Name: The 2 Dumbest Comedians Alive | Ep 235 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2024-09-09T16:03:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The 2 Dumbest Comedians Alive | Ep 235 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The 2 Dumbest Comedians Alive | Ep 235 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-09. Transcript available.

The 2 Dumbest Comedians Alive | Ep 235 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
well you two are something we're bad friends you use those you use those i
tried the one yeah tom
and i did a long time ago tom and i did a episode where we went to a sex store
and we got a bunch
of sex toys yeah yeah and we tried them out yeah and uh i'll tell you there's
one it's called the
it's called the man wand oh don't look at me oh i know harry potter uses it
that's it that's it
that's it right there oh the man that thing dude that that thing that thing is
better than any
chick you'll ever meet oh any dude you'll ever meet but anyway yeah and you
know now girls come over to
my house and i have it out on the table i don't care oh yeah i don't hide i
would be insufferable
as a boyfriend like if leanne passed away and i started dating there's no just
divorce could have
been a thing okay okay yeah well why go there's why go to death there's no plan
on us getting divorced
yeah if she died that's the only reason i'd start dating other people really
that's the only way we're
never gonna get divorced what if she goes um i'm killer wait let me finish oh
all right so i'm i'm gonna
make a drink hey bird this is already stressing me out yeah yeah so uh bird i
just want to let you know
we're not doing a good accent hey hey burt there you go there you go hi hey burt
hey burt
hey burt um yeah we have wonderful kids we wonderful kids and you know you give
me a great life
right but i'm gonna tell you right now man i'm into the ladies and i just think
that right now
i'd be cool i'll go just keep dating ladies we're gonna stay married
but then that gives you the green light to go with to other dude uh girls no i
probably whatever you want
okay okay i discussed i discussed this it's not frotium it's not frotium frotium
slip okay go ahead
this is why like i was just talking to someone about this the other day might
have been my daughters
my daughters asked my body count the other day what is your body count six
this year no my whole life holy six your whole life yeah my whole life oh my
you're like a christian
dude you're you're like a mormon or something this is insane i don't know who i
was just telling this
to but like i i definitely the problem is i was just bad i was i was not the
first time i did it
it was really bad who was i just telling this to and i it was really bad and so
after that like just i
didn't perform well i came fast i my dick wasn't even her inner it was between
her butt cheek in the
bed and then it was like it was such a nightmare that i was so like i remember
getting into the bathroom
after it was done looking in the mirror and so it was so humiliating and then
even like my next two
times were so still just not wasn't good at it and i thought i'd be good at it
it's like saying like
it's like it's like being like you're good you're good no i'm now i've gotten
better yeah yeah but i
was not but are you sure i'm sure no because that's what leanne says no no no
now i'm good
yeah but leanne could be lying to you you could oh she probably is but then you're
not good no yeah
maybe i'm not yeah yeah i'm telling you you're not good it's the reason like
people that don't i want
to say you're not good people that don't sing karaoke yeah karaoke for a reason
yeah so i don't
other people for the same reason people don't sing karaoke do you lock eyes
dude i was okay no
tell me about that i like i didn't even talk during sex like i was silent like
helen keller
you'd moan like her agree i'd freak out and then someone would come in and go
that's not good bread
bread yeah the air bouncing off my hand helen yeah wow you know i want to look
there should be a
statistic right and i don't know if this is a fact i don't think they have a
statistic for this but i
believe that for fat asian guys in america right i think i have the biggest
body count oh what's your
body count i can't tell you what what are you talking about when did you start
keeping secrets
me and your open fucking books bob okay i don't i i don't know you like i
really i literally don't
know you had to ballpark it like let's just ballpark it in asian countries okay
are you china where it's
like so big no no no okay are you are you japan you're just well you can't
compare it with a chinese
guy in china because it's like i feel like it's easier what do you mean oh like
if i was a chinese
guy in china it'd be easier to get gross my point is is but coming to america
being a fat asian guy
and getting white chicks and mexican all this is harder it's challenging and i
feel like i have the
highest body count it's easier when you pay though wait are you talking about
your body count you know
what i'm trying to come here with positivity dude right and your little jokes
dude right i'm gonna
let them slide today i wish i had paid for sex you've never done it no okay i
wish i had i look back
and i go i'm bummed i never did yeah i don't know it's better to have you know
when you get free roaming
what's the same reason what free roaming you know i mean like they're in the
wild yeah yeah yeah yeah
it's it's it's the challenge it's more challenging it's like you know paying
for sex is like you know
killing a cow at a barn you know what i mean like he's enclosed and trapped it's
easier yeah obviously
yeah i mean i don't know if there's cows in the wild i think i don't know i
think the analogy is
shooting fish in a barrel not killing oh really yeah yeah i think you can't
just apply that to any
but i try to come with my own analogy it's like hunting horses all you need is
an apple and a gun
all right is that oh yeah fish in the barrel fish in the barrel yeah yeah i
wish i had had
paid for sex the same reason that i'm glad i went skydiving like i'd never do
it again but i'm glad
