Name: The British Are Coming w/ Dax Flame | Ep 225 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-07-01T16:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The British Are Coming w/ Dax Flame | Ep 225 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The British Are Coming w/ Dax Flame | Ep 225 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-01. Transcript available.

The British Are Coming w/ Dax Flame | Ep 225 | Bad Friends

Hey, Bad Friends fans! I'm coming to see you in the fall. I'm doing my tour for
my new hour.
It's called the Freeze Peach Tour. Come see me. I'm going to be in Indianapolis,
Charlotte,
Iowa, Omaha, Kansas City, Cleveland, St. Louis, Grand Rapids, Detroit, Chicago,
Durham,
Atlanta, Charleston, Philly, New York, Phoenix, San Francisco, Boston, and
Minneapolis. I'm
all over the place. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian
dude. You two are
disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Hey, man, we're good to
be here.
That's me eating a dog. That was our barbecue. Yeah, that's our 4th of July
barbecue. That's a
dog on the grill. I just ate eight of them. Well, happy 4th of July. Dude, I
want to name a baby
Bucky. I want to name another baby. Jiminy. Like Jiminy Cricket, but Jiminy. We
got it.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to name another baby. Um, um, Lunk. Loke? Lunk. L-U-N-K?
Yeah, I do.
All right. Yeah. Lunk. What else, man? What else can I do? And I also, I want
my last name to be
McPherson. Lunk McPherson. That's right, baby. What's up, man? Bucky. What's up,
man?
Bucky. Jiminy. Jiminy? Jiminy, dude. Like the cricket. And Lunk McPherson. Lunk
McPherson,
man. Is that your new name? No, I can be Lunk right now, bro. You're Mr. McPherson?
What's your name right now, man? A Lunk is an awkward, heavy, or stupid person.
You are very-
That's right, man. That's right, man. You're Lunk-churious. Dude, I'm Lunk-churious
right now,
man. I'm Lunk-ing it out right now, dog. That would be your, if you were a
Greek philosopher,
you'd be Lunk-churious. Lunk-churious. If you're a Greek mythological character.
Speaking of- Mythological characters. Mythological characters. Dax. Dax. I
never thought I would
ever see you again. Flame is back. I really never, the last time I saw it, I
was like,
oh, that's the last time I see that guy. Right. I'm happy to see you again.
Yeah. What's my name
again? Bobby. That's right. My name? Andrew. Oh, very good. What are you
holding there, bud? A gun.
What is that for? Oh, is that for me as a gift? Yeah. Go ahead and throw it at
me.
Go ahead and throw it on the table there. Yeah. Oh my, that's not good news.
Pretty dangerous. Yeah.
That was pretty dangerous. Sorry. Have you ever handled a gun before, Dax? Yes.
My friend took
me to a shooting range once. Go on. And I shot the guns and yeah. America? I
feel like you've been to
the ones where they have real human targets. You know those ranges, man? Hunger
games? Yeah. The
Hunger game range, dude. Wow. Yeah. I mean, if you were to shoot somebody, not
that you would.
Please don't. Please don't ever. But what kind of person do you think you shoot?
Someone who
deserves it? I would never do it, but if it was- Yeah. Well, like, what would I
have to do to
deserve it? Yeah. Let's not go there. Okay. That's fine. Well, I mean, you know,
self-defense. If you
came at him with a gun, he'd probably want to shoot you. You think so? Uh, yeah.
Or just try to
knock it out of your hands or something. You would knock it out of my hands, my
gun? I would try to do
that before anything else. I have a guess and I could be wrong, but I feel like
you might have done
when you were young, karate or taekwondo? Uh, really briefly. Wait, wait. I
knew it in my phone. No,
let's guess which one because not both. You went to a school that had both? Um,
a karate taekwondo kind of
like, it's like a Taco Bell fucking pizza hut. Taco Bell pizza. Yeah. Yeah. Karate
taekwondo.
Yeah. And sometimes jujitsu. Only on Sundays. They do jujitsu on Sundays. What
was your master's
name? What? Your master, the sensei. Oh, what was his name? Yeah. I don't
remember. I think I was
like four or five. Um, okay. Can you do, can you describe him? Um, I don't
remember him. I just
remember asking to use the bathroom at one point and being scared to do that.
