the biggest black dude.
Biggest Asian.
I was the only Asian.
Who was the biggest black dude?
Who was the DC Curry?
Not DC Curry.
It was DC Curry?
No.
I don't remember playing like that, but I remember it was like a big deal tour.
It was like a theater tour.
Yeah, yeah.
Outdoor venues.
Yeah.
I think Ralphie was on some of those.
Yeah, yeah.
It was huge.
It was huge.
And it was the first big tour I've ever done in terms of theaters.
Amphitheaters.
No, they weren't amphitheaters.
Oh, no.
They were like 3,000, 2,500.
Yeah, I don't remember.
I don't really.
I remember bombing.
That's all I remember.
No, no, no.
I did not do well.
He would do the talk for me, like, you know, this guy coming out.
I think he's funny.
You should think he's funny.
He's trying to like strong arm his crowd, you know?
Yeah, it was like a Mexican crowd.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was a Mexican crowd.
Yeah, pretty Mexican.
Yeah.
So they loved you?
I was so green.
Yeah, but you did good.
Oh, man.
Even when you were green, you were still a little yellow.
So you got through it.
Wow.
You were laughing, too.
I know.
You can't do the hard look after you laugh at the girl.
You're right.
You're right.
I laugh first.
Yeah.
Yeah, you have to do the hard look.
Laugh again.
Oh.
That's how it was supposed to go down.
Yeah.
He's like Kanye.
He doesn't want to be caught laughing.
Oh, yeah.
And then Louie, this is my history with them.
You used to live in L.A.
Yes, I'm from L.A.
Yeah.
And we used to write together.
Yes.
Wait a minute.
You mean Louie used to write and you were near him?
Oh, he got you.
You know what I knew?
Dude, when you squirt your eyes and your face gets all red, right?
I know you're about to dig.
He's a phenomenal joke writer.
And I know Louie was just ripping through pages.
And he was sitting there smoking, like looking over your shoulder.
Good stuff, Louie.
Sorry.
It's so funny.
It's great.
It's great stuff.
Can I throw more stories in?
Yeah.
Throw it in.
What I always loved about you, Bobby, is like you would do a great set.
They would love you.
And then you'd come running off.
And then you would be like, I can't do an hour.
All right?
There's no reason why I should be up there for an hour.
And I'm like, they could have watched you for like two hours.
They were really having a great time.
He still does it.
I still do it.
I still do it.
I still do it.
I just can't do it.
And I feel the same way.
I feel the same way.
Yeah, yeah.
I feel exactly the same way.
I'm like, I want out.
I want out of here.
You know what I'm saying?
Or you've gone through all your material.
And then you look at the clock and it's like 33 minutes.
I hate that.
Oh, I hate it.
I hate it.
And like, I guess I'm going to have to do improv.
I hate it.
So, Louis used to write.
Yeah, that's right.
He's probably one of the best joke writers.
I have a better story, dude.
Remember we were on the sitcom together?
Oh, my God.
This is crazy.
I hate it.
This is crazy.
This is PTSD.
This is my favorite Bobby story.
Go ahead.
In the early aughts, this is, we were all, you were a regular on the sitcom too.
I was on Mad TV.
Okay, but no, no, this is not that.
We were on a thing called used car smell.
Yeah, new car smell.
New car smell.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The guys who did it were really cool.
They wanted comics on it.
I fucked them.
But there was also.
Fuck them.
But they all, wait, hold on.
No, no, I'm going to get into it.
Okay, but hold on.
It was you, me, and Jimmy Schubert.
Yes.
And I'm not an actor.
Totally not an actor.
And they kept giving me these long, like, setups for the regular people to get
the punchline.
And I'm like, what the?
I can't, I can't do.
I can't.
You know, and I wanted to, like, red fox it and, like, write it on the walls
and stuff.
But anyway, yeah, so.
I'm not even on the thing, right?
Brooke Shields?
No, see, I thought you were, like, a special guest or something.
No, no, no.
I was a real, I was a.
Brooke Shields was in it.
The guy, the lead guy is, like, a great actor.
And he was, like, rolling his eyes every time I opened my mouth.
What's his name over there?
But he was, like, a really good actor.
Oh, Christopher McDonald?
Yes.
I was supposed to be a fucking series regular.
He's, like, A+.
A legit actor.
Anyway, you and I, hold on a second.
You and I and Jimmy, we're all going into our scenes.
And then we'd be smoking outside.
Yeah.
And every time, I believe this was, like, on the warm-up or whatever it is, the
dry run-through
or something, we'd all run out and say the same thing.
I can't act.
I can't believe you're going to fire me.
I'm getting my stuff now because they're going to fire me by lunch.
I'm out of here.
Yeah.
And I was, like, when you said that, and then I felt, like, so much better.
I was, like, oh, great.
I'm not the only non-actor here.
Yeah.
But you were killing it.
And then it went on.
And then, finally, we were doing it in front of a crowd.
You know that?
Yeah, yeah.
In front of a crowd.
And then the real actors, they were, like, stumbling on the lines.
But we were rocking it because we were, like, totally whoring it up to the
crowd.
Like, I don't know.
Whatever you say, JJ.
You know, like, we were totally succumbing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then Mitch Hedberg died.
A lot happened in that week.
It was a big week.
I'm not kidding.
Was that the week?
That was the week.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Jesus.
Oh, David Walton.
There it is.
New car smell.
Yeah.
Put it up full screen.
Let me see what else.
This is the full pilot.
Can you imagine, Bobby, if that went?
Can you imagine?
We'd be retired now.
I would have been fired.
Look at Dave.
No, no.
Oh, there he is.
Look at that.
Awesome.
I will say, it's weird to not see you in all black.
I love it.
And that look is still really in, you know?
Yeah.
Mostly in the Middle East.
How come dressed up?
Somehow dressed up, you look sleazier.
Yeah, it really doe