Name: Life Of Poon | Ep 221 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-06-03T16:00:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Life Of Poon | Ep 221 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Life Of Poon | Ep 221 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-03. Transcript available.

Life Of Poon | Ep 221 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
well you two are something we're bad friends how do i not get a call from any
of you saying hey we
are doing a show it's official because we're scared because what do you mean oh
the cartoon
yeah like because it's 30 years away we tell the people in our ecosystem first
and then we go
outside of that like right and then after those guys then you hear yeah then
you hear you hear about
third man third cousins yeah right i've never heard it i got a student of mine
to text me hey i saw this
in the press congratulations on the show like well let me tell you something we
didn't we didn't know
that they were going to put a release out that day they were asking us about it
called bobby six times
wouldn't answer the phone i said where were you all day and then he goes stardew
valley farming dude
unbelievable farming yeah yeah there's a picture of the kids right there there's
us three how funny
is my insert yeah i gotta tell you it actually looks nice you're not in that's
you're real right
yeah it's real but i'm not in the actual photo yeah but they put you in there
they're photoshop oh i see
that's because of what's going on overseas right now yeah yeah we can't have a
photo yeah i know you're
pro-israel but yeah don't don't read the comments don't read the comments yeah
don't read the comments
about it let me ask oh god damn it go ahead buddy the roly poly farms a lot in
the show yeah that's all
he does by the way wait you just call me roly-poly you are a roly-poly i just
read it yeah in the
show not in real life oh yeah yeah but i know yeah you're right let's hear the
question yeah let's hear it
get to it it's all right what was it what's the question yeah um well i'd call
nick no i could
talk last night nick crease crease crease crease yeah don't worry about until
we get the show off
the ground it's crease yeah yeah hey christ yeah i've been calling you crease
for years for 15 years
and you've never never corrected me no no no that i hate when that happens that's
your fault you've
definitely been corrected you just don't hey billy it's biley i go i've been
calling you billy for 15 you
know i don't like you call biley smiley billy yeah that's insane all right so
um nick and i were
talking last night and can i ask you a question yeah when i talk to you on the
phone you seem like
you want to get off real quick no i'm worried about the same thing with you
yeah you do want to get off
the i'm a moment guy everyone knows that yeah you're on the phone for a moment
and then you want to hang
up no i live in the moment yeah yeah i'm present i live in the moment and
listen to everything you're
saying but you're like all right come on hurry up and i don't like that that's
projection it is
projection yeah yeah you're right yeah dude you're so smart i'm just why we got
him christ huh
yeah i love it so i at there he is oh that's when i did uh at midnight the
original at midnight i did
too you did yeah how many times did you do it three or four times yeah did you
win ever never yeah i never
won i don't think i won one like family feud on oh it's it with tim simons yeah
yeah and arden
right he's tall huh look at how cool i am anyway um look at how short you are
you're shorter than
arden fucking nearing the fuck up dude she's like four two she's so tiny that's
insane to be tiny all
right look tim simons is six six yeah he's tall but still you're smaller than
arden who is a tiny tiny
person move on let's move on from no problem your problem no this is you know
what your problem is
what's my problem i'll tell you what my problem is when the movers unscrewed
the tv stand oh here we
go they lost the screws so now i have a tv on the floor and i sit on the floor
that's when you call
geek squad dude oh you mean the the uh best buy guys no not calling geeks oh no
i just can't get
screws right that fit that's me with a case of natty light yeah no furniture
apartment oh my god
that was what used to my life but i got a word to the wise wise of the word got
extra trash don't
call got junk call los angeles sanitation department all you have to do is put
in a request and they'll
pick it up yep i just paid gut you don't even have to pay for that they'll just
pick it up you just have
to let them know you have more and i was like that's all i had to do all these
years huh krikor
he eats it i'm hungry oh i got a question i posted on instagram this morning
this is a real poll i
haven't thought about this in a long time but i had a cup of coffee and i know
mid cup i'm gonna poop
it's about half a cup and i have to poop what's your what's your number how
much a cup of coffee do you
have to poop if i have buffalo mozzarella buffalo right with a cup of coffee
with a cup of coffee
no that's wrong wrong wrong it's what you went through last week
it's instantaneous because the diarrhea the poll is in right now so far we've
got
41 of people have say that before they finish a cup of coffee they have to 36
per se 36 say within
an hour yeah do you go i i right away but well that's ibs ibs yeah i don't i
don't mean to brag
no i wish what's ibf ibs irritable bowel syndrome he's jewish you know when you
guys are born easy
you know how we all get like vaccinations and all that stuff for tetanus do
they give you do they give
jewish kids ibs they give it to them in the hospital it's a requirement you can't
leave without it
can't leave without it i did my 23 and me and i'm 100 ibs
i'm serious about the coffee thing what is it i i can't finish a cup i gotta go
sometimes i bring
the cup in the bathroom which is still red bull that's what i do what is red
bull bud do you even
know what it is battery acid it's bullshit it's trash it's not good it's so bad
for your body oh
