Name: Back To The Old School CLEAN| Ep 229 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-07-31T20:18:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Back To The Old School CLEAN| Ep 229 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Back To The Old School CLEAN| Ep 229 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-31. Transcript available.

Back To The Old School CLEAN| Ep 229 | Bad Friends

Hey, everybody, you guys, you know, I was very highly influenced by Nevermind
Nirvana's album,
the very first, no, second album. Bleach was the first one, right? But anyway,
I was very highly
influenced by this. And I love the album cover. And now you can get one with my
little baby body
in it. And you don't have to have the shirt. If you don't want it, you can get
it as a poster.
That's just as cool to go to badfriendsmerch.com. Badfriendsmerch.com. I'm on
tour in the fall,
gearing up to shoot my hour. I'm going to be in Frank, California, Indianapolis,
Charlotte,
Hawkeye, Omaha, Kansas City, Cleveland, St. Louis, Grand Rapids, Detroit, New
Orleans,
San Antonio, Chicago, Durham, Atlanta, Charleston, Philly, New York, Phoenix,
San Francisco,
San Diego, Boston, and Minneapolis. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets.
andrewsantino.com.
Yip yapping away. Yip yapping away. Yip yapping all day. Yip yapping away. Yes,
I am. Wait,
or no, I'm not. No, you are. No, McCone. Yes. You are. You are.
All right, let's start the show. And then, I just, and then, did you know that
Delaney
has a prison tattoo on her finger? What? Delaney, you went to prison?
She has a prison tattoo on her finger. Let me see.
What does it say? No, it's just, it's a stick and poke. A stick and poke. Yeah.
That's what Bobby calls his sex life. Stick and poke. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not stick and poke.
Asian have a sharper penis.
Let's not go into negative. Let's go into positive.
Did something happen, though?
I can't, yeah. No, nothing. Well, I have to go to Winnipeg. I'm getting bummed
about that.
Wait, why? For Tom's thing?
One show at Tom, yeah. Winnipeg.
Do you know where that is on a map?
It's probably...
I'm not making fun of you because I don't know.
I assume Winnipeg is more East Canada?
I think it's middle.
Maybe middle.
I have no idea.
Yeah.
I genuinely don't...
Edmonton is middle too.
Edmonton's more left.
Is it? Okay.
Alberta's...
Let's zoom out, Carlos.
That's pretty central.
Kind of...
Oh, that is dead center.
Dead center.
Wow, it's right above Minnesota.
Oh, my God. I'm dreading. I got to fly all that way.
How long is it, you think?
Four and a half. Four?
Oh, okay.
Because you got to go north. You got to go up and over, you know?
Yeah, but it's also like the...
3.30?
Not bad.
I hate the border crossing thing.
Yeah, but you got to give them paperwork.
Right.
And one time I was doing a movie and it was years ago and I had to wait there
for hours
in like a little lab room.
In the Canadian border?
In security...
I can't even speak to it. I'm so tired.
Security room.
Not a lab room. Why am I saying that?
Let me tell you something, by the way.
Congratulations.
I've been watching the worst roommate show.
Like I said.
Wow.
Are you being real?
Yeah.
The second season?
I'm cruising through it. I love it so much. But the amount of murder...
Mmm. Too much.
The woman that filmed her own... That recorded her own death?
Mmm.
Wow.
Wow. Wowsy zowsy.
She turned on a recorder and she's like,
What are you going to beat this out of me?
And he did.
Mmm.
She asked him and he did. And then they have it on tape.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Yeah. I didn't see the first season.
Oh, really?
I only saw the second season.
Oh, my God. It's so good.
I was going to go back to the first season. I do that with movies, too.
Do you have roommates, Delaney?
Yeah, I do.
Don't...
How many?
Five.
Jesus.
Jesus Christ. You have your own room?
Wait a minute. Do you live at home? Are you talking about your parents?
No.
Wait.
You have your own room?
I've... Yeah, because we have a house. Starting junior year, you move off
campus.
Ooh, fancy.
I moved off campus. Wait a minute. How old are you?
21.
You're a senior now?
Yeah.
I get my own electrical slot so I can plug in my iPhone.