Oh, you took one class.
I, I think so. Yeah. One class. Did you, was your instructor Asian?
I think so. I hope so. Hmm. Isn't that kind of, shouldn't that be a rule?
No, what rule? You'd have to be Asian to be a karate instructor or taekwondo
instructor.
Yeah. But I've had jambalaya made by, you know what I mean? An Asian person.
Not as good.
The jambalaya was pretty good. It's just not as good.
Just in your mind.
The problem with me was I went to the bathroom and I peeked in the kitchen and
there was a
Chinese guy back there. An occasion restaurant? An occasion restaurant. And all
the servers
were black. So I made the mistake. But if you hadn't, if I hadn't looked, I
would have been
like, oh, that's the best jambalaya I've ever had. Here's the, here's the deal.
A Cajun restaurant,
black or white Southern people, I'm in. If a Chinese guy is making my jambalaya,
I'm out.
Why? What if we have- I'm not there to eat jambaraya.
Oh yeah, yeah. There is a little bit of jambaraya. Yeah, yeah. I get what you're
saying.
Yeah. I want jambalaya. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want soul food, deep. You
know what?
Maybe it is possible, but how about this? I like my Mexican food by Mexicans.
Sure. I like my jambalaya by Cajun people.
And I like my karate instructors to be Asian. Okay, how about this?
If the karate instructor was Indian, would that be a problem?
Hilarious. I know, I know. Anyway, um, so you don't remember if he's Asian?
I don't remember for sure, yeah. Can I get my glasses off for a second? No.
I'm gonna look at your eyes real quick. You didn't sleep well last night, huh?
Uh, I think I went to bed a little late.
What were you doing?
Hold on.
Oh, can we guess?
Yeah, let's guess.
Yeah, let, um, give me three. You go three.
We only get one.
Okay, one.
So greedy. I know.
Give me three.
I'm gonna guess you were editing something.
No.
Okay.
You were scrolling.
Uh, no.
Okay.
What were you doing?
I watched Ricky Stanicki.
You watched the movie I did?
Yeah, and then I watched your Sweet Dreams today.
Wow.
You watched those because why?
So that I would have more knowledge of it.
I have never seen Sweet Dreams.
Neither have I.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They were good.
Do you like the movies?
Yes.
Okay, interesting.
What are your problems with it?
I know I'm okay.
Um, let's be open.
No problem.
Because I would be critical of your movies as well.
Um.
In fact, when we get home tonight, we'll watch 20.
What is it?
The movie he was in?
I've already seen all of the movies he's been in.
21?
They're all pretty good.
They are?
Yeah, they're better than stuff that we've done, I think.
Okay.
He's done a lot of big movies.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I think y'all's movies are better.
Nope.
Nope.
You're wrong about that.
But give us our criticisms of our films.
I like this a lot.
I like this a lot.
Um, what, of what, to what level?
Rip us to shreds.
Rip us.
Be complete.
How about this?
You and I are best friends and also brothers.
What?
What?
What the fuck?
I know, I know in this scenario.
Okay, but.
Yeah, you're cut out of this.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
And just for like two minutes, you're gonna be not that.
Bring me back.
In two minutes I will.
Okay.
So for right now.
Whoa.
You're not at mime.
What's going on?
Oh, I used the wrong power.
Flink.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry.
I have different powers.
When you do that.
So I'm gonna transfer him into your, I know we have the same relationship.
So be very critical.
And I'm an open book.
No judgment here.
Okay.
Please go ahead.
If we can help, we can help.
Okay.
This fucking.
This fucking.
Really?
That zombie movie you're gonna do is gonna be just as good.
You think?
I don't think so.
Named after Vegas' famous.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Act.
Why is, why is your movie everyone trying to talk me out of not doing it?
I've never had.
I have agents call me.
I don't even talk to us here.
Like, consider.
Reconsider.
Yeah.
And I'm like, yeah, but he's my friend.
He's our friend.
We've never heard of him.
We don't like the script.
No.
We don't like anything about it.
No.
So go fuck yourself, okay?
Go ahead, Dex.
I thought that I was confused why the softball tournament paid so much money to
the winners.
