Name: What Happened In Vegas w/ Dax Flame | Ep 218 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-05-13T16:00:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What Happened In Vegas w/ Dax Flame | Ep 218 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'What Happened In Vegas w/ Dax Flame | Ep 218 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-13. Transcript available.

What Happened In Vegas w/ Dax Flame | Ep 218 | Bad Friends

pressure on it like we gotta start out strong we all have let's let's start off
weak okay let's
start off very then can i say something oh god you want to open the show oh
yeah no i just want to
ask you a question okay i love yeah go ahead yeah i didn't know you weren't in
the same list as oj
simpson you made a list yeah this past weekend you and oj simpson share i know
but we can't talk
about the legally you told me oh so what do you mean well we started weak okay
all right so you two are
bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an asian dude you two are
disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends i'm sorry yeah let's move on to
something else oh so it's
it brings up so much oh just bring up all my trauma i mean yeah let's talk
about how my dad
beat me again god well let's talk about let's talk about what who's in the
studio today it's john
stone john stony john stony john and he's here uh joint john john the joint man
he's here because
carlos and mccone both got the flu in vegas and when asians get high their eyes
are completely closed
it's unbelievable you know how do you drive like how do you do that oh my god a
stone stone you drive
better driving yeah white screen a stoned asian driving no thanks yeah that's a
pass for me yeah
i love stony asians you drive better but dude have you seen a meth asian they
clip the
out of bonsai trees do they oh my god better than mr miyagi way better really
yeah you don't know that
that fact i'm not around a lot of meth yeah yeah oh dude imagine if you had
math back in the samurai
days wow one samurai just going crazy he'd make a sword in like five minutes
you know you should take
them forever to like five minutes yeah five yeah that's hot yeah he would cut
himself right it would
turn the scab and then he would just pull it out and eat it because meth people
okay and they're well
also can i say something about uh was there a meth back then i don't know when
was crystal meth invented
well i mean look we had to have some form of this there had to have been some
form floating around
right yeah chris well there's methamphetamine has probably been around for a
long time that that
chemical makeup of methamphetamine it's all science isn't that it's all science
yeah yeah
you know if i had a time machine i would take fentanyl hmm no just hear me out
loads of it
what era are you going back to the 17th century you're gonna go back to the 17th
century what is
that is that far is that far that's us what do you mean how far when is it i
mean there was america
was still around right no that wasn't declaration of independence that's 1800
right no 1770 1776
i cut i go 1776 what what wait an asian korean guy with a pack of fentanyl but
what's from a time
mag what what century is 1776 the 17th century did you go no it's not it's a 20th
century 18th century
it's just one more up 20th 19th century it's the 18 you already said it 18 18
18 oh the 1876 18
century am i bad in 70 76 you're going back you said 1776 that's 17th century
no no okay my bad zero to
99 is history man that's not history that's math anyway i show up whatever i i
did that hey no shut
up time machines have a button yeah so i go one seven seven six right i'm sorry
your fingers are too
fat for the machine no and i go go get the um you know i mean flux capacitor
right to marty yeah marty
runs up okay okay boss okay boss right stick it in there get the electric
electricity is it raining
yet right it's gotta rain right it's gotta rain right i gotta bring it to 89
you know right right
put the fennel in the fennel's in now i'm right 1776 and i'm in bakersfield
doesn't exist i know but
i'm there well it's okay it's you and natives then exactly i get them hooked
first oh dude you're doing
what we did last time yeah no just doing it again but i'll hook am i gonna get
in trouble for saying
this history really does repeat itself it does yeah no i'm not giving them
smallpox something way
worse yeah yeah yeah no oh that's true no i should go east coast boston boston
okay stay in okay boston
the tea party the tea party dude tea and fentanyl we don't even know what that
combo does
that's a great there should be a little shop in france that shows that have
fentanyl and team
anyway point is you like tea with your fentanyl yeah have green tea with your
fentanyl and then you
would make a killing because they've never heard of opiates yeah but money is
worthless then it's worth
less than yeah but you get like gold teeth oh you could get gold they trade
right gold tea the wooden
leg uh-huh i'll take you want some fentanyl give me your gold tooth wooden leg
and one of those feathery
pens you can get those anywhere i know but from if you went to a bank back then
did their pens
attached to chains have feathers on them still that'd be so funny if you stole
one of the feathery
pens yeah yeah so that's not your feathery pen that belongs to the bank yeah
yeah you know what i
thought about i would go back in time with heavily heavy artillery like real
guns real guns before
they had it back to the gold rush days and just rob everybody they had guns
then yeah not like i'm
we have i we have fucking i could have an ar-15 i could have a bazooka yeah
give us your gold give
us your gold load it right think about dude if we if we could go back and rob
anything or anywhere
i mean obviously you'd want to rob fort knox right that's the ultimate goal do
you know what that is
of course i know what fort knox is what century is that one in we still have it
that's right what is it
it's where they put the money that's where they put the gold the gold bars and
we know that's not true
it's not true but that's in folklore that's where they keep alien bodies in my
opinion i think fork