Ooh.
Ooh.
And my roommate, Samuel, she gets the second one underneath it with her iPod.
Ooh.
Delaney, five people?
Yeah.
How much is rent with five? Sneak in there. These guys don't need attention.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like $2,000.
For you?
You pay $2,000 to live with five...
For other people?
Where are you living? Palisades?
Are you living in Beverly Hills?
No, New Orleans.
Wait a minute. You don't live in LA?
Only, like, my parents are here.
You're from Orange County?
No, I'm from the Palisades.
What are you getting so angry for, man?
I don't know. I'm... I don't know. Time out.
$2,000 per person.
So, it's a $10,000 a month house you're renting?
He's like, you can get a nice place for that in New Orleans.
Is that right, though? So, it's $10,000 a month?
In New Orleans.
So, all of you are paying $2,000?
Yeah, probably...
You don't even know what everybody pays?
Well, because I'm not asking, like, my other roommates.
You don't ask each other? That's not a point of...
Some of them, I don't know that well.
Oh, so you live in a home with people you might not know.
Yeah, you're too...
You're perfect for this TV show.
Yeah, you're too...
I don't think so. She's too fancy for me, I'm telling you.
She's going to end up in the news 100%.
Remember that girl Delaney we used to work with a couple years ago?
Oh, right.
Dude.
Yeah, the weird one.
They found her foot in Florida.
They found...
Her ankle in...
In Tucson.
Tucson, Arizona.
Her ankle was in Tucson.
Tucson, yeah.
And they still haven't found her butthole.
No!
Yeah, yeah.
What do they do with it?
Yeah, yeah.
I think they shot it into space.
Dude, that's a cool killer, though.
No, just hear me out.
I'm just saying, right?
A killer with a necklace with all these little rings.
Don't you think?
Little butthole rings.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But they're dry, you know what I mean?
What is that?
Are those...
Is that puka shells?
No, man.
You know, when you kick...
Fruit Loops.
Oh, that's cute.
Yeah, you kick Fruit Loops, you put them in the water,
then you let it dry in the sun, right?
And then it just has this, like, a rubbery, like...
Cool.
Anal.
You know what I'm feeling?
It's like a rubbery anal.
It kind of smells.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Your necklace.
You like calamari?
I love it.
This is calamari.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is this, an ear necklace?
Yeah, from Vietnam.
Vietnam.
Craziest war...
Craziest war in the world, dude.
I mean...
Look at that.
There's so many of them.
You know what I mean?
It was a trend.
Those are the biggest ears I've ever seen, either.
It's like me.
I have huge...
Yeah, I have little ears.
Ho Chi Minh, what a guy.
What a trail.
He makes trails so deep.
And, you know, those...
But did you know that Ho Chi Minh...
Little fun fact.
Give me.
Before he was...
That's not a fun fact.
That's just a fact.
Pretty fun to me.
Before he was, you know, the guy, right?
He went all...
Like, he was like a baker in France for a year.
I'm not kidding you.
No way.
Then he went to New York, and it was like...
He worked on film.
Like, went to a film company, worked on film.
Ho Chi Minh was like an artist?
No, he was just a world traveler.
You know, a...
A worldly man.
A cultural, worldly man.
And then he saw what was going on in his country, and he came back.
He was like, that's it.
That's it.
That's it.
I love making croissant.
You know what I mean?
I love this film we're doing about, you know, this film.
Butterfly film, like the photographer.
What would have been if he actually became a director instead of going back
home?
Oh, my God.
Like, imagine if he made really good film.
I'm trying to go see Long Legs tonight.
Oh, it's going to be...
You'll like it.
Everyone says it's phenomenal.
Do you see it?
And scary, right?
I have my different opinion.
Creepy?
I have a different opinion.
All right, you don't like it.
It is creepy.
What?
It is creepy.
It's very creepy.
The tone of the movie is very creepy.
I mean, through the whole movie, you know, it gave me hereditary vibes in terms
of, like,
they got the tone right, but then there are times where I'm like, that doesn't
make any
sense, or what is that, and what's going on?
What is going on with the little orb?
You know what I mean?
The doll orb?
