Name: Angry Grandma Whips Bobby's A$$ | Ep 222 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-06-11T22:16:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Angry Grandma Whips Bobby's A$$ | Ep 222 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Angry Grandma Whips Bobby's A$$ | Ep 222 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-11. Transcript available.

Angry Grandma Whips Bobby's A$$ | Ep 222 | Bad Friends

Hey! We got new merch! Look at the shirts, baby!
Look at the shirts, and we got new merch.
Everybody's on it, by the way. You can see there's fancies on it.
Bobby's down at the bottom with me, little dawgs.
There's Fancy, there's Rudy, the goop dog even made it on here.
He's a goop? Where's he?
He's up top. You want to be Hollywood?
Come get this shirt. Go get it at badfriendsmerch.com.
Badfriendsmerch.com. Go get this. We've also got new mugs.
Dude, look at these mugs. If you're not drinking coffee out of this, you're
dumb.
You're dumb, dude. Drink coffee out of this. Go to badfriendsmerch.com.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
You know, last night it was Margaret, Arsenio, and I just was sitting in that
room going,
I mean, when I was younger, before I even did comedy, like, they were in the
scene,
and I was like, I mean, you never thought that you would ever do shows with
them.
I mean, Arsenio, for sure, because I didn't know if he would come back
and do stand-up as much as he's doing.
I thought he would, because, also, by the way, I got on stage,
and I was, like, joking around about him.
Yeah.
Because I was, like, a legend.
Like, give it up for that guy.
Yeah.
And then I made, like, a dumb joke.
You know when you, like, do a joke, you're like, that's not true.
Why did I do that just for the laugh?
What was the joke?
Well, because I was, like, I love that he knows who I am.
And I was, like, he calls me, you know, Andre Santigli, but I still like it.
That was a funny joke.
And they got a laugh, but it's, like, that's not true.
I just said that just for the bit.
But the crowd loved it.
And I was, like, he knows who I am.
He's very nice to me.
Why did I do that?
When you said that, he looked at you and then he walked out the door in a sad
way.
A, you're lying because you were in the room, and B, I watched him in the
corner.
He laughed.
Yeah.
You were in the back with Margaret playing with her dog.
Yeah, I like to mouth kiss her dog.
But my point is this.
Time out.
Let's talk about it.
Last night, this guy.
I'm sick.
Remember when he got all...
I don't feel good.
Remember when he got emotional about the Netflix dinner he didn't get invited
to?
And last night, he comes in with Margaret.
He's, like, how good was that dinner?
They went to, like, an Asian inclusion dinner or whatever.
And it was all the famous Asians.
And he got invited to that, didn't you?
And you bragged about it.
All the famous Asians that were there.
Name the famous Asians that were there.
Go ahead.
Oh, the famous Asians?
Name them all.
Okay, that guy from...
Alley Wall.
No, no, no.
She wasn't there.
I'm going to tell you right now.
She wasn't?
Yeah.
I'm going to tell you right now.
I'm going to tell you right now, right?
Who was there?
The dude from Revenge of the Nerds.
That Asian.
What the...
Did he ride the bikes?
Oh, I love that guy.
You don't even know his name, dude.
Oh, who cares?
Yeah, yeah.
The guy that invented, like, the shape of the dumpling.
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah.
You didn't actually...
The ingredients, no.
But the shape?
He based it off of you.
Yeah, so it wasn't a...
Who was there?
It wasn't a dinner, dude.
You're lying.
There was a famous Asian dinner, and he went, and they talked about it all
night.
There's Asian dinners all the time that are famous, but no one gives a fuck
about those
things.
I've always been invited to those things.
All right?
Who throws...
I'm the King Ching Chong, dude.
Right?
I paved the way for all the other Ching Chong.
King Ching Chong.
They, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they always invite me.
Who threw the party?
Is that someone's house?
No, it was at a gigantic thing, dinner thing, outside downtown.
Who throws it?
I have to look it up.
It was an organization.
I forgot what it was.
What is it called?
AAPI?
Is that AAPI?
No, no, no, there was, there was a, is it Asian American Pacific Island?
