Name: SOS Bobby Needs Stitches | Ep 226 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-07-08T16:00:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'SOS Bobby Needs Stitches | Ep 226 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'SOS Bobby Needs Stitches | Ep 226 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-08. Transcript available.

SOS Bobby Needs Stitches | Ep 226 | Bad Friends

hey australia we added show we added shows down under mate so listen australia
go to
badfriendspod.com for those tickets we're adding shows in almost every single
city because you guys
bought so many tickets thank you so much man we're gonna give you the best show
you've ever
seen best shows ever down under so go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets i'm
coming
to see you in the fall i'm doing my tour uh for my new hour it's called the
freeze peach tour come
see me i'm gonna be in indianapolis charlotte uh iowa omaha kansas city cleveland
st louis grand
rapids detroit chicago durham atlanta charleston philly new york phoenix san
francisco boston
uh and minneapolis i'm all over the place go to andrewsantino.com for those
tickets andrewsantino.com
you two or something we're bad friends well i'm back i'm back you're back uh
how was your world
tour guys great donkey it was a great little tour to my little asian donkey
yeah had a great time in
scotland you and charlie day huh scotland yeah hollywood loves it let me tell
you i've been hunkered
down here man oh you've been hunkering have you been hunkering i'm hunkering
down here making things
happen dude first of all you've been falling out of bed bunks and busting your
lip you have zero
privileges anymore to talk about andrews my headache yeah my head bumps look at
your dumb lip show your
lip to the people it's healed now a little bit whoa you know what that looks
like a nasty disease
it was nasty dude it's gross if i hit my head in a certain way i could have
died
and you smile now do you know this is what i don't like about this show and
this is what i don't like
about all of you guys right dude you mock me when i had the earthquake and i
hit my head you did the
same thing yeah it was a little bump dude did you get stitches dog what i
almost knocked out my eye
dude i'm sorry i'm sorry that's yeah you watch your tone dude that's insane it's
way too much
what i'm gonna say to you is this what were you dreaming about when you fell
out of the bunk
i didn't fell out of the bunk dude you listen to my story dude yeah listen to
the story dude
all right follow along my friend also i have some things i want to say about
certain people you know
people won't anyway what i want to say that is this okay is i do the show i'm
in savannah georgia
about the this is a fully loaded i'm doing the fully loaded thing right with in
savannah
georgia with bert and everybody right went up was okay fun you did great we
heard
i killed it we heard i i killed we heard great night with my friends backstage
then there's a little
powwow you know you know i love powwow you're a big powwow i'm a powwow guy
dude because i'm from poway
yeah yeah right so we really love it and we go rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah
rah rah that's what
you do in a powwow that is yeah yeah we're on a campfire there's always a campfire
and there's stories being told you smoke opium no i'm sober now okay yeah back
in the day though
we used to do that that's real power and suck dick oh yeah opium and dick and
then vice versa
they go hand in hand exactly so then i go um all right so what bus am i on
and like the last one which is the fourth bus with who big j and no i don't
even get that bus
who was on your bus i don't even know that's how bad my bus you were with the
crew
no i wasn't with the crew i was with the riggers and stuff no that's racist
i'm sorry you're with the riggers yeah yeah thank you yeah we be rigging yeah
we be rigging um so
anyway um what happened was i um no um what's the cisco the sound what's his
name the thong song
guy yeah the thong song cisco no what's his name oh sypha sound sypha sound so
he texted me you know
this right right he was like your boy your boy is not happy with me and i was
like why what happened
because i said you i'll tell you well yeah what happened may i tell you yeah
what happened all right
so it's two in the morning and when i get on the bus kelsey cooks you know i
mean obviously bottom
bunk she's awesome her boyfriend very funny guy chad daniel's both so funny but
they're like we got
bottom bunk we've already established well yeah they're a couple they get
priority but they're not
in the same bunk they're separate bunks you can't sleep in there with another
person you barely fit in
there i know my point is is then why do they both get bottom but what does it
matter because they want
to pull the curtain back and have a little chit chat what about up and down
that's even better
you can you have to look down one oh that's true that's okay anyway and by the
way when you're
across they can sneak scurry across and then scurry back disgusting okay anyway
um so i go so
what are i where am i they're like that top bunk dump bunk so i gotta take all
the shit off and then
there's no mattress right i go where's the mattress oh yeah we took it out so
we can put the stuff on
so i go where is it i you know we had to put it in there right and then the
pillow and the sheet
smelled like tony hinchcliffe because he slept in it it's misery dude it's
camping the worst kind of
camping once the ponies in there right that's my stable so i'm sitting there
and i decide i'm
going to watch battlestar galactica from season one nice okay i'm watching then
i drift you know i
dream you be drifting i drift i dream and i um i fantasize revenge fantasies
you know all the
tiktokers i'm gonna kill you know you know all it does yeah and then um i don't
know two in the
morning i go you know how one does pee most do one does all do sometimes that's
right all the time
so me i'm like should i wait you know you're in a sleep you're like you
contemplate you wake up
because of the p you're like can i sleep through this right but then it builds
like a dam it's bubbling
