Name: The Yellow Man with a Green Thumb | Ep 223 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-06-17T16:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Yellow Man with a Green Thumb | Ep 223 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Yellow Man with a Green Thumb | Ep 223 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-17. Transcript available.

The Yellow Man with a Green Thumb | Ep 223 | Bad Friends

- Hey! - Hey!
- Bad friends, look at these shirts.
We got new shirts. - I love these shirts.
They're our favorite shirts.
- And it's got all of us on it.
All the crew's on it. - Everyone's on it.
- McConey's on there, I'm on there, Bob.
- Bob. - The Goop is on there, too.
- The Goop is in it, right?
- Carlos. - Who else is on it?
- Carlos and Jesse. - Is my brother on?
Oh, who's that Asian guy right there to the left?
- Where? - In the pink.
- Where? - To the far right.
- This? - Yeah.
- That's your mom. - That's your mom.
- Oh, that's great, mom. - Bobby, mom.
- My mom. - And she's on the shirt.
Go to BadFriendsMerch.com to get it.
BadFriendsMerch.com. - Dot com.
- Or on YouTube, it's down below.
Also, hey, we're coming, Dananda.
- Hello, Alio. - Where are we going, Dananda?
- And Dananda.
- We're going to Sydney, Australia, Brisbane, Australia,
Auckland, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia,
Adelaide, Australia, and Perth, Australia.
- We're going, Dananda,
and we're going to be adding shows if we can.
We want to do more shows.
We want to come see you guys, so go get those tickets now.
- Get it now.
- BadFriendsPod.com.
BadFriendsPod.com. - They'll sell out, they'll sell out.
- Well, they definitely will, so go get them.
BadFriendsPod.com, go get the tickets.
- You two are bad friends.
- Who are these two idiots?
- A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
- Well, you two are something.
- We're bad friends.
- I've got sleep apnea, I got sleep.
- Four in the morning, wake up.
- Apnea, I got.
- Four in the morning, wake up.
- Every four in the morning.
I was up at six today for some reason.
My body woke me up to piss.
- Well, your body's athletic.
It's like Caitlyn Tom, what's her name?
- Jenner.
- No, no, the one fastball.
- Clark, Clark.
I'm attracted to her.
- I'm a little bit more of a Caitlyn Jenner than Caitlyn Clark.
- I'm a Clark girl.
I think she's so hot.
You don't think she's hot?
- That's insane.
- No comment.
- Dude, I think she's hot, dude.
- Pleading the fifth, he's got to plead the fifth.
- I know, I don't think she's hot.
She's not, no.
- Oh, I love it.
- No.
- Muscular titties.
- No, but she's a talented athlete.
- She probably has muscular titties, no?
- Big time.
- Yeah.
- Is that her boyfriend or her husband?
- Oh, I could.
Hey, Clark, Caitlyn Clark, I'm better.
- Nice try.
- Not a husband, no.
- Not a husband, no.
Look at him.
He comes so quick.
Oh, he's the worst.
- Her biceps.
- You think he shoots as far as she does?
- Yeah, yeah.
- She shoots as deep as she does?
- Yeah.
- I've shot from deeper.
That's what she would say.
- But dude, it's like three-pointers.
That's hard, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
- I've been watching.
Dude, I've never watched basketball,
but her, like, I've been looking her up,
like, you know, reels and stuff.
I go, "Oh, that's good."
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, I don't know what Stephen Curry
or any of those guys do,
but, like, I'm sure it's pretty good.
Yeah?
- Stephen Curry, the greatest shooter of all time.
- Yeah.
- What are you talking about?
- I knew him, know him.
I know him, I knew him, I know him.
- I know him, but you don't know him
because you don't even know his name.
- Yeah, I've worked with him before.
He's a four-time NBA champ,
two-time NBA Most Valuable Player, MVP,
an NBA Finals MVP, an NBA All-Star Game MVP,
an NBA Clunch Player of the Year,
and an inaugural NBA Western Conference Finals MVP.
Best shooter we've ever seen.
- Probably one of the best.
- Nope, the best.
- Did you see Civil War?
- I haven't seen it, you know why?
- Why?
- 'Cause I know how it ended.
- How does it end?
- The wrong team won, man.
- That's wrong, man.