knox is filled with uh top secret shit we're not supposed to get to yeah
because they everyone
thinks it's an area 51. no thank you i think it's studio 76 studio studio city
studio 76 54. no today
studio 54. is this studio 54 where they have the aliens yeah no is it is it
what is it no what is
it area area 51. oh i always oh my god i've told i've used studio 54 or in
reference to aliens before
in conversations i know you're thinking it's the same thing and people have
been looking i remember
ago people going what what are you talking about i i'm telling you it's in arizona
because new york
they should have opened up a studio 51 in area 51. a coked out nightclub to see
aliens dude look at
look at this guy's arms yeah you know i saw the other day on tick tock too by
the way someone was
dissecting how we think dinosaurs look a certain way and she was like i'm a biologist
and she was like
this doesn't even make sense the way that they've thought dinosaurs look or the
way we draw them
it's basically skin on bone she's like that's not that you have cart there's
tons of cartilage and
fat and all sorts of stuff and muscle she was like a dinosaur is basically the
shape of the bone
structure with a little bit of um you know outlining she goes but look at your
nose if you remove your
nose from your face it's a hole so this is just all cartilage but they didn't
account for like
random pieces of things sticking off the dinosaur so she's like they didn't
look anything like that
oh what you're saying is like we've just guessed what we think that she they
have big noses
is that what did you just say do they have big noses there's jewish dinosaurs
there was
there was you know we'll be extinct someday and how do they hold the money
little hands
can we get in trouble you can yeah we got cut out yes no stacy's jewish do you
approve are you jewish
stacy you approve she approves she approves she approves see yeah it's all in
good fun it's all
good fun look if there was asian dinosaurs let's do that then if you want to go
down the line oh what
i mean by the way in asia just asianized dinosaur is so funny to me that's such
a funny and their and
their nails are immaculate yeah it's so nice the vietnamese did this all for me
when they swipe the
prey yeah and they're in their hands they're like wow yeah beautiful nails wow
asian dinosaurs we lost a
couple of our employees over the weekend in vegas getting too sick these guys
stayed out all night
you should see we got them passes to the chain smokers mccone was up next to
the stage he was
wearing a mechanics uniform by the way they let him do a nightclub he's wearing
a mechanics onesie
like a one zip up mccone was yeah you know i didn't even know that and carlos
was a good boy
i didn't know that was even a chain smoker thing the chains workers in vegas
you did know we were
going to see the chain smokers we literally said it 50 times no everyone in the
room has proof i was in my
hotel room no dude you were in the room with shay matash and what's uh what's
the other gentleman's
name that you brought oh my god that was a not okay so i'm gonna just say
something i apologize for
may i apologize for something oh please
so first of all vegas great show in fact i mean i don't think the mgm liked me
but we can't wait to go
back to the mgm you can't you can't wait i can't wait yeah yeah i can't go you
have to wait i have
to wait so um so you know afterwards it's our last u.s show you know i mean we
may do more in the future
59 cities is what i think they tallied up 59 cities it's crazy great show
afterwards everyone came out
i had some friends from vegas shayma tosh who's a comedian who i used to room
with in la 30 years ago you
know i mean she came by she was rad so nice yeah she opens for carrot top she's
a great impressionist
my point being is is this okay you have your family there we have also you know
who i love the
the watchmakers family christine i talked to her for like 20 minutes well she's
not a watchmaker she
sells them just call her watchmaker it makes it makes it better watchmaker
watchmaker make me a watch
i feel like she has one of those little things and she's in there well they
definitely have one of those
things okay okay what are those little things like that they you know what they're
called what drop
glops so there's a drop drop yeah anyway families kids running it was beautiful
right yeah but then a
week before paul like did my friend wants to go paulie hit you up yeah and i go
all right who's your
friend i can't know right beautiful woman so i'll get her backstage right no
you got her backstage i got her
backstage so as soon as i look she's a nice lady she was very nice very nice
lady but
she did something where she was like i'm gonna get here from i'm gonna i know i'm
gonna because
she has my number i'm gonna hear well let's hear it now she was just like who
does this
cocaine anyone well that's actually really polite oh that's true i mean it's
but off of your finger
fingernail or finger was there a fingernail or it was like it was almost her
finger was so sweaty
it was like blotched on oh wow like it was it surrounded her pinky she waited a
couple of
minutes she's like cracking solidifies yeah yeah and people are like oh no
thanks like i've never i
don't know have you been offered cocaine before yeah what the i've never been
offered cocaine because
maybe i'm sober sober oh that's right i mean i don't do cocaine everyone who
knows me knows that
but i wouldn't i've been offered it still from people when's the last time you
did cocaine i've never
done cocaine do you not know this my father went to prison because he had a
cocaine addiction one
time you i mean you've known me for 15 years you have to be curious i've never
done cocaine well my
dad liked this stuff maybe i like it you know i met him he's a great guy you
did when did you own
chicago yeah great guy no no he loved cocaine he loved the he loved it you've
never done anything white
in your nose except for women oh uh in my nose yeah in my nose yeah i don't
think i've ever snorted
anything i think i mean i've eaten stuff i mean pills and all that would you
you never smoke crack
that's not snorting i don't think i've smoked crack no i'm thinking 