You know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I don't, because I'm going to go see it tonight.
Yeah, but if I say doll orb, you're not going to know what that is.
Well, I see it in my head.
Well, you know what doll orbs are?
Well, I'm just obsessed right now with the afterlife because I watched this guy
on TikTok.
I don't even know if I sent it to you.
There's a guy on TikTok who goes to graveyards.
He cleans the grave.
And as he cleans them, he has one of those machines that picks up
electromagnetic vibes, and then
it says words through the voice box.
And I'm not, when I, dude, he'll go, he'll go, he'll, it'll go, it'll go, thank
you.
And he's like, I'm cleaning your grave, Charlie.
How did you die?
And it'll go, stab.
There's no way, dude.
It does it.
Hey, let the spirit there.
Play it.
Play it for him.
My name's Barry.
Sorry, little one.
It's hard for me to hear you.
Stop.
If I heard that, I would just go to the car.
I know.
What'd you do?
What'd you do?
Whoa, dude.
You think those are like demons and stuff?
There's got to be.
I mean, look, people that haven't passed over, right?
Isn't that the theory?
Yeah.
Stop.
I already know what it is.
There's a little person behind that grave.
They're going, eat, what the?
I mean, how do you know that it's the grave thing?
I don't understand.
There's a machine that does it.
So there's a box.
There's a spirit box.
And spirits can electromagnetically communicate through the box.
And it's filled with like thousands and thousands of words.
And it electromagnetically picks the word and it comes out.
So it'll be like death.
Oh, I see.
Striking.
I see what you're saying.
Mom.
Right, right.
Bob.
Yeah.
Lee.
Yeah.
That's it.
We should buy one.
A ghost box.
And it records.
But what if there's
some words in there that I'm a spirit and I want to say it and it's not in the
fucking
box?
It gets as close as it can.
Like, which ones are you trying to say?
Megatron.
Would that be in it?
I bet.
You know what I mean?
Voldemort.
It's loaded.
Voldemort for sure is in the spirit.
I don't think Voldemort's in the spirit.
When you put that against a gravestone.
Yeah.
He just does a thing.
And then as he walks through.
Let's get one.
Let's go to Hollywood Cemetery.
Done.
And let's experiment with this stuff, man.
Absolutely.
We can go to like Humphrey Bogart.
Who's buried over there?
Humphrey Bogart.
Is it Monroe?
Is it Marilyn Monroe?
We got to go to Marilyn Monroe's thing.
At Forest Lawn.
At Forest Lawn.
They're all there, right?
Yeah.
Like Mae West.
All these people are there.
Paul Newman, right?
There's all those.
Oh, I love your pizzas, Paul.
He'll say, thank you.
Will they do that?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Paul, you make the best pizza sauce.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Wow.
Have you seen my work?
No.
But I love your pasta sauce.
I can't name a movie.
Yeah.
But, wow.
And I have to say,
out of all the Hollywood male stars
from back in the day,
he's probably the best looking.
Humphrey Bogart?
Oh, Paul Newman.
Yeah, not even close.
Bro, bro.
He killed it back then.
He was so handsome.
Dude.
So handsome.
Dude, if I look like that now,
oh, I wouldn't even be here right now, dude.
But there's two kinds of Hollywood guys.
There's a Paul Newman
or there's a-
Steve McQueen.
Steve McQueen.
Yeah.
So Steve McQueen is our generation's
probably like either Charlie Hunnam
or what's his name?
Tom Hardy?
Yeah, yeah.
And Paul Newman is like-
Austin Butler.
Oh, I was going to say Gosling.
Gosling, I think Austin Butler.
Austin Butler's hot.
No, you're right.
You're right.
But I think Gosling is hotter.
But Gosling's so hot.
He's the hottest guy in Hollywood.
Delaney, you like that guy?
You like Rye Goss?
Not really.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Give me a star that you like.
Jake Gyllenhaal is my favorite.
Yeah, he's a mega babe.
And he's jacked.
He's jacked.
I saw him one night at a bar on Fairfax
and I didn't realize how big he is.
Yeah.
Not tall.
He's fucking huge.
His arms were massive.
Yeah.
Jilly.
You know, he ha