It's so funny, it's like--
- I saw it.
- Oh, I didn't ask you.
- Yeah, that's interesting that you say that.
- Did you, I didn't ask you?
- He didn't ask you at all.
- Look at me.
- Yeah, I just look at the box.
- Kid looks at the box.
- Yeah, look at the box.
Yeah, yeah.
- And first of all, you didn't even tell us
or approve with us that you brought a new blood to the studio.
- Yeah.
- Get on the mic here, kiddo.
- Look at that kid.
- What's your name?
- Hi, I'm Ryan.
- Hitler's dream.
- Hitler's dream, dude.
Yeah, you have hair down there yet?
Do you have hair down there yet?
- I'm 21, I'd hope so.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When did you reach pubes?
- I mean, I think the same age as everyone.
- I'm looking for a man in podcast.
Five, six, blonde hair, blue eyes, podcast.
I'm looking for a man does podcast.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You're like an internet dream.
You're like this cute little young-faced,
- Bro.
- Blonde-haired kid who you're fresh off the boat.
Like, you look like they open the box.
You know they crack the box at Port Authority?
- And he's like, "I'm Ryan."
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- What's your name?
- Ryan Zyax.
- Ryan Zyax?
- Yes.
- Yeah, are you just petting him, Carlos?
- Yeah.
- That's insane.
What are you doing?
He's not a Furby.
- I want to put sesame oil on you.
I don't know why.
- Eat sushi off of his body?
- Yeah, yeah, put sesame oil on his body, dude.
Listen to the sun.
- What's your favorite thing to eat, Ryan?
- Favorite thing to eat?
- Yeah.
- Probably.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- I love when white dudes show all their teeth
when they talk.
- By the way, he's so nervous.
This is so mean.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Ryan, we love you.
You're a part of the family now.
- Yeah, relax, everything's good.
- I love you guys too.
- What's your favorite food?
- Favorite food?
Definitely pasta.
That's the go-to.
- 21 years old, you're a single guy?
- Yes.
- Good, good for you.
You're out there, what do they say?
Playing the field?
You shoot, hey, how good is your riz?
- How good is my riz?
It's not up for me to say.
- Wow.
- Whoa, who's it up to?
The scientists?
- It's up to the universe, I guess.
- Oh, the universe, okay.
- You Christian, Christian kid?
Christian conservative kid?
- Oh, Catholic.
- Catholic, that's the same thing.
- Can I ask you another personal question
or no, is it uncomfortable?
- Sure, ask me whatever you want.
- Are you a virgin?
- No.
- Nice.
- Good, very good.
- Hmm.
- Body count, what's your body count?
- Okay.
- No, too much?
- Yeah, you know.
- What?
- Citizen?
- He's never gonna say.
- Oh, he's never gonna say.
- You'd have to-
- I could guess.
- But you'd have to get there in a different way.
- May I guess?
- Yeah.
- I'm not gonna say, I'm sorry.
- See what I mean?
He'll never say it.
- I understand.
- Gentlemen never tell.
- I know they don't, right?
But I can tell by your eyes.
- Three.
- Dude, I was gonna say three.
- I knew you were, I could feel you.
- Yeah, yeah.
- 'Cause one is ridiculous.
- The first one was an accident.
- Yep.
- Yeah, the first one was a full fluke.
- Yeah.
- Right, fluke?
- Yeah.
- The second one was a willing participant, what?
- Are you guys psychics?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we are.
- We are.
- Actually, thank you.
- I'm a psychic.
Thank you, Google it.
All right.
Anyway, and the third one was a family member or?
- No, the third one was actually a professor in college.
- Oh.
- Fancy B.
- Fancy B.
- Wait, wait, you were his professor?
- No. - Not exactly, no.
- Not exactly.
- No, but he taught at the school that he went to.
- Did he really?
- Yeah, this is a kid from Quinnipiac, Quinnipiac.
- We went over there.
- Yeah, we went to that fucking dump.
- What a beautiful campus.
- Piece of shit.
- He's a shit campus fan.
- It was a nightmare, dude.
I had to piss so bad.
We took nine hours to get out there.
I hated every second of it.
- Yeah.
- And then they shot us in a-
- Oh, dude, that was a-
- Prison holding cell.
- No, it was more like a news,
but like a Bosnian news center or whatever, right?
