Name: Fish Butt Dog & White Eyes Bucko | Ep 227 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-07-15T16:00:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fish Butt Dog & White Eyes Bucko | Ep 227 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fish Butt Dog & White Eyes Bucko | Ep 227 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-15. Transcript available.

Fish Butt Dog & White Eyes Bucko | Ep 227 | Bad Friends

Hey, we're going to Australia.
That is such a good accent.
Down under, mate.
Down under, mate.
Sydney, Brisbane, Auckland, Melbourne, Adelaide, Perth,
and also adding shows.
We're adding shows.
We're adding shows.
We're adding seats, bigger theaters.
Bigger theaters.
We want to see you guys, so come buy our tickets.
We want to see you.
Come see us.
Go to badfriendspod.com, badfriendspod.com,
and also at badfriendsmerch.com.
We have this beautiful shirt designed by this kid, yours truly.
I love this album, but I always thought that the baby should be me.
And it is you now.
It is me.
Now it's a little baby Bobby.
It's a legendary album, and I think you should get this shirt.
So go to badfriendsmerch.com, badfriendsmerch.com.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
This is not a play.
You know what I mean?
This is not like you got to get in the costume.
Your feelings.
I mean, this is, I'm playing me, Bobby Lee.
Yeah, this will go in the show.
You know?
Here's the thing.
You don't want to wear your own merch because.
Right now I don't, because it's his tone.
If he said, hey, as an option, I would have done it.
Who said that?
This guy.
But if he was, he forced it.
Like, yo, sew those Nikes back in the sweatshop days.
That's what he said.
You know what I mean?
Like Kathie Lee Gifford attitude.
Attitude.
She made those kids sew those Nikes?
Yeah, yeah, sew those Nikes.
I'm not sewing Nikes for you, white man.
Bobby, would you wear your own t-shirt?
No, not anymore.
It's over now.
That's over.
You're going to make money off.
We're going to sell it out.
We're going to sell it out.
You're doing white eyes on me.
Yeah, I'll do white eyes all day to you, dude.
We're going to sell them out.
All right, buddy.
All right, bucko.
Because you love the whites, huh?
Okie dokie, bucko.
Your attitude, too.
I come in here, dude.
Frown face.
Negative.
You know what I mean?
Aggressive.
Not nice.
Projecting.
Projecting.
Exactly.
You're projecting it onto me.
No, he's saying you're projecting it.
No, you're projecting onto me your bad energy, dude.
What did I do?
What did I say?
Earlier, I was sitting there.
You go, what's your vibe about?
Or some aggressive thing.
What did I say?
I forgot.
I didn't like it.
Welcome back.
Rudy Jules.
Rudy Jules.
Oh, we love you.
My God.
It's like family coming home.
It's been so long.
It's been so long.
And?
What have you been up to?
Where have you been?
I lost my passport and visa.
So you came crawling back to bad friends.
Can someone please get me a passport and visa?
When does it run out?
I don't know, because it got stolen.
So I'm basically illegal.
Oh, so we can call somebody right now and get you in trouble.
Yeah, call.
I'm calling INS.
Call Damien.
You know Damien from INS.
INS.
Can you phone them?
No, it's got to be email.
That's not efficient.
No wonder we got so many illegals in this country.
Hey, forget about it.
Forget about it.
All right, so who stole your passport?
Who do you think stole your passport?
Where did you get it?
What?
Nothing.
Go for it.
Did you blame me?
Why would I blame you?
Who stole it?
Who stole it?
No, I was just going to say something like random.
Say something random.
Yeah, how did you lose it?
What day did you know it was gone?
It was on June 3rd.
It says it got delivered by the front door.
And then when I arrived at 5 p.m., it arrived at 2 p.m.
And so when I arrived at the house, I just saw the envelope already open.
Whose house?
At his house?
No.
Your house?
Your house.
Wait, rude.
Someone stole it.
No, that's not a Filipino passport.
He's sacrificing his own.
Yeah.
Wow, that's good immigrants, dude.
That's good immigrants and stuff, dude.
Yeah.
So we're going to-
What?