fuck man oh no we're just finding this out citric acid tureen what is tureen
what is the best yeah
what is it from the plant tureenus tureenus a la baganda it's an essential
amino acid for babies
that's exactly to make their own tureen but their high amounts of it why why
why why why why why why
you are a big baby can i ask tureen that makes me do that they ask my question
though or because you're
going on a rant go ahead i'll get off of it all right so i call you last night
so how many right
dates do you go on right before the kiss happens if you're good you probably
get it on the first date
all right so i'm i'm i've been i've been dating this girl this two dates
already hey girl go ahead
bath house bath house bath house bath house you want to get out of here all
right
all right so you went on a date a couple of dates with this girl why do you do
that
it gets the whole room in a vibe i get into it and then i lose my train of
thought
bath house bath house bath house bath house bath house all right two dates or
three dates
so tonight i'm going on the third day where to this is important because if you're
not getting
the kiss that's where you take her to nice restaurants what are you talking
about like
thank you oh fuck um the first time we went out was um i think i i don't want
to say it you can
because it's over i know but but you don't want to seem rich what is it arby's
no no no
it's um we got the meats that's my go-to spot with every date so i don't want
the other girls that
i've on that's fine and go and they go well that's why he took me you there's
no way you think there's
no way we think girls don't know that you're taking them out to the same places
of course you
are we're creatures of habit you go to six places all of us go to six places
yeah pache for me it's
chipotle california pizza kitchen be real the vons in the valley
i'm dead serious yeah yeah it's the same six places all right but i don't stray
okay if you okay
the six places right that if you're going to going on a date with what are they
i have mine you got your
six yeah i think so i'm married we don't go on i know but just hypothetically
if you were single
where would you go where would i take them yeah probably to um east side
shit east side shit's hip that's where the that's where he lives pache no pache
is not no pache is over
by us little doms little doms is great that's good yeah people like bestia yeah
yeah yeah i went to
mother wolf that i like mother was fun and funk evan that's him same guy fun
fun fun yeah i go to
damien yeah bar flores yeah damien's great damien's we talk about damien all
the time damien's great
and then you know bestia across the street from there yeah hippo that's right
hippo's good what'd
you call me that's his nickname he was talking about his mom what's that about
i thought we'd move
past that what is that i know you're right you're right what were you doing
right there i'm being
aggressive what is that right there that you think you were doing i was what do
you think you were
doing aggressive again i'm so sorry you think that was a good idea that wasn't
a good idea i don't
think it was a good idea let that one go i think that one's gonna sit with me
for a minute will you
please let that one go i don't know yeah yeah ask the question i already did so
how many do you think
so i'm tonight's the third date she better kiss you on the third date that's
crazy third date you
don't even get like a peck friend zone after that yeah that's for oh wow the spanish
has
spoken accent amigo zone yeah amigo zone that burned me dude that hurt yeah
have you been friend
zoned oh my everybody in there everyone in this room everyone everyone's been
no one is immune to
the you've been friend zone of course oh thank the lord dude i got friends on
one time so hard in
college i went over to this girl's dorm who i like crushed crushed crushed on
yeah i was putting in all the
work trying to do the right thing she's like come on over and hang out and i
was like yeah maybe this
is it tonight tonight tonight i go to her dorm yeah yeah i'm kicking it taking
it easy not trying to
be aggressive no moves no rates are we're hanging out eagles take it easy take
it i'm sitting on the like one
one of those um what are those what were they called the big bean bags love
sack yeah remember those you
know what i call them what your mom you motherfucker i'm sitting on a love sack
on her dorm room floor
and in walks that was pretty good the guy that she's fucking oh oh yeah yeah
and she's like pain
this is my friend andrew this is so and so and i was like hey buddy and she
literally goes do you
want to hang out and finish we were watching do you want to finish this we're
going to go grab something
to eat i was like yeah i'll just hang out in the dorm by myself that guy now
this is what he does for a
living yeah that guy oh wait hold on let me guess keep going uh it's not a bad
wait wait wait no my
minute i want to see what maybe i can guess what oh you can guess it all right
let's see do it again
um digging graves no digging graves is that what you guessed uh keep doing it
let me see if i can
oh keep doing it playing high lie keep doing it keep doing it yeah you're never
gonna get i was just
trying to get you some exercise what does he do what i was just trying to get
some exercise he pulls rope
oh he's a rope puller oh i'm the i'm the caboose you really are and i do it
this way yeah it's like
this all right and then what what is this nailing jesus to the cross yeah dude
yeah yeah yeah yes yeah
the only thing i can bro that's so good that guy did a great job job he hung up
there for a while yeah
so third so third date you got to get a kiss i think if you don't then you kind
of know it's amigo
your amigo but can i can i say this and by the way we're not advocating you don't
have to
kiss anybody but if by the third date you're not romantically interested in
someone ladies tell
him but with kalilah back in the day it took me eight dates really yeah to open
up those floodgates
yeah i'm shocked it took me like i thought she hung in there she didn't like
the restaurants
yeah oh you son of a business yeah larchmont wi