i had the experience once yeah i would never do that you would never go skydiving
bungee jumping
i would do it with henry cavill oh superman yeah i think his name's cavill
whatever and i want to say
this too i'm gonna be controversial right now oh i'd love to hear this yeah
yeah but not only i think
he's the best superman of all time oh yeah i don't care i don't care no no no
no there's no way to
argue it there's no way to argue henry cavill who's better benna fleck is
better than henry cavill he's
batman oh oh you're right right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean was henry cavill
superman when
benna fleck was batman yeah yeah they fought okay henry cavill's the best superman
yeah they fought
against each other that was my favorite superman what when they fought against
when they fought
against each other that was too long and convoluted and then wonder woman
showed up and aquaman was
sitting in the aquaman was not in that was in the justice league aquaman and
the flash were not in
that movie because i just re-watched them in fucking in montana because i had
nothing to do
i watched all i want i went from christopher reeves all the way through okay
pull up all the superman
real quick all right so what i'm i i honestly believe i can rank them and let's
just do film i don't
want to do tv nick cage was superman there was he was supposed to be oh okay
and in one of the superman
movies he was in it or something right he's in the flash they do a little a
little montage at the end
where they showed him right you know multi like a multiverse kind of a but um
so i think that it
goes henry cavill then it goes to christopher reeves then it goes brandon ruth
oh i would
i would put kirk allen in there which you don't know kirk allen no no george geese
of course george
reeves i mean george george george george reeves is the one i remember the most
oh that's the
old school 51s dean cain dean cain looks like the kind of guy that votes
republican now doesn't he
yeah yeah like he's got some he looks like kim jong-un actually look at him
yeah yeah but um
what do you think i think i i have recavels best batman no no what's your best
best batman my best
batman yeah yeah benafleck i'm a big benafleck fan the only reason i never get
sober if benafleck
called and said he wanted to be my sponsor you met him no i've never met him i
love that guy wait wait
you would get sober only if benafleck asked you to if he if he called me up
right now and he was like yo
it's benafleck i would love uh to be your sponsor get you into sobriety i'd be
like yes okay let me
throw some how about um anthony hopkins no for for being sober or for batman
yeah yeah anthony hopkins
would be a bad all right what about um so no i'm gonna um brad pitt no he's the
only one benafleck
i think i get him i get his i feel like i feel like i like him i like him you
know you know why why he
doesn't hide his emotions right and i don't when he's walking out of the limos
with uh with j-lo
normally as a guy we would be like all right there's gonna be people there
smile yeah he's just
so draw a drama like i hate it i don't know what people i don't care what
people think and he's
smart as shit oh he's really smart smart dude i saw him on um um um bill mars
uh what's it called
the real time real time real time and he lit that dude up yeah about the yeah
him and matt damon are
two of the smarter dudes they're so smart they're so smart they are they we don't
have that we don't
even i mean like rogan's smart like that like he could he's smart rogan and burr
are the two guys
that could have viscerated somebody in like a conversation who are the dumbest
me and you
well by far and by far no by far stop okay let's talk about gaza i don't know
well i i don't know
where it is but my point is it's gotta be it's gotta be near israel it's gotta
be can i tell you i
really believe that gaza is like uh yeah yeah is like is like sunset boulevard
yeah like it's a road
yeah is gaza a road yeah it is right what do you guys don't know either do you
it's a strip it doesn't
have roads anymore wait is it a strip like is it like the vegas strip yeah if
people like for the
bachelorette party they go to the gaza strip i don't follow any of yeah yeah i
remember the first
time andrew brought up guys i didn't know where it was so he goes what do you
think of gaza you know
what i said to him i go azad and he goes what do you mean he goes i go that's
backwards that gaza
backwards right and that's all i can that's all i know wait no let's don't don't
bring this i don't
want to talk about this so no no but here's i'm just proved we are the two dumbest
comedians no no
there are other people i i can i can throw you all of a sudden got smart i don't
know when the
that happened but he doesn't if you watch his interviews he doesn't he pretends
to be i mean
yeah man you know what i mean you can't say yeah man after someone says
something smart how would
you have interviewed donald trump i i that's a that's a weird approach i don't
know when i saw
i wouldn't have done it what i wouldn't have done it i don't think i would have
done i got invited to
the national uh republican convention and uh i wanted to go just to get wasted
and just have
fun and my wife wouldn't let me go she's like you will get caught into some
conversation like billy
bush and be like yeah grabbing the pussy yeah i just you know i hate that we're
like that in this
country i thought you were talking about we're still talking about me and you
me and you were like
that if you go to the national republican conference conversation conversation
but here's the thing is
right i no no i can shut my mouth bull yeah i just shut my mouth i can shut my
mouth i know how to shut
my mouth oh you think that i'm when i go on the the set of sex in the city and
i'm with sarah jessica
parker that i start mouthing out about pussy you know what i mean like what
kind of ass do you have i would
never do that no i i i say to myself shut the fuck up okay the fuck up shut the
fuck up do you know
the smart people don't have the inner dialogue where they go shut the fuck up
don't speak don't speak
don't speak it's not that we're dumb i