Are you showing-
Throw it to me.
Are you showing off?
You know how funny that is that you're-
It's close.
Wow, dude.
Does this mean-
Wait.
Oh, this is McCones.
Damn, dude.
That's such a bad photo.
That is such a stupid photo of you.
You know what?
I'm going to be positive.
I haven't seen it yet, but I love you, dude.
I'm going to be positive.
I'm going to be real with you, dude.
All right, check it out.
So good.
Dude, honestly, how many tries?
No tries?
No tries.
You said the first take was good.
They only give you one try.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, let me just say something.
What?
Do you know how to smile on command?
No, this was-
No, he was like one half.
Yeah.
I'm a Cone.
I'm from Minnesota.
I'm an American.
How do we get back your passport?
I have to apply all over again.
I have to apply for my tourist visa, my student visa, and my passport.
We're going to try to help you here, Bob.
Sounds like you need us more than you ever thought.
Yeah.
But can I just say something?
Yeah, go on.
Why is it so unfair that for a Filipino passport, you can only go to certain
countries, and for
a USA passport, you can literally go anywhere?
USA, USA, USA.
That's why, bud.
That's why, bud.
We have a good chance.
Why?
We have a good chance.
You can't chant, Filipino, Filipino.
It doesn't work.
But I want to go-
Where do you want to go?
Like to Europe.
No, they don't want you, though.
That's the problem.
Why not?
They don't want you.
They don't want you, baby.
We have enough.
What?
We have enough.
We have enough.
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow, that seems a little too real.
Well, do they have hospitals in Europe?
No.
They don't?
No.
Well, then they don't want you.
Yep.
Hotels and hospitals.
Even to go to Japan.
I need a visa for Japan.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
The Japanese are weary.
Yeah, they're weary of you.
And why wouldn't they?
When you're weary, feeling down, when tears are in-
That's the Japanese.
Oh, that's not even Japanese singing.
No, it's not.
When you're weary, when you're weary, feeling sad, when a tear in your eye.
I don't know the rest.
Very good.
Thank you so much.
What have you been up to, you nerd?
Are you still dating that guy?
Yeah, he is.
Yeah.
Jeez, I'm in.
Whoa.
And we fucked already.
Jesus.
Whoa, dude.
That's an easy way to say it.
Yeah.
But why did you buy another-
Oh, God.
What the fuck?
What are you talking about, lady?
Well, I was cleaning.
You bought three more-
Jerk machines?
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Why?
Like, I-
I'll tell you why.
And, you know, I've been at-
Okay, so check this out, okay?
Western bagel.
Just listen to what I'm saying.
No, listen to my logic here.
They sell sex toys?
No, no, no, they don't.
Just listen to my logic, okay?
Western bagel.
Noah's bagels, right?
There's a bunch of bagels places I go every day.
Different varieties.
Every day, different, right?
Right.
Because I like a change, and I like different, you know, companies that make
certain things.
So my point is that, you know, you don't watch just one movie, right?
Like, if I watched A Quiet Place, day one, a thousand times, I'd be bored, you
know what I mean?
That's a day a thousand for me, right?
This makes sense.
It makes complete sense, right?
So I-
Okay, what I'm saying is that I like a variety of things, and I'm going to tell
you this, too.
I found the brand that I'm going to stick with.
I found my Diet Coke.
I found my Diet Coke.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
So clap for that.
And that was the reason why I know the brand, and I found the thing, is because
I tried all
the other ones.
Right.
And I compared.
Correct?
Kind of like you.
Kind of like you.
Yeah, yeah.
You tried girls and guys, and you found what you liked.
Now his is machines.
He likes X machines.
I love machines.
He's a big machinist.
Lola.
That's what her name is?
I named her, yeah.
Lola.
And I kiss the-
I watch it first, and I kiss it.
I go, good night, Lola.
Good night.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Does it respond?
I died.
So look, you're, you're, what are you now?
What are you done with school?
No, I'm already a senior in college.
Oh, that's correct.
My God.
And I graduate next year.
Amazing.
Oh my God, dude.
That's so weird.
On this show, the course of the show, you went through college.