No, it's a, no, it's not that.
It's, um, hold on.
Is that what it's called?
Excellence?
No, it's not the Asians' accents.
Hold on, hold on.
That's May 1st to May 31st.
Oh, we're almost out of it then.
No, no, no, hold on.
Asian, so AAPI, that's, that's Asian American and Pacific Islander heritage.
What was the, the whole month of May?
The dinner, dinner call.
They give black people February and it's 28 days and these guys get 31, that's
insane.
These Asians, dude, that's out of control.
Although there, there are significantly more of them.
That's true.
Yeah, so I, you know, I always go to that.
So who was there?
Who was there?
John Cho, Steven Yeun, Michelle Yao.
Huge, huge, huge.
All the Olympics, the guys, the gold, that, the Chinese guy, that's great, the
Olympics,
the skateboard, skate, skate.
Which team?
The basketball team?
The Olympic men's basketball team?
None.
None of them.
None of them.
Fancy.
Guys, you know, it's so funny what you guys are doing.
Archery?
Look at the, look at us ice skate.
Glorious.
The movement.
It's mostly Russians, ice skating.
No, we have a Chinese guy.
What's his name?
Nathan Chang, whatever.
We talked about him.
We got, we got one.
Yeah, he's so good.
Anyway, anyway.
Yeah, Zun Yee.
Zun Yee.
That's on him.
Zun Yee.
Anyway, so they were there and then like, um.
We bought a Zun Yee.
Oh, you know, Asif Ali was there.
Asif Ali.
Yeah.
Right, this is the thing that bothered me last night.
Asif Ali, old friend of mine.
He also goes, oh yeah, and W. Kamau Bell.
I go, he's black.
By the way, none of those guys are Asif Ali that we're talking about.
Yeah, why do you pull that guy out?
It's just another guy named him.
W. Kamau Bell.
That's it.
Actor.
First one.
First one.
Yeah.
W. Kamau Bell was there and I said, why was he there?
And Bobby said, we invite blacks too.
That's what he said.
We do.
You let him.
We invite blacks and we invite some Hispanics who have kind of Chinese eyes.
And then we also invite, we do.
You have to either get high.
If you're Mexican, you got to be high.
Yeah.
There he is.
There's Asif.
We love him.
He's so talented.
So anyway, um.
But he's Indian, which is Asian.
That is Asian.
So it counts.
W. Kamau Bell, he's a black guy, right?
Yeah, but he fucks with Asians.
Everybody fucks with Asians.
You don't fuck with Asians.
You ridicule and you oppress them.
He builds us up.
I've spent my life fucking with an Asian.
This has ruined my life.
So you got sick this morning?
Would you wake up sick?
You missed our call with Hulu?
Yeah, I woke up sick and then I have to go and do Logix movie tomorrow.
I'm dreading it.
But also, um.
And then I had a rush to do a lunch.
Oh.
And there was, um, I did a lunch with this guy.
He's like, this guy, you know what I mean?
He's a historian guy.
He's pitching me something.
And he goes, um, he goes, you know about Genghis Khan?
I go, yeah, I know.
He was a guy, a wanderer, right?
A Chinese guy or whatever.
And he's like, no, no, no.
This is what.
So he had a shaman, Genghis Khan, okay?
And, and, and, and Genghis Khan had gout.
Makes, that lines up.
Yeah, yeah.
And then the shaman goes, the way you get rid of gout, I swear to God, he goes,
you got
to kill 40 children and then you got to stomp on their organs.
You've never read that?
I've read that.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And so he did it, right?
And then it didn't work.
So he tried it again.
He tried it twice.
80 kids?
Yeah, he tried it.
And then I was thinking, God, I wish I was Genghis Khan's shaman.
Yeah.
Clean my house.
That's how you get rid of gout.
Twice.
Twice.
Yeah.
I mean, you could have him do anything you want.
So who was, was this guy pitching you to play his shaman in a movie or
something?
He wanted me to play the guts.
Of the kids?
Yeah, dude.
Oh, you're good.
I'm so good at guts, dude.