- Yeah, like hostages were gonna come in.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It didn't, it wasn't good.
- Give us the money or we kill.
I was like, we're shooting a podcast, sir.
No, it's a great college and you did great
and good for you for going there
and I'm glad you're working in the biz now
and you're part of our new family.
Give it up for Ryan, guys.
Thanks for coming.
- I'm not done.
- I'm done with it.
- I have one more.
- One more question?
- Yeah, let's get him again.
- Did you wrestle?
- Did I wrestle?
No, I played football though.
- What position?
- I, uh, hold on.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You're like 5'7", what are you?
5'8" at the most?
- 5'7", yeah.
- 5'7", 165?
- More like 168.
- Oh, are you fucking kidding me, Ryan?
I almost guessed it right on the nuts.
I'm three off.
He said it like it's like 160.
- I was much heavier back in the day.
- Okay, you were 174 back then?
- But in college, do they have like a special football team?
- Olympics?
- Like a football team that's not varsity or JV,
but it's more special?
- Well, they have a thing called special teams.
He could have been on that.
- So you're on a special team?
- Like kick return.
- Oh, no, that's not what I mean either.
- I played in high school, to clarify, not in college.
- Oh, well that makes sense.
- Were you a back?
- I was actually a center.
- Ooh.
- You were a fucking center?
- Yeah.
- You were a center?
- Yeah, I was much, much heavier.
- You know how big you have to be to be a center?
There's like some of the biggest guys in football.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Bobby, that's the guy who snaps the football.
- Yeah.
- It's like Jason Kelsey.
- Yeah, which is the opposite of you.
- Way, way, way better than me.
- No, well, yeah, he's a hall of famer.
This guy's gonna, he's, yeah.
Different, different story.
I would have not guessed that.
You seem the low and, low and,
you could have been low and strong
and you could have been a good back.
- Yeah, that's me now.
- Low and strong.
- You know what, I like you so much.
- Thank you.
I like you too, Bobby.
I like you struck a chord here.
- That goes a long way with me.
Thank you.
- He likes flattery.
- And already, already in that booth,
you have more love for me
than all three of the men that's been behind there.
- That's insane.
- Yeah, that's not insane.
- That's insane.
- That's crazy.
- You like flattery.
- No, fuck you, dude.
You know, I'm tired, you know, honestly,
I am tired of your shit as of late, dude.
I'm tired of your attitude, your little fucking digs,
and your little snaps, dude.
I'm fucking tired of it, dude.
I come to work, right?
And I want to just hang out with my friend, talk, be funny.
But you come here with hostility,
and you're like smashing me here and there, dude.
And I don't like it, dude.
- Yep.
- You're calling me fat.
You're calling me old.
- Oh yeah.
- Calling me like you can't fuck in the sack.
- Stupid.
He says stupid a lot.
- Stupid to me, right?
And it's like, oh you--
- Ugly, ugly, he says that a lot.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You call me a piece of shit, a piece of dung shit, dude.
- Beetle dung shit.
- Beetle dung shit, dude, you call me, you know?
- It's not nice.
- I don't like it, it hurts my feelings.
- Stupid.
- Stupid.
- It's almost like your bad friends.
I see a smirk.
- Well, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
So that, when he said that, stop, no one said anything.
Andrew, when he said that, it made me rageful.
- Pissed me right off.
- Yeah, it made me so rageful.
- Pissed me right off.
- Yeah, yeah, and it's a feeling of like,
it's a feeling that I get as a TSA actually.
- Yeah, why is this taking so long?
- Or when they go, we need to check this one.
- No, you don't.
- Yeah, and there's nothing in there, I know.
You know what I mean?
- And that frustration, it's like a similar feeling.
I also wanted to stick my fingers in his Adam's apple.
- Yes.
- And dig it into his body.
- Yep, slowly.
- Slowly, yeah, yeah.
- So no more love for you.
- Okay.
- Good job, Ryan, we love you, buddy.
- We love you, Ryan.
- By the way, this is a legitimate question.
- Kind of like you guys are like, bad friends.
Oh, fuck, that's gotta be my dreams, then.
- You're gonna wake up in the middle of the night.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck that guy!
- It's almost like you're bad friends, friends, friends,
friends, friends, friends, fri