I was in high school when I started here.
You were a senior in high school here when you started.
Isn't that incredible?
Yeah.
And now look at you.
Now you're old and haggard.
You do look older.
You do look older.
What do you mean?
Yeah, you do.
You look haggard.
Yeah.
How?
When I first saw you, I thought it was Kalilah.
Kalilah, what are you?
And then I go, oh, Rudy.
I mean, I'm not kidding you.
That's a compliment.
Well, okay.
Depends on who you ask.
Yeah.
Anyway, you do look older.
And your face, I can tell.
Stop.
You're going to say I got fat.
No.
You're never going to get fat.
No.
Yes, you will.
I know.
Yeah.
I know.
Yeah.
But I can tell now the evolution of your face.
And it's going to get scrunchier and scrunchier.
And it's going to be like a fucking box.
Like yours.
Yes.
I have a scrunchy face.
Yeah.
Okay.
And I'm...
That hurts so bad.
But I want to be so nice to her because I want her to come back.
So you're right.
I have a scrunchy face, okay?
I have to ask you something.
You have a girl that cleans your house that isn't this girl.
Hold up.
What are you doing?
I didn't reposition.
Yeah.
You have a girl that cleans your house.
It's not this girl.
And somebody cleans your house and you gave her a bunch of merch from the fully
loaded tour?
How do I know this?
How do you know this?
Do you know how insane this is?
Yeah.
How do you know this?
Dude, this is such...
Like, the world is so small.
Oh, my God.
So...
My cousin, who you know, his friend is staying with someone who cleans your
house.
That's not what happened.
He sent me a text.
That's not what happened.
And he goes, Bobby gave away all his fully loaded merch and her bed was a
display of osos poros.
That's not what happened.
Yes, it is.
I'm going to tell you how that happened.
How did it happen?
Okay.
Number one, when you get a gift bag, you don't want all of it.
So I...
Start over.
No, no.
When you get a gift bag, right?
You don't...
Okay?
I picked the...
I picked the ones I wanted.
And you gave the rest to...
So there's two things I wanted, all right?
The Apple ear headphones.
Great.
Great.
Great.
A little button.
I like it.
Yeah.
There was a neck thing where it blows air into your neck.
Love.
You have one of those?
Yeah.
They're the best.
They're the best.
They're the best.
Okay.
And then the rest, I was like, I don't need it.
So you gave it to...
That's not what happened.
So I called Jana.
She's my emergency, all right?
So she's my number one.
But lately, she doesn't want to clean my house anymore.
You don't...
You.
No.
It's you.
It's you and you know it.
No, I keep...
It's you and you know it.
Let's go past it.
All right?
It's you and you know it and let's go past it.
Okay?
But I love you like a family.
Okay?
But I can tell you don't want to do it as often and it's fine.
So I've had to resort to other things.
I have Hispanics.
All right?
So that's my number one.
It's a two.
Good.
My number three is Jenna.
She sounds white.
But she's not, right?
She's not.
She's not.
Mexican.
Thank you.
Kept in the Hispanic family then.
Exactly.
So why'd you exclude her from his family?
Because there's two different kinds.
Right.
Right.
And she goes, I can't do it but because I'm seeing somebody.
Yeah?
And she keeps saying how nasty my house is.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Because of Ming.
Oh.
You know.
Yeah.
Peas on everything.
Right.
Right?
And Jenna goes, I can't do it.
So then she goes, I have a friend.
You remember?
Bloop, bloop.
And I go, I don't know.
Well, bloop, bloop is available.
And I go, who's bloop, bloop?
And she's like, well, she's trustworthy.
She comes over.
Now, I had gotten the box from the Burk Brothers thing.
And I had, you know, when you get a box, you don't fold things.
You do this.
Yeah.
Dig through it.
You dig through it.
And I throw things.
All right.
I'm digging through it.
Right?
Oh.
Earfold.
Dig foot.
Neck.
You know?
Dig, dig.
So it was like an IED went off in there.
Mm-hmm.
She comes over and I go, you got to organize.
She goes, oh.
And I go, but you know what?
Just throw it away.
She goes, well, 