you're bubbling dude good to see you man good to see you
and i go i go to the bathroom so i i open the curtain it's pitch black
what's so funny let me guess you forgot don't say riga again once i see pitch
black you can't say
riga i'm sorry sorry about that yeah yeah you forgot you were on the top bunk i
didn't forget
okay yeah i know where i'm at that's not how i'm not confused watching you
swing your little legs
over the top bunk yeah and dangle them yeah it's like the funniest shit i've
ever seen in my life i
know it's just your little two little legs exactly kicking i shouldn't be up
there you'd have no
business did they get you a ladder should have put a little ladder up there no
no ladder so what
happened so i i scoot my little legs over pitch black in my mind i'm like how
do i get down
right and i said oh this is a way you reach over to the other side and put your
hand on the edge of
the other bunk that's across the hall so i reach and i go there's no edge and i
fall yeah and my head
hits the edge hilarious my head gets knocked back i fall to the ground and i i'm
not i'm knocked out
i you know you know i don't know what the fuck and then this pain in my mouth i
thought i lost teeth
and open up and i'm drenched in blood so i take off my shirt and i put it on my
face and then i go into
the the first half of the bus and i go to the bus driver and i go hey um i got
knocked unconscious
and i think i need to go to the hospital it won't stop bleeding my lips and he
got five hours away
bud what am i gonna do we're in the middle of nowhere five hours away bud you
can't just sit
there five years five minutes away i go okay like i don't want to also it's my
first day on the tour
right my bus trip goes to the hospital then all the other buses i don't know
how it works
but there's a group text and i text i go you know sos oh i'll show you i'll
show you the text
later so anyway i like i text everybody like so everyone's on the text at how
but then also leanne
kreischer bert's wife everyone's on it and i take a i take a photo of my mouth
and i go i don't know
what to do i'm bleeding profusely profusely you got it yeah and uh i'm in so
much pain and i just don't
know what to do can somebody help me nobody helps me no one responded they're
all asleep it's three in
morning oh right we're on the bus nobody's going to west palm fall chad or no
no and you know they
don't like me yes they do but i'll tell you what pissed me off now here we go
all right cypher sound
cypher i'm sitting there blood drenched shirt okay he's awake he walks out like
he just came out of a
fucking you know i mean rave i don't know that's not i don't know it's
something funny try it again
oh shit all right he walks out comes out of like a smokehouse crack a crack
house a smokehouse crack
it's just crack house no that's even worse a smokehouse crack yeah yeah yeah
wow yeah it's not
even a house it's much more serious it's so fucking serious because a crack
house is one thing but if
you're in a smokehouse crack yeah yeah it's insane that's bad yeah and so his
assistant or his buddy
his buddy god rest this kid's soul he dead he's dead no no what the fuck was
that i don't think you
can't god rest someone no i didn't say that i said thank you so much god for
putting him in my life
this kid had come out like maybe a half an hour before cypher and sat with me
he goes you know what
i'll stay awake and i'll sit with you that's very nice until we get to west
palm because you didn't
want to go to sleep in case you i died in case you die cypher comes out he goes
hey i'm gonna go pee
and i go he goes p comes out i he goes i go well he i go i got knocked
unconscious i don't know what
to do and he goes i'm tired man and he went back
that's all it pissed me off but what could he have done stay up with me he was
tired
dude he told you there's blood everywhere i have no shirt i would have stayed
up but the
relationship is different you don't even know cypher you called him something
else you don't even know
his name yeah because i didn't memorize it because of the thing that he did oh
you knew it before and
you memorize if i know that he's going to be in my life that's right that's
right there's not a lot
of room up here you know that right there's like only three like the new girl
what's her name i
forgot wait a minute let's honestly guess heidi she looks like heidi to me what's
the letter of
your first name d diana whoa it's d i was way off mentally diana dd diana i
just said that dork
dork dumb dumb dork us anyway forget it whatever so there's not a lot of room
here so i didn't
memorize it anyway we get to west palm i haven't slept blood is gushing out of
my mouth i had to get
nine stitches no nine yeah it went all the way to the bottom dude wow yeah and
then um as soon as the
bus and thank god for leanne she's the greatest person on earth one of the best
she runs to the
bus grabs me panicked i'm sure panicked yeah see we got to go to the hospital
now we got to go you
know what i mean she's number one she got somebody you know what i mean and
then you know they called
the paramedics it was the whole fucking nine yards wow right and then i went to
the hospital some
chinese man you know did it whoa whoa whoa it was the best dude the chinese are
the best at it the
stitcher was chinese the whole thing was chinese everyone you were in china we're
trying to chinese
restaurant oh wow it's called yeah pf chinks yeah no no we um you just get some
duck and get some
stitches because we didn't go to the hospital we went to like a clinic oh right
an emergency so i go in
there and there's a black lady there yeah excuse me what was that was that her
or was that the chinese
guy that wasn't the chinese guy well i can't tell anymore my impressions yeah
it's not good what did
she had an attitude because of you no that's rude rude i was trying to make it
comedic but did she
have an act no she didn't she does can i help you that's very nice that's
better right and that's
more real but was there a white person in there with no they were all black and
i go yeah and she
goes no we can't do that we don't do that here because in the mouth right you
might have to go to
the hospital but then the chine