How much did it pay to the winners?
$80,000.
That is an insane amount of money.
I didn't.
That's how much they win for a softball tournament?
Let me tell you something.
I was in a 16 inch, no glove, Chicago style softball league when I first moved
here.
The winner got free chicken wings at the thirsty merchant.
I don't even know what it used to be called.
Yeah.
That's it.
We got, you got wings.
Yeah.
80 grand.
It's a, well, the budget of the movie was $1 million and they're stretching it
out.
There's a lot of people in the movie.
I think they should have put some more money into that because visually it
doesn't look like
the hot stakes are high enough.
Is what you're saying?
1000, you know how expensive.
I didn't write it and I'm not the producer or whatever.
It made for a good climax.
Thank you.
No, he's saying that's an absurd thing for people to win in a song.
I mean, look at that cast, dude.
All right.
So that's Johnny Knoxville, Theo Vaughn, you and whom?
Shakewell.
Shakewell.
Yeah.
Interesting.
That's his name?
You don't know Shakewell?
I don't know Shakewell.
I'm going to tell you this.
It's so funny.
I just, I just figured you out just now.
Oh, I just had an epiphany.
He only likes hip hop artists if they're thinner.
Zoom into Shakewell.
Don't make fun of Shakewell.
He's a good funny guy.
I'm sure he is.
Great rapper.
Great rapper.
I'm sure he is.
He's not diabetic.
I'm sure.
Shakewell.
Shakey.
We're just playing.
Yeah, yeah.
We're JPN.
He's a rapper.
He knows.
He knows.
Go ahead.
So that's the only problem?
Or give me another one?
Do y'all have any suggestions?
No.
Dax, we want you to give it to us.
Dax, it's you.
Okay.
I'm fine with what you just said.
Let's move on.
Performances.
Maybe the performances problems?
Yeah.
Is there any performances problems?
Let me think.
Oh, no.
No.
But there were a couple lines that felt like they could have been less cheesy.
Huh?
But the movie was very-
I didn't give any compliments yet.
Yeah, go ahead.
Give me some compliments.
No, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
No, I think we only do disses.
Then the compliments later?
No compliments.
Can I tell-
Let me-
I know what you're about to say.
The movie was heartfelt.
Yeah.
Let me see.
That's all I need to hear.
Did it do really well?
It's a heartfelt movie and I really liked it and thank you so much.
No, let's go to Sticky Snicky.
Sticky-nicky.
Go ahead.
Okay.
Wait.
Compliments?
No.
No, I don't want any compliments.
Yeah, let's go diss.
Okay, so for Ricky Snicky, maybe, oh, maybe they forgave a little too quickly.
We forgave Ricky-
The wives forgave them pretty quickly.
At the end, yes.
For a lifelong-
I totally agree.
But no compliments.
Oh, nice.
That's the only criticism?
No, but it's appalling.
It wasn't as heartfelt as some other movies.
That's right.
Yeah.
No, it was like a comedy.
Oh, so you're saying Sweet Dreams is more heartfelt.
Yeah.
It connected your heart.
Maybe.
And it pulled on your strings a little bit better.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Ours was a comedy.
Yeah.
You're fucking-
Okie dokie.
All right.
Whatever you say.
All right, bud.
Okay, bud.
Who directed that, Sweet Dreams?
My friend Lige.
Oh, Lige did it?
Yeah.
Who did mine?
Was it a fucking like a-
Who was it?
Was it a guy?
Who was it?
Yeah, it was a comedy legend, Peter Farrelly.
Oh, fuck.
That guy did mine?
This guy is such an asshole.
Sometimes.
He's bragging, but he does it in a comedic way and we forgive him.
But it's also gross.
Happy Fourth of July.
Happy Fourth of July.
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
Thank you so much for that.
Are you going to shoot fireworks for Fourth of July?
Are you that guy?
I don't buy them, but if my friends have them, I'll-
It's like weed.
Yeah, I'm not going to buy it, but I'll smoke it if you got it.
Okay.
Yeah.
You don't ever smoke weed?
No.
Do you want to?
No.
Will you ever be down to take an edible with me?
A small one, like a five milligram.
It's a tiny 