Genghis Khan, how many people did he conquer?
What was his deal?
He had sex with like a thousand people a day, something absurd?
No, he didn't.
No, that's what they said.
It was something insane like that.
Genghis Khan.
How many, how many, 4,000 different women?
Holy moly.
That's funny.
Consensual.
It has to be consensual.
Yeah, sure.
Consensual?
Uh-huh.
He just.
By the way, he was alive in what was the time period again?
He died in like, go up, go back a page.
Yeah, 1227.
Yeah.
Real consensual.
Yeah.
Nah, it's caveman era, bro.
There were some woke people back then.
In, in 1100?
Yeah, dude.
I doubt it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, have you seen some of the photos of the Mongolians?
They had blue hair.
Yeah, Pierce.
That's true.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and they, they cosplayed.
They were all trans.
So let me ask you something, too.
Cut it out.
I don't even know what's going on.
But let me say something, too.
Tell me about this historian.
Did you have a good time with him?
The historian?
Yeah, he did.
Was it worth missing the Hulu call this morning about a 10-minute show?
It wasn't that.
It wasn't that?
No.
You were already, uh...
Well, what happens is, I'm sorry, pal, my bud.
Don't say sorry to me.
Say sorry to Hulu.
They didn't care.
They did.
They didn't.
First thing on the call.
Is Bobby going to join?
Yeah, what does that mean?
And then when they said, oh, he's not going to join, what are they?
Oh, we got to, we got to cut this guy loose.
He's hard to deal with.
I can't wait till it does happen.
Yeah, what?
I can't wait till, like, we just can't deal with Bobby.
I just, a little too...
Really?
Inconsiderate of all of our time.
Dude, first of all, can I say something?
I forgot about it.
I know you did.
And that's a good thing.
Reminded you last night.
At the show, I said, I'll see you on the call tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I thought you meant...
This is you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I thought you meant this.
I'll see you on the call.
Do you think this is a call?
We're calling each other right now, but it's...
Am I not calling you?
Hello.
Hello.
Hi.
There we go.
Okay.
I don't hear you like this.
I hear you through here.
That's true.
It's a call.
How long is too long to wait for your coffee at a coffee shop?
Ten minutes.
They refund.
Okay, I walked out.
No.
Walked out.
Which one?
I can't...
It depends on which one it is.
I'm not going to say it.
I can't put it...
I know which one it is.
It's a mom and pop thing.
I'm not going to put them on blast.
If it was Starbucks, I'd fucking...
If it's that new one, that's really good.
That I go to all the time.
20 minutes.
I'm not kidding.
Oh, my...
But isn't that the place they use the mushroom?
Chaga?
Yeah.
I walked back in and I was like,
excuse me, did you guys...
Am I in line?
And the guy's like,
we have a lot of to-go orders, man.
I was like, you got it.
I left.
I paid for the coffee and I left.
Wow.
I just was like, what the fuck is...
I don't want to...
What am I going to fight for the money?
I'm over it.
It's over.
I got to go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's like 20 minutes.
I'm not kidding.
Okay.
If I'm not exaggerating, 16 minutes.
Helly hole more like a moon.
What's too long?
Isn't that too long?
Listen to me.
Listen.
The other day, I went to Salt and Straw.
Salt and Straw ice cream?
My favorite.
Right?
I waited probably 45 minutes to go in there.
Well, that's because they have a line every day.
But I'll tell you what the problem is.
And people need their fingers removed.
Some, for sure.
For this.
Sampling.
Oh, yeah.
I tried.
Your fingers need to be removed.
You know the Spaniard.
You know he tries all of them, doesn't he?
Yeah.
Pig.
But Salt and Straw ice cream has six flavors that are just, right?
And they have seasonal ones.
But it's like, take the gamble.
You know when a guy goes, can I get a sample of cookies and cream?
I'm like, get fucked.
You don't know what that tastes like?
Fucking get fucked.
You don't know what cookies and cream tastes like?
Get the fuck out.
Yeah.
Unless you are.
Even if you just had cookies and cream separately.
You know.
You know what it tastes like.
The guy that samples